Overview: Blaine has been hiding his depression for a long time from everyone, including Kurt. He speculated he was depressed for a little over two and a half years before he finally got officially diagnosed a year ago. When the doctor recommended he go off his medication for a trial week, he felt skeptical, and for good reason. A breakdown is harder to hide than a medicine bottle.
"What do you mean you want me to go off my medication? It’s been doing it’s job, I’ve been feeling great, why do we need to change that?"
"I know you’re doing well Blaine, but I don’t want you to have to rely on this medication for the rest of your life. Over time, depression can be suppressed and you can start to feel this way without medication. That’s our goal here. We want you to be as great as you can and hopefully over time, on your own. So we’re going to give you a trial week. Starting now, you’re going to stop taking your medication. It will take about a day to get it out of your system and then a week from now we will evaluate how the trial went and go from there.” Blaine sighed with frustration and leaned back on the couch, crossing his arms. “Glad to know you’re on board. See you next week.” Dr. Fields put her hand on Blaine’s knee for a few seconds and then got up to open the door for him.
Blaine got up and left the office, officially worried about what the next seven days would bring him. His medication made him feel comfortable. It made him feel safe. He wasn’t sure he was ready for the possibility that he might get bad again.
All of his clothes seemed to have gotten tighter on his way home because he was about ready to rip off his bowtie as soon as he stepped through the door of the loft. Someone was in the shower and he wasn’t sure if it was Kurt or Rachel.
He went behind the curtains of his and Kurt’s room and started undressing, wanting to get out of the suffocating clothes. He ditched the capri-pants and sweater for sweatpants and a tank top. He normally didn’t like to change until an hour before bed or so in case he went out again, which was mostly every day, but he couldn’t spend another minute in this clothes.
Look at me, he thought. His meds weren’t even out of his system and he as already freaking out.
Summary: Anon prompted me to fill Blangst Prompt of the Day #749: Whenever Klaine argue, Kurt knows that all it takes is mentioning the cheating incident for Blaine to back down. Little did he know that Blaine was already taking antidepressants and his mental state was only deteriorating with every argument.
Fights made Kurt uncomfortable. He knew that they were a sign of a healthy relationship, but they also unnerved him. Where was the line drawn between a healthy fight and an unhealthy one? If he and Blaine fought over who didn’t put the leftovers away, was that healthy or unhealthy? What about when he and Blaine fought about who had control of the remote in the evenings? Or the fights over whether Blaine would stay the night or not?
All these seemingly normal fights made Kurt anxious every time. He never wanted things to get too heated between them because what if the next fight was their last? What if Blaine broke up with him over something as stupid as what type of cookies they made that night?
So, Kurt always resorted to the one thing he knew would make Blaine back down. It was a quick and dirty way to end a fight—emphasis on dirty. Kurt wasn’t proud of it. He didn’t like to fight dirty; as a kid, his dad always taught him to play fair.
This was not fair. And he knew it. But he’d rather stop the fight completely, even if it meant sinking to a level he hated.
"Look, this is ridiculous, we’re fighting over nothing," Kurt sighed, rubbing his temples as he sat on the couch.
Blaine kept pacing in front of the coffee table. “Over nothing? What, so you’re saying I’m being irrational?”
Blaine is napping on the couch in the loft one evening when without him realizing, his shirt rides up, revealing self harm on his hips where he thought it’d be hidden. Only Kurt knew, but now Rachel, Santana, Elliot have all seen.
Exploring New York City took more out of Blaine than he had expected. His legs ached and his knees were trembling as he took the stairs to his apartment- yes, he lived there. It made Blaine’s stomach flip every time he thought about it; He was living with his fiance. He was living his dream.
He walked in the door and was already peeling his jacket and scarf off and throwing it over his chair before he even announced that he was home.
“Oh hey! You’re back!” Kurt smiled, poking his head out from behind one of the separation curtains. “How was your adventurous afternoon?”
“It was great, just a little tiring.” Blaine said, stretching and yawning. “I don’t think I’ve ever walked that much in my entire life.”
Summary: Inspired by last night’s episode and Karofsky’s history. He’s a bad guy in this, but not an irredeemable guy. The problem is… Dave Karofsky’s used to solving problems with his fists.
