@cbonfire - Tumblr Blog

hi im jem i dont give a fuck about pronouns dni if youre a little bitch. big bitches welcomed and yearned after

boxed up a bunch of shit to send to my ex and it felt honestly euphoric

strangling that cardboard box shut with tape is the best ive felt in a few weeks

boxed up a bunch of shit to send to my ex and it felt honestly euphoric

#it was their clothes mostly #but a few things that they bought me that they know are/were very important to me #and i couldnt look at them anymore #so sending all that to them #its a weight off my shoulders honestly #idc what they do with those #burn it all for all i care #but having the things that i got safety from when i was with them away from me is such a relief #things i kept on my person always and sich #such*#i couldnt bare to get rid of those #and honestly im kinda hoping that when they see the things i sent them #itll hurt them #not too much but just enough to make it real that im not stuck anymore #personal #rant

this break up has really been something else dude

like its finally turning spring here where i live and seeing the sun and it actually warming my skin is clearing out my seasonal depression so fucking quickly and making me feel like one of those overdramatic plants thats getting water for the first time in a millenia

but im still crying over my ex bc they really had my whole heart, soul and body in the palm of their hand and they crushed me and threw me away like all of this meant nothing

but all i want is to keep loving them and keep giving them everything of me

and im so angry at myself and at them all the time

myself because i learned i have like zero self respect at all

and at them because i cant decide if its worse that they mightve lied all this time and never loved me despite telling me that, or that they just didnt know the difference between love and normal affection

the overwhelming support from my friends has been great and im dealing but i dont know if i want to deal with it

i dont know if i want to heal and to move on and i know i need to and all these fucking emotions inside of me at once are driving me crazy and most days i just feel so numb to everything

i feel so numb but my heart hasnt beat freely once and my breathing is shallow because my pain is so physical and i dont understand at all

and i dont know what is supposed to happen

#personal #poetry #rant #like im not gonna kill myself cause that would be so embarrassing #but everything reminds me of them #and when i feel happy for a moment i only wish i could share it with them #this whole experience has done fucking wonders for my self esteem #i just need to get this into the void #its all too fresh still #and it probably will be for a long while

situation so fucked up that im wishing i had a smoke

#current state of mind #poetry #personal

got dumped outta nowhere looking for a new dogshit game to pour my time into that i can still play thru tears

top contenders rn are rainbow six siege and league of legends thats how bad it is

#league of legends #rainbow six siege #personal #dont suggest dbd i already have 3k hours in that and it aint doing it anymore #video games #break up #my heart is shattered and nothing feels worth it yada yada #i dont need advice or comfort i need to feel rage for preferrably the whole time im playing

i refuse to believe love like ours wasnt real

#personal

this could be so much easier if i just hated you, but all of my soul still loves all of yours

#personal #rant #poetry

i just saw an ai fanfic. like what. what do you think fanfic fucking means. stop. your desire to see your favorite characters in situations should drive you to learn to write them in said situations instead of making a cheap ass copy of someone elses work that make it impossible for me to upgrade my pc

#ai #fanfiction #fucking despicable #i made a whole ass writing blog years ago cus there only existed like one fic for my favourite character #the beauty of fanfiction comes from the process of making it #youre reducing that to nothing for instant gratification #you should be fucking ashamed

been on my tf2 grind lately

#forgot how absolutely fun the game is #still dont play sniper or spy but ive expanded from what i played before #having fun as heavy lol #dont wanna fall deep into the medic gf category but ive been doing that too sometimes #still scout my beloved #i like going fast #practicing rocket jumping and hitting pipes too #im scared to use the iron bomber too much tho cus im scared thatll fuck me up for stock grenades lol #tf2 #rambling #idk what i wanted to say anymore #anyway gamba #last mvm reward i got was a specialized ks bat saber kit fabricator #so the australium force-a-nature isnt happening i feel like lol

its-emimi

been on my tf2 grind lately

#forgot how absolutely fun the game is #still dont play sniper or spy but ive expanded from what i played before #having fun as heavy lol #dont wanna fall deep into the medic gf category but ive been doing that too sometimes #still scout my beloved #i like going fast #practicing rocket jumping and hitting pipes too #im scared to use the iron bomber too much tho cus im scared thatll fuck me up for stock grenades lol #tf2 #rambling #idk what i wanted to say anymore #anyway gamba #last mvm reward i got was a specialized ks bat saber kit fabricator #so the australium force-a-nature isnt happening i feel like lol

8nin

“what’s stopping you from-“ listen i am so so sleepy

um-jammer-tranny

and like. broke

i-am-a-fish

just laid down in my bed and oh my god ooooohhh my god ouughgg it's so comfy oooouuughgggg

on da interwebz the biggest issue that gets brought up (in my experience) when talking abt they/them pronouns (english-speaking) seems to be "oh you cant be multiple people!!!" english fucked up at the start with having gendered pronouns to begin with. you can pry "hän" (derogatory) from my cold dead hands

#english #finnish #personal #dont get me started on any language that has gendered substantives #useless ass #im looking at u french #no even worse german #no fuck russian #i speak too many languages #i will respect any human pronouns but i will misgender your table idgaf

lifehack is listening to despacito to scare the sad

#im still kinda mad despacito got so over played that one summer #2017?#idk im old #but god its such a good song #and im talking abt the version with just daddy yankee featuring #we dont talk abt the other one #i dont throw the term around a lot but it such a feel good song #personal

so pretty you could make flowers grow out of concrete

#poetry #personal #said my partner about me #god it is beautiful to be loved

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