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CIRCLE OF TREES is an independent, multi-fandom, & multi-muse rp blog. written by helen (she/her, 23.)

FANDOMS INCLUDE: Critical Role, Castlevania, Dungeons & Dragons, Elder Scrolls, Fallout, and more.

My ask box is always open for mutuals to send starters or prompts.

RULES. MUSES.

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My depression has been kicking my ass so hard as of late, but I’ve been thinking a lot about my drafts (never mind that they’re almost a year old 😭) and may actually have some ideas for what to write now.

I don’t like starting new rps without responding to old ones so even if it makes more sense to just abandon them, I’m going to try to persevere.

I hope everyone on my feed is doing well. <3

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I can’t decide if I want to try to make myself write the 3 things I have in my drafts from last year or just abandon them and start over. I keep coming back to them, and I lowkey feel bad for not responding to people, but my brain is just not working on writing them for whatever reason.

Oh well. I’ll figure it out lol.

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I’m still alive I promise.

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I’ve been so utterly consumed with a video game I started last month that my brain power for any other recreational endeavors, such as this blog, has been made null.

With that said, it has not been forgotten or abandoned. I will return eventually once I get this game out of my system.

I do miss my darling Keyleth and other muses. I hope everyone has a pleasant day.

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❥    𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐆𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐒𝐁𝐘   [ 𝚂𝙴𝙽𝚃𝙴𝙽𝙲𝙴 𝚂𝚃𝙰𝚁𝚃𝙴𝚁𝚂 ] .

adapted from f. scott fitzgerald’s 1925 novel. many lines have been altered to be more roleplay-friendly. change gendered language and add context to your needs. happy roleplaying!! ♡

❛  whenever you feel like criticizing anyone, just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.  ❜

❛ i’ve gotten to be a terrible pessimist about things.  ❜

❛ you remind me of a rose, an absolute rose. ❜

❛ i’ve had a very bad time, [name], and i’m pretty cynical about everything. ❜

❛ that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world. a beautiful little fool. ❜

❛  i like large parties. they’re so intimate. at small parties there isn’t any privacy. ❜

❛ whenever he sees i’m having a good time he wants to go home. ❜

❛ you’re a rotten driver. either you ought to be more careful or you oughtn’t to drive at all. ❜

❛ i hate careless people. that’s why i like you. ❜

❛ i don’t want you to get a wrong idea of me from all these stories you hear. ❜

❛ i usually find myself among strangers because i drift here and there trying to forget the sad thing that happened to me. ❜

❛ you’re acting like a little boy. ❜

❛ i’m delighted to see you. i’m delighted that you dropped in. ❜

❛ by god, i may be old-fashioned in my ideas, but women run around too much these days to suit me. ❜

❛ if you want to kiss me any time during the evening, just let me know and i’ll be glad to arrange it for you. ❜

❛ you can’t repeat the past. ❜

❛ can’t repeat the past? why of course you can! ❜

❛ you dream, you. you absolute little dream. ❜

❛ what’ll we do with ourselves this afternoon? and the day after that, and the next thirty years? ❜

❛ life starts all over again when it gets crisp in the fall. ❜

❛ you look so cool … you always look so cool. ❜

❛ you think i’m pretty dumb, don’t you? ❜

❛ we’re getting old. if we were young we’d rise and dance. ❜

❛ what kind of a row are you trying to cause in my house anyhow? ❜

❛ you’re causing a row. please have a little self control. ❜

❛ i suppose the latest thing is to sit back and let mr. nobody from nowhere make love to your wife. ❜

❛ i know i’m not very popular. ❜

❛ i don’t give big parties. i suppose you’ve got to make your house into a pigsty in order to have any friends—in the modern world. ❜

❛ your wife doesn’t love you. she’s never loved you. she loves me. ❜

❛ once in a while i go off on a spree and make a fool of myself, but i always come back, and in my heart i love you all the time. ❜

❛ i never loved him. ❜

❛ oh, you want too much! i love you now—isn’t that enough? ❜

❛ i did love him once—but i loved you too. ❜

❛ there’re things between [name] and i that you’ll never know, things that neither of us can ever forget. ❜

