The man, while making love, is in a constant state of arousal. He achieves this latter by looking at his partner's body, by talking erotically to her or hearing her talk erotically, by fantasizing sexually in a whole host of ways. In fact, while actually engaged in sex, the average male can scarcely avoid responding to stimulation.
The average female, on the other hand, rarely responds to these kinds of psychological stimuli. For her, it is the physical stimulation of the clitoral area and other sensitive zones, rather than psychological stimuli, which leads to orgasm, particularly a squirting orgasm. What is more, this physical stimulation must, once begun, be continuous until orgasm is reached. If the man stops whatever form of stimulation he is applying – fingers, tongue or mouth - the steady buildup in the woman's arousal responses quickly drops back; and if the cessation of stimulation lasts for a minute or two minutes, she will be right back at, the beginning, in a state of complete unarousal.
Nor is cessation of physical stimulation the only cause of this fall-back in arousal. Full details of how to make a woman come can be found here. Though she does not readily respond with arousal to psychological stimuli, she is affected adversely by what may be termed psychological non-stimuli.
She reacts, for instance, much more than her partner, to any apparent or real threat of interruption e.g. the arrival of children home from school, the ringing of the telephone, a knock on the door, voices outside the window. She may be at the threshold of orgasm, of coming, but if distracted by one of these things, and a host of others, literally within seconds all her arousal sensations completely evaporate, and all physical indications of arousal – erection of clitoris, swelling of sex-lips, erection of nipples – disappear. When the panic is over, the stimulation must begin again from scratch.
All this being so, if a couple's sexual relationship is to be both satisfactory and satisfying, giving both complete relief from psychological and physical tension and leaving both unfrustrated, some way, must be found of bridging this arousal gap between the partners.
This is usually achieved by foreplay, and this is why it is of the greatest importance that both men and women should give a good deal of time and patience to acquiring good physical lovemaking techniques.
One of the main aims of foreplay for the male is to assert control over his progress to orgasm, so that it is slowed down, and to acquire techniques of stimulation which will, at the same time, assure that his partner reaches orgasm, and, if possible, to speed up her progress to orgasm. This control over the speed of his own arousal can be acquired by the average man after a period of regular lovemaking. The chief requirements area knowledge of the right techniques about how to make a woman come, and the right attitudes.
Unfortunately, there are a number of men who are not only unable to acquire this control, but whose responses are so rapid that they ejaculate during intercourse in a much shorter time than two minutes. This creates serious difficulties for the sexual relationship, because usually once the man has ejaculated, within seconds his penis goes soft and the penis-head becomes tender, and he is unable to continue the thrusting required to bring his partner to climax.
Lack of control over progress to orgasm gives rise to premature ejaculation, too rapid ejaculation, retarded ejaculation and retrograde ejaculation, the first three of which present serious problems for the man.