-,melody’-

[caitb3m]

posted my fic on ao3 and what the FUCK is this supposed to mean

[caitb3m]

temptation || yeonjun c.

𝓲𝓷 𝔀𝓱𝓲𝓬𝓱: yeonjun choi is a well-known playboy on campus, everyone knows his deal, he doesn't do feelings. Pairing: yeonjun x fem!reader Words: 13.1k Genre: smut, angst Warnings: nsfw, angst, pwp, dom!yeonjun, one night stands, non idol!yeonjun, college au, dacryphilia, choking, a lot of hair pulling, jake pops us? NOTES; the ending feels to sudden idek how to fix it i give up. no beta reader, sorry in advance for any mistakes, english isn't my first language. first upload kinda nervous. [this was originally a fanfic i wrote a year ago for a haikyuu character but didn't finish, so this is a revamp and has been cross posted on ao3]

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You met Yeonjun Choi at a college party.

Yeonjun was pretty popular on campus, people called him names ranging from "dream screw" to "hit and run".

Nobody had positive feedback on this man. He was known for his charm and the way he was always able to get people to sleep with him, then leave on his tippy toes. 

Yeonjun didn't do relationships. He didn't do connections. The only way he could be found was if you looked for him through his friends or if he wanted to get 'some'.

He carried himself with an effortless kind of confidence, the type that made him seem uninterested and completely in control at the same time. 

↭

He was leaning against a wall with a half-full drink in his hand, a cigarette lazily resting between his lips. He had been watching you for quite a while, his sharp eyes followed your figure every time it shifted through the crammed space.

The bass thumped through the walls, rattling the half-empty beer cans on the sticky countertops. Bodies swayed under the flashing lights, but throughout all this chaos, Yeonjun's gaze remained on you. 

"I think you need to get laid tonight, and this is your chance." Your friend teased you about it, having noticed that the gray haired boy had taken an interest in you. She tried talking you into approaching him, but you weren't in for trouble tonight.

Or were you?

Soon, you were left alone in the kitchen, your friend drunkenly made her way toward the living room which was the party's dance floor, probably throwing herself on some guy. That's why she was there after all.

You weren’t one to judge though, your state was similar to hers. Alcohol ran through your veins and your head buzzed as the blood made its way to your cheeks.

You stood near the kitchen holding a classic red plastic cup in hand, pretending to be oblivious to the way his gaze traced the curve of your mouth every time you took a sip or how his orbs dragged down body painfully slow and noticeable. He leaned against the doorway, watching, observing your every move.

You were making your best effort to dodge this awkward encounter by scrolling on your phone, trying to look as busy as possible. That, however, didn't mean you didn't exchange glances with him. You practically eye fucked him the entire time he wasn't looking. The way his slender hands ran through his hair, the silver ring that hugged his thumb, the occasional chuckling when his four friends joked around and his slightly hunched posture.

He was so effortlessly attractive, you felt so drawn to him but refused to let yourself fall into the trap that you were so well aware of. 

It's not like you were desperate.

You were slightly different from the usual people at these parties, you weren't throwing yourself around for attention or giggling in a way that begged to be noticed.

That made you a challenge, and Yeonjun was always down for one.

With a lazy push off the doorframe, he swiftly moved through the crowd toward you, his tall figure loomed over you before you even noticed. 

"What's a pretty girl like you doing all alone in a party like this?" he murmured.

When you looked up, your eyes met his. "Let me guess, got dragged here by a friend and now she dumped you?" You looked down in your cup, but as much as you wanted to deny what he said, it was the sad truth.

Fuck, he had that half smirk plastered on his face. He knew exactly what he was doing and it was pissing you off.

You exhaled a quiet laugh, shaking your head but Yeonjun took that as an invitation. His fingers tapped on the counter behind you as he leaned in, close enough for you to catch the faint scent of cologne mixed with alcohol. 

"Wanna get out of here? I'll keep you company." he asked, direct and unbothered by the slim chance of rejection.

You knew exactly what that meant and what he wanted, didn’t you see this in a movie or read it in a novel? Same old.

Your lips parted, hesitating for only a second too long. You were obviously drunk but tried to hide it, making your best effort to not to seem vulnerable. But your slurred speech betrayed you.

"Why would I tag along with you, I don't even know you." You pouted trying to look tough, putting up an unphased act.

"It's Yeonjun Choi, but Yeonjun is fine." He gave you a sly look as you introduced yourself, almost as if he already knew what the next word that'd leave your mouth would be. 

The place was so crowded that it forced the two of you to be extremely close. Dangerously close. So close you could feel his hot breath on your skin and his chest on your back. 

If there was one thing that was undeniable, it was that you were deadly attracted to him, you didn't know if it was the alcohol or the party lights but you had to get something from him that night. Anything. Even if it was just stealing a kiss.

"So what'll it be? Wanna go somewhere else?" He repeated his question once again, this time in your ear. Heat coiled in your core at the sound of his voice as his lips softly brushed the shell of your ear.

Seems like he too, wanted something from you. Not that it was a surprise, you could tell by the way he was watching you that he was undressing you in his mind.

You followed him as he led you down a dimly lit hallway in search of an empty room.

His hand curled around your wrist, pulling the both of you in a dark room and shutting the door behind him. Muffled music could still be heard from downstairs. Your head was still spinning from the alcohol, but all you could focus on was the man in front of you. His black t-shirt hugged his chest in all the right places. 

Yeonjun closed the distance between the two of you, his hands settled on your waist and he started stepping closer to you, making you take several steps back toward the bed. You could smell his breath, the smell of vodka mixed with the faint smell of cigarettes, it was, almost, intoxicating. 

The heat between your thighs grew and curled in your gut.

But he didn't kiss you.

Not on the lips. No.

His lips were everywhere but your face, leaving open mouth kisses that trailed from your neck to your collarbone. His mouth was still on you as he tugged at the hem of your dress urging you to take it off. You let your hand travel to the back of his head, softly tugging on his silver hair as you let out a quiet moan of approval. His hands slipped under your dress, fingers splaying over your thighs, gripping like he's memorizing your shape.

Everything was so rushed, before you could register what was going on you were already sitting on the bed, your dress thrown into some dark corner of the unfamiliar room. You watched as he approached the bed, removing his own shirt and pants, tossing them on the floor, leaving him in just his boxers. That's how you found yourself right in front of him, in nothing but your panties, You took in the sight before you, his toned chest and arms, the way his collarbones and abs were so defined, this view was enough to make you want him more. Your face was awfully close to his crotch as he stood in front of you. You could clearly make out the outline of his erection through his underwear, your face flushed. You ran your hand over it, feeling him up.

A groan escaped his lips as soon as he felt your touch, his gaze shifted down to you in impatience. "You gonna do something 'bout this or will you keep teasing?"

You didn't give him an answer. Instead, you curled your fingers around the waistband of his boxers and pulled them down to reveal his throbbing erection.

Wasting no time, you took him in your mouth. You swirled your tongue around the tip, softly sucking it as you let your hand work up and down his length. You sunk your face closer, taking in another inch, before he pulled your wrist off him and tangled his hand in your hair. He bobbed your head in a steady rhythm, soft moans escaped your mouth sending vibrations up his cock that made his entire body shiver.

"Fuck," He groaned and with a hard tug on your hair as he pushed your head all the way down his length. You gagged at the feeling of him pressed against the back of your throat.

Your makeup had already been ruined and he was so smug about it, smirking as he pushed your head even further just to get the satisfaction of seeing you look up at him with teary eyes. Your mascara ran down your cheeks with each one of his thrusts, Yeonjun was lazily looking down at you with half lidded eyes and plump lips parted in bliss.

