Xavier watched him close as he pulled the food from the basket. Seeing the containers brought a sadness to them they hadn’t expected. They could tell off the bat that Channing hadn’t made this food. Not that they were planning on eating any of it, no their stomach was still in knots, but the fact that it seemed like he didn’t care enough to make the food.. It hurt, even if it wasn’t true.
They pulled up a stool and sat, staring down into the food as they pushed it around with the fork. Xavier thought back to before Channing left; the nights spent in this kitchen, smiling and dancing and preparing the most exquisite meals together. They thought back to sitting on the kitchen counter, to Channing alternating between stirring their meal and kissing Xavier as they pretended to help. They sighed softly and finally looked up at him the from across the island, brows furrowed slightly.
“Why did you come here?” They questioned. Honestly, Xavier would rather have the space filled with uncomfortable questions than the silence that had surrounded the pair. At least, with a conversations, there was something to focus on besides your own thoughts, your own memories. They shifted in the stool and set the fork down, scrubbing a hand over their face. “And not – I do not mean LA. Why did you come to my apartment, Channing?”
Channing made himself eat a bite or two, the taste not quite up to Channing’s level, but it was good enough for now. Good enough to get his foot back in the door with Xavier so they could go back to how things were before. Go back to a time with Channing setting out all the ingredients, and serving it all up on a platter before Xavier, doing anything and everything to bring a smile to their face with every bite.
He wanted to stare, wanted to catalog the differences between this Xavier, and the one he’d left nine months ago, but he didn’t want to push, or overwhelm them so he kept his gaze on his plate. Until Xavier spoke. Blinking in surprise his brow instantly snapped together in confusion, before Xavier’s words seemed to make a bit more sense in Channing’s head. Setting down his own fork he glanced between Xavier, and the apartment, and the mess, and finally settled on Xavier’s hands. They were what had caught Channing’s attention in the first place, all those years ago, and they were something he knew he would never get tired of looking at.
“I came...because I missed you.” It really was as simple as that. Channing had missed Xavier from the first moment he’d left their apartment all those months ago, and hadn’t stopped feeling like there was an ache in his chest since. With every ignored text, or dropped phonecall, or ill-received post-card, that ache had only grown heavier in his chest, until he felt as if he couldn’t breathe until he saw Xavier. Meeting Xavier’s gaze across the island, stomach twisting in knots, he lifted one shoulder in a shrug, “Because...I love you, and always will, and...I wanted to see if you still felt the same...” He let out a long breath at the confession, and felt a burst of nervous energy take over, pushing him from his seat, to start putting away the trash he’d brought with him, “I realize it’s been over nine months, and there was probably a reason you stopped...answering, but I--I wanted to see you--face-to-face.” Wanted Xavier to tell him to go away to his face, because then Channing would be forced to crush the last vestiges of hope living in his chest.
