My Journey To Health

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😭 https://www.instagram.com/p/CIixY6iJiHe/?igshid=1qjxndgq8kvbz

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🙂 I had a rough start to the day but overall I would say it was great! New video coming tonight and tomorrow and the next day.... #youtube will have a new #partner very soon. Watch out world, I'm coming! https://www.instagram.com/p/CIWikAjglk5/?igshid=14i48gg0qeex4

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#repost I am a shopping manic but this year I was like no, let's take a step back. You don't NEED these things, you want them. Need vs want is extremely difficult for me sometimes and that carries over to #health and #fitness as well. I don't #need to lose ten more pounds now that I'm in a healthy #bmi range. I want to. So I have to stop being so hard on myself. I don't need to #exercise until I'm in #physicalpain not should I. What I need, what we stay alive for, is love, joy, happiness, etc. Most of my #material belongings unless purchased by loved ones who are now #rip hold no value to me. My #fitnessjourney holds value. My #weightlossresults hold value. But it's time I take a step back. Do I need to keep losing still? Is it for my health or simply to take the #glory of having lost a significant amount of weight? I went from 205.8 to 159.0 this year, alone. No, it's not #100poundsdown and it never will be. I want to weigh 140 or maybe 130, but do I need to? All #rhetorical https://www.instagram.com/p/CIQPtgWA6MG/?igshid=k6u7lqbjmpjk

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On Thanksgiving, I pulled myself together, took a long shower, did my hair and makeup and dressed like a fairy princess simply to sit in my apartment because well covid.  I finally am starting to feel better, turns out I had the mother of all stomach viruses and all I could do was wait it out.  I’m still not allowed to eat much but I did have a thanksgiving plate yesterday thanks to my boyfriend’s mom.  Nothing has gone to plan this year but I can officially say I am back and things are going to change here and on my youtube channel.  Your health is all you have at the end of the day.  STOP ABUSING yourself mentally, emotionally, and physically.  If you overeat or under eat, please stop and get help.  If you’re in pain mentally or emotionally please seek help.  Rock bottom is waiting for you but wants you hit it, the only place to go is up.  I love you all.

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💖 I am thankful for you. (at Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/CIEL1xrgV3j/?igshid=5fs2yw39g14m

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𝓗𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂 𝓣𝓱𝓪𝓷𝓴𝓼𝓰𝓲𝓿𝓲𝓷𝓰 🦃🎃 I am grateful for every single one of you. My Instagram family as well as my immediate family, friends, and boyfriend. Be #thankful today, tomorrow, and everyday. https://www.instagram.com/p/CID0qUVgvp9/?igshid=1acmdtqmiq7a6

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These past two weeks have been difficult for me. I have been up and down mentally, emotionally, and physically. I'm sick but the doctors don't know what I have. I have been tested for covid and got a negative. They tested me again at the hospital and I am waiting for those results. My boyfriend is sick as well just not like me. He also was tested and got negative but he got tested again as well. I can't sleep. Everything I eat doesn't stay down. I haven't weighed myself in 13 days. My clothes are falling off despite eating but I'm only allowed to eat 200 cal every two hours because my stomach is so messed up. The hospital did not want to give me radiation to see my stomach but they will call me today or tomorrow with my results on covid. I can't see anyone besides my boyfriend. My sister is in california and my mom is in georgia. Someone who used to work in my building threatened my life for telling management he was sending me sexual content through Instagram. I'm scared, guys. I'm just trying to survive right now. I miss my dad today. Thanksgiving was our day. I miss my family. I miss being happy. I miss being healthy. Never take life for granted. You may get one thousand tomorrow's or more, but some of us only get today and the truth is we never really know. I love you all.

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#gymsharkwomen (at Philadelphia, Pennsylvania) https://www.instagram.com/p/CH59iViA-_z/?igshid=u2wg7bitd3v7

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I am covid-19 free! I just got tested because I was so sick but I am happy to report I am fine now.

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𝓗𝓪𝓹𝓹𝔂 𝓫𝓲𝓻𝓽𝓱𝓭𝓪𝔂 𝓽𝓸 𝔂𝓸𝓾!! (at Israel) https://www.instagram.com/p/CHu4GZNgCTm/?igshid=bijj744h45ug

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𝓖𝓸𝓸𝓭𝓫𝔂𝓮 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓱𝓮 160'𝓼 https://www.instagram.com/p/CHsNVOJAEv0/?igshid=1ejgn8cnwfsud

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🍃🌺🌙If you receive this you make somebody happy. Go and send this to ten of your followers who make you happy or somebody you think needs cheering up. If you get it back even better 🌙🌺🍃👉👈

aww!

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Sprawling Floral Installations Spill Over Garbage Cans and Phone Booths on New York City Streets