"Look at you." He said slyly with a smirk smeared across his face. Your eyes locked with his and your nails dug into his thigh, desperately trying to hold on to something to ground yourself.

"No touching, pretty." His teasing tone was replaced by a soft groan as you moved your hand away, and dragged your tongue on the underside of his cock. You hollowed your cheeks and he let out an, almost, pathetic whimper. 

He definitely didn't mean to do that.

"F- Fuck." His head fell back in satisfaction and his breathing became heavy and loud, huffing with each movement of your tongue. Yeonjun's grip on your hair tightened as he continued pushing your head, urging you to take as much of him as you could. You felt him twitch in your mouth until-

"That's enough." He said in a hoarse voice. He removed your head from him, he slipped out of your mouth with a wet pop, a trail of saliva still connected your lips with the tip.

His fingers laced with your hair once again, a firm tug led you away from him until your hands hit the bed's surface beneath you. You gasped as he pushed you onto all fours, your body instinctively obeyed. Your breath caught when you realized the position he'd so effortlessly forced you into.

Your panties were already soaked from your arousal and the position gave him a full view of your  slightly spread legs. He hooked two fingers in your panties and pushed them to the side. One digit ran through your slick folds before he pumped it inside you, adding a second one soon after. You moaned softly at the feeling of his fingers curling.

"So wet just by sucking me off? What a slut." He let out a cold laugh as he removed your panties and tossed them onto the floor.

Yeonjun spread your legs even further apart, you shivered at the feeling of cold air as it hit your core.

He teased your entrance and clit with the tip of his cock. You couldn't help the needy whimper that escaped your lips. "Jjun-"

"It's Yeonjun." He cut you off and your breath stuttered as he pulled your hips backwards. Finally, thrusting into you with one deep stroke.

"Yeonjun, Fuck." You let out something between a gasp and a cry at the feeling of him stretching you out, filling you up to the hilt, his tip grinding against your cervix.

"You’re fucking tight." He grunt with a shaky breath. His grip on your hips tightened, but he didn't give you a second to adjust. He pulled back, and slammed back in. The sound of skin slapping against skin drowned out the pounding music outside, ragged moans spilled from both of your lips.

Your thighs and ass jiggled with every rough snap of his hips colliding with yours constantly. "Fuck, look at that." He said gripping your ass, fingers digging into your soft flesh.

Your arms gave out as he kept on pounding into you, each thrust was deeper, rougher, faster. Your head fell forward. You buried your face into the pillow in an attempt to silence your ragged moans as waves of pleasure washed over your body.

Yeonjun noticed. And he didn't like that.

His hand traced up your spine reaching for your hair, pulling it into a loose ponytail. He tugged hard on it causing your body to lift from the bed. You arched your back and your head snapped backwards as he tugged harder.

Moans involuntarily ripped from your throat as he guided your entire body with the use of your hair, pulling you towards him, as he thrusted in sync. Desperate cries left your lips as his cock dragged against all the right spots.

"Fuck- Feels so good.."

"You're really that needy, huh? Can't even stay quiet?" His voice was low, lazy, but with some edge to it. "Keep it down. Unless you want them to hear how desperate you are."

You tried your best to stay quiet, however, pleasure got the best of you, you were able to stop your moans but unable to silence your whimpers.

"If you can't be quiet, I'll have to shut that pretty mouth myself." Yeonjun said, pulling your body flush against his chest. His breath ghosted over your ear as his grip on your hair tightened just slightly. His free hand covered your mouth, shushing your noises. 

He picked up the pace, he was relentless, thrusting harder, deeper, each move made your body ache in ways you didn't know you needed. Gasps still escaped your throat as your hot tears soaked his fingertips that smelt of tobacco.

He smirked, his hand left your mouth only to be wrapped around your throat tightly. Not tight enough to cut off air, but enough to meddle with the blood flow in your brain. His thumb pressed against your pulse, feeling how wildly it raced beneath his touch. A big rush of adrenaline washed over you, his pace didn't falter and hips snapped forward with precision, his cock dragged against your most sensitive spots, sending shockwaves of pleasure through your body.

"Yeonjun, I'm so close. Fuck."

Your orgasm built up like waves crashing over you, your vision whitened out, your body tensed so hard you could hardly breathe. Your walls fluttered around him, your entire body shook with the force of it, legs trembling on the bed as your palms tightened on the ivory sheets beneath you.

Yeonjun let go of your throat, leaving you to softly fall into the pillow. His palms moved to your hips as he chased his own high. He panted, watching the way your body trembled beneath him.

"Fuck, you feel so good around me." He groaned getting close to his own orgasm. "Where do you want it pretty?" He asked, burying himself deep.

"Inside. Pill." You say, in between moans. Your brain was putty, these were the only words you were able to make out.

His body tensed as he came inside you, filling you up. His grip unrelenting as he rode out his high.

For a moment, the only sound in the room was your combined ragged breathing.

Then Yeonjun let out a satisfied chuckle as he slowly pulled out, watching his release leak out of you.

"You're unreal." You said laying on the unfamiliar bed, now finally facing him. 

Beads of sweat covered his body. His chest rose up and down in an unsteady rhythm. Yeonjun smirked, giving you a look of satisfaction as he made his way toward the bathroom looking for a towel. He quickly threw his clothes back on, tossing you the towel and your dress from the floor.

You were still trying to catch your breath as you dressed yourself. Your head was still spinning, trying to grasp what had just happened.

"You're a mess, fix your makeup." Yeonjun coldly said as he scribbled something on a piece of paper. You checked your reflection on your turned off phone screen only to notice your mascara had run all the way down to your chin. You hurried to fix it looking for some concealer in your purse.

Before you knew it, Yeonjun had placed the piece of paper next to you on the mattress, firmly patting his hand on it so you knew it was there. You brushed off his actions and he exited the room in an instant without saying a word. He closed the door behind him leaving you alone.

Once you fixed your makeup and got up from the bed you remembered the piece of paper, glancing over the mattress, your eyes scanned the entire surface in an attempt to find it.

And there it was, in shaky handwriting.

His phone number.

↭

You didn't call him.

You tried to brush off what happened that night, it was a moment of weakness, you were drunk, it was what it was, the best sex of your life.

You enjoyed yourself, that was for sure, but you didn't want a repetition of what happened.

When you mentioned it to your friend, she was stunned. Not stunned by the fact that you guys screwed, but by the fact he gave you his number.

Apparently, Yeonjun never gave his number to people. So that made you, in some way, special. Maybe he had too much fun after all.

You were intrigued by that, you found yourself typing in his number, your finger hovered over the green circular button. You typed in texts just to delete them before hitting send.

You knew you'd be fucking yourself over if you got involved with him.

So.

You didn't call. 

Running into him wasn't out of the ordinary, seeing him on campus was a usual thing since you attended the same college. Different majors, same building. Obviously you'd catch a glimpse of him once in a while.

But then, out of the blue, you saw him again, except it wasn’t in college.

Your favorite café, the one you'd spend your evenings studying in, sipping on your usual coffee order. It was your hidden gem. So why was he there?

Your gaze was fixed onto your laptop's screen when you heard an all too familiar voice, coming from approximately two tables away from yours. Your eyes snapped toward it only to spot... Yeonjun, of course.

He wore a black sweater and had an iced coffee in hand. The little amount of sunlight that shone through the windows illuminated his sharp features. He was on his phone with a tense expression, his brows furrowed. You wondered if he'd noticed you.