❛  i’m going to take better care of you from now on. ❜

❛ you’ve got to pull yourself together. ❜

❛ there i was, way off my ambitions, getting deeper in love every minute, and all of a sudden i didn’t care. ❜

❛ they’re a rotten crowd. you’re worth the whole damn bunch put together. ❜

❛ you weren’t so nice to me last night. ❜

❛ you may fool me but you can’t fool god! ❜

❛ i don’t give a damn about you now but it was a new experience for me and i felt a little dizzy for a while. ❜

❛ it was careless of me to make such a wrong guess. i thought you were an honest, straightforward person. ❜

❛ i’m five years too old to lie to myself and call it honor. ❜

❛ you’re crazy, [name]. crazy as hell. i don’t know what’s the matter with you. ❜

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@mantaspotrayals asked: ❝ i see how hard you’re trying, and i’m so proud of you. ❞ ( Vax'ildan to Keyleth )

-

Keyleth lifted her eyes from the ground, feeling as if she was only now returning to herself. It was an effortless thing for her to get lost in her own thoughts, and it always had been. To get lost in her own mind, her endless worries and perpetual doubts and the gnawing fear that she wasn't doing enough.

Her eyebrows had been furrowed and her nerves stiff, but looking into Vax's face made the tension begin to melt away with astonishing ease. He warmed her heart in ways she didn't fully understand.

She didn't know how to respond. To hear him say he was proud of her made her stomach flip.

"I..." she hesitated, overwhelmed with all she was feeling. "I don't know what to say to that, but thank you."

She shrugged, frowning again. "It still feels like I'm not trying as hard as I could be. It never feels like I'm doing enough, you know? Even when I'm trying my hardest..."

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@whitestone-endures asked: ❝ there’s nothing wrong with needing someone. i need you, too. ❞ (vax to keyleth)

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Slowly, hesitantly, Keyleth reached for his hand. She didn't look at him just yet, instead keeping her gaze towards the distance. She threaded her fingers gently through his, her thumb caressing the skin of his hand in soft, comforting movements. It was as much to soothe herself as assure him that his sentiment was returned.

"I just... I feel like when I need someone, I need them too much, you know? Like I'm just burdening them with my... everything. I get so attached, Vax, and I don't know what to do."

Her eyes flickered to his, a frown crossing her face.

"There's nothing wrong with needing someone, but the way I need people makes me feel wrong. Even the thought of losing what I have makes me panic. And I know how inevitable that is, I know that it will happen, I know that I will lose everyone because I'll live for so long—"

She spoke with increasing speed, the panic seizing her as she'd said. She cut herself off with a strangled gasp, and a growing tightness pulled in her chest. Her hand in his turned stiff.

This was a familiar feeling, but experiencing it frequently didn't make it any less unpleasant. It was all too much for Keyleth. Her life, her feelings, the whole damn world was more than she could handle at times. She often believed that it was going to swallow her.

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@circleoftrees cast message: ❛  even when i'm not with you, there's only you.  ❜

he closes his eyes. he closes his eyes because he knows that if he keeps looking at her, keeps cataloging every miniscule movement of her lips and the way her hands clench at her sides, he'll never leave again. maybe that's a good thing, some internal part of him protests even though he knows it can't be that way again, maybe never leaving again is exactly what should happen. " it's always been you, keyleth, it'll always be you. " vax murmurs, tilting his head back and opening his eyes again. he stares up at the sky because it's easier than looking at her face. " i think a part of me knew from the moment we met in the woods outside stillben that you were going to change my life in unfathomable ways. " his fingers itched for a mask, for a dagger, for just something to fiddle with to distract himself. his gaze lowered to meet hers again. " you deserve better than to be stuck on a version of me that doesn't exist any longer. "

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At her side, her hands were balled tightly. Her heart was drumming in her ears, the blood rushing in her veins like a thousand strong winds ready to consume her. Any moment with him felt unreal now, like it was something waiting to be stolen. Something waiting to be lost.

Externally, Keyleth appeared more composed than she felt. Some part of her, an all too familiar part, was angry, too. Who was he to determine what she deserved? Especially after all they'd been through. What she deserved was to keep him for once, to stay at his side. For him to stay at hers.

