show me your galaxy.

our bodies SHINE while our souls ignite. private multimuse blog written by elli.

[skiterlude]

kiana ledé on instagram live (05.06.21)

[lulerains-deactivated20201030]

191006 Seoul Music Festival​ ⋮⋮ CLC - Black Dress

[jiwonily]

kim heejung’s Fits in temporary idol, pt. i.

[cvrnations]

thechascr:

she hits him with a rhetorical question to match, but this one… this is the one he definitely loves the answer for. “do i think i can?” he says out loud although it’s directed at himself. he notes the close proximity and the fact that she hadn’t punched him in the face yet. her body language screamed that she was willing and jace was never the one to ignore a blessing from god himself. “you haven’t stabbed me with a pencil yet,” he whispers as his eyes fall down to study her lips in close proximity. “i’d say my chances are pretty damn good. wouldn’t you agree with me?” his hand lifts to frame the side of her face, thumb caressing her cheek mindlessly. “you’re so beautiful…” it slips out in a tiny whisper. a comment that was meant to echo in the back of his mind and not said out loud. “god knows just how bad i wanna kiss you right now but i’m displaying unprecedented self-control so i’ll just–” the thought dies at the back of his throat, lips pressing firmly against her own as he just relishes in the feeling. to anyone else it must’ve looked like a kiss right out of a drama. no movement and just the g rated pleasure of her lips on his own. it’s childish but this is what he needs. this closeness that she seldom allows him. he pulls back a couple of seconds later and grins gently, only to peck at her lips right after. 

this is sappy, disgustingly sappy, the kind of sappy that she’d openly mock from an outside perspective, yet she’s loving every second of it. at this point, there isn’t much that can go wrong-- she’s already kissed him and he’s yet to run off or mock her with disgust, making this smooth sailing until the eventual and inevitable moment that her mood turns and she returns back to her usual territory of trying to piss him off with all her might. “you’re right, i haven’t yet.” sunnie nods, holding back the grin that’s begging to spread across her face. “maybe, maybe... you should just see for yourself, though.” the green light is glaringly obvious, to the point where she’s starting to lose her patience with him, though his compliments are enough to calm her down. after what feels like an eternity their lips meet again, then once more, and she no longer tries to hide the smile on her face. besides, he’s clearly being more of a sap over it than she is, which is enough to keep her pride intact. “finish studying and there might be more. deal?”

[femaleidols]

hyuna — how’s this? (gayo daejun)

[bookswithlisa-deactivated202407]

So. Tell me, little wolf. Would you like to punish those who have wronged you?

Marie Lu, The Young Elites (via shewolfwrites)

[moonandtrees]

[untamedunwanted]

She’s a dangerous woman, the kind that plays with fire and with such wildness in her heart. So many men who try to tame her always fail, for they never understood that the forest in her was sown from the start. In the moonlight alone her secret is revealed, she has the spirit of a wolf that belongs only to herself, to the earth and to the dark.

Half Woman, Half Wolf | Nikita Gill (via untamedunwanted)

[heyt-ara]

L-O-V

[thechascr-blog]

“what’s so bad about hell???” it’s a rhetorical question. but there’s no doubt in his mind that she’s aware. “i’ll be there! wouldn’t it be amazing to spend the rest of eternity paying for all our sins?” jace stuck his tongue out at her, scooting his chair a little closer. he propped his elbow on the table, chin perched on the palm of his hand. he stares at her, completely enamored, their whole study session erased from his mind. as much as he wanted to return to his facade of macho-ness… he couldn’t get her out of his mind. “that kiss is all i’m going to be thinking about for weeks. “ he grins cheesily, “what on earth have you done to me, kim seoyeon?” he wiggles his eyebrows, “voodoo? love potion? human sacrifice?” jace bites down on his bottom lip, fingers moving to curl around a lock of her hair. “mind if i kiss you again? i want, no need, something i can savor.”

[cvrnations]

sunnie scrunches her nose upward, almost as natural instinct to disagree with literally everything that comes out of his mouth. “yeah i know you’d be there, that’s exactly why i’m trying to not end up there! i can barely handle you now, do you think i wanna put up with you for eternity?” her tone is as harsh as always, words sounding as genuine as she can attempt for them to despite the flipping and fluttering going on in her stomach. as hard as she tries to not fall for his charms, it’s nearly impossible-- not when he’s grinning and spazzing out more than she is, when she’s always the hopelessly romantic one. “yah, stop calling me that, you weirdo.” a smile lingers on her lips before she reaches out, using one hand to smush his face away from hers. every push seems to be matched with a pull though, and yet again she finds herself leaning in close to him, eyes studying his carefully  as she debates testing out her bravery again. “well i dunno, do you think you can?”