Until you were sure he did.

His brown eyes met yours and he softly nodded, acknowledging your presence.

And just like that, you went back to studying. That didn't mean that you couldn't feel his gaze pinned on you without even looking at him. It's like his eyes pierced right through your body like bullets.

↭

That day was only the beginning. Since then, you run into him almost every single day.

In the park by your house, in the convenience store, in your favorite bookstore. Everywhere, you name it. It didn't feel intentional but it was constant. Your decision to ignore and forget what happened at the party didn't feel so easy all of a sudden. Not when you had a constant reminder of it.

One particular night however, you were out clubbing with your friends. The familiar neon lights shone on drunken bodies as they danced to the loud beats. The music was too loud and you were drunk. Too drunk. Drunk to the point that, a repeat of that night didn't seem too bad. 

Yeonjun was, as per usual, coincidence or not, in the same space as you. You couldn't quite put your finger on why just yet.

This time though, you were the one eye fucking him. Your eyes grazed down his toned figure, how his hands delicately wrapped around the glass of alcohol he held, how his grey locks slightly fell in his eyes and the way his fingers tapped on the small table rhythmically.

And of course you weren't about to throw yourself on some guy or worse, him. Sure, you wanted to get laid but you weren't desperate. So you were just staring.

And so was he.

Yeonjun's sharp eyes followed your every step. You watched as his lips pressed on the glass he held in his hand. He was returning the same energy you had been giving him the entire night.

Long story short. You both ended up in the club bathrooms, panting and sweating. His face was buried in the crook of your neck, you could feel his hot breath against your skin as you came down from your high. Slowly, he pulled away, wiping sweat on his forehead with the back of his forearm, his chest still rising and falling rapidly as he tried to catch his breath.

He looked at you with those half lidded eyes as he zipped up his pants, watching as you fixed your clothes.

"You didn't call." Yeonjun said, a cold look on his face.

"Didn't want to." You said, exiting the stall as you made your way towards the huge mirror, pulling out some makeup from your purse to retouch. 

“Doesn’t look like it.” His face said it all. His eyebrows were raised and his lips were curled into a smirk. 

Liar - He thought to himself.

"Well, make sure you call instead of staring next time."

Sure, that was easier said than done though. Sitting in the afterglow of it all, everything started to sink in. What you did. How you repeated what you told yourself was an unrepeatable mistake.

 Why the fuck would you call him?

"Why should I?" You barked at him, your speech slightly slurred.

"Watch that attitude doll face." He sighed "You're the one who was on me all night." he scoffed and turned his back to you, making his way out.

"You've been on me the entire week and when I do it for a night it's a crime?" You teased him, he turned his head to look back at you, unable to prevent his eyes from drifting back to your pretty face.

"Never said it was a crime, just don't go denying it," You had no response for that.

"You know the number." He said as he finally exited the club bathroom.

And just like that, you were alone. Staring at your reflection in the dirty club mirror. 

Shame creeped up your head. You were so ashamed of what you did, again. You let someone use you for your body, the same body you pretty much spent your entire life despising.

This was definitely the alcohol messing with your emotions, you knew that. You couldn't let yourself spiral further down, so you did what you could.

Gathered your things and left.

It was a quiet night, the cool breeze rustled your hair. You walked, and walked...and... walked? Your body was on autopilot, so many thoughts were rushing through your head that you didn't have time to think about your actions.

With each step you drifted further away from your apartment and the crammed club. Your eardrums still hadn't recovered from the loud music and your head was spinning from the alcohol.

You wanted to get everything off your chest. You reached for your phone, your finger hovered over your friends' contacts. They were all in the club, they wouldn't pick up. That's when you realized.

You had no one to call.

You sighed heavily as you kept on walking. Gazing at the beautiful night sky, the full moon shone a path for you. You found comfort in what you saw, millions of stars in the sky, it all made you feel so small, like your problems didn't really matter.

You came across a 24-hour convenience store, you thought it was a good idea to make a stop for some post-club-snack, maybe eat your feelings away. You browsed through the isles of the small short staffed place, pondering on what to drink Coffee? An energy drink? More alcohol? This was a tough decision. Grunting, you picked up some cookies and a soda beverage and slowly made your way outside to sit on the tables that accessorized the little shop.

A man with brown hair wearing a hoodie, around your age occupied one of the tables and an old woman sat on another one. Thankfully, leaving one more empty table for you.

"What are you looking at?" The man yelled, waving his arm around with a drink of some sort in his hand. The elderly woman gave him a look of concern and took off, leaving just the two of you alone.

"Has no one ever told you that you need to respect your elders?" You called out to him, pretty bad decision but it couldn't be worse than the previous one.

He shuffled, turning his head towards you, eyebrows furrowed in frustration. His brown eyes were welled up with tears, the sclera of his eyes was bloodshot. "She deserved it!"

"The fuck?" Your face scrunched up in confusion.

"She’s been staring at me for the past hour." The brunette said, sipping on what seemed to be peach flavored soju. Of course he was drunk. Not that you could judge, you weren't in the best shape yourself.

"No wonder why she was staring! You're putting up a show right here." You said giggling.

"Hey, it's not funny!" He tried his best to defend himself but to no avail, he was just giving you more things to laugh at.

You rolled your eyes and directed your attention to your phone, scrolling through your social media.

"I can't believe I got dumped!" The guy kept on talking, you couldn't distinguish if he was talking to you or to himself. So you ignored him.

"Can you believe it? How could I get dumped?" He sipped on his drink, gaze fixed on you. You still weren't paying attention.

"Stop ignoring me!" He plopped down to your table, sitting across from you.

"Okay what now?" You rubbed your face in defeat.

"She dumped me!" He said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which at that point, it was, he'd repeated himself plenty of times.

"Okay, I'm all ears." You sighed and gave him a couple of your cookies, sipping on your soda as the guy kept on talking non stop.

"Yeah and then she said 'No, why would I go on a date with an asshole like you?'. It's so crazy! Like, I'm hot and like, I'm a good guy! Don't I seem like a good guy?" You tried so hard to contain your laughter, he wouldn't shut up and was in that state all because of...this? Because a girl wasn't into him?

"Sounds to me like she rejected you, not dumped you." At that point you were about to erupt into laughter.

 "Ye-" You cut him off. 

"No you don't seem like a good guy at all, you yell at old people, are you serious? Of course she would reject you!" You started hysterically laughing at how stupid this whole situation was, this was obviously the first time someone had told this guy no.

"Shut up! You’re no better than me!" He was fuming.

"Okay but jokes aside, do you not know the difference between rejection and someone dumping you? Dumping is when someone breaks up with you." You asked in a serious tone now.

"Of course I know the difference!" He pouted like a little kid.

"Then why did you tell me you got dumped?" You shot him a look of confusion.

"Because in my head we were already dating! I'd built an entire future for us in my head! And now I'm here!" He sighed, obviously being serious about the whole thing. You burst out laughing at his statement. The only thing you could tell him was to get his shit together. After you'd composed yourself from whatever nonsense he was talking about, awkward silence settled between the two of you.

"What's up with you? You seem just as drunk as me." The guy said chewing on one of your cookies, you only shrugged your shoulders in response. 

"C'mon I already told you the shit I'm going though, give me a little something."

"I'm fine." You coldly replied.

"Liaaaar. I'm not buying it. If you were fine you'd be sleeping by now, it's 4:46 A.M. and you're alone in a convenience store." He was right, you weren't fine, but hearing him ramble about his nonsense issues was helping you forget your original problem.

