Almost Lover ;;
Was this what happened after the story ended?
After the end was scribbled across a blank page, after the rise and fall of the tale, after the climax lit up like a flame in the night sky. Was this what happened when the light faded? When the curtains fell, there was no art left. There was no beauty in trembling hands, not wrapped around the neck of a bottle and not reaching for something they couldn’t hold. This moment – the epilogue, as it were (one week later with fingernails buried in open wounds) – was not made for a museum and no tired student would ever write poetry about just how badly Malakai wanted to tear himself apart to build a home – a life – where Jason could live without the pain of being the one left behind.
“Jason.” His voice was shaking, syllables as fragile as the flickering light that composed his ethereal skin. “You did save me.” Being saved, Kai knew, was not always a matter of life or death. Sometimes it was defined by the worth of both and his was worth so much more with someone as beautiful as Jason by his side. “I was…I don’t think I was ever meant to live a long life. But you…you let me die knowing that I could…that someone in the world thought I deserved softness.” And yet, he couldn’t deny that it wasn’t fair. None of it was fair and if there was a heaven and if he found his way there, he was going to tear God to pieces. What curse was it that was so cruel not to withhold love, but to offer it so boldly and so greatly that one could drown in it, only to rip it away at the moment one believed themselves safe?
“I wish…” There were delicate words somewhere, but they weren’t in Kai’s throat. They never were. “I wish we could have had a life together. I wish…I wish I would have gotten the chance to show you how much I care.”
Jason held himself tightly as Kai’s words drifted past him. They meant everything and nothing. They were everything to him because this was going to be his last conversation with Kai for a long while and he wanted to soak up every damn piece, silently praying that maybe contact with the dead in such a way would kill him as well. But it meant nothing in the end because no matter what Kai could say to him, he’d still feel like another piece of him was gone for good. There was no way of retrieving the parts of himself that he gave to Kai because he honestly meant the few times he had made silent promises of forever to the older’s sleeping figure in his bed. Kai had pieces of Jason that he didn’t even realize he had and they’d be with him for eternity.
“I--” he couldn’t find the words to speak though. What could he say anyway? Nothing would mend this, nothing would bring Kai back from the dead. He was stuck as a ghost, maybe not even getting lucky enough to go where ever you got to go after death.
And Jason had to suffer knowing that Kai was stuck and that he couldn’t help him. There was no winning. “I wish--” What? That he didn’t fall for him? That he hadn’t died? That things could’ve been different? “I wish a lot of things but none of those things are going to fix this. None of them will ease my pain, nothing’s going to change the fact that you’re dead and nothing’s going to change that we never even had a shot in the first place and nothing’s going to make any of this easier...” As he struggled with his words, his fingers were nervously tracing around the flower petals that Jason had made Kai leave on his body. Because he liked them. Because they reminded Jason of Kai and that brief moment of bliss back in the park.











