❛ ❪ ♡ : phantom pains.

[lovehype]

i hate this place i want to go to build a bear

[sunnirainbow]

liar

[chapcl]

glxryandgxre·:

gem hates this. every second of it. he’s here with wes. he’s safe. he hates that his brain plays these tricks on him, that the nightmares come just when he thinks he’s over them. all he wants is to feel normal again. of all the symptoms of his ptsd, the nightmares where one of the most severe ones. sometimes he came out of them with a pounding migraine that hurt so bad he got nauseous other times he woke up screaming or sobbing, fighting off invisible enemies. he didn’t know how he’d get through them if wes wasn’t there. it takes him a couple of minutes to get his breathing under control, although still a bit ragged. he had to stay calm. not panic. that was one of the harder parts. his eyes focus on wes as reality truly begins forming around him. he wasn’t in danger. he was at home, in bed, with his boyfriend. he was safe. there’s a sigh of relief from gem, albeit a shaky one. he lowers his head, one hand coming to rest against his forehead before he nods, raising his head, ‘i’m okay.’

╰   ♡   wesley waits patiently. it’s still early morning, the light barely beginning to spill into the sky. it’d be peaceful if not for gem’s brain pestering him with things wes can’t keep him safe from. “ ...are you? “ in response to gem’s hushed reassurance. “ do you need me to get you some water or anything? “ brows are knitted together in a clear sign of concern, but he keeps the rest of his demeanor relaxed for gem’s sake. his boyfriend doesn’t need any more stress right now. in the meantime, he continues to stroke his hair. moves his hand away when it lands there, linking their fingers loosely to give a squeeze. no matter how many times they wake up like this, he’ll always be here. he’ll always be ready.

[chapcl]

glxryandgxre·:

unlike his boyfriend, seokmin was the baby of the family. by quite a few years too. his older sister was five years older than him and his brother was ten years older than him. thorn had spent much of his life being taken care of by his parents and older siblings. perhaps that’s why now as an adult he enjoys taking care of those around him. there were times where he would visit his family just to cook dinner for them. thorn and his family had always been close. they’d been by his side through all his rough patches. when he’d come out in high school, his sister and threatened the other students who had picked on thorn and his brother, never one to get violent, had even stepped in once or twice. thorn thought it was funny in a way. he was the baby of his family while seokmin was the oldest. maybe opposites really did attract. 

‘i made them just the way you like them.’ despite being a perfectionist when it came to cooking food for others, thorn didn’t really care much about what he ate. he had his favorites sure but he was easy to please. he loved trying new foods. that was the best part about traveling to thorn. getting to try food from all over the world. thorn fixes his own plate before slipping off his apron and joining seokmin at the table. this was his first serious relationship in three years. his last relationship hadn’t ended well and thorn had briefly sworn off ever dating again. ironic then that he would fall for seokmin, a regular at his resteraunt. thorn covers his pancakes in syrup before handing the bottle to seokmin, ‘do you have any appointments today?’

╰   ♡   luckily seokmin’s family, despite being pretty strict christians, were open to him when he came out as gay in high school. it’s thanks to the open communication in their household that he was comfortable enough to come out in the first place. while his family were a religious bunch, they weren’t hateful. seokmin is blessed to have them. he’s also blessed to have two little brothers who support him wholly; in fact, the two were in large part what picked him back up again after his sudden breakup a few years back. they’re good boys. 

“ i noticed. “ toppled with vanilla cream. seokmin grows hungrier just looking at them, scooting forward a bit in his seat and laying his napkin out in his lap. syrup is drizzled. “ i don’t, actually. my schedule today is clear. “ a honey-dipped smile as he reaches for the silverware, beginning to cut into his breakfast. it does admittedly still feel surreal. thorn is a man who might as well have walked right out of his dreams; stepping into his reality with charming smile and good food. ( along with other things, but he’s not going to err in that direction at the breakfast table. ) “ so i suppose that means you’re stuck with me. “

[chapcl]

replies will be done tomorrow!

