want ♕ noel & chloe
Noel couldn’t even begin once Chloe had taken his hand in hers, a gentle squeeze reminding him that she was there, and that she would always be there. He felt like he wanted the world to swallow him, because he had so much to say and there was no amount of words in his vocabulary that could’ve helped him out in that moment. His mouth turned dry as his gaze briefly met hers before flicking over to the other bed opposite hers, a frown tugging on his perfectly pouted lips as he mulled everything over. With his hand curling closed at his side and his tongue swiping along his lower lip, the older boy sucked in a heavy breath and then shook his head. He hadn’t even been this nervous when he’d told Chloe how he felt — although, if he noted correctly, he was far from nervous and bordered more on angered when he’d told her — and he hadn’t been this nervous in front of anyone. There was so much that factored into everything though, and maybe Noel would go as far to say there was too much to factor into, and that was the one thing that kept him quiet as he tried to collect his thoughts for Chloe’s sake.
Bringing his hand up to run through his hair, he blew out a breath and figured that he should’ve started talking by then, because if he kept up his silence, he’d never get anything out. Noel just knew that his words would affect the both of them. “I don’t want to feel this way,” he murmured quietly, his even tone the only thing that sounded in the empty room. His admission thus far was pathetic, but Chloe had wanted the truth over text, and he was going to give it to her in person as well. No more secrets. ”I don’t like feeling like my entire world is crumbling around me. There’s always been so much that I’ve had to hide from people simply because they asked me to, or because it was better that I didn’t say anything at all. It makes me… I feel weak, like I can’t defend myself or stick up for anything, and I don’t—” Noel met Chloe’s gaze as he frowned, his expression bordering on breaking as he drank in her beautiful features. His grip tightened on her hand despite the thoughts than ran through his head, his mouth opening to spill them to her. “I don’t want to feel anything, but I feel so much. Love, anger, sadness, guilt, pain… It’s all coming at me, and I can’t ever stop it. There’s nothing I can do about that.”
Despite her small efforts at reassurance, Chloe knew that whatever tonight brought, it wouldn't simplify things between the two of them. No doubt their once easy friendship had been tainted beyond further hope of seeing the light, but that wasn't to say it couldn't be healthy. This wasn't unnatural, the feelings they shared, and after all, hadn't they already been through so much? Chloe had never been a firm believer in faith, but when it came to her friendship with Noel, Chloe couldn't help but be, just a little. After all, she'd known since she was a child that he was essentially her soulmate, it had just been platonic once in her mind. The fact that it no longer was didn't change that, it simply gave their bond new meaning - maybe not in a bad way. Still keeping her hand in his, Chloe settled in her position, her gaze poised on Noel as she prepared to listen. After all, that was what best friends did, and she owed him that much. It was only when Noel spoke that Chloe froze, finding herself to be entirely unsure if she was simply taking his words wrong or if he didn't wish to feel that way about her. She knew it was selfish to assume he was referring to her without further context, but considering nearly everything they'd been through as of late had been more or less related to Noel's feelings for her, Chloe didn't feel that it was a terribly illogical leap to make. But then again, she had to stay silent, to see if she could figure it out while he spoke to her. So instead of speaking up, Chloe moved closer, her head resting on his chest as she listened to him.
"I," Chloe hesitated after she'd begun to talk, not wanting to make matters worse with her words, and it was only when she reminded herself that she'd asked Noel to be honest with her that she continued to speak. "I don't know if you're directly referring to me, or if this is just something else, but a part of me wishes that you didn't feel this way." Before he could say anything, Chloe shook her head, speaking quickly as she knew she'd lose the nerve if she held out for far too long without voicing her thoughts. "It's not that I'm not flattered, or even that I don't feel the same way because you know that isn't the case, but I don't want you to be unhappy because of me. All of the rest, whatever it is, you know I'll be here to help you, that I'd do anything for you. I don't know if I can fix it, everything that's making you feel this way, but I hope you know I'd try?" Her blue eyed gaze flickered up to his before she shrugged, admitting softly. "You're like sunshine, Noel. It sounds so cheesy to say and maybe it's my age that makes me think of you like this, but you've always been the one good thing I've ever had in my life, and I hate that you've been sad because of me. Because I'd fight anyone for you, I'd do anything for you. But I can't fix this, and it sucks. And a part of me hates myself for it." She stopped then, worried she'd gone too far, and then froze, realizing that there was no possible way that what Noel was saying had only referred to her. "Wait. I'm not the only one asking you to keep secrets, am I?" The brunette exhaled a shallow breath before letting out a sigh. "I can't ask you to tell me, because that's not fair.. but if you need me, you know I'm here. At least I hope you do. Whatever this is, you're not in it alone, okay?"