The thing that fascinated Dave Karofsky about Blaine was his duality.
The way Blaine could be sweet and innocent and scorchingly sexual at the same time. The times when Blaine was so energetic, so on fire, and so self contained. The fact that Blaine was so much more vulnerable than Dave ever let himself be, and somehow so much stronger than Dave had ever been.
Those times that Blaine would smile and bat his eyelashes and cuddle with Dave on a quiet Ohio night, and yet Dave knew his mind was full of New York city lights and sounds and a slim frame and grey eyes. The way Blaine could feel so totally with Dave in any given moment and be completely devoted to Kurt Hummel at that same time.
The way Dave was fascinated by Blaine, enchanted by Blaine, enamored with Blaine… and yet sometimes, Dave hated his boyfriend more than he’d ever hated anyone.
Prompt #916: Kurt cheats on Blaine. Several times. Over and over. And Blaine only stays because he figures no one else would ever love him and he rationalizes that sharing Kurt and being miserable is better than being alone.
Prompt #801: Blaine walks in on Kurt and Elliot having sex (based off the [NSFW] art here i-wanna-be-a-klaine-ship-ranger.tumblr.com/post/83871140957/i-bet-hes-your-friend)
Rating: T
Word Count: 2128
Takes place after season 5.
Sometimes Blaine hated that he walked quietly. Years of his father working graveyard and needing to sleep during the day had instilled silence into Blaine’s being. It was times like this that he wished his footsteps were heavier.
He stood outside the door to the loft, a bouquet of roses in hand. It was late, and Blaine was supposed to have a shift at the 24 hour cafe, but he convinced a coworker to take his shift for the night. He hadn’t really seen Kurt in a few days. They had both been busy with school and work and Blaine just wanted to spend some time with his fiance, especially now that they had the loft to themselves.
Blaine unlocked the door. He only opened it enough for him to squeeze through, wincing as the door slid with a little squeak. He slipped through, but froze immediately. The apartment was dark, but Blaine didn’t need light to see what was happening in front of him.
There, on the couch, was Kurt, and Elliot was with him, and they were kissing. No, they were doing more than just kissing. Both of them were naked, and Blaine had to look away as Kurt ran his hands over Elliot’s body. One of them moaned loudly, and Blaine’s fingers tightened uselessly around the bouquet he was holding. His other hand came up to cover his mouth, and muffle the sob that threatened to escape. Even now, witnessing his fiance cheat on him with their friend, Blaine still couldn’t bring himself to make noise. Tears welled up in his eyes, and his feet started silently carrying him backwards. He slipped back through the door, and closed it carefully behind him.
It was only once he reached the street that he allowed himself to start sobbing. Blaine dumped the flowers in the closest trashcan and just started running.
* * * * *
Blaine knew he should be angry, but mostly he just felt numb. He wasn’t good enough for Kurt. He knew he had been distant the last few days, but he’d thought everything would be okay once he got that writing assignment submitted and had more time to spare. And he knew that he weighed a little more than he should, but he and Kurt had been working on that together. And that whole incident with June Dolloway hadn’t really helped, but he’d thought they had worked past that. Apparently Kurt needed more than that though.
Well, if Kurt needed more, than Blaine would just have to be more. He’d have to be a better fiance.
Besides, it was only the once, right?
* * * * *
It turned out it wasn’t just the once. Blaine returned to the loft early in the morning, when he was supposed to be off work. Blaine never mentioned what he had seen, and Kurt never said anything either, and for a while, things seemed good.
Blaine put a lot of effort in to trying to be his best for Kurt. He spent more time at the gym working out, he did everything that Kurt asked him to, and he usually agreed with Kurt’s decisions to avoid unnecessary arguments. But it still wasn’t enough.
School ended, and Kurt started spending more time at Vogue.com. That was the start of the late night meetings. Or at least Kurt said they were late night meetings. And Blaine believed him at first, but then coming home late once a week turned into three and four times a week. And then he started missing their date nights for “fashion emergencies”. And that was when Blaine knew that Kurt was cheating again.
