So we all have that one person, that great-guy or girl, who is hopelessly devoted to us and would treat us like royalty, but that we can’t help but put into the friend-zone. I have one of those of course, we’ll call him…Dave.
Dave is a good looking guy, in fact, I had a huge crush on him in the seventh-grade. I sighed when he walked past me in the hallway, whispered, “gorgeous..” under my breath, like a dweeb. We were in band together, yes I was in band and proud of it. I played the french horn (thee coolest, obvs) and he played trumpet so we we’re both brass players and well, that just meant we were perf for each other. Super-crush, big-time. But as I outgrew my awkward looks and my skinny legs took shape, I also outgrew my juvenile infatuation as he grew into his ears. From then on we were always good friends.
Now there was a time, many years later, in our college years, when he was totally hooking up with my friend… and randomly one night tried to kiss me. But it was so awkward and horrific we both just pretended it never happened. And I never step foot into his car again, for years that is…
Now, for those of you who don’t really know me that well, I am from outside of New York City, a cool girl from Long Island’s south shore. But I was born in Brooklyn and my parents and aunties and uncles, etc all are too. Being back here after years of living in the Mid-Atlantic and Mid-West for a few years is like a highschool reunion, literally. And so of course Dave and I reconnected when I came back to my hometown.
We’ve both matured a lot. The last we saw eachother we were really still wet behind the ears and while we are by no means old and wise just quite yet, we are older and wiser and more experienced. He wasted no time expressing his interest in getting to know me “better.” And I, in all my candor, let him know that while he is handsome, intelligent, has a good, respectable career, and would pave the road in gold and rose petals for me… I’m just not interested in him that way. It was kind of frustrating for me honestly because well damn it! Why is this my life? How many of you know exactly what I mean?
The ones who dispose of you, and dismiss you… all about it. Wtf?! Here is someone great, and I’m like, “Meh… thanks, but no thanks. Let’s just be friends."
Well Dave apparently had a really hard time with this and persisted. So, out of boredom, selfishness and quite honeslty being on the rebound from my last failed relationship… I said, "Screw it, let me just give him a shot. Let’s see what happens.” Finally, I agree to let him take me out on a date.
He picks me up at around 8pm in his sleek, dark sedan. Bob Marley grooves in the background as we say hello and I give him the cutsomary kiss on the cheek. This is New York… we kiss each other. Making small chat in the car, he awkwardly touches my hand and I nervously giggle and find something to fidget with. We drive to a steak house and sit down at a large and dark, shiney wooden table. He looks at me from across the table, smiles and tells me, “Order whatever you want babe.”
Now, I told you, part of the reason why I even accepted his invitation was out of selfishness. And I took him up on his offer. We ordered a pitcher of top-shelf margaritas, and we both ordered filet mignon… but I added a lobster tail, because I’m a bitch sometimes. And well, I wanted a damn lobster tail! Dave and I laughed and joked and he had no problem with anything. Except, the cute, buff waitor that kept flirting with me and ignoring Dave. He was obviously upset and uncomfortable with the cute waitor’s kindness and attentiveness towards me. I just played along and took on the role of bashful, innocent, wide-eyed dame, plying devil’s advocated and secretly totally enjoying the moment.
After dinner, Dave and I decide to go bar hopping and meet up with friends. RED FLAG: Dude, if we need to go find our friends in order to finish the night, there is nothing here. I knew this and I saw this right away. But, hey, its a night out on him and I was just going with the flow. Until that is at the end of the night he invited me to spend the night with him at a very nice hotel not too far from us.
Okay guys, so here is the point that we all dread and I had to make a decision. My mind raced with pros and cons. On one hand I really just don’t feel any chemistry with this guy, on the other hand he is a sweetie, and I’ve known him forever. Maybe hes just socially awkward in public and behind closed doors will turn into this super confident Rico Suave latin lover.. (I mean… he is Puerto Rican). I mean after all, he is a hard working blue-collar guy who is just looking for someone to spend his money on. And, I’m telling you, if I wanted to, I could run this guy, have him wait on me hand and foot. But I’m not a total man-eater, I still have a heart after all…. but fuck it! Let’s go. As far as I see it, its a free night in a big fluffy bed with tons of pillows, room service and travel-sized salon products.
So we go to the hotel and let the awkwardness begin.
DISCLAIMER: This is the 2nd edition of this blog post. Since, its original publication, I have grown up enough to know its not advisable to go to a hotel room with a man that I do not want to or intend to be intimate with. Ladies, if you aren’t sure you want to do something, you don’t have to put yourself in the position to have to. In recovery, with maturity and healing I’ve learned to stop putting myself in risky situations that may compromise my integrity, and emotional or physical safety. But, well, I was in my hoe phase so. Back to the fuckery:
It was late when we arrived so I had every intention of turning in so I turned on the TV and flicked through the channels while he strangely walked around the room until finally sitting down next to me on the bed. I don’t really remember exactly know how he made the first move but he eventually kissed me. And after an uncomforatble roll in the covers tried to take it from PG to R. And I hate to admit it but he succeeded. However we never made it to X. I was shall we say… not… umm whats the best way to put this… he couldn’t get my engine going. … And I, really wasnt interested in pulling his trigger… it just wasnt gonna happen. So I stopped him and was like “Okay, let’s just watch a movie.. yea?"
I swear to you, I put my clothes back on and switched to Happy Feet 2. We fell asleep and in the morning the disappointment was painfully apparent on this face. I treated him to breakfast in the morning because I felt bad in a way. And a little whoreish to boot… He told me that he wanted us to try again and I looked at him in his eyes and told him as flatly as I could that, "Dave, if it was gonna happen, it would have. I’m no prude, there’s just nothing here. We are just friends, and I wish you would just allow me to be that… your friend.” He pathetically sighed and nodded his head in agreement.
After breakfast he dropped me off at home, I said good-bye and immediately washed the shameful akwwardness off my body. The good thing is I have a great sense of humor and after some time, Dave and I were able to attempt a friendship once again.
That is until he tried… again. Lol, I swear I can’t make this stuff up if I tried.
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