[90slibra]

(∩,｡◕‿◕｡)⊃━☆+ ﾟ. ꕤ.+ .ﾟ*.ﾟ｡ ﾟ ♡｡. +ﾟ ｡

[chapcl]

fantasyisles·:

Jisoo had decided to ride the bus that day as he didn’t really feel like driving. He was around cars around twenty four hours a day and he would often get tired of them. He just wanted to rest and enjoy the scenery for once. He didn’t mind that the bus was a bit crowded but, he could definitely tune them out. He could just look out the window or enjoy his music.

He looked up as the bus reached a stop and a few people had gotten off and more people were getting on. He saw a guy get out of the corner of his eye making sure to keep an eye on him incase he needed help. However, he wasn’t expecting the bus to start back up again. Before he knew it the guy he was looking at before had fallen into his lap. “Oh hello.” He gave the boy a smile showing him that he wasn’t angry with him at all. “It’s alright.” He tried his best to reassure him.

╰   ♡   luckily, the stranger seems nice enough. ( whew. ) chul still feels silly, though. even for someone as naturally clumsy as him, he’s never fallen on anyone in the bus before! he doesn’t normally have a sore knee either, though, so this most likely contributed to his downfall. chul feels a little bit mortified. “ i didn’t like, crush you or anything, right? you’re okay? “ he asks with more concern than is probably warranted, peering down from his now-standing position as if the injury could be visible to him. it’s not. all he sees is a man sitting there in presumably the same position he was before chul made a home out of his lap. how embarrasing.

[glxryandgxre-deactivated2021021]

the nightmares aren’t as bad as they used to be. there was a time where he’d wake up every night screaming. now the nightmares only come a couple of times a week, usually when he’s forgotten to take his medication like he did tonight. at first, gem had rejected the idea of being on medication to treat his trauma but eventually even he couldn’t deny the depression and anxiety that came with dealing with what happened to him. he can hear wes’s voice but no matter how hard he wills himself to wake up he can’t snap out of the nightmare. he knows that it’s wesley there beside him but his brain perceives it as danger. as someone else lying beside him, ‘no. no.’ he whimpers, hands pushing at bodies that aren’t there. 'go away. go away.’ he pushes at the air, still lost in his nightmare until the words of his boyfriend breakthrough to him. his heart rate begins to slow as he stops thrashing. eyes finally beginning to open. it takes him a moment to register everything. coming out of a nightmare was like stepping off a roller coaster. it took time for his brain to work it all out, ‘we-wes?’ he mutters, chest rising and falling quickly as he tried to steady his breath.

[chapcl]

╰   ♡   it takes a while for gem to come out of it. wes is patient and calm throughout it, simply whispering hushed assurances until his body stops flailing and his beautiful eyes blink open, not exactly seeing him at first, but it’s a start. it’s progress. he feels his own body relax minutely in return, relieved that gem isn’t trapped in his own personal hell anymore. ( wes has had those sort of dreams too. they’re nowhere near as often or severe, but he can understand the claustrophobia involved; feeling like you’re back there and going through it all over again. ) “ that’s right. you were having a nightmare, baby. “ he soothes, keeping his tone level. trying to show gem that everything is alright. that he’s safe. “ take your time. deep breaths, hm? “ carefully, he releases gem’s wrists that he’d been holding down, beginning to rub at the skin with his thumbs in lieu of an apology. his eyes remain fixed on his boyfriend’s face, watching the emotions play out there. 