Blaine’s suspicions were confirmed when he snooped through Kurt’s phone. Blaine knew that he shouldn’t, he wanted to be a good fiance, and good fiances don’t go through their partner’s phones, but Blaine needed to know.
He took the chance when Kurt was in the shower one morning. He didn’t have to look very hard, as Kurt’s phone buzzed with a new message as he picked it up.
Jason: Hey sexy, are we still meeting up for drinks tonight? <3 (07:23am)
Blaine swallowed past the lump in his throat, and put Kurt’s phone back on the nightstand, not bothering to look for other messages from this Jason. He didn’t really need to, he’d already seen enough to know the truth.
Blaine busied himself making breakfast when Kurt got out of the shower. He needed a moment to compose himself before facing Kurt.
“Hey baby,” Kurt said as he came up behind Blaine, kissing him on the cheek. “Do you have a shift at the cafe today?”
Blaine nodded. “Yeah, until 4.”
“I have another meeting tonight, so I probably won’t be home until late.”
“Oh.” Blaine’s face fell in disappointment. “You’re just an intern though. Do you really have to go to all of the meetings?”
“This line is really important. Besides, going to the meetings shows dedication, and maybe soon I won’t be “just an intern”,” Kurt said a little harshly.
“I know, I’m sorry, it’s just- we haven’t had a date night, or even just dinner together in like a month.” Blaine looked down at the floor. “I miss you.”
“I miss you too.” Kurt put his hand on Blaine’s chin and tilted it up to look him in the eyes. “This weekend we’ll make reservations at a fancy restaurant and have a proper date night, okay? I promise.” Kurt sealed the promise with a kiss.
Blaine knew the chances of them actually going out on a date were very slim. It wouldn’t be the first time Kurt had cancelled their plans, but Blaine knew better than to argue. Instead, he let Kurt kiss him, and he kissed back until they were making out against the kitchen counter.
Kurt pulled back after a few moments with a small smile. “I think the eggs are burning.”
“Oh shit.” Blaine spun around and quickly removed the scrambled eggs from the stove. They weren’t burnt, just well cooked, but that didn’t stop Kurt from laughing into Blaine’s shoulder.
It was moments like this that made Blaine think maybe he was just imagining everything.
* * * * *
“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Don’t wait up.”
No, Blaine was definitely not imagining this.
* * * * *
Kurt slipped quietly into the apartment, hoping to surprise Blaine. He’d felt guilty after their conversation at breakfast, and had cancelled on Jason.
Kurt frowned, there were voices coming from behind the curtain to their bedroom. One was Blaine’s, and the other Kurt recognized as Blaine’s coworker, Elizabeth? Blaine must have invited her over for some company instead of spending the evening alone.
“That is not a real word, you can’t play that.”
“Yes, it is,” Blaine insisted. “I had this argument with Kurt once, so we looked it up in the official Scrabble dictionary. It’s a word, and it’s worth 36 points on that triple letter score.”
Kurt smiled. Blaine always got so competitive when it came to board games.
“Where is Kurt anyways? I thought you guys would be using every chance you got to exploit this empty apartment and have tons of sex.”
Kurt was going to enter the bedroom and announce his presence, but Blaine’s voice stopped him.
“He’s at a work meeting.” Blaine’s tone was flat and empty.
“Again? I thought you said he had a meeting last night.”
“He has them a few times a week, his job is really important.”
“What about you though? You’re important too,” Elizabeth said softly.
There was a long pause. “Blaine?” she prompted.
“He’s not at work. I know he’s cheating on me.” Blaine sounded so small.
Oh God, Blaine knew. Kurt felt like being sick. He knew, and he’d never said anything.
“It’s not the first time either.” Blaine was openly crying now. “I walked in on him and our friend Elliot about three months ago. I don’t think they saw me, and I never said anything.”
“Blaine, you should leave him! You don’t deserve this!”
Kurt was kind of inclined to agree with her. Blaine did deserve better, and Kurt hated himself for doing this to him. He’d felt that they’d gotten complacent and boring, and he missed the thrill of being chased, of trying something new. Elliot had been a terrible mistake, but Kurt couldn’t deny that it fulfilled something in him he didn’t realize had been missing.
