Clada Idem

https://clada.bigcartel.com

[cladaidem]

In my “Momento Mori” series, I use skulls as a conduit for my emotions. It started with being a reflective piece about my last relationship. I lost the ability to believe I was redeemable, and depression took hold of me. It was not from others I measure myself by: it was my ugly reflected in all the things I could never take back. But while creating and extending this series: I learned that’s everyone. If you are struggling with identity, uncertainty, or absolute bleakness, I hope any of these works can ensure their meaning. I hope you, as my viewer, can find yourself one day.

For more check me out @ Home | Clada (bigcartel.com)

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MY ENTIRE SHOP IS 50% OFF WITH THE PROMO CODE "CLADART"

Take a piece of poetry home with you at a fraction of the cost. I will be making even more work, and I need to make space.

Support via tipping, subscribing, or following is greatly appreciated.

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“Amiable” by Clada 5.5″x8.5″ Ink on Paper. Available. $100USD.

I made a piece called "Drought," a Gila Monster impaled by a Blue Candle Cactus. This piece is a Diamondback Rattlesnake, clutching the cacti tightly in a fierce stance at the viewer. The irony is the tighter the snake squeezes, the more impaled it becomes on the thing it is guarding til it becomes a permanent part of the snake. The past can do such to humans. Anger stems from hurt. Refusal to relinquish the pain of the past can do more harm in the long term: we become defensive in our primitive form of emotions. I repeatedly use this irony in my work: titling the piece "Amicable." depicting something as ornery as a rattlesnake. Even the most cold-blooded creature deserves compassion. It is all we ever ask.

https://clada.bigcartel.com/product/amiable

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“Erratic” by Clada. Mixed media on board. 5″x7″. Available. $100USD. 

Anger is no singular emotion. It begins as pain. For myself, it feels like disdain for my person. Exacerbation replaces deep sorrow. It is maddening like a hum. Deep tunneled like a nest. Although, I am also aware it is a choice. I am constructing my enraged desire by not healing what initially hurt me.

The paper wasp wears cautionary colors; one presumes their temperament at first glance: Ironically, the drones are female. Yet intense anger is always dismissed as unladylike. As anxiousness builds, I wanted to convey that by centering the nest in the chest cavity. The messy rage translates to the insects' buzzing. Unchecked emotions are more dangerous than a stinging insect beside your heart. One presides an obvious danger.

https://clada.bigcartel.com/product/erratic

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"Pernicious" 8.5 in x 5.5 in. Ink, photo, and watercolor on paper. $100 USD. Available.

"Transparent" is a reflective piece about a recurring emotion I have had over the past month. I find that sometimes my thinking takes on a life of its own. It is like layers of thoughts, all amounting to one image. Sometimes it is benevolent: I ponder about the future and things I can do for the day; it is meticulous, like how a spider constructs its web. Primal, and for survival.

Then, come to the things I know I have to unlearn. I became convinced that no one truly cared about my well-being. I become suspended in this chain of thought; loneliness consumes me while thoughts of doom engulf my psyche. It is the opposite of instinct. It is destructive, and it is unclear where my thoughts are going. I long for solace in quieter thoughts.

A pernicious train of thought is the downfall of all growth.

DM or visit https://clada.bigcartel.com/product/pernicious if interested.

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“Bouquet” by Clada

https://clada.bigcartel.com/product/bouquet

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“Hydra” by Clada

https://clada.bigcartel.com/product/chanterelle

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“Nervous” by Clada

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“Strain” By Clada

7″x 5″ Watercolor on Board. Available. USD 100. https://clada.bigcartel.com/product/strain

While small, this piece has a potent symbology. In place of a lot of reflection: I noticed a pattern in my relationships. It saddens me: but I tend to get used rather than be valued. I know this is a common occurrence.

I explored that with the bat: both superstition and literal. It represents the draining entity unhealthy relationships have on individuals. In comparison, the rose represents both gentleness and the pain inflicted by loving the wrong people.

Impending peril awaits the blood-sucking bat as it is about to be wrapped in spiderwebs. It will starve.

Just know you are worthy of love. Anyone can break their conditioning with self-respect. But, of course, it is easy to say than do; I hope to put it into visuals to at least provide comfort.

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“Precious” by Clada

10″ x 10″ Acrylic on Canvas. Available. $150 USD. https://clada.bigcartel.com/product/precious

A friend of mine gifted me the canvas: Not in a thoughtful “I bought this for you” in an “I have this and have no use for it. It’s yours if you want it”. This is what became of it. Others, I am sure, have been in one-sided friendships or relationships. You meticulously tailor thoughtfulness is what you do for them: being available, gift giving, etc. This piece is a nod to “Absent,” but the female praying mantis is now alone. No solid ground, just abstracted surroundings. Because it can be easy to get lost in codependency or unhealthy relationships, she cranes over the wild daisies as if to protect them. It is a preemptive strike to guard any person's most precious thing: self-worth. I took this unfriendly exchange with zero sentimentality and made something beautiful on it. That is a gift I am proud I possess

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“Intrusive” by Clada

10” x 10” oil on Canvas. Available. $150 USD. 

https://clada.bigcartel.com/product/intrusive

I wrote a poem: it is about alcoholism and the ones we love:

“Lost eyes, without color, searching so pensively for what? Understanding? Compassion? Void? The euphoric release to drown inhibition in a body or bottle. In too deep, and something crucial was lost. It had become immortalized in the glass of your drunk stare.

