Troy Amar/Burna Muzik

I AM TROY AMAR AKA BURNA MUZIK

[burnamuzik]

God please help me.......

Show yourself in the boldest way. My faith is in you Lord.... I trust you with my life, right now I am crumbling...my life is falling apart financially. I'm sick with fear and I'm not supposed to be because I need to trust and believe in YOU. But God, I can't lie it's hard. I need your face and mercy bestowed upon me and my wife's life. Jesus we need you something terrible before everything we've worked for this far gets taken away. If it only affected me.......I'd tell you that you can't take it all away I don't need it, it was my mistake and I can own up to that. But being a burden across my family Lord? I can't handle the guilt, it's eating away at me. I'm the joint of the family that connects us, I'm the elbow between the limbs,God HELP ME.

Father, PLEASE help me... I come to you defeated, worn down and bleeding. I can't do this alone. I have nothing more, this is it.

I need you now Jesus, I know you'll make a way for us.

[burnamuzik]

......

[burnamuzik]

I haven't been here in awhile, but tonight.......I've fallen into a familiar place. Back into the hurt. Back into the pain. Back to.........it.

[burnamuzik]

It's my fault, it's my fault.....

[burnamuzik]

Death....

It's truly something you can never get over, all you can do is learn to live with it

[burnamuzik]

Will I ever understand myself and these thoughts

Burna Muzik

[jerico3193]

[frizz01percy]

this should be the most reblogged post on tumblr before it dies

[xan-thos-blog]

We need to reblog this so much that the post breaks

[mortis01]

Reblog pls

[the-togepi-man]

This is from 2013

[burnamuzik]

This can't be life...

[burnamuzik]

It seems like I fail with everything I say and touch

[burnamuzik]

The inadequacy i feel about myself consumes me...

[burnamuzik]

Screaming internally

[burnamuzik]

I hate this life stuff.

Sometimes I swear disappearing would be sublime...

[burnamuzik]

My dad never got a tombstone

4 years later and still nowhere can I tell where you are. I just stare in random spots in the ground where you could be, wondering if you're there. If your listening this time finally. If you would things if you could. Or would you flock back to your favorite son Travis who always seems to overshadow me in all aspects of life no matter what I do. No matter how good I get at something, acceptance was never something I got from you, I never felt like I could come to you. I didn't know how to talk to you and I still don't know now that you're dead. And you knew it. You knew I didn't talk about anything to anyone and toy were okay with that. That's what snatched my life from me. That's what destroyed me and disabled me. You were a check, you put food on the table and that was it. And truth is really I would've rather starved and actually know you rather than be living with a stranger who I knew how to make mad. Angry as I am at you, I still want to apologize for giving you a hard time. For never saying sorry when you could hear it, for never saying I love you back. I dunno how to feel.

Lost.....

[utterlydisordered]

[burnamuzik]

I'm used to it

[burnamuzik]

Feel a bad day coming

I don't wanna deal with the living today

[burnamuzik]

I just don't understand

Why am I so very unimportant.....I have been my whole life. To everyone. It hurts so bad, I'm used to the point I have nothing left to offer and I literally become a shell that smiles for you to feel good. No listens to my story, no one's cares what happens in my life, no one's concerned until it's too late. Now I don't want your attention. Now I don't want anything from you. I don't even want me. The details in my life are never pertinent to anyone. Thank you everyone for aiding me in feeling miniscule, irrelevant, insecure, and completely and utterly worthless. Take a bow, you've succeeded. I finally give........

[burnamuzik]

Retain

I just don't understand how to let go of what I'm fighting with. I close my eyes and destroy myself on a daily basis. How do I maintain a healthy relationship if I myself am not well? I fail and I fail and I fail. Time and time again. I'm addicted to my lows, and to reach them I'll deal my own blows. I hate myself so much sometimes. Why can't I just be who I need to be? Why is that goal so unobtainable? I go through phases when I don't want to be touched, don't want to be talked to. My insecurities run rampid. I fall into an eluded pit, filled with, inadequacy, sorrow, pain, guilt and hurt. And they wonder why I always try to make someone smile, to escape........