[chapcl]

glxryandgxre·:

there was something about cooking that made thorn feel warm inside. it was a kind of inner peace that he didn’t feel anywhere else. his grandma and mother both used to tell him that food was magic and he was inclined to believe them. food made everything better. if someone was sad, food could cheer them up. if someone was happy, food could make them happier. it was beautiful to thorn. he’s always been an early riser, even when he was younger. it was around the time that he started high school that he’d begun cooking breakfast for his family and now that he lived with seokmin he continued on his ritual. there was no better way to start the day than with a heart breakfast. 

thorn is standing in front of the stove, working on the last of the pancakes. he’s still in his sweat pants and hadn’t bothered with a shirt, instead choosing to wear his cheesy ‘kiss the chef’ apron. it was cliche but it was cute nontheless, ‘that’s the point.’ thorn chuckled as he flipped the pancake, ensuring that it was the perfect golden brown color, ‘it’s all part of my master plan to lull you into a sense of security so that you stay with me forever and ever.’ he declared in a playfully dramatic turn, ‘don’t act like you don’t love it. my pancakes are heaven.’ he teased, putting the last pancake on a plate and turning of the stove, ‘good morning.’ he says handing the plate to seokmin before leaning in for a kiss, ‘come on. eat up.’

╰   ♡   seokmin can share a similar sentiment when it comes to preparing food. to him, it’s very much a love language. when he spent countless mornings in high school preparing food for his three baby brothers, it was always another way to take care of them; to show them that even if their parents were busy with this or that, seokmin was here. it was never about simply preparing a meal. more than that, it was keeping them healthy. full. giving them energy. sitting down at the table with them after working over the stove to watch them eat, feeling so good and warm inside that it threatened to spill from his pores. to this day, he’ll text his siblings every morning to make sure they’ve gotten a good breakfast. ( one appreciates it more than the other, but he doesn’t plan to stop any time soon. ) now living with thorn, he very much sees it in the same frame; thorn prepares breakfast as a way to show his love. seokmin can only hope to show even a fourth of his appreciation for that.

“ well, you’ve succeeded. i feel secure. “ seokmin smiles indulgently, happily accepting both the plate and the kiss. what a sight thorn is. the man stands shirtless in their kitchen aside from the apron clinging to his torso; a charming kiss the cook slapped over the very front like a neon sign. “ so cute. “ he praises with another quick peck before seating himself at the table. remnants of sleep still cling to his eyes, making him squint a bit to see the pancakes on his plate, but at least he had the mind to brush his teeth before padding in here. “ mm... thank you, darling. they smell heavenly. “ how did seokmin possibly get so lucky? a question he asks himself often, but never finds much of an answer to. all he can do is be thankful that thorn is in his life.

[seraphimrot]

:-(

[chapcl]

glxryandgxre·:

@chapcl·

please read tws in tags before reading!

the nightmares where usually the same. rough hands holding him down, malicious laughter, feelings that he’d give anything to forget creeping back to the forefront of his mind. it’s been over a year since the worst night of his life. he’s come so far from then. there was a time where he was unable to even leave the apartment. some days he wouldn’t get out of bed. it came and went. he had good days and bad days but one thing was certain to gem, he wouldn’t be able to get through any of them without wesley. on gem’s darkest days, he was there. gem can feel himself shaking, his breath growing ragged as the whimpers push past his lip but he can’t wake himself up. he hates this. the helplessness. the fear. fighting people who aren’t there as he sleeps. he knows that his boyfriend must have taken a few flying elbows as gem squirmed, ‘no.’ the word squeaks out of his mouth as he tosses on the bed. hands trembling as arms come up to push at bodies that are only there in his head, ‘no.’

╰   ♡   wes knows the sound by now. the heavy breathing, the whimpers. the pleading. it’s not something that he’s fond of considering it means that gem is experiencing a terrifying darkness in his head, but it was a necessity to understand nonetheless. necessary because wesley would never want him to experience it alone. he’s kept true to this vow so far, being by gem’s side as often as possible when old demons come back to bite at his neck, and tonight is no different. sleep is easy to shake off when he hears it. wes is a light sleeper by nature, but gem could probably wake him from a coma with his voice alone if he really wanted to. it’s the squirming that’s the hardest part ---- an elbow connects with his ribs at some point, but he continues on undeterred, catching one thin wrist in his hand, then another. “ gem. hey, gem. it’s me. come on. “ his voice is low with grogginess and smooth as butter. “ baby, wake up. “ now he’s the one pleading; eyes razor-sharp with their focus, moving gem’s wrists both to one hand so he can use the other to stroke his face. push back some of his hair from his forehead. the soothing mumbles never stop, neither does the hand that’s now actively stroking his boyfriend’s crown like it’s the most precious sphere on earth. ( it might as well be. it is to wesley. ) “ open your eyes for me. it’s wes. you’re safe. “

