the older i have gotten the more i have pulled away from people. i am 26 left feeling like i have no desire for anything that doesnt bring me safety. i remember myself, 15 bright eyed and ready to go. i think as the years have gone by i have gotten jaded. i have lost desire to do things from fear of pain. the truth is, i dont want all of the big things i used to want. all of the things i told myself i could never let the world beat out of me. but here i am, 26, no desire at all to be famous. and funny enough, it has nothing to do with how jaded ive become. maybe thats a lie. they say you must step out of your comfort zone to eventually find happiness, but the truth is i am tired of being uncomfortable. the perfect night consists of being around my favorite people and no one else. i dont want to go to the bars anymore. i dont want to be famous anymore. i want to live my private little life and be nothing but a whisper influence on the world. a whisper influence on the world, but loudly within the peoples lives i partake in most. i dont know exactly what i want to say here, i am just rambling, no editing, no fear. i think i have experienced a lot of what i wanted already at 15, just at a smaller scale. i have heard a room of people scream my lyrics back at me. i have left the state of kentucky. i have transitioned. i have found love. and now i sit here with a mixture of contentness but drive to do something ive never done before. capitalism gets more suffocating by the day. america is crumbling. it may be the reason i created an alternate character. someone i can be when i dont feel as strong and powerful as i think im supposed to feel. i think its time i let go of all the things i think im supposed to be and supposed to do. i want it all, yet, i want nothing.
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