Words

Scott & Suzi

[carolsuzanne]

Somewhere we know that without a lonely place our lives are in danger.  Somewhere we know that without silence words lose their meaning, that without listening speaking no longer heals, without distance closeness cannot cure.  Somewhere we know that without a lonely place our actions quickly become empty gestures.  The careful balance between silence and words, withdrawal and involvement, distance and closeness, solitude and community forms the basis of the Christian life and should therefore be the sujects of our most personal attention.  Let us therefore look somewhat closer, first at our life in action, and at our life in solitude.  

Henri J.M. Nouwen, Out of Solitude

[carolsuzanne]

DAY 40 - His eye is on the sparrow

Produce aisle, Savemart, Modesto, California

Scott says I am the one who takes care of the details.  He is gracious.  It would be more accurate to say I am the one who frets over the details.  Most details don't need much taking care of anyway.  Details come, details go.  Even so, the momentary sense of well-being I experience when my "to-do" list, becomes my "ta-da" list, all too often determines whether my day was good or bad.

There is an expression, "the devil is in the details".  Now there is a scary thought for you!  Who wants to be surprised by the devil?  I've spent a lot of my life thinking about the details, making a list, checking it it twice, trying to reduce the risk of surprise, working hard not to be foolish.

Before someone came up with the expression, "the devil is in the details" there was another expression: "God is in the details".  He is, you know.  He is not impressed with my "ta-da" list.  Everything on my "to-do" list that He wants on my list, will get done.  He does not applaud because I cross off a task, He applauds when I am delighted in Him.  He jumps up and down when I am surprised by Him.  He glories when I am awed by His accomplishments, His attention to details.  He lovingly takes care of details that didn't even make it onto my "to-do" list.

This little sparrow is the period at the end of the statement God made to me over the last 40 days.  God is in the details.  As for my "to-do" list, surprise me!

We can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps.  Proverbs 16:9

[carolsuzanne]

[carolsuzanne]

Day 7: Tomorrow

I've spent 7 days, one week, resolved to live in the present moment, letting tomorrow take care of itself.  I have done good.  I have slept soundly, napped whenever- without waking up grouchy.  I have read.  I have taken long walks on the beach holding hands with my husband. I thought I might paint, but I didn't make myself.  This is something to brag about - not making myself.  I have loved my husband whole-heartedly.  I like him, and he likes me.

Tonight we ended our stay in Bandon with a nice dinner out at The Loft.  We ate butterfish and salmon.  We switched entrees half-way through because they were both so melt-in-your-mouth wonderful we could not decide which we liked better, and that way we both, had both.  

While we ate, we watched boys, who looked like shadows outlined in the sunset, working on the pier, pulling up crab traps, tossing away "whatever" off one side of the pier, and deftly, easily, throwing their traps back into the sea on the other side, with more finesse, grace, and accuracy than many a major league pitcher.  

Snoopy, bossy gulls hovered over them, swooping and diving, then feigning disinterest, seeking a tidbit they might steal.  I don't know much about gulls, but what I have seen, convinces me they are thieves, the bad boys of the sky.

I don't want to leave.  While I don't want to work as hard as the cranberry farmers, fishermen, and sheepherders (is that a word?) who live here, I love rubbing up close to them.  Here, I can almost imagine that I have such a life, a life that I romanticize.  A life that is uncomplicated, purposeful, and full.  A life like the life I have....today.  What do I know of tomorrow?

"What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving......Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met. Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes."   Jesus, The Message

[carolsuzanne]

Day 7: Life in Other Places We Love

[carolsuzanne]

Scott and I just watched a video from film crews in Colorado Springs standing on this very point, called Pulpit Rock,  which is a 1/2 mile walk from my mom and step-dad's home.  In the background of this photo,where you see Pike's Peak, the Garden of the Gods and the US Air Force Academy, today there is a wall of smoke and flame. My sweet mom is in a Manitou Springs Rehab Center (which is on evacuation alert) recovering from hip replacement surgery.  Prayers needed.  

[carolsuzanne]

Day 6: Favorite Things

Searching for, but never finding Arizona Beach at mile marker 310.5 

View from top of China Mountain

Griff's

Late lunch on deck at Redfish, Port Orford. Greg, waiter from Castle Rock, CO 

[carolsuzanne]

DAY 6 - Treasures

[carolsuzanne]

Day 4 - Notice!

When you are not pressed for time, there is more to notice.  In my recovery journey (sanctification process for my friends who shy away from "recovery lingo"), I have learned that the most important thing I can do is notice.  

Notice is a word that, in and of itself, catches our attention.  Like beware,  or no trespassing, it is a word used to announce important information, as in Notice of Dissolution of Marriage, Death Notice, Notice of Bank Foreclosure, Notice of Sale of Unclaimed Property.  Notice is a word that often ushers in a warning.  

When I notice where I am headed, I can choose to alter my course.  If I never notice, I am destined to stay on the familiar course, the course that got me where I am.  Noticing has become one of my favorite pastimes.  

Perhaps this discipline of noticing, that in recovery I learned to call "getting out of denial", is paying off in other ways.  Because I am noticing!

