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this boy… i like him more. he makes me feel safe. im sorry to my ex but i get it now. even in our best times he made me sad. i dont ever wanna lie and say it wasnt good. it was great and i am so sad its over. but he made me sad from the beginning. left me aside from the beginning

life is so cyclical… pretty eastern european boy i’m seeing sends me a song that reminds him of me in sunny april… like 2 years ago… kinda beautiful if you think about it

my ex really did a number on me because why am i weirded out by someone being consistent and sweet to me. i got so used to accepting almost nothing by the end

i love the beginning stages of dating/getting to know each other bc wdym this boy set up a tripod and made a timelapse of him changing his keyboard keycaps for me bc i asked him as an offhand comment????

karma is SO real. ridiculously real. i wonder how it will play out

after all that loss after all that grief that heart shattering pain… how is this my life

mazedonian crush called me mariposa… im really struggling to not like him a Lot. bc i like him a Lot

crush is planning a trip to come visit me in germany and he’s looking at things we can do together. he found a jazz bar we can go to. i wish i could tell me from a year ago, about to experience more heartbreak she thought a singular heart could harbor, that it gets better. and it won’t be with my ex. but it will get better

he liked my story w his main and his priv oh he’s a #realyearner

he is so fucking Sweet oh my god

please let it be real this time. please. i’ve been so hurt by the sweet ones. they eventually stop being sweet. please let this one be different. let this one be real

all those people on reddit were right. it gets better. it gets better it gets better

cant believe i am into a guy who is currently playing an online shooter with his friends. i am a zelda animal crossing undertale stardew valley gamer. i guess løve really is blind

well crush has officially upgraded from crush to person i am in a romantic entanglement with via: sex and a conversation about our feelings for each other

cuddled w him before bed and now its 5am and i still cant sleep. my body is awake. i wanna see him again. now

told my crush i miss him bc he always says it first so i decided to be the one to say it first this time and he said “yasss”. one thing about me, i like them gay

my crush is sweet and he calls and texts and sends memes and listens to what i say and takes me seriously and he’s pretty and dresses well and has facial piercings and loves physical touch and hugging me and makes me feel important in his life and makes me laugh all the time and idk. it’s weird liking someone again after the loss of a great love. i feel like i can’t help but mourn harder whilst enjoying all this excitement. i mourn when my ex made me feel like this. when he was still someone that had the ability to do something other than hurt me.

i don’t wanna bring the grief from my breakup into my new crush. it, however, feels impossible. this grief is massive, as the loss is massive, the love i felt big as the world, the person i lost a soulmate. i had never had this happen before. i had never had to love again after the loss of a True Love. i wish this wasn’t my journey, but it is. i guess some people get unlucky to experience this. some of my friends will never feel these feelings, and i envy them. but i also view this loss and heartbreak as an enriching experience. i got a chance to experience this side of being human, being a person who feels. it’s unique. it’s information. it’s a chance to rewire myself after a very specific trauma.

now that i’m coming out of the depression this had plunged me into, i see that this has changed me for good. i am still very early in my process, i still have mountains of anger and resentment inside me. much time needs to pass for them to disappear, but that’s okay. i’m not on a rush

i’m ready to love again, or at least date again, i think. i’m excited about my crush. he clearly likes me too, and that is invigorating after how horrible it was to hear my ex say he no longer loved me like that (even though it was a lie, at least for a while). it feels nice to be wanted by someone you want. it feels nice to have someone’s fingers through your hair, the electricity of their skin against yours. i feel alive after being a walking corpse for most of 2025. i have fought for this new chance at life. i won’t waste it

summer 2023 when i had that situationship and we fucked multiple times a week and we’d text each other out of nowhere and meet at each others houses for sex was lowkey fun as hell. unfortunately we did end up falling in love and then realized we were very wrong for each other and then he made a love playlist with another girl and it lowkey made me wanna kill myself and cry on the floor of my bedroom i guess. at least i then met my now ex boyfriend who i thought i’d marry until the war traumatized him so much that he became unrecognizable and we had to break up for my own good even though i would’ve let him ruin my life with his horrible mental state because i loved him so much. and now we’re in no contact because it’s the only way i can heal from our traumatic breakup after an idyllic relationship that made me feel like love was truly real and happier than ever. i love him so much but i can’t talk to him if i want to be stable mentally but i’m afraid he’ll be killed at the front and the last months of his life will have been us not talking to each other because i’m too mad at him. yay

and now i like someone new and he’s very nice and pretty and very similar to me and i’d like to kiss him soon and he makes me feel like i’m no one’s ex girlfriend. life is interesting i sorta kinda wanna die but also wanna stay alive to see what happens next

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