[byrealive]

one more goodbye.

[byrealive]

[byrealive]

[byrealive]

i choose to sweat.

[realive]

i want to speak but i can’t open my mouth,

i want to form words that travels miles,

i level procrastination without creating a life,

i check off uneaten meals on my list as pardons,

i am tired of being the one who gets in my way,

i can’t believe i am 23 still suck in children’s pyjamas,

i hate to be the one who tells you your losing time,

i won’t be forever here with past lives in my closet,

i have more layers than just the ill of my parents,

i undress myself in front of a screen when i can’t wipe my tears,

i love it when you lie to me that I’ll change.

[realive]

i don’t mind the smell of my sweat at all, if I’m being honest, i enjoy my stench, i’m gross like that.

[realive]

my sweat reminds me i am alive. if i rotted in my bed in the same clothes for days on end, i am still here. if i moved with all my might or walked for three km, i am still here. my sweat reminds me i am alive, because my glands show me the only way through is out.

[realive]

I’ll never feel beautiful, even if an applause falls into my lap or hunts me down for good.

[byrealive]

the inevitable for the PMDD woman.

[byrealive]

As a fellow doll collector, I loved your poem about collecting dolls

thank you for reading & im glad you were able to relate <3 doll collecting is so precious

[realive]

[realive]

while I am here, and you are there, with a screen that transcends through time, you text me at 5:15pm & i find the time to answer when it suits me, you post 3 photos to ur feed that give you a high that lasts you 3 seconds, and i touch my calibrated 3D rectangle that makes me feel connected when I am sitting in a room alone, i question if they hate me because i was left on read when they got a phone call that their mother fell again, they are angry because their crush watched their story and didn’t heart it to let them know they are still desired, i am angry because a person i looked up used the wrong term and offended a crowd. you are there and i am here. feeling connected to a screen that could turn off in any minute, not to remind ourselves our feet are still on ground and our minds aren’t in the cloud of icloud.

[realive]

my sex and food addiction are incredibly similar to me, while one enters my mouth and the other enters my vaginal opening, each are holes, that are indulgent, food feels incredibly similar to genitalia, I have an aaa moment of this is what I made for, both incredibly pleasurable to me, I can still use them to harm myself while also being sudden move away to being orgasmic, and that’s what i love and loath about them, it’s so sudden for me to feel otherwise by a sudden wrong or right move, either by the right person, wrong food or right food, wrong person. either way, it’s just a switch away, and I can combine them both, to make me feel many moons away from myself.

[realive]

home was where the joint laid

[realive]

why i, doll collect

[byrealive]

i hope to be, more than my skin.

[realive]

[realive]