personal

a place where I can track my negative thoughts

[d0ntscream4me-blog]

Nonsense

After four years of battling hell, I escaped. Yes, I had a few demons that followed me, but I killed them off with ease. I killed them off with too much ease, I should’ve known they’d come back out of nowhere. Now out of the blue i’m craving everything possible. I want 12 prescription bottles in front of me. I want two fifths of Jack on the shelf and a bottle of coke in the fridge. Yellows, blues, pinks, and oh my goodness, those lovely fucking whites. I want to live, and I know people say a drugged life isn’t one at all. But let me tell you, the sober, anxious, manic-depressive “life” i’m “living” now, isn’t life or a form of living at all. 11/13/17 3:59am.

[d0ntscream4me-blog]

I wonder if you expected me to crawl back to you. I wonder if you think me asking if you had my ID was an excuse to talk to you. I wonder if you know I know that you do have it. You have me blocked on everything yet you know if I wanted to speak to you that wouldn't keep me away. What did I say to make you so angry? Was it the fact I finally saw you for who you are? Maybe it's because you knew i'd be leaving for good and you wanted it to seem like you were the one who made that choice? i have so many questions but i'm no longer going to search for answers. I no longer write with sorrow or despair. I am free.

[protagonistfinn-deactivated2018]

if you think you’re “enlightened” or “modern” for mocking religious people for believing in god/gods, the afterlife, reincarnation, prayer, etc., then i hate to break it to you but you’re actually just an asshole

[platholyte-deactivated20170718]

Vote 👏🏼 in 👏🏼 the 👏🏼 2018 👏🏼 Midterm 👏🏼 Elections 👏🏼

[amuzed1-deactivated20241106]

SERIOUSLY

[radio-freedunmovin-deactivated2]

If you vote in Democrats, they’ll be able to block Trump’s policies

[lennybaby2]

SERIOUSLY. Don’t fucking protest if you don’t show up to vote.

[imjusthereforthenonhugs]

^^^^^^ say that again!

[holybolognajabronies]

DON’T just vote in ANY Democrats either. Vote in PROGRESSIVE Democrats that’ll actually fight back against Trump and fight for progressive policies and fight to get corporate money out of politics, not corporatist and globalist Democrats who will weakly oppose Trump b/c their donors aren’t interested in taking the fight to him or the Republicans or in helping the American ppl over their own self-interests!!!

There’s about to be a war in the Democratic party between these 2 factions, and we need to vote the right ones to represent us, not more of the same who do a great job of being paid to lose!!!

[aphreaux]

Vote for Justice Democrats please and thanks

[cool-joke]

[d0ntscream4me-blog]

This boy meant the world to me, he was truly one of my best friends. Constantly there for me no matter what time or what was going on in his life he would drop everything for me. I did the exact same for him. Hours on the phone almost every night making sure he was okay and if he wasn't, I would try my hardest to change that. I don't think any human has ever impacted me how he did. I don't know exactly how i'll get through something so hard without having him to text. Who do you go to when your "go to" is gone? I don't think he will ever realize how much he was loved or how much of an impact losing him will make, on everyone, not just me. I loved him more than anything & always will. fly high my love. "& id call you babydoll all the time and you'd whisper in my ear, you'd say, I missed you boy. sing it over again & over again...."

[d0ntscream4me-blog]

Time slowed down in that moment & I didn't even realize until now. Can you please sing to me again while running your fingers up and down my leg?

[d0ntscream4me-blog]

you're still alive yet I feel as if you've died. Who are you? Please don't die on me..not yet...not now. ~Don't you know you can stay? Life can still be good. Things aren't over yet. Please s t a y or at least come back once more before you leave.

[d0ntscream4me-blog]

"we never got a chance to talk about my anger" because you will never change. because I can't stand the mental damage. because i'm starting not to care anymore.

[d0ntscream4me-blog]

deception.

I learned from the best😘

[d0ntscream4me-blog]

portion sizes are incredibly hard to calculate!!! I was soooooo hungry so I had a bow of food, a smallish, average sized bowl but it was WAYYYY too much for me. I feel as if I just ate a 3 course meal...wtf? I mean i'm not complaining that so little is enough to get me full but...it's weird.

[d0ntscream4me-blog]

I can only eat when i'm here. this is the only place my ED thoughts chill tf out. pls wake up and get me food.

[d0ntscream4me-blog]

I'm weak which makes me anxious & lazy. I'm weak from lack of nutrients, so I must eat. If I eat I feel depressed, anxious and am just self loathing. I could fix that by taking substances. but, if I take substances I become weak and self loathe. It's just a circle. Solutions to one problem enhances the negatives of another. My thinking is a bit twisted though.

[d0ntscream4me-blog]

Just a few photos that are supposed to show what life with depression is like. No motivation to clean, far too many pills that dont work, self medicating, alcohol dependency, insomnia and just all those great things. 

[d0ntscream4me-blog]

I can't be a mother if i'm like this. I need to get better. I fucking will get better.

[d0ntscream4me-blog]

I finally found someone who makes me feel whole again and if I were to lose him....honestly i'd probably just become a heroin junkie.

[d0ntscream4me-blog]

I'm not even upset with the situation anymore, it just gives me motivation to skip more meals.