"I'm not telling you shit." You nodded in disapproval.

"Come on, you’re killing me!" He pleaded, making fake puppy eyes.

"Nope."

"Okay." A sharp sigh escaped his pinkish velvet lips full of cookie crumbs.

"Wanna make out?" He was awfully close to you, obviously teasing you. Your face was flushed from anger.

"No! What the hell is wrong with you?" You said pushing his face away with your palm. "Fine I'll tell you" You placed your elbows on the table and began talking.

"Alright so. I fucked this guy the other day and you know, it was good. He gave me his number but apparently, he doesn't give anyone his number, which is fucking weird. Like, why me?" You took a pause as he continued munching on your cookies. "I wasn't planning on contacting him but then I started to see him everywhere, so you know I couldn't ignore what happened that night anymore, not when he was everywhere I went, magically!"

"So you fucked him again." He finished your statement for you with a smirk smeared across his face.

"I didn't say it, you did. Fast forward to tonight we fucked again and he actually asked me to call him, sort of. But that's not even the issue here, I don't feel like shit because of this-"

He cut you off "You got your answer right there cutie pie, he wants you."

You briefly explained to him what Yeonjun was like as a person and what you knew about him.

"'Kay so he just wants to fuck you more often. So why'd you feel bad" He pouted, placing one of his palms on his chin, acting like he was deep in thought. His cheeks still flushed from the alcohol.

"Because, I don't know if I want to do that. I don't want to be used for my body." Your eyes drifted.

"So why don’t you use him as well? If it's mutual it's not ‘using’. You could be fuck buddies." He explained flailing his hands around like he came up with the perfect idea.

"You got a point." He shrugged his shoulders giving you the 'told you so' look.

"The issue is, I feel bad for another reason." You rolled your eyes at him for not listening to you close enough.

"Huh? Then stop beating around the bush and tell me. I can't guess what's goin' on in your stupid head." Cookie crumbs flew out of his mouth as he got more and more frustrated with you.

"I just feel like shit with myself, self image wise. I'm not satisfied with my looks and haven't been in a while. So, someone being attracted to me like that is new to me. The bigger problem here is that in the action of everything he makes me forget how disgusted I am with myself. He looks at me with lust, I forget who I am, I finally feel wanted, desirable." 

The brown haired  man didn't cut you off this time, instead he kept on listening until you were done. "So even if it's just sex, I'm not sure I want to be caught up with him in any way. He has multiple options. From what I know I could be dumped in no time. I know what kind of person he is, and I can vouch that I will for sure get hurt." It felt weird to take this off your chest to a complete stranger, you blurted out the words without thinking.

"First of all, you’re gorgeous." He pointed to your face. "Take what you can sweetheart, even if it's temporary, this is life. Satisfaction is satisfaction. He gets what he wants, you get what you want and you feel better. And you’re set. He gets one, you get one plus one free. I don't see why you wouldn't wanna do this."

At that point, the sun had begun to rise back up. Blue, purple and orange smudged together in the sky. What a night. 

You relaxed your tensed up shoulders and thought about what he said. Maybe he was right. Why would you push away something so soon? Something is better than nothing, and even if you lose it, life goes on. If you don't take the risk you'll never know, you can't be guarded forever.

"Call him." He said placing a hand on your shoulder as he made his way back into the convenience store.

You sat alone thinking about his words. Was he really right or were you just spiraling into a bad decision because he gaslit you into it?

The man walked back out with two cereal bars in hand, tossing one on the table for you.

"Thanks." You muttered.

"It’s the least I can do for eating all your cookies." He smiled and you stood up from your seat.

"You're right. I can't run away from this forever." You almost, confidently said. The brunette shot you a brighter smile this time, cheeks still flushed. And as you were about to take off,

"Didn't catch your name sweetheart."

"It's Y/N, L/N !" You returned the energy with a grin you could've sworn reached all the way to your ears.

"Sim Jaeyun, Jake is fine though." You waved him your goodbyes, asking if he needed any help getting back to his house as you called yourself an Uber. He reassured you that he'd be fine.

 And you were off.

Maybe I should call him next time.

↭

The next couple of days were a blur. You had a really bad hangover yet were able to recover pretty soon.

Every time you found yourself being disappointed or feeling bad you thought of calling him but convinced yourself it was too soon to do so.

Days passed and when it had been almost a week since the club incident you decided,

Fuck it.

You called him and asked to meet up. He instantly got the sign and texted you the details to a motel nearby. You met him there at 11P.M. at night, room 786.

Let's not sugarcoat it, it was a crazy night. Most fun you'd had in a while.

This was only the first time you called. It became a usual thing after that. 

He'd call or text more often than you did. Every single time was worth it. It always ended the same way, you or him leaving as soon as it was over. This went on for months, he knew your body by heart and you knew his.

Once in a while you'd spend the entire night at the motel or hotel, having conversations over cigarettes and cheap alcohol. “He never brought me tulips even though he knew it was my favourite flower.” He just nodded along to whatever you said. “Jackass.” He said in the most flat uninterested tone. But you kept going, you always did. You didn’t even know why. “Yeah it’s literally one of the cheapest flowers. Pink ones are so common too. It’s not like I ever asked for the blue ones.” Yeonjun was an excellent listener but not a big talker. He’d listened to you ramble about past experiences multiple times but never did he fully participate in the conversation. 

You realized that no matter how well you knew his body, if someone asked you the slightest about him, even if it was just his favorite color, you wouldn't know how to answer them. 

You figured soon enough that this man was simply an enigma, one that didn't want to be solved. He kept his distance, his cold demeanor never changed towards you.

But you signed up for this.

Didn't you?

You put yourself in this situation in the first place, wanting nothing more than pleasure and sex. So why were you so bothered by his silence and the distance he put between the two of you?

As a psychology student, the amount of studying you did was nothing compared to the amount you should be getting done. Not when Yeonjun was all you could think of. This time it wasn't just his body, the question you kept repeating in your head was 'Why?'. You couldn't figure out why you were so bothered by his distant character.

Soon enough, you figured it was something called feelings. Feelings that you were supposed to brush off. Feelings that you did in fact brush off. Because let's be honest here, he would never want anything serious to do with you. It was obvious. He had already made that clear. If you believed he would ever want a relationship or something more than fucking you'd be a fool. 

You set yourself up for this. You knew what you were getting yourself into. You knew there were other women in his life. Yet, you were still so bothered by the fact that those feelings could not be returned.

Every time you walked away from him in the middle of the night, it hurt like hell. Pacing in the middle of the night back to your apartment with ruined makeup full of guilt. Cursing yourself for getting involved with him.

You were back where you started.

So you hid those feelings, buried them and tried to forget about them.

↭

A couple of months passed and you had almost forgotten about your silly feelings for him. It was hard to shake off. Especially when you had to see him at least 3 times a week. But you grounded yourself, letting the fact that he didn't see you as anything other than a body sink in, you cried it out, so eventually, it stopped hurting. And then they were almost gone. Swallowed by the back of your brain.

This particular day felt like nothing special, you received a text from Yeonjun at night telling you to meet at a certain place, he sent a pin of the address and to your surprise, it was none of your usual spots, not a motel and definitely not a hotel.

You stood outside the tall building that seemed to be an apartment complex. Yeonjun was nowhere to be seen. That was weird.

The cold night breeze made your legs shiver as you shot him a text asking where he was. He shortly responded that you should ring the bell and that he was on floor 6. You browsed for the last name "Choi" in the mess of different others until you found it, your finger lingered over it a little longer than it should have. You hesitated slightly before finally pressing on it.

