bunny⺀★

she/it/bun || i love life, and i love all of you <3 ╰┈➤ ♡ my little thoughts i have || 16 + ESFP

[bunnyslildiary]

I poem thing about transness as a queer, technically transgender person who doesn’t fit with the label.

I thought I saw the tv glow, but it wasn’t me.

It was just radio static that heard. Radio static that I confused to be the glowing of the tv’s I’ve seen around me and relate too.

I never saw the tv, it never glowed. But I felt something similar. Something, the same.

I never saw the tv glow because I was already in it.

There was just something inside the real me stopping it from glowing its brightest.

A static in the back of my head, confusing my heart.

Telling it I wasn’t me.

But I am me! And it knows that. But the static continues.

Because a radio can’t be unplugged but it can stripped from its batteries.

I check the latch. There’s still one left.

What’s stopping me from making it stop?

What’s keeping that batteries acid going?

I need to stop the flow before it overtakes and chemically burns the real me forever.

What’s stopping my heart from letting me BE ME?

I don’t know why I’m asking. Because I already know.

I had the chance to take both the batteries out but I pushed one back in. I let the acid overtake me when I had the choice to stop the flow.

It’s me. I won’t let me, be me.



[bunnyslildiary]

i want to crush my phone into a million pieces. i want to bleed. but i wont allow myself to do those things, i wont.

i dont know what to do with myself, maybe the answer will come soon. i wish someone could just spell it out for me.

[bunnyslildiary]

i am a fake. this isn’t the me i want to be. where is the real me? i am not real.

[bunnyslildiary]

thank you,

thank you to all the people who have helped me become a better person.

thank you L for teaching me how to be open with people. to share how i feel in stressful situations and not sit with the pain.

thank you A for teaching me how to be open. how to not lie about my feelings and how to be myself. i can’t believe yesterday i was just writing about how i hated fighting with you and now i’m crying because you made me realize there are many times where i can be myself and don’t have to hide. i don’t have lie all the time. maybe about my queerness of course of not about my feelings. i cried for so long my cereal got all soggy.

i don’t know what i’d do now if i didn’t have such wonderful friends. i love each and everyone one of them and i never want them to leave my side. every moment i want them to know im here and every moment i want them here for me.

[bunnyslildiary]

i can’t breath properly. I hate fighting with my friends but i also hate to not stand my ground. for all of my life i have been belittled, im not gonna back down and im sorry. it just goes against my morals. and to be honest when im in the wrong i am sometimes stubborn but when i realize im in the wrong i back down, stop, and apologize. i make mistakes. i do, a lot. but i try my hardest to make up for them. i hate this. i don’t wanna fight. and i especially don’t want to lose a friendship due to this. more than anything i want to stand by my friends side. no matter how much we argue i’d never stop being friends because i know we can move past it. i love my friends to death but i can’t put my self worth down. maybe being stubborn is a horrible quality and i should just shut up, but why should i. i don’t get it. i just want to stand up for myself. i hate it, i hate everything. I hate it it i hate it i wish things would go back to normal. i don’t want to be a bad friend but am i really so bad for defending myself!?!?

i can’t even type properly right now. i hate this

edit (6/5 12:00pm)

i hate when she’s right./pos

[bunnyslildiary]

I always wonder why I have never felt like myself but I get it now. It’s because I’ve never truly been myself, well at least never 100%. Online I am myself but on the outside I am a whole nother person. I love my body but this is not me. I am not the me I want to be. I love myself. I love my blackness, I love my lesbianism, and I love my style. But I can never express all of those at once and fully due to the fear and protection I have to do for myself. Everyday America wants to twist people like me into some dangerous thing. “We’re predators” “we’re dangerous” when in reality all we want is love and to be seen in ways that make us feel like ourselves. When I love more people I am called confused or a whore. When I love someone not opposite to me I am called different and immoral. When I express myself differently then just the way my body made me, I am another being. When I don’t love at all or very little I am called broken. Why does the world we live in continue to digress due to people with power who can’t understand simple things. They think we are so bad but if we look at our rulers now who support this genocide, but us queer people, who are told that some people we support would kill us as well, continue to fight for a ceasefire. Because to us it doesn’t matter. These are real lives and no one deserves to die for the way they are. We don’t care if there are “some,” these are people just like us. Homophobic people will see bad queer people, see this “some,” and attack innocent people. It’s just like with racial stereotypes. A black man robs a gas station and suddenly ALL black people can’t be trusted. No one is made the same, we are all different. From the soles of our feet to the top of our heads. To our personalities and to our hearts. We. Are. All. Different. A few souls do not depict the millions of others.

One day I hope for a place that everyone can live in peace. Where I can live by my own mother’s side without fear, anxiety, and pain from the way she thinks. Where I can live openly caring for the one I love without fear of people who don’t see our love as love. Where I can do all things I wish to do without having to get a job I dislike just so that I can live. Where I can live without fear of mine and many others lives due laws, disagreements, and differences. But there is no place like that here yet, only heaven. Though I do not believe in any god, I do believe that there is a happy place for people in the afterlife. But I am quite jealous because I do not want to die but I do want peace.

I wonder why heaven can’t be on a place called Earth.

Home – 2020

arab.org aims to empower every person & every organization to do Good.

[bunnyslildiary]

I just got back from my final days of color guard camp. i cried a little, laughed a lot, and screamed a whole bunch. But more importantly, i had fun and learned. I learned so much that who knows if I even remember it all. But I loved it. Things may have been tough and I didn’t do as good as some of my friends but I won’t beat myself up for it because I was there to learn. Not to be the best, sure I wanted too, but this is my first year and that’s ok. I went through everything with a smile on my face and kept going. I’m just happy I had so many people there to support me.

Also we got a superior trophy on our performance so it was all worth it :)

though I am in lots of pain. pls help

[bunnyslildiary]

“to be loved, is to be considered.”

whenever i’m at the store i put my shopping cart up, put things i don’t want back where they should go, and open bags for cashiers when they check me out so they can go faster. though it’s their job to do these things, it doesn’t hurt to make their job a little easier.

when my mom brings home food; as she is bringing the rest of her stuff in i set up the table, put her straw on top of her drink, and get her a plate if needed.

i pick up litter i drop so much that once when dumping my school tray i dropped some carrots and immediately went to drop them up. i didn’t even think about the fact they where slimy. i looked stupid but i still did it.

not once have i gotten a thank you for these little things i do, but i don’t care. for as long as i live i will consider others, because i also deserve and want to be considered.