[chapcl]

╰   ♡   @glxryandgxre​

╰   ♡   it’s easier to sleep in these days. not that seokmin has a particularly difficult time sleeping, but he likes to stick to a bit of a schedule ---- likes to have that order in his life. this includes getting up very early in the day to carry out tasks. most importantly, preparing a hardy and nutritious breakfast. ( it’s the most important meal of the day. he’ll stand by that. ) however, his need to get up and cook first thing in the morning has been declining more and more considering his boyfriend is quite the culinary expert, and also quite fond of making him food. you won’t hear a peep of complaint from seokmin about this! it is still quite jarring regardless to wake up later than usual with the smell of something good filling the air, while all he did was lay peacefully in bed. 

it happens to be one of these exact mornings. 

the clock says ten as seokmin pads into the kitchen, donning a robe, and he doesn’t feel quite as lazy as he expected to. oh, it’s still there, but not all-encompassing. he fusses with taming his hair into something presentable as he fights to keep his eyes open, taking in the sight of the food. “ thorn. “ sleep lingers in his throat, manipulating his voice into something rocky. he clears it. “ honey, you can’t keep spoiling me like this. i’m going to get used to it. “ it’s more teasing than anything as he approaches, a warm smile gracing his face; one that’s still plush and swollen from rest, lightly pillow-marked. 

[chapcl]

open to: anyone!

muse: chul oh

plot: there aren’t any seats left on this bus and it’d really help me because i have a bum knee right now, but i’ll make do..... unless the bus has other plans for me ??? whoops how did this happen

╰   ♡   let it be known that chul doesn’t normally take the bus. most of the time, he’s prepared to simply walk anywhere he needs to go! he has two good legs, after all, and he loves to see the scenery. loves to feel the sun on his face, or the breeze in his hair. even if it takes a little longer, the journey is worth it to him. however ---- normally, chul also doesn’t have a bandaged knee. it happened while he was leading around one of the bigger dogs from work and they got a bit too excited, tugging him so hard on their leash that he toppled right over. a bruise formed almost instantly and he’s pretty sure he might’ve sprained something, as getting around has been more difficult ever since. until it heals, chul thinks that taking the bus where he needs to go would be the better option when he’s able. ( he’s already tried soldiering through the pain and it didn’t do him much good; possibly ending with some tears, definitely ending with defeat. ) 

the only problem is, well --- sometimes the seats are all used up. today happens to be one of those days, and he can already feel his leg wobbling from a hard day’s work as he clambers up the steps and takes in his surroundings, reaching out to grab one of the steadying pulleys from up top. 

or, well. he was going to.

a road bump interrupts his plans as the bus starts up again and he finds himself unable to maintain his balance, falling heavily onto the nearest person seated down. ( it’s lucky that chul doesn’t weigh very much! ) a small “ eep “ can be heard from the boy as he turns, wide-eyed, to the stranger. stares at them like they’re a wild boar on the rampage instead of a person. “ oh no, oops --- i didn’t mean to do that! sorry. “ please don’t be mad, please don’t be mad! chul scrambles out of their personal bubble, wincing as he puts weight on his knee and reaches up to, this time successfully, grab the pulley. he hangs on for dear life, determined not to have another accident like that one. 

[exhaustedborderline]

[angelmonstrosity]

[chapcl]

peace sign i’m too lazy to make a proper promo right now, but hey! i’m mandy and i revamped. if you wanna check me out n maybe plot or something that’d be cool. i might make starters in the meantime

[doujinshi]