[thechascr-blog]

hearing her beg, seeing her so helpless… it wasn’t anything gabriel ever wanted to witness. yenni was one of the strongest, if not THE strongest, people he ever knew. to know that he had successfully crumbled her down to the point of vulnerability… kwongabriel had accomplished the impossible. yet a part of him was hesitant… and it had very little to do with the giant kneeling beside her. he knew yenni… he knew her almost as well as she knew herself. gabriel was not blind to her talent of being a master manipulator. he was.. doubtful. but not without reason. his emotions were put out on display for her to see only for her to react as level-headed as possible. this wasn’t some sort of drama, he knew better than that. she wasn’t just going to jump into his arms. but was this the real thing? everything logical in his body was telling him that it had some sort of ruse to break him down again.

but his heart? his heart always knew the truth. 

as rushed as it seemed.. as forced as the words were… there was nothing that held more truth. 

he swallowed thickly, arms crossing themselves over his chest. it was the only way he knew how to stop his hands from shaking. he was left practically mute. for once in his life gabriel didn’t have anything snarky to say. what would he say anyways? ‘i love you too, obviously. let’s be happy and live a normal life.’ normal and happy didn’t exist in their world. not with the things they’d both been through, separately and together. this moment reeked of cruel irony. he had waited years for this moment… but now he didn’t know what to do next. he glanced at his watch again. this time out of nervousness. if everything had gone according to his initial plans he would’ve been back at the office already. 

“i know you do. i know you always have, even when you tried to hide it from me. even when you weren’t sure yourself.” he couldn’t stop himself from grinning like a fool. “as cocky as that sounds.” his demeanor suddenly changes, expression flipping a whole 180 degrees as he stares at her almost blankly. “now that our house of cards has fallen… what’s next?”

[cvrnations]

she instantly regretted allowing herself to appear so vulnerable. very few people have been lucky enough to see a more real side to her besides her family, and gabriel was one of those people, but it was still utterly embarrassing that she allowed herself to stoop to such a position. the weight on her shoulders had only increased with her confession. how was she supposed to bounce back from this and continue to live unaffected by everything? exactly how fucked up would her life start to turn, knowing how nothing vaguely good ever seemed to last long for her? what kind of expectations did he have of her, and how much was she only going to disappoint him in the end? those were the thoughts in her head, but she didn’t allow herself to give them much thought.

as tempting as it was to roll her eyes, she kept from doing so. part of her knew that he was right. had he really meant nothing to her from the start, the chances of them even crossing paths again or being amicable years later would have drastically decreased. had he really meant nothing to her, he would’ve been just like every other man in her life-- gone, forgotten about and worthless, like they never even existed. clearly, gabriel was yet another exception to her standards, and she wasn’t sure whether it was something that she should take comfort in. someone with that much power in her life was only bound to cause trouble, and either she’d put an end to it or it would put an end to herself.

what’s next. the question was enough to make yenni snort, this time rolling her eyes as her cold demeanor came back into play.  likewise, this encounter wasn’t a part of her plans at all, and surely he knew how heavily she operated on plans. “...i’m tired. i don’t know,” she answered blankly, fully observing her current state. of course, she knew that she was beyond exhaustion, but she suddenly felt ten times more worn down than before-- if this was what unsuppressed emotions did to her, they would never make their way up to the surface ever again. “might be best to just take a step back and think about it instead of rushing shit forward. unless you’re dropping hints, then stop.”

[thechascr-blog]

he sighs dreamily, completely unashamed that he’s still trapped in a daze. her voice snatches him out of it but he can only glare at her with half-lidded eyes. “i don’t know, okay?” he mocks her, sticking his tongue out as he flips through the pages of his book lazily. “you do know. stop bullshitting me, you demon.” he chuckles airily at her words, shaking his head as he continues to pretend that he’s studying. “for someone so smart you’re also pretty dense.” he sighs, loudly flipping a page. “i guess you’re the only one who didn’t know that i have the biggest crush on you. unless you do know and you just like acting clueless.” he closes his book dramatically and sits up, only to sink back down until his head is resting on the table. “eighty years older yet you were the one to kiss me. don’t forget that.”

