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[cheesecakeaurchai]

I’m at an airport and all I can think of is not wanting to go back home. I feel like just hiding, getting lost somewhere and just disappearing without really disintegrating.

It’s strange.

Only this morning, I was thinking about how this is my only chance at life and I should live it to the fullest, wholeheartedly and selfish-ly and yet, here I am 5 hours later, wanting to turn away from the gate and leaving for a place Unknown. Maybe that’s not a thought about dying but more of a continuation of my living life to the fullest thought.

Ugh.

[cheesecakeaurchai]

I can break your arm, he said.

[cheesecakeaurchai]

My life changed last Friday. Things are new now. New but old.

[cheesecakeaurchai]

Am I really where I'm supposed to be

[cheesecakeaurchai]

The heart sinks

[cheesecakeaurchai]

The burden of being.

[cheesecakeaurchai]

گٹر کا پانی پی لو

[cheesecakeaurchai]

نفرت محبت

[cheesecakeaurchai]

This too shall pass. And then There will be nothing

[cheesecakeaurchai]

Oh and fuck you

[cheesecakeaurchai]

I struggle. I fight, I relax and slowly but surely, I am giving in. Giving in to the idea that I won't ever amount to anything & coming here was a reason for it (perhaps). Am I being ungrateful? Maybe. I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. I hate everything with a fondness.

[cheesecakeaurchai]

Miserable, oh so miserable.

[cheesecakeaurchai]

I wonder why did I end up getting the worst bits from my parents gene pool. I hold God responsible.

[cheesecakeaurchai]

There I was, like a speck of dust Floating From darkness into the light And sometimes back Lost and found Floating With thousands of others Perfect and imperfect Uncatchable yet never free Whirling twirling swirling Dancing in a trance Lost and found Over and over again- Forever

[cheesecakeaurchai]

Self loathing

[cheesecakeaurchai]

Kaisi Teri khud gharzi

[cheesecakeaurchai]

He came from somewhere back in her long ago The sentimental fool don't see trying hard to recreate What had yet to be created once in her life She musters a smile for his nostalgic tale Never coming near what he wanted to say Only to realize It never really was She had a place in his life He never made her think twice As he rises to her apology Anybody else would surely know He's watching her go But what a fool believes he sees No wise man has the power to reason away What seems to be Is always better than nothing And nothing at all keeps sending him Somewhere back in her long ago Where he can still believe there's a place in her life Someday, somewhere, she will return She had a place in his life He never made her think twice As he rises to her apology Anybody else would surely know He's watching her go But what a fool believes he sees No wise man has the power to reason away What seems to be (if love can come and love can go, then why can't love return once more?) Is always better than nothing (fool's got the power) There's nothing at all (oh, now) But what a fool believes he sees (i believe she's never gone away) No wise man has the power To reason away (to reason away) What seems to be (oh, if love can come and love can go, oh, mama) Is always better than nothing (better than nothing) And nothing at all