“I thought about it. I thought about leaving him, but I know he still loves me, and I tried so hard to be good enough for him, so he wouldn’t need to go to someone else, but it wasn’t enough, I should have done more. And if I’m not good enough for Kurt, I’m not going to be good enough for anyone else either. And I hate it so much, but I know he loves me, and I love him, and I’d rather share Kurt than lose him completely and be alone. I just wish that I was good enough for him, and then I wouldn’t have to share him.”
Blaine sounded so small and broken, and Kurt hated that he was the cause. He did love Blaine, he loved Blaine so much it hurt sometimes. Oh God, he’d screwed up. He needed to fix this.
Kurt didn’t even realize that he’d started crying until the curtain was pulled back and he was faced with Blaine. There was a long stretch of silence, and all Kurt could hear were his ragged breaths as he tried not to sob.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry,” Kurt managed to croak out. Blaine’s face crumpled when he realized that Kurt had heard everything.
“I’m gonna go.” Elizabeth appeared beside Blaine, shrugging on a jacket. She smiled sadly. “I’ll see you at work, okay?”
Blaine nodded. He waited until she had closed the door behind her before turning away from Kurt and going back into the bedroom. Kurt followed to find him putting away the Scrabble tiles.
He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know what to do to make this better.
When Blaine was finished cleaning, he sat down on the edge of the bed, his back stiff, and resolutely not looking at Kurt. Kurt sat down next to him, the space between them feeling like an ocean.
“Blaine, I’m so sorry. I’ve been a terrible person, and an even worse fiance, and your friend is right, you deserve better. I understand if you can’t forgive me”
Tentatively, Kurt reached out his hand and put it on Blaine’s shoulder. Blaine didn’t flinch away, but he didn’t lean into the touch either like he usually did.
Blaine mumbled something to the floor, and Kurt frowned as he strained to hear. “What?”
“I don’t want better, I just want you,” he whispered, finally looking up at Kurt.
Kurt felt his heart shatter into millions of tiny shards. “I’m so sorry, I never want to hurt you like this again. Tell me how I can make this better”
“I just want to know why. What did they have that I couldn’t give you?”
Kurt remembered the insecurities Blaine had mentioned earlier, wanting to be good enough so Kurt would stay with him.
“You give me everything that I need Blaine, and I’m an idiot for not seeing it before. You’ve always been good enough for me. I just wish I could be the same for you.”
Kurt slipped off his engagement ring, and pressed it into Blaine’s palm. “I don’t think I deserve to wear this. Not until we’ve worked through this.”
“You still love me though, right?” Blaine’s eyes were wide with panic.
“Of course I still love you. I will always love you, Blaine.”
That was all it took for Blaine to throw his arms around Kurt and start sobbing into his shoulder. Kurt wrapped his arms around the crying man, and pulled him on to the bed so they were lying down. He bent his head to press tiny kisses to Blaine’s forehead, and held him until Blaine fell asleep from crying.
Kurt knew they still had a lot to talk about come morning. And he knew that they would have lots to work through in the coming months, maybe getting a therapist to help them across the schism that Kurt had created between them, and helping Blaine work through his insecurities. He just hoped that Blaine would forgive him, even if he could never forgive himself.
AN: I don't know how I feel about this. The ending feels weird to me, but whatever.
Disclaimer: I don't own Glee or the characters. Title from the Sam Smith sing of the same name.
Fill for BPotD # 593: Something involving Blaine and Slenderman.
This is loosely based on the Marble Hornets web series, and takes place during late season 4, say "Feud" or "Guilty Pleasures". I haven't written in a while, so please be nice.
Rating: M (language, disturbing imagery, probably some sex, maybe drug use?)
Prompt by anonymous: Blaine gets sick or has an injury at home and has to stay in hospital for a week or so. During his stay no one visits him, not Cooper, not his parents, none of the New Directions or Kurt. It’s just after the break up and nobody notices/cares he’s not in school. Lots of lonely!Blaine trying to convince the nurses thats he’s fine, that someone will come and pretending to himself he doesn’t care. Not a happy ending - he has to make his own way home and no one asks where he’s been. Thanks!