The response was almost instant, the door clicked open. You shuffled in the elevator, this was the first time you'd ever been to his place.

Never in the past 7 months had he invited you over.

As the door into his apartment cracked open, you took a quiet moment to take in all the information around you. The way the place was accessorised neatly, really minimalistic and simple, it reflected his personality, or at least what his vibe gave off.

He briefly greeted you. Yeonjun felt out of the ordinary, his usual calm and composed behavior that he usually kept up seemed forced, like he was slipping in and out of an act. His brows were furrowed and frustration was written all over his face.

"Bad day?" You murmured, even though you already knew the answer. It was visible.

"Don't." He snapped, shaking his head a sigh leaving his lips as he shut the door behind you.

You took a couple steps inside and as soon as the door clicked behind you, his hands were on you, finding your waist, his body pressed you back against - god knows what, a wall most likely.

His lips crashed against your skin, hands gripping your hips, fingers digging into your soft flesh. You didn't question the sudden contact or the way Yeonjun wouldn't look you in the eyes, he was like that sometimes, nothing new.

He led you to his bedroom, you had no time to observe the environment since you got pushed onto a bed almost immediately. You found yourself beneath him. His fingers were already tracing the waistband of your leggings. 

He rushed to remove his shirt, it was easy to read the room so you followed along, removing yours as well, tossing it somewhere on the floor.

The dim light of his nightstand cast shadows on his body and face. His plump lips, his silver hair brushing his eyes, he looked ethereal.

You reached your hands up to feel his toned chest before redirecting your grasp to his shoulders to pull him closer to you, in need of any sort of contact and friction. Your nails softly grazed his back as you kissed down his neck. You moved one of your hands to interlock your fingers in the hair on the back of his head.

He only smirked in response before tugging down your leggings and removing them in one swift motion. He was already breathing heavily at the feeling of your lips on his skin.

Yeonjun pulled away, putting one of his hands between your thighs in an attempt to spread them. You didn't oblige, instead, you pressed your thighs tighter together in arousal.

"Open up." He muttered, voice low and demanding, hot against the shell of your ear. This time you listened, spreading your legs apart for him.

His hand skimmed down, sliding your panties down, pulling them over your legs only to reveal your dripping core. The air was cool against your skin, the sudden switch of temperature sent shivers down your spine.

He was all over you, leaving open mouthed kisses along your neck down to your chest. As his mouth traced your skin, his hands reached back to finally unclasp your bra before continuing to kiss down your collarbone and all the way to your stomach. His fingers wandered lower and lower, parting your folds. You were already soaked and he'd barely touched you. "Fuck," he muttered, more to himself than to you.

"Jesus," he murmurs. "Such a pretty mess." You arched your back, pushing your hips towards him, in need of more. You could tell he was hard by the way he pressed himself against you, making you feel it, even if it was still trapped behind his sweats.

But Yeonjun is mean when he's frustrated.

He wouldn't give you what you wanted. Not just yet.

He let his fingers tease you, let them slide up and down your folds, coating them in your slick before finally sliding them inside you, curling them up just right to hit that perfect spot over and over again. His thumb rubbed lazy circles on your clit. 

He let the anticipation build until you were squirming, whimpering, pushing back against him, wordlessly begging him for more. He suddenly pulled his fingers out, making you whine at the loss. He chuckled darkly as he brought his fingers to your lips.

"C'mon, suck." He shoved them into your mouth, pressing down on your tongue, making you taste yourself. His eyes were locked onto yours for the first time this night, his pupils blown wide with lust and control. You swirled your tongue around his fingers, sucking obediently, and licking them clean. His breath stuttered for just a moment."You’re so good for me," The filthy praise that left his lips turned you on even more. Yeonjun didn't do that often, he would occasionally talk dirty when he wasn't silent but praise wasn't his usual option. He removed his digits from your mouth with a wet pop. 

He flipped you over on all fours. Your cheeks pressed against the soft fabric of the mattress, your breath came out in a shaky gasp.

He yanked his sweatpants down to free himself, his hard cock slapped against his stomach. Yeonjun's hands were scorching as he palmed your ass, kneading the flesh before landing a sharp, stinging slap. He teased your entrance with the tip of his cock, swiping it on your clit and coating himself with your slick. He slammed into you with one thrust, filling you up to the hilt. Your moan came out broken, cut off by the sheer force of the way he stretched you open, filling you in one sharp snap of his hips. The burn was perfect, blurring the line between pain and pleasure, and you loved it.

"Fuck," Yeonjun grit out, his voice was tight, his hands flexed against your hips. "You always take me so well." His frustration bled into every thrust, slow and rough at first, then, fast and hard. His hips slapped against your ass with force making it jiggle at the collision, filthy sounds of your bodies colliding filled the room.

"Damn," he hissed. His hands slid up your back finding your neck and locking around it, restricting your breath just slightly. "You're so fuckin' easy." His grip tightened.

The degradation made you shudder, your walls clenched around him.

"Shit," he groaned, his hips stuttering for the first time since he started. "Yeah? You like that? Like when I fuck you stupid?"

You moaned desperately, breath ragged from the choking as you gasped for air. "Always letting me fuck you like this," he growled, voice almost angry. "Always letting me use you however I like."

But you do.

You always let him.

Because that's the only thing you can get from him, the only thing he gives you. So you accept it without asking for more. The only thing that makes you feel better and helps you forget about your struggles. You're not proud of it. God, if anything it's humiliating, knowing that you're being used, and still deciding to stick around.

Tears pricked at your eyes as he kept on slamming into you. Was it self-pity? Was it the way he was treating you? Not that you didn't like it, it was just the fact that nobody had treated you that way, ever. Even if it was just sex. You hated to admit that he actually meant something to you.

And then, he pulled out. He removed his hands from your neck but tears were still welling up your eyes, threatening to fall.

You barely had time to register the loss before he grabbed you, bringing you face to face with him. His movements were hurried, frantic like he needed this, needed to see you, needed to watch your face. He hooked your legs over his shoulders, lined himself up, and slammed back inside you.

And, for what felt like the first time that night.

He looked at you.

Not your body.

Just you.

He observed your face, watching as your tears slid down your cheeks. You turned away from him, your eyes searched for something to focus on in an attempt to hide your pathetic face.

Yeonjun didn't let that slide. His hands reached for your face, forcing you to lock eyes with him. "Fuck, look at me." You tried to resist him but you finally gave into his touch.

Your gaze met his sharp brown intense irises, full of lust. "You look so fucking good when you're crying for me like this." A grunt ripped from his throat. Your head fell back, a choked sob escaping your lips as he buried himself in you, deeper than before, hitting that spot that made your whole body shake uncontrollably.

He whimpered needily, his forehead now pressing against yours.

"God, you feel so fuckin' good," His pace turned erratic, his control slipping. The anger, the frustration, it all melted away, replaced with something else, something you couldn't quite place just yet. Something that almost felt like passion.

You clenched around him, reaching for his back, leaving long scratches on it. His hand reached down and his fingers found your clit, rubbing tight circles on it.

"Come for me baby." Your body obeyed without question.

A strangled moan tore from your lips as your orgasm crashed over you, your walls clenched violently around him, your entire body shook. He dropped your legs from his shoulders and you wrapped them around his waist softly tugging on his grey locks as you slowly came down from your high, him still chasing his own.

And then, it happened.

Right as he was teetering on the edge, right as his body shuddered coming close to his release, his lips crashed against yours.

It was not just a kiss.

It was desperate.