I see that person. I see the wound that keeps you feral to bite the helper—the desire to cause pain to yourself. I can recognize these thoughts because they scurry across my mind sober.

It is my fault. I hope all these messages in bottles reach you. However, they wash up in your hangover, illegible and water stained. I do not know why I try; wading in the shallows of cheap intentions washed up in the cheap drink. It could be for my grandiose ego, or it could be that I truly am afraid of losing you. Whatever reason, I am a vessel for the other hurt widows now. May that cavity be a better home to their loverless webs, as it was never a kind place for my thoughts.”

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“Nervous” by Clada

16" x 20" Acrylic on Canvas. Available. $300 USD

https://clada.bigcartel.com/product/nervous

"Gnaw" was a capstone of my lowest point: when I did not believe I was a good person. Thoughts of suicide and self-loathing constantly irritated my brain. But I sold that piece, and I do not know what's to become of it or the sentimental value it had. But, I recall a valuable lesson every artist must live by nothing is precious. If you become too concerned about your pieces, you will never be able to grow or challenge. Never look back; conversations in the artwork are continuous. It is essential to do the same.

I still struggle with those same thoughts I did back then. But, rather than be stagnant, the praying mantis remains alone yet strong. These thoughts will trickle and cause me to choke on my own words: So my main focus is to change the course of my thoughts and not feel meek in my skin. To know my shortcomings and continue to work on them. The flowers are both supportive but also overgrowth. They symbolize how important it is to stay humble least you too become overgrown with weeds.

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"Vanitas" By Clada

20" x 24" Acrylic on Canvas. Available. $300

Vanitas | Clada (bigcartel.com)

This piece is a still life of my emotions. I started the idea for this painting when I was depressed. I felt anxious about the way things turned out with my last relationship. It was a deafening silence of not being able to voice in its entirety what had happened to me. I wanted to capture the alienation I felt back then. So, I painted the single skull in the center, representing the self-centered mentality.

The other symbols, like the Echinacea flowers, symbolize healing. The Queen Annes Lace flowers I chose because they are weeds. I wanted to capture their intricacy in the way of metaphor. Vanitas flowers are typical romantic notions that I rejected in this piece. In the center, the blue racer is a stark contrast, nonvenomous but disdained from suspicion.

The crab spider and a grass spider are like totems. Their purpose in this painting is to kill the vermin—a literal depiction of life and death. In the clutches of the white crab spider: a blue swallowtail butterfly. It acts as a hole in the piece to enhance the inverted prism.

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“Surface” by Clada

36"x36" Acrylic on Canvas

Available, $500 USD https://clada.bigcartel.com/product/surface

This painting is a recreation of a piece I destroyed in high school. At that time, I was struggling with constant suicide ideation. My social relationships were becoming strained as my mental health deteriorated. I did not understand what was happening to me as a teenager. It was a time of extreme anger and sadness. In this self-portrait, I have removed all color and identifying features because I felt more like an apparition than the person at that time. I achieved the translucent and bleeding effect of the colors by saturating the canvas in water and thinning the paints. It was because of the color- the only things I felt were spilling onto my features and beyond my control. Sadness and anger intertwined like hot red and primary blue. Sometimes they even overlapped. But I am about to turn twenty-five this year. I hope this piece, as aesthetically pleasing as it is, can serve as a reminder to anyone who has felt the same: sometimes the most intense emotions are easier to look at than have.

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“Engorged” By Clada

46"x46" Acrylic on Canvas

Available, $1,000 USD  https://clada.bigcartel.com/product/engorged

I painted this six years ago. This is another self-portrait I constructed to illustrate the irony of my body dysmorphia. Since infancy, I was told things many children go through in their life hearing. Comments about my weight, my features, and my skin color all with negative connotations. I was called a pig many times by the adults whose love was supposed to be unconditional. As a woman, I still regress to those thoughts and words I did not ever name myself first. It is a sad feeling. However, when I painted this I wanted to exude some assertive confidence. If I were a pig, If pigs were meant to demean me: why are they still the most valuable livestock? Why are they resilient and smart? The pig is an effigy, it is wealth and intellect. So I painted myself in the least flattering direct light to show all my natural rolls. Staring forward, not in shame. The two pigs, affectionate and curiously accompanying me.

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https://helldrink.bandcamp.com/releases

Drink from the Chalice, by Helldrink

track by Helldrink

New on the black metal scene! From Chicago an all Hispanic group called Hell Drink!

But don’t take my word for it: give them a proper listen.

Perhaps @the-true-metal will like em