Parenting is hard. It just is. And parenting tiny humans with big emotions while being a big human with big emotions ourselves can feel overwhelming, terrifying & just flat out impossible.
So sometimes we unconsciously slip into ‘don’t rock the boat’ mode. We think, if we can just keep everyone calm we might just survive our children’s childhood without losing our minds or damaging our children too badly. So we shush & we redirect & we say inane things like, “Calm down!” and “You’re fine!” and “Stop overreacting!” and “You’re okay!” and just generally live life like emotions are some kind of whack-a-mole game that’s been set on fire & it’s our job to run around with wet towels & smack those big emotions down before we lose control. It’s exhausting. And it’s pointless.
Here’s the thing, parents: Your children are still going to have all of those normal emotions. They’re just going to start hiding them from you. And without you as their safe place to run to when they’re overwhelmed or scared or sad or frustrated or hurt, they’re going to be left alone with deep wells of pain they don’t know how to process. That pain won’t go away on its own. Ever. Over time it will either begin to erupt in bouts of rage, seethe into lies & sneaky behaviors, fester until it develops into self-hatred & self-destructive behaviors, or settle deeply into a child’s heart & result in depression or anxiety or shame or extreme sensitivity or a rigidity that demands perfection from themselves & others or a hardened heart that never learns to give & receive love.
Here’s a mantra to help you breathe through that moment of panic when your little one is upset & your first instinct is to shut them down. Memorize it. Or write it down. Or take a screen shot & make it your screensaver:
“This is my child’s crisis, not mine.
Emotions are okay. They will pass.
I can weather the storm with them.
I can guide them gently back to calm.
Remember, tenderness is not weakness. And control isn’t the goal. Healthy humans are the goal. Love heals. Hugs help. They don’t have to go it alone.
tangentwithtanner
andulkaphoto
gummygunk
2087
ellievsbear
turnnoffyourmind
origamiaround