Looking out on this same beautiful expanse of beach day after day, I am noticing that it is never the same.  Light is doing a dance on the water, the rocks, driftwood, sand, and sky, and its moves are limitless.  What will it think of next?  Oh! I hope I notice!

[carolsuzanne]

EVENING SERVICE

Heavenly Concert

[carolsuzanne]

Sunday

Another day, this one even more beautiful than the day before, if that was even possible.  No guilt for not going to church, this beach is our sanctuary, the waves and the sounds of creation, our sermon.  For over two hours we walked among the garden of this amazing place.  Every few steps a new vista, a different look and perspective as the pillars of rock changed their look; each step created a new angle on our journey.  Nothing could or will take these times from us.  We are blessed.

We ate delicious cioppino from the crab shack for lunch and sat down to rest some more, considering a nap for the afternoon.

Snuggled together on the couch after a short nap, we listened to a new Genius list lead by Jesse Colin Young.  Music as a backdrop for time is amazing.  “Ridgetop” takes us back and takes us deep.  The smooth rhythms and beat changes with the soaring and dipping sax is simultaneously both soothing and inspiring.

As the sun sets we end the day with a walk on the beach.  Suzi exclaims, “God is a show-off!”  amidst the ever changing colors of God’s paintbrush found in the sunset and the sounds of His creation.  “Yes, yes, He is, and Only He is worthy of that title.”  We sit on a bench atop the bluff watching the light grow dim as the colors fade from bright and vibrant to subtle and serene. 

As this day ends, I type in awe of the blessings of only three days of rest.  The wonder of 36 short hours.  Can it be that simple?  That unique to my experience?  What lies ahead?  I do not know, yet I am strangely and wonderfully at peace, knowing He will reveal Himself as we rest, seek and worship.

We fall asleep in each other’s arms after our Experiencing God reading tells us yes, He is and has been at work around us, and He pursues a love relationship with us that is real and personal.  What a God!  ~ Words from Scott

[carolsuzanne]

Day 3 -Sunday Morning Service

[carolsuzanne]

[carolsuzanne]

Day 1 - Remembering

Clearly one of the reasons for Sabbath is a time of slowing down to remember - to remember what He has done.  I am taking time to remember my family's journey together with Him the past 16 short years.  

This morning I take a mental trip into time past as I relax in time present -not venturing into the third dimension, time to come, only relishing the present and how it is shaped by the memories.    

God’s gift of emotions begins to flood in.  I feel gratitude and joy for where my life is today and how far we have come as individuals, as a couple, as a family, all of us now following our Savior.  Mysterious and miraculous this journey, just like Him. 

Remembered are the days not long ago, when I knew nothing but the pursuit of the world.  I remember how low that pursuit took me and those I love.  These memories standing in stark contrast to my life today.  A contrast brings to mind the days of my youth when I would explore caves and purposely sit in total darkness, unable to see my hand in front of my face.  Then I would strike a match.  That small flame contained the instant power to permeate and illuminate every inch of the black space I sat in.  

That was then, this is now.  Darkness and light.  Life without Christ and life with Him.  Life then, with knowledge only.  Then, in the cave, I knew where I was, yet I was unable to see and had no hope of finding my way.  Life now, with the light of Christ as  knowledge to light my way.  I once was blind, now I can see.

I see a life filled with hope, the hope of the future, time eternal. There it is, the thought of what lies ahead, born from the thoughts of time present and memories of time past.  My thoughts race ahead, past time as we know it, to time eternal.  As I sit here, I battle the comparisons, unsure if they are right or wrong.  This I know, I would not trade my life with Christ, shared with my family, and the peace and joy I live in daily, with any other life.  I am blessed to be who I am in Christ, and with His amazing faithfulness to me and my family.   ~Words from Scott

[carolsuzanne]

Destination: Bandon

[carolsuzanne]

Day 1 - The Drive

Wadded into our car-cocoon with the things we decided we can't live without for the next 40 days, we listen as Genius selects old rock and roll from Scott's new 4S.  Grace Slick's buttery voice reminds me to "remember what the dormouse says, keep your head." There is something homey about these old songs, with their blues-driven acoustic beat which we once found as complex and daring as we fancied ourselves.

Gazing out the window, I catch myself thinking, I love California, and realize this is the first time I have ever allowed that thought to become conscious.  I have always thought of California as a place we would leave.  Like a girl afraid of love's rejection, I have fought becoming too attached to avoid the loss of leaving. 

My Okie farm girl roots run deep.  I "know we belong to the land, and the land we belong to is grand".  California is a a place where the land is grand, and easy to love if you let yourself.   Within a span of literally no more than 10 miles, we zip past cornfields, rice paddies, sunflower farms, apple orchards, fields of assorted unidentifiable vegies, a peach orchard, and ....Colusa Casino.  It interrupts the landscape, occupying a the place where I imagine a rural church might have been planted alongside the crops, were it 50 years ago.

I reach for my husband's hand and whisper a prayer of thanks for this gift of rest we have been given, at a time in life when we are able to receive it.  It is good to be content, to be feeling, without needing to rush to a resolution, in order to get on to the next thing.  40 days without a schedule. 40 days of observing random thoughts trickle through my brain and find their way to nowhere.  Love it!