Sloppy, messy, needy.

His hips jerked, his cock pulsing as he broke inside you, spilling himself deep. His breath shaky as he moaned into your mouth. 

His body trembled, fingers gripping you like a lifeline, like he never wanted to let go.

And for a second, for just a moment, he didn't let go.

He stayed inside you, forehead still pressed to yours, lips still connected, his breathing was ragged, and his body was shuddering with the aftershocks. You pulled him closer, melting into the kiss as he swiped his thumb over your cheek, wiping away your almost dried up tears.

This was the first time he had ever kissed you.

The only time he'd ever fucked you like you were his.

The only time he'd ever touched you like you meant something.

It was almost, intimate.

But then, he pulled away.

Slowly. Carefully. Like he was forcing himself to move.

His gaze never left yours.

He sat back, raking a hand through his damp hair, his eyes now pinned on your body that was still trembling, still stretched out beneath him, still not his.

He didn't say anything. Instead, he just grabbed a towel and cleaned you up. Offering you your clothes as he put on his own.

"You can stay over if you want." Yeonjun offered. You were still shaken up, trying your best to put your clothes back on.

"Oh, I'm okay! I'll just go home, don't wanna be a burden." You half joked.

"No, not a burden at all. Feel free to stick around for as long as you'd like, you're welcome here." He gave you a warm smile.

That was new.

"Thanks, Jjun but I should really head home." Your shoelaces were now tied and you stood up from his bed heading toward the front door. You had too much on your head to stay over, this was all too intimate.

"Want me to drive you back? It's really late."

"Oh, no I'll be okay. I enjoy the walk back anyway."

What got into him?

He briefly greeted you as you stepped outside his apartment. 

His eyes were full of worry. "Text me when you get home, so I know you got there safely." You nodded, promising to do so.

On your way back home, you found yourself replaying everything that happened in your mind. The kiss, the look in his eyes, the way he held you. It blurred the line between lust and passion. You didn't feel used, you felt wanted, even if it was just for a split second.

In this case, this was a scary thing. Because you didn't sign up for this. He made himself clear and so did you. No strings attached. Right?

So what was this?

Why was he treating you like more?

That night helped you make up your mind. You pulled away from him.

You never texted him. You just passed out in your bed wishing he hadn't kissed you, wishing he hadn't touched you.

For once again, you were filled with regret. Because even when you pushed your feelings aside and tried to hold yourself together in one piece, he did something to crack you, making everything you'd bottled up for so long resurface. 

In the morning, you groggily opened your tired eyes as you made your way to the kitchen scrambling for your coffee cup. It was a peaceful morning after the intensity of the previous night, the daylight effortlessly filled your small apartment, a warm feeling of accomplishment settled in your chest. You felt like you were making a good start with your new decision.

Until you took a look at your notifications.

Yeonjun: you home safe?Yeonjun: sorry about tonight.

Delivered  5:03 A.M.

Yeonjun had texted you last night when you were probably asleep.

What the hell was he apologizing for?

You ignored the texts swiping the notifications off of your phone screen.

He never did this before. He was always distant with you. Too distant. Always keeping you at arms length.

But now, Yeonjun was treating you like a human being. Instead of just sex, he made an effort to check up on you, expressing his worry.

But you couldn't see this as something pleasant.

Because you knew it couldn't be true, he was still, as far as you knew, openly meeting up with other women.

Of course you liked being treated like a human being, but the sudden shift in his demeanor was off-putting. Your body acknowledged it as danger, triggering your fight or flight response in an instant.

A heavy feeling settled in your gut.

This couldn't be true.

He was only treating you the way he was because you were a means to an end. He wanted something from you. He wanted more from you. He was giving you more of himself in hopes he would receive more in return. Giving you affection so you'd give some back to him, just because he wanted you to chase after him. He wanted to feel wanted and needed.

Right?

Because that's what men like him do.

Give you everything only to rip it away from you soon after. Leaving you stranded.

You weren't going to fall into his trap. Absolutely not. You fucked yourself over once when you started seeing him, you weren’t about to do it a second time. Even if it meant finally getting what you wanted from him you were not trusting this situation.

Especially when you know he's still seeing other women.

Ironic.

You wanted to answer his texts right then and there 'do you check up on the other girls you screw too or what?' but you bit your tongue.

No matter how good he made you feel sometimes, it was nowhere near enough to make you stay. The times you felt bad outnumbered the times you felt good with him. 

It was over.

That's what you told yourself. That the previous night was the last you'd ever spend with him, and you stood by your decision.

And as if that wasn't enough, you were barely passing the subjects at college. Failing 2 of them. Which meant you had to retake 2 tests.

Fuck Yeonjun Choi for being so distracting. Literally.

Suddenly every single time you weren't paying attention in college started coming to mind. How you skipped lectures with no second thought just to meet him or how he was all you could think of when you were actually in the lecture.

You hadn't just let him fuck you, you had let him fuck up your head as well.

Yeonjun was ruining you not just mentally but academically too.

You were so pissed at yourself for letting him affect you so much to the point it tampered with your daily life.

And he thought he could play with your feelings now?

You sighed heavily and turned your phone off, looking around for your books and poorly written notes. The severity of the situation finally sunk in. A whine escaped your lips as you began studying. You took breaks to eat and go to the bathroom once in a while. You kept your phone turned off until late evening. A missed call from Yeonjun.

You didn’t call him back. You isolated yourself completely, even from your own friends. It’d been a week and a half when your friend worriedly called you again to ask why you were declining their plans. Your only excuse was, of course, studying. You buried yourself in it, your room was a mess of sticky notes and notebooks. You had barely seen the light of day, you only went out of your house to buy groceries and that, you only did in extremely early mornings, when there was no chance of running into anyone. You didn’t touch your social media, didn’t even bother. 

Once you hit the two week mark, your best friend called you. Not to go out, not to check on you, she had crucial information that you just HAD to know. Apparently some guys approached her asking for you, what happened to you, where you’d been. She asked why you were involved with them. You instantly realized this was most likely, or definitely, Yeonjun’s friend group. You lied telling her you didn’t know why they were looking for you, but she too suspected it had to do with Yeonjun. Thankfully, she let them know you weren’t online or outside due to your studies for final exams.

Once you got back on social media, you came across various message requests from various accounts, kaikamal_ , you.th, page.soobin, bamgyuuuu . Some tried initiating a conversation by saying hello, another one straight up asked why you weren’t replying to Yeonjun while the latest request practically begged you to reply because he was worried. You recognized all their faces from their profile pictures. It was his entire friend group. 

Why was he so persistent? He could get any girl he wanted at a snap of his fingertips. 

You ignored these messages. Buried yourself into studying more and more. -

The past couple of months had been tough for Yeonjun. Yeonjun Choi took pride in himself. He had the confidence you only saw once in a lifetime, and funny enough, it wasn’t an act at all, he truly was as confident as he showed to the outside world. Until you came around. The first thing Yeonjun noticed about you was that you didn’t budge. Most women would come up throwing themselves at him, but you didn’t even seem interested, that’s what got him so hooked into trying to sleep with you. Of course, he succeeded, but that wasn’t the end of the story. When Yeonjun noticed you never called him, even when you knew his number, it bugged him. He was repeatedly asking himself why. He always had things the easy way, never had to try to be liked or desired. It had reached a point where he’d started to doubt himself. When things became stable between the two of you, meaning you slept with each other regularly, his problem was momentarily solved. But only momentarily.