"I'm not stuck," she said firmly. "I'm not the same either. Both of us are different, I am very aware of that."

She clenched her jaw and took a sharp breath in and out. Her voice was beginning to shake, and she needed a moment to reel in the raging emotions within.

"But that doesn't mean I can't love you just as much as I did back then. Just because we're not who we were doesn't mean we can't try."

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@whitestone-endures asked: ❝ i know it’s hard to ask for help. so don’t. i’m offering. ❞ (pike to keyelth)

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Keyleth raised her head from where she buried it in her knees, her legs drawn up into her chest. She hugged her legs closer as if to make herself smaller. Her green eyes were rimmed with red. She was no longer crying, hadn't been for several minutes, but the evidence was painfully obvious.

She swallowed and then wiped at her eyes. She just nodded at her friend, silently thankful for the support Pike always seemed to offer.

A quiet stretched between them. Then, Keyleth gave a sigh and her lips curled into a humorless smile.

"Why does life have to be so hard?" she asked. She didn't entirely expect an answer.

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@whitestone-endures asked: ❝ i can’t fix everything, but i can be here. and i am. ❞ (vilya n elaina)

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It had been far too long since Elaina had last seen her sister. Months, years maybe, though any time apart felt like ages. It certainly hadn't been intentional, more a natural progression of their blossoming adult lives. They'd each set out on their own.

And now, Elaina was back. She'd wandered into Zephrah with haunted eyes and heavy shoulders. Her mother, she'd expected to be there, as she entered the family home. Instead, she'd found Vilya, her dear twin. It seemed her sister was also visiting, and Elaina's heart felt lighter at the sight of her.

Elaina had taken a seat, no words exchanged. Her gaze was planted stubbornly on the floor, jaw clenched at the emotions swirling inside her. There was so much that had happened. So much she had lost. And she didn't know quite how to express it.

Vilya's voice finally drew Elaina's eyes up from the ground. The corner of her mouth twitched for the briefest second, undecided on whether to frown or force a weak smile.

She spoke softly. "I know. Thank you."

The almost strained quality of her words was another reminder of how pitiful Elaina likely sounded. How pitiful, pathetic, she felt she was then.

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I updated and rewrote my blog rules last night, so when anyone gets a chance, please give them a read through. I didn’t change too much, but I did add some points. :)

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@criticalstories asked: ❝ i’m here, and i’m not going anywhere. ❞ (Vax for Kiki)

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Keyleth did not speak, not immediately. Instead, she reached for Vax's arm, brought herself in closer, and tucked herself into his side. Her arms wound around his waist, her hands grasping at him as if afraid holding him any looser meant he'd vanish with the wind.

After a long moment spent gathering her thoughts, she tilted her face back to look at him. Her green eyes were framed by furrowed brows and a frown she was attempting—and failing—to prevent.

"I... I'm sorry," she murmured.

She was uncertain what exactly she was apologizing for, she just knew that she felt it. Perhaps it was for her numerous flaws and hesitations, the endless list of wrongs she perceived about herself and her very existence. She was too doubtful, too emotional, too stubborn. And yet, Vax continued to put up with her anyway.

That idle reminder, that he was here, that he miraculously wanted to be at her side made her take a deep breath. With the exhale went some of the anxiety in her expression, the ever present fears she barely kept at bay.

She offered him a weak smile. It was soft, true.

"Thank you. Thank you for being here. For everything. For tolerating me."

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@whitestone-endures asked: ❝ you don’t have to fix yourself to be worthy of love. ❞ (vax to elaina)

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She sat outside on an overlook, previously alone, on a seat of twisted wood. In the distance below, her home village sprawled outward across the land, looking just as natural a part of the landscape as the jagged cliffs or sturdy trees.

Elaina lifted her head from where it'd been resting atop her arm, chin cradled in her palm. Her lips quirked at the man's words. She'd said little and yet he somehow knew, at least partially, what was clouding her mind.

"I know that, in theory."

For Elaina, it wasn't necessarily about fixing herself or correcting supposed imperfections. It was more the ever present desperation to help, the lasting need to take on her loved one's burdens. She'd always been an empathetic soul and for as long as she could remember, her love for her family had been her driving force. The single most important thing in her life. She'd gladly shouldered any weights that they were willing to share, had taken it upon herself to hear their troubles and give them the fullest extent of her support. She did whatever she possibly could to lessen the suffering of her mother, sister, cousins.