[cvrnations]

what fondness she’s felt for him in this moment has faded away in a second once he mocks her voice. she can’t tell whether it’s her attitude, or her tendency to flip emotions at the drop of a dime, or even both of their mannerisms together, but the whiplash is driving her insane-- though, she may have already been in that state for a while. “pretty sure i’m not a demon if i’m aiming to stay out of hell,” she retorts, refusing to acknowledge his other comments. how dare he call her dense, as if she isn’t the smartest and best at everything that has ever existed in the world? if anyone’s dense, it’s clearly him. “i thought you were just teasing me or something. people do that.” she shrugs, hoping to brush the topic off completely with her answer. judging by his inability to concentrate, their study session is about done, which now means that they have to talk about things and she has to do something other than stick her nose in a book. “don’t sit there and act like you weren’t alluding to it! you’re so full of shit.”

[thechascr-blog]

he was waiting for a moment he knew would never come. where was that ‘i love you’ he was hoping for? stuck in the mess that was her head? trapped in the back of her throat? or perhaps unexistent… he bit down on the inside of his cheek, feeling like an utter fool for falling apart like this… only to receive a typically guarded response. gabriel knew better than to expect some big show. something out of a drama where she runs into his arms and kisses him like there’s no tomorrow. that didn’t stop the hopeless romantic in him. how much time had gone by? it felt like years but it was probably only minutes. 

he clapped his hands together, rubbing them in a motion as he tried to buy himself some time. now that the cat was out of the bag, there was nothing left to say. there was no going back to how they used to be. they were adults now. the walls of mokwon weren’t present to keep them together anymore. “i’m here because i was enjoying a run to clear my head.” he looked at her.. almost as if he was looking past her. it was pointless, to put up a facade now that all the cards were on the table. but if he had to salvage any shred of dignity he had left… this was the way. “as for us doing this.. it wasn’t planned.”

his expression turns to stone, eyes narrowed in their oh so usual manner. “and finally… as for me leaving. the empire has risen, i’m no longer needed in greece. however, the position of president and the family company is mine. i’m back in seoul.” he cleared his throat, lifting his arm to glance at the time on his watch. “for good.” he knew that it was his cue to leave. it was time for gabriel to let go of yenni and move on with his life, even if it was the last thing he wanted to do. “but if you don’t mind… i have things to attend to.”

[cvrnations]

and just like that, she could sense him getting cold again, and she doesn’t know what to do with herself. after three fucking years, here he was in the flesh and he had the nerve to try and leave again? he poured his heart, and she-- well, she attempted something, even if it seemed like she couldn’t have cared less. it was just a repeat of that night, them getting this close to something that was good to happen, only for it to disappear like smoke. “gabriel, please...” she muttered, looking towards the ground. she wanted to shut her eyes, wake up from this fucked up nightmare, but she feared that if she did that, he’d leave for good.

“i know what you want me to say. and i do, believe me, i do. i do. i just can’t--” she shook her head. the words ‘i love you’ simply weren’t in her vocabulary-- not for him, or anyone else in the world. she never uttered the words to her mother, mirasol, or anyone else that might have held that much importance to her. the word simply didn’t exist, and it wasn’t something that she was willing to expose herself to either. love was a vulnerability, and she wasn’t going to allow herself to run that risk. she couldn’t.

“please don’t do this, i--” she was begging, pleading, even if she couldn’t get the words to leave her mouth. her eyes started to sting, and as much as she wanted to pass it off as summer allergies or her contact lenses, she knew it was anything but. “please. you can’t just do this, not after everything we’ve been through. no.” half of her was contemplating letting the leash go again once more, but she knew it would only hurt her chances more than she as already doing herself. the look in his eyes was vacant, one that she’d never seen given her way before... she knew that she needed to do something.

“gabrieliloveyou.”

