Chaos in Red

A journey thru dating while married. Documented in writing, photos & art. Welcome to my chaos.

[chaos-in-red]

8

I'm fiesty today.

I don't know if I want to cuddle someone or fuck someone.

Which is a really odd feeling.

I just need some sort of body contact. My new guy is a good lay. He does this mouth thing...

Until next time,

- Red

[chaos-in-red]

#6 (I think)

I've been on a high Sierras vacation ⛰️

My person & I text daily. And then late into the night. We get along great, vibe well, like similar things, communicate effortlessly & are very much at ease just doing nothing together.

He seems to be navigating single parenthood & the loneliness that comes with it. Which I've been there & done, so I'm all for supporting him thru it. He's always complimenting me or asking how I'm doing.

And this week, he said I miss you.

Which feels amazing to hear. My husband, as amazing & sweet & doting as he is, can not seem to ever say he misses me. Which is not only slightly hurtful but also annoying. Am I not important enough to him to be missed?

Anyway, I'm pretty content lately. I fewl seen & needed/wanted.

Until later,

-Red

[chaos-in-red]

5?

It's been awhile.

And a little chaotic (uh, hence the name right.)

He's had a few dates. They end up either just wanting to be friends or they decide to be too intense & it scares him so he pushes away, which is understandable.

I finally got brave & joined a few dating sights. Most of the messages I get are creepy, or they fizzle out after I tell them I won't have sex with them the first meeting, let alone be a booty call.

I did meet someone who caught my interest.

We happen to work at the same place (thousands of employees, so it's not surprising)

We text almost all day. He's very sweet, laid back, and likes to "do nothing together". He let's me just be reading my books while just lays there being or listening while I read a good part outloud.

It's been really nice to be around someone who let's me be. No talking, no tv on or pestering in general.

For now,

- Red

[chaos-in-red]

5

- He's been on a date or two since leaving. Both seem very into him & already plan on another outing. Both understand the rules & seem open to what we are doing. It's given him a little boost, which kind of makes me happy for him. He needed that little boost.

- Me? I finally caved & joined FB dating to start. Most seem yo be from my work or run in the same circle as my male buddies & I don't need that 😅 I've had quite a few messages, but most are the typical "Hey sexy. What's your snap." "Hey girl. Let's hook up."

I'm very picky who has access to my body that way. Maybe from past trauma/abuse, but I don't do hookups or one night stands. I feel like if someone really wants me for me, they'll be OK with the process. Meeting, hanging out, and activities we both like to do, then, if it gets there, I'll decide if it goes there.

Ya know?

My current struggle though?

Is curiosity. What do these girls he's talking too look like? What kind of personality do they have? Are they like me? Are they opposite of me? What if she's prettier then me? Better at sexual stuff?

[chaos-in-red]

4

It's been a few days.

He's on yet again, another work trip.

So I decided to just be social. I went to the bar with a friend & some co-workers on Saturday. One was super awesome & fun to talk too, the other was awkward AF & apparently has a thing for me. (yikes) He joked about taking us both home & "pretended" to rookie me. 🚩 I don't do hook up culture, so buh-bye.

I joined a dating app, too. Which has been an adventure in its own honestly. Most of the messages I get are creepy & jump right too the "what's your snap girl?" In my generation & experience SnapChat is for sneaking around & cheats.

My favorite messege so far "Hey gurl. I'm ____, but all my baby girls call me MC Daddy." ☠️

Why did I do this to myself. I'm a hot mess of chaos. I'll stick to my books & live vicariously thru the smutty fucking in them. Treat me like that, then I might call you daddy. 😏

[chaos-in-red]

He joined a dating site.

3

What the fuck.

And he's talking to a ton of women. While we're eating dinner. While chatting with me about work. And while laying next to me in bed. Is that a rule violation? And people from our work.

As a woman I feel like dating sites are more a struggle then anything. Frustrating. Yet disappointing too. I'd rather try my luck in a bar or club.

Guess I should just shoot my shot.

[chaos-in-red]

2

If we're going to do this.

I'm setting rules. Simple rules. But important rules. If they can't be followed, then this will not continue.

The Rules

1. Our kids are off limits

2. Place of work kept on down low

3. Clear communication with each other

4. Have time set aside for just each other

5. Set boundaries with separate relationships

6. Respect your partners partners.

7. Realistic expectations

8. Financial priorities remain in the marriage & kids

9. Our room/house is our space

10. Safe sex with partners

11. No dating in friend groups

12. Holidays are spent with family unit

These seem simple enough right?

Safety & respect for one another. And protecting my children.

[asymmetricalbeefcurtains]

[chaos-in-red]

1

Welcome to my journey thru married but dating others The ups. The downs. The mind fucks. And the possible bedroom tangos.

For 85% of our relationship my husband had been on graveyard shift. Then 13% of that remaining 15% he's been on work trips. For months at a time.

By year 2, I joked I was going to get a boyfriend. Just so I have someone to hangout with, eat with, go do things with. He always joked that's called a friend, but I don't have friends. I don't make friends easily.

Shortly after we got married & he had been on Graveyards for over a year plus 2 trips back to back, he decided we should try dating. Stay married but date other people. Whether for just friendship, short term, or long term. For someone social like him, that would be easy.

But, I struggled with the idea.

Am I not enough?

Am I not pretty enough?

Does he not love me anymore?

They're going to be prettier than me?

What did I do wrong?

He always said his body count was on an odd number & would mention jokingly that it bothered him & one more would top it off to a nice even number. I guess once a man whore, always a man whore.

And now.

He can get his wish.