My Dom recently made some critical comments about my body in the heat of an argument. This is probably my biggest insecurity. I would like to know if other subs have experienced this, and if so, how did they handle it? Was it a relationship ending event, or were they able to come back from it? If so, how? Right now I feel sad, hurt, angry, and betrayed.
I am incredibly sorry you were made to feel less than.
It sucks. It especially sucks from the person you (perhaps) trust the most.
Your person said things that hurt your feelings and made you doubt not only yourself, but everything (perhaps) about why he/she is with you.
I will not make any excuse for anyone that makes another feel bad about themselves – intentional or not.
We all carry an incredible amount of baggage. Whether it be the way we look, the way we speak, our income, our family situation… the list is endless. In a power exchange dynamic, the goal is (in theory) to build your partner up and grow your dynamic.
Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case.
Three years ago, Crusoe compared me to another woman. It was nothing short of devastating. He met with his former submissive to return items to her. While at dinner, he told her that she was more beautiful than me, that she had a better body (he admitted saying the words when asked about it.) (FYI – we are both size 12, though Crusoe helpfully pointed out that she is taller than I am.)
Why is he even with me if “all” he likes is my brain? What if my brain isn’t enough? The only thing I could focus on was that I wasn’t pretty and I didn’t have a good body.
Good night. I could write a thousand words on what if.
People say things in the heat of the moment, it doesn’t excuse the words, but who among us hasn’t regretted words once they are uttered?
We all say things we wish we hadn’t. In anger, in jest, offhandedly, without thinking.
I will not defend the words of another, but please do the deep dive into what he said that upset you.
There is no magic, no threshold where we can determine if what another said or how another made us feel is “right” or “acceptable.” That threshold is determined only by ourselves.
All we can do is let the other know how it hurt us, to question the words, question the meaning.
Do I think it’s excusable? Absolutely not.
Do I think it happens? Absolutely.
Three years ago, Crusoe made me feel like absolute shit about my appearance. I reacted in a variety of inappropriate ways. And three years later – at 50 – I still worry and wonder and doubt myself.
That written, it is a personal decision – (I know what a crappy “how to”) – to stay or go.
No person should ever diminish themselves for the love and respect of their mate. No person should ever need to beg for the affection and esteem of their Sir/Ma’am. There are mysterious standards that none of us will ever meet. That written, we bring more to any relationship than the way we look.
I have been a size 2. I never will be again.
I have never been pretty, but I’ve always been smart.
I’ve never been popular – except at work where I am the hardest worker of them all.
Regardless of what others say about or to us, WE decide what it means and how it affects us.
People are assholes – even when they don’t mean to be.
All we can do is figure out how we live. Folks have unrealistic expectations. We have unrealistic expectations.
Figure out what works – and what doesn’t – and drive on.
Embrace the suck. Clearly discuss why you are upset with your Sir. His answer will either be acceptable or not. DO NOT COMPROMISE.
No one should ever be made to feel less than.