[thechascr-blog]

oh, how the tables have turned. the kiss… as quick and fleeting as it may have been, leaves him in a state of shock. that wasn’t a sunnie move… if anything he expected to get shoved backwards at least a hundred feet. anything but a kiss. he sputters for a few seconds, hands on his face as he tries to make sense of his life. was he dreaming? he had to be. he tilts his head like a child, wide eyes peering at her as pulls her notebook towards him. “ah, sunnie…” he’s speaking to himself, face probably a million shades of pink as he lowers his eyes onto her notes. “encouragement? more like a distraction. how am i supposed to concentrate now?” his fingers fumble before he grabs his pen, writing both of their names and a small heart in between them on the corner of her notes. he shoves it back over to her, teeth sinking down onto his bottom lip as he laughs. he wasn’t ashamed of his stereotypical ‘manga-schoolgirl-crush’ reaction. “your lips are nice and soft. just like i imagined.” he makes sure to throw a wink in her direction.

[cvrnations]

her heart is racing faster than ever, rivaling any performance or sports game or even any amount of her mother’s wrath that she’s ever experienced before. she’s ready for him to laugh at her, say something disgustingly cocky that’ll make her go back to hating him again, but it never happens. there’s nothing about this situation that’s predictable, thanks to her unpredictable actions, and she’s almost regretting it. “i don’t know, okay?” she snaps, instantly on the defense once again. he’s yet to embarrass her about it which leaves her uneasy, especially once he grabs her notebook, only for her to be glad that her flushed cheeks aren’t as obvious as his is due to her skin. “...you’ve thought about kissing me?” she’s tempted to ask why, but refrains. fishing out all her insecurities after doing the most daring thing in her life sounds like a pretty bad idea, even if she happens to be the queen of bad ideas. “ew. weirdo. you’re like eighty years older than me.”

[thechascr-blog]

she wasn’t wrong… yet why did it hurt so much to hear her say those things? it had him physically cringing, nails digging into his palms as he tightened his hands into fists. this wasn’t the sort of conversation that was appropiate to have in public, much less in a place where they were surrounded by people. he was frozen in place, the few feet that separated them were beginning to feel like miles. this was the woman of his dreams, the woman that he’d been in love with ever since his teenage years. she was so familiar to him, even now with her face contorted in rage and digust.. an expression reserved solely for him. 

he tried to swallow thickly past the lump in his throat, eyes beginning to feel heavy, he wasn’t an overly emotional man. years of his emotions being smothered like cigarette butts would do that to a person. so why was he on the verge of tears? was this the only person that could disarm and render him defenseless? “yenni. i would have done anything for you. i fucking loved you.” he cringed again at the way his voice shook. “you were the only woman i ever cared about. the only one. so yes, i cared so damn much.” 

gabriel found himself chukling, eyes narrowed as he finally dropped his gaze onto her face. “if i asked you to… would you have left with me? would you have left everything behind for me? the answer’s no. right?” there was no reason to give her time to answer. he was sure he knew the truth anyways. he clenched his jaw, eyes falling shut as he took a deep breath. calming himself down would only help in the long run. “that’s the difference between us, i hope you know. i would have dropped everything for you. if i had told you that i was leaving…. god knows i wouldn’t have gone through with it. i would have crumbled an empire and put millions of people out of a job… all for you. because i loved you.”

[cvrnations]

for the first time in all the years that they’ve known each other, she actually believed him when he said that he loved her. with the emotions written all over his face, the vulnerability in his voice, how could she not? maybe he did actually love her, in all her fucked up glory. how he ever could, and how he still did, she’d never understand. and with that in mind, maybe she could actually admit that he was someone that was important to her, that he was more than just an ego boost and a source of attention, that his departure actually hurt her, but trying to move those feelings into words only left her cotton-mouthed. she could never let herself be so vulnerable, so she admired that he was actually able to.

she didn’t answer, because she knew she couldn’t. of course she was used to having her life picked up and moved somewhere else, but that didn’t mean she wanted to do it one more time, and especially not for something that was likely to not work out. the thought of the commitment, of blindly trusting him and allowing herself to have to rely on him was one that she didn’t want to dwell on. she tightened her grip around the leash in her hand, using the numbing pain as a distraction. what else was she supposed to say to that? he wasn’t wrong, she wouldn’t have left with him, even if she knew the whole story. she was selfish, self interested, and if she had that option she would’ve shot herself in the foot by dropping him before he could leave her. 

“i’m sorry, i--” was she even sure what she was apologizing for? he was the one that left. she shut her lips tightly, shaking her head as she attempted to find something to do besides run for the hills. “i know. i know.” to say that she loved him too, the words weren’t on her tongue. “then why are you here? we’re doing this, what, so you can just leave again?”