Because when Yeonjun realized you had no romantic interest in him, he was annoyed. That didn’t make sense, because wasn’t he only looking for short term fun? That was the truth. ‘Choi Yeonjun doesn’t do relationships.’ ‘Choi Yeonjun doesn’t do feelings.’ The honest truth. Why did it bother him so much then? Simple. The answer to that is the root cause of Yeonjun’s confidence. What fed Yeonjun’s confidence was the chase, the attention, the feeling of being needed. The reason why it ate Yeonjun alive was the fact that you didn’t chase after him. You didn’t call. You didn’t beg. You weren’t desperate. You were just, you. You didn’t treat him like a toy that you get to have once in a while, you didn’t treat him as a boyfriend either. You treated him like a human being. Your completely casual behavior intrigued him further. You lazily talked about your day and complained about slight inconveniences in hotel rooms as the sun had begun to rise. He only got to have this with his friend. But you weren’t his friend, you couldn’t be. Not when he knew every inch of your body like the back of his hand. He caught himself wondering what the two of you were. He tried his best to brush it off but every late night conversation, every time you shared something about you, it was like he was getting hooked more and more. Yeonjun never kissed any of the women he slept with, he didn’t want them to catch feelings. Not that it ever worked, but this was his idea of ‘no strings attached’. But as time went by, every time he found himself face to face with you, he had to fight the urge to kiss you. And that night, he did. He  broke his own cardinal rule.

He hadn’t just kissed you; he had memorized the way you tasted, the way your breath caught against his neck, the way you looked at him like he was just a man, not some prize to be won.

And then, you just stopped.

No "im home" text. No "are you free this weekend?" Nothing. Just a clean, sudden radio silence that felt like a slap to his pristine face.

For the first week, Yeonjun was just pissed off. He’d sit at VIP tables in the clubs he frequented, surrounded by people practically begging for a sliver of his attention, and he’d buy rounds of drinks just to prove a point to the empty air. ‘See? I’ve still got it. I’m Choi Yeonjun.’ He’d think to himself as he ordered drink after drink, hoping to wash the taste of you out of his mouth.

It didn’t work. It felt cheap. It felt easy. And Yeonjun hated easy now, because there was no satisfaction in having something so easily anymore.

By week two, his anger changed into something pathetic, something he would rather die than admit out loud. He found himself staring at his phone, opening your chat thread just to see if you were online. He’d scroll through your social media, looking for any sign that you were miserable without him. But there were no sad songs on your story, no posts. You were just inactive, probably living your life, entirely unbothered by the absence of the man half the city wanted.

‘Did I lose my charm?’ He’d stare at his reflection in the bathroom mirror, tracking the sharp line of his jaw, the perfect mess of his hair. Thinking maybe his appearance was off. ‘Nah she’s just playing with me.’

But you weren't playing anything. You had genuinely just walked away to save yourself.

Now, three weeks in, with the exam period being almost over. He was lying on his back in his king-sized bed, the sheets felt too cold. His mind kept drifting back to that one late night when you complained about your coffee being cold that morning, your hair was messy, wearing nothing but your oversized tee. He hadn't cared about the coffee then, but right now, he would give anything to buy you the perfect cup just to hear your voice again.

He rolled over, burying his face in the pillow, cursing your name into the dark. He didn't do feelings. He didn't.

So why was he drowning in a spoonful of water ?

He told himself it was nothing, that it was normal. But was it really? Because every time he said his coffee order to the barista, he was memorizing yours, every time he looked at flowers, he looked for tulips. He was looking for you in other people and spaces. It took him so long to realize that. And yet he still didn’t get it. Because Yeonjun didn’t do feelings. So how could this be? Only when his friends kicked some sense into him did he realize his true feelings. That’s when he accepted it. He couldn’t deny anything any longer. You’d broken this man into a million pieces, ripped him off of his confidence that he built brick by brick, even made him doubt his appearance. He was drowning in his own thoughts, and every time he tried contacting you he was faced with a brick wall. He didn’t see you anywhere, no matter how many times he visited your favourite cafe, or your favourite bookstore, you were just gone. It was like you only existed in his mind. A ghost. An entity. He didn’t know why he was looking for you, there was no purpose. He just had to see you. The desperation in him grew day after day that you were apart. That’s when he made a decision. He was determined. He had to tell you, even if it meant nothing to you, even if the outcome was bad, even if it was just a brick wall again. - You passed all of your exams with no worries at all, walked out of the last one feeling refreshed, free. The air felt lighter. The sun hung high up in the sky, a beautiful summer morning. Your friends invited you to celebrate, nothing fancy, not at all, just a chill hangout, drinking coffee over sharing your results. Of course, you had no reason to say no. There was no studying keeping you back anymore. You walked in the coffee store with your friends and classmates inhaling the sweet smell of espresso shots and freshly baked pastries. You made your way to an empty table and had your normal conversations until you heard footsteps coming from behind you. You felt a hand on your shoulder and looked behind you only to be met with Yeonjun and his friends. He hadn’t changed one bit but something felt different about him. He sat across from you on the table, you exchanged glances but not a single word. Some on the table knew, some didn’t. That alone made it more awkward. “Yeonjun, what’s up with you? How come you’re here? Last year you’d be with a girl at some motel already.” Some guy teased and the entire table erupted with laughter, except you and him, you only faked an awkward laugh. “I’m a new man.” He said, raising his eyebrows, only half joking. Everyone started laughing as if this was the best joke they’d ever heard. Well, it was. Choi Yeonjun? A ‘new man’ what sort of half-assed excuse is that?

You kept a stiff smile on your face, staring intensely at the foam of your latte to avoid his eyes. But you could feel them. Across the wooden table, Yeonjun’s gaze was burning a hole right through you. He wasn’t laughing.

You managed to endure exactly fifteen minutes of this suffocating, awkward atmosphere. While the conversation around the table drifted into loud complaints about the professors, you quietly checked your phone and pretended to read a text.

"Hey guys, I actually have to head out," you murmured, sliding out of your seat. "My new roommate needs me home for some help with carrying boxes and stuff." A lie, there was no new roommate.

"Already, I thought she’d come at the start of next year?" one of your classmates groaned, but you were already grabbing your bag.

"Yeah, she’s not living with me yet, just dropping stuff off. Sorry. See you guys later!"

You practically bolted out of the café, the bell above the door chiming your escape. The cool afternoon air hit your face, and you let out a shaky breath, walking quickly down the sidewalk toward the subway station. You just needed to get home, lock your door, and find a way to disappear from the face of earth.

The bell chimed behind you.

"Wait up."

Your stomach dropped. You didn't even have to turn around to know that voice. You quickened your pace, but within seconds, Yeonjun was walking right alongside you, his long strides easily matched yours.

"I'll drive you." he said, pulling a keychain from his pocket.

"Thanks but I'm taking the subway," you replied, keeping your eyes locked straight ahead.

"Have fun taking an hour to arrive by subway then." Yeonjun countered, smoothly stepping in front of you and forcing you to halt. He pointed his car keys toward a sleek black car parked at the curb. "It’s just a ride, I don't bite."

"Yeonjun, seriously, I can take care of myself."

"I know," he interrupted. “but it’ll only be 30 minutes with my car. That’s half the time. Just accept the offer.” Recognizing the stubborn glint in his eyes, you realized arguing would only make this interaction last longer. With a defeated sigh, you hurried over to his car, yanked the passenger door open, and climbed in. He got into the driver's side a second later, a heavy silence settled in the car, you had no intentions of initiating a conversation with him.

You reached out and typed your address into his GPS. Then, you leaned your head against the window, staring out at the passing buildings, making it explicitly clear that you were not open for conversation.