Now, though, she was needed less and less. She couldn't be the only person they relied on, and she'd never expected such a thing, yet it felt as if her aid wasn't often sought as it once had been. And as someone who'd long been defined by her familial devotion, what would that change mean? What could she possibly offer if not guidance and solutions to others' woes? A small bitter voice within her said that if she didn't serve a tangible function, then her worth was void.

"I just..." she sighed. "I always feel like I need to be doing something useful. As if I need to prove my value. Even if I know fully that people do care despite it."

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I’ve been seriously resisting the urge to add Keyleth’s mother, Vilya, to my muse list. I feel I should probably get through the C2 episodes with her first but the temptation to add her anyway is strong.

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@circleoftrees cast message: ∗ 28﹕ sender strikes receiver with a pillow .

vilya's always been a fairly observant person. it's one of the traits that she prides herself on, after all. which is why the fact that she had been too focused on talking that she hadn't noticed elaina swinging the pillow until she was already being hit. she tumbled to the side of the bed and looked up at her sister incredulously - feigning shock and betrayal in equal measure, a hand over her chest as she reached out and grabbed her own pillow. " i can not believe you would do this to me. and right in the middle of my story! " with that, she threw it full force at her twin's face.

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Elaina laughed and ducked to the side in an attempt to dodge the incoming attack. It landed with a solid thump against her shoulder, only just missing her face. She had been prepared for retaliation—had expected it, really—but she was not quite quick enough to avoid it completely.

With her grip still secure on her own pillow, she again swung it around and whacked her sister, this time in the side.

"I was testing your reflexes! My intentions are pure!" she declared, wearing a grin that betrayed her.

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@circleoftrees cast message: " they aren't children . not at all . "

he remembers how small they had been - brand new and tiny and the most perfect things that he had ever seen. he remembers all of that as though it had only been weeks ago and not the three decades it's been for everyone and everything else. and now, watching his girls as they lean over a table together, whispering and every so often glancing up at where he and keyleth have found a balcony to themselves, he can't help but think that they used to be so small. a soft, barely there laugh leaves him as she speaks, and he turns his head. vax is quite sure he'll never get used to seeing her again. not after everything, and not when she looks almost the same as the day she lost him. he turns his head and simply lets himself look at her, reacquainting himself with the curve of her jaw and the freckles that scatter across the bridge of her nose (more of them now, more of them than there ever was back then). her hair is longer, her antlers taller, her mantle drags the floor. and he loves her. he loves her so much that he almost hurts with the intensity of it. so instead he laughs, and then he sobers quicker than he once would have, because a feeling bubbles up through his chest and the only way he can think to describe it is regret. " i'm sorry, keyleth. " he murmurs suddenly, drifting closer. he still feels like a ghost in his own skin, still unsure how to navigate a world that's gone on without him. " i'm sorry i wasn't here. i'm sorry you had to do it without me. "

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A sad smile crosses her face, only for a second and then it's gone. Keyleth's eyes have been unable to remain in one place as they carefully flicker away and back. She hadn't thought it'd be so challenging to look him straight in the eye, now that he was here. She hadn't thought that something that was once as natural to her as breathing would feel like a great effort, an unseen force binding tight around the bruised heart in her chest. It was a miracle she wasn't struggling to breathe.

It had been years. It mattered little that both she and Vax'ildan appeared fairly youthful in their physicality, that he looked just as he had when she'd fallen in love with him and when their darling girls were born. Because a single glance to their daughters reminded her of all the time since passed and all that they'd missed. All that Vax had missed.

"I'm sorry, too." Finally, she meets his gaze. And immediately, tears water in her eyes, on the verge of falling. "I'm sorry that you couldn't be here."

She'd spent a great deal of time with her own regret. If the last three decades had given her anything, then it was the hollow of grief. A void had manifested within her at the understanding that her children would be raised without their father. She'd mourned Vax'ildan's fatherhood, something she'd once been elated to witness Vax grow into. But Keyleth's sense of blame had never fallen upon him.