[thechascr-blog]

he narrows his eyes at her in a playful matter, teeth sinking down onto his tongue as he holds his banter back. just this once… “mhm.” he leans forward and rests his head on the palm of his hand, he drums his fingers along the table. jace scoots closer to her once ever few seconds, “so that’s all i am to you?” he questions as he sits himself right beside her, leaving very little personal space in between them. “but i heard the parties in hell are wild. wouldn’t you want to be somewhere like that? soounds like it’d make up for the whole eternal suffering bit.” he cocks his head in a cute manner, licking at his lips. “you know… an even better deed to the world would be if you just…” he tilts his head closer to hers… so close he could practically count out all of the eyelashes framing her eyes. he sucks in a slow breath, “if you just… did my homework for me.”

[cvrnations]

this happens almost every single time that they’re together, yet every single time sunnie ends up flustered beyond belief. though she loves the idea of a cute little romance, she’s finding that the feelings that lead up to it are utterly embarrassing. she feels out of control of herself and her words, like her position as a tiny terror is being threatened by him moving closer and closer to her, and that’s something that she just can’t have. she scoffs in response, shaking her head. “when have i ever been a party person? if anything that’s initiative for me to stay out of hell.” she can count on one hand how many parties she’s been to, and none of them she’s particularly enjoyed. she tries to focus on counting these parties to avoid making eye contact with jace. did he just lick his lips? oh, god. he keeps getting closer and closer, and her sound mind starts to turn into static and her emotions into putty. why is he like this? he knows what he’s doing and it pisses her off, but at the same time leaves her practically begging for him to stop his teasing and do something already. she anticipates him getting even closer to her, but when he doesn’t-- and start going on about homework again, she’s only left looking like a deer in headlights. all within a split second she shuts her eyes, grabs his face to pull him in for a quick peck, then backs off, scooting over to put distance back between them. “there, encouragement. do your own work.”

[thechascr-blog]

his heart hammered angrily in his chest, throat dry as he tried to piece everything together. now that he was standing before her, the reason behind his lack of an initial explanation seemed so selfish. there was no doubt that he was only thinking about himself and his own damn feelings. he wanted so badly to reach out for her and hold her close, but the presence of her dog was more than enough to keep him a few feet away. gabriel lifted a palm to drag across his face, if only he could get his thoughts under control.

“don’t talk like that, yenni. you know i cared about you.” cared. past tense. wrong choice of words. he cares about her. 

“i wasn’t thinking then. my father fell ill. worse than before. it was a split second decision. i had to leave. i had to be a man and take care of things back home. there were so many things that i had to do-” he paused, sucking in a deep breath as he looked everywhere but in her direction. “i went to see you that night because i knew it would be the last time i’d be able to do so for a while. i shouldn’t have kis- did what i did but… i’m only a man.”

[cvrnations]

yenni never was more glad to hear his voice, but at the same time it only made her blood boil even more. she wanted to hear what he had to say, but she didn’t want to hear excuses. her mind was racing with the worst kinds of answer, and she didn’t want to hear those same things leave his mouth, but she also didn’t want to hear the exact opposite and have her expectations flipped. emotions were fucking stupid, pathetic, and this was yet another reason why she always went out of her way to not feel them at all.

“oh, right! you cared so much, that you couldn’t even bother to call, or leave a message, send a letter... really caring, you’re right.” then again, was she really one to talk, considering she did the same? she was scared, simple as that. in her experiences, getting what she wanted and dropping out of someone’s world so easily meant that they were expendable and just a pawn in her game. it terrified her to think that in all the times that she dragged gabriel along, he was only doing the same to her.

oh. she wanted to feel some sort of sympathy for him, but besides the fact that sympathy just wasn’t in her blood, she couldn’t bring herself to relate. she was waiting for the day when her pathetic excuse of a father would roll over and die, and it wasn’t like she’d be getting anything more than money from his will while her siblings were passed the company. “you can’t even look at me. you can’t even say it. i’m really supposed to believe that shit?” she couldn’t tell if she was just being self conscious or if people were staring. breathe in, breathe out. she shut her eyes and took a moment to compose herself. “you made me look like an idiot. and then you left, and just made me feel like an idiot. but men are pretty fuckin’ awful, so i guess you’re not wrong there.”