He didn't push it. He just drove. But ten minutes into the ride, the car suddenly took a turn off the main road and pulled into a parking lot.

You blinked, turning your head. "What are we doing here? This isn't the place."

"I'll be right back." he said, giving you no explanation before hopping out of the car.

You watched other cars drive by through the glass. A few minutes later, Yeonjun walked back toward the car holding a carefully wrapped bouquet. Your breath caught in your throat.

Pink and blue tulips.

He opened the car door and slid back into the driver's seat, gently placing the bouquet onto your lap. The vibrant petals stood out against your jeans.

"You mentioned them once," Yeonjun said quietly, his hands resting on the steering wheel, though the car was still in the parking lot. "Months ago. We were in that motel. You said that that guy never bought you your favourite flowers."

Your throat felt incredibly tight. You stared down at the bouquet, your heart hammering against your ribs. "Yeonjun..."

"Three weeks." He turned in his seat to face you fully. "You've been ghosting me for three weeks using exams as a shield. What did I do?"

“It wasn’t an excuse, I was actually studying.”

“Then why didn’t you say a single thing. Not even a single text. And why are you still avoiding me then? ” You couldn’t meet his eyes. “Why won’t you even look at me?” "You didn't do anything, Yeonjun," you lied, your voice trembling as you gripped the flower wrapping. "You’re just you and I realized I wanted to focus on studying."

"I’m just me?" Yeonjun let out a sharp, breathless laugh, but there was no humor in it. It sounded like frustration. "What’s that supposed to mean?"

"You know what I mean, you have options, other girls. I figured it wouldn’t make a difference for you." The words burst out of you before you could stop them. Yeonjun froze, his eyebrows knit together. "What makes you think that?" “What is there to prove me different, Yeonjun?” “Well, things aren’t always as they seem, Y/N.” “Well, it’s none of my business. Not when you were looking at me like I mattered when in reality you had ten backups.” Yeonjun looked at you dumbfounded, his lips parted in an attempt to say something but you cut him off before he could.

“Yeonjun, listen. I don’t want anything to do with your fuck buddy thing anymore. I’m not gonna sit around and let you play with me anymore, I’m tired of feeling used every time I walk away from a motel in the middle of the night. And as if that wasn’t enough you tried to play with my feelings as well.” “What?” He couldn’t believe his ears.

"You heard me," you said, a hot tear finally slipping down your cheek. "You started doing all those things that night at your place. You were acting like you cared about me, and no matter how much I wanted it to be real I knew it wasn't. I wasn't going to sit around and let you use me to play house until you got bored. I didn’t want to get hurt."

The interior of the car went completely silent, except from the faint hum of the engine.

"Y/N..." he breathed. He reached out, his fingers hovering over your cheek for a fraction of a second before gently brushing away your tear. His touch was so soft it ached. "You think I was acting?"

“Weren't you?” you loudly exclaimed, your voice cracking. You got no answer from him. He started driving again. His jaw clenched, and he let out a bitter laugh that vibrated through the small space of the car. He gripped the steering wheel so tight his knuckles turned white. “Acting?” he repeated himself. He turned his head to look at you, briefly. “Are you serious right now, Y/N? You really think I was acting?” You flinched slightly against the passenger door, but you didn't look away. “Yeonjun-” “No, don't ‘Yeonjun’ me. You don't get to ghost me for a month, lie to my face about being too busy with exams, and then drop that on me like I'm the one who screwed up,” he fired back, his chest heaving. "Do you have any idea how exhausting you’ve been? I spent three weeks racking my brain, trying to figure out what the hell I did wrong. I thought I overstepped. I thought I made you uncomfortable because I couldn't keep my hands to myself. But it turns out you just decided, all on your own, that I'm some sociopath who plays with people's feelings for fun?"

“You had a reputation after all.” You barked back, the frustration finally boiled over on your side, too. “What was I supposed to think? You’re known for one thing and one thing only.” “And you think that means that I don’t have feelings? That I’m not a human too? That I’m untouchable and I can’t ever get hurt?” He shouted, tears pricked at his eyes, his vision blurred as he tried to keep his eyes on the road. The silence that followed was deafening. The only sound was his heavy, ragged breathing. He looked furious, but underneath all the anger, he just looked incredibly hurt. 

He slammed his hand against the steering wheel, and ran his free hand down his face, dragging his palm over his mouth. When he spoke again, the shouting stopped. "I wasn't acting" he muttered, shaking his head as his eyes stayed pinned in the road. "I was trying to show you. Because I’m a coward and I can’t use my words. And for your information, I haven’t met up with another woman for the past 4 months. It’s only been you." A singular tear ran down his cheek. You’d just reached your place. But the doors were locked and the conversation wasn’t over yet. You stared at him, your voice completely gone, the bouquet of tulips suddenly felt very heavy in your lap. "Yeonjun..." “I don't memorize details like that for just anyone, Y/N. I don't change my entire life for just anyone. Because I fell for you, and I didn't know how to tell you." A tear slipped down his cheek, and he angrily brushed it away with the back of his hand, clearly hating how vulnerable he was being. “Don’t act like you didn’t feel it too.” You paused. “I was scared.”  “Scared of what?” He finally looked over at you, his eyes locked onto yours, wide and searching. “Scared that it was real? Scared that for once, someone actually wanted all of you, not just the parts we agreed to share behind closed doors?”

The truth of his words hit you like a physical blow. You gripped the stems of the tulips tighter, the plastic wrapping crinkling loudly.

“Yes.” you confessed, your voice finally breaking. “Yes, Yeonjun. I was terrified. Look at you. You were the guy who never stayed, the guy who left before sunrise. And suddenly you were looking at me like I was your whole world and holding me like you never wanted to let go. How was I supposed to just trust that? I thought you were playing a part because it was beneficial for you, and the second I actually admitted I was falling for you, you’d just disappear.”

A heavy, suffocating silence fell over the car again. You looked down at your lap, a hot tear landing right on a bright pink petal.

Yeonjun didn’t say anything for a long time. The click-click-click of the car’s engine cooling down was the only sound between you. Then, you heard the faint rustle of leather as he unbuckled his seatbelt.

You expected him to tell you to get out. Instead, he shifted in his seat, leaning across the center console. He reached out, his large, warm hand covering your trembling ones where they were still gripping the flowers.

“Y/N, look at me,” he pleaded, his voice entirely stripped of the anger now. He just sounded exhausted and incredibly gentle.

Slowly, you lifted your head.

“I was like that. I dug my own grave with piling mistakes.” he murmured, his thumb rubbing soothing circles over the back of your hand. “I gave you every reason to doubt me based on who I used to be.” He leaned a little closer, his forehead almost touching yours, you could see the exact shade of dark brown in his eyes. “Just give me a chance to prove myself. I promise.” "Okay" you whisper against his lips. Yeonjun’s hand slid up from your fingers to cup the side of your face, his thumb wiped away any remnant tears. He pulled you into a desperate kiss. You let go of the tulips, your hands found the lapels of his jacket and you pulled him closer into the narrow space between the seats as if you could fuse the distance that had kept you apart for weeks.

When he finally pulled back for just a fraction, his forehead remained rested against yours. Both of you were breathing heavily, the scent of the flowers and his cologne filled the warm car. He let out a shaky, relieved laugh, his lips brushed against yours one more time, but you could feel him smiling against them this once.

[theunfortunate-author]

my daily affirmation as an author

[saintfaux]

[hotliineblinq]

WANTEEZ IS BACK!!!!

[ballard96]