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EPISODE 25 PART TWO Human sexuality is a fascinating conundrum, and the fellows spend much of this episode trying to think of ways to cash in on it. Also, Brian falls victim to a classic long con, Dan and Fed tell unappetizing stories about sleepaway camp, and we are visited by the Money Deliverer. Please enjoy this episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.
EPISODE 25 PART ONE Residents of Kensington may have recently seen a disheveled and nearly nude man crawling around on a fire escape with a can of WD-40. Episode 25.1 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming attempts to explain what was going on there.
EPISODE 24 Welcome to July, Screamers. This episode was recorded in Fed's immaculately clean apartment, which, I cannot stress enough, was entirely spotless and tidy when we arrived.
In this edition of Dan Wakes Up Screaming, we meet Bun Bun the Toilet Bunny, an actual non-fictional rabbit who lives behind Fed's toilet and drinks water out of one of his coffee cups. We also discuss Brian's charmed career and hang out with a time-travelling gentleman bandit.
EPISODE 23 PART TWO Spoiler alert: the best part of this episode is when Fed says "I'm sure he's fine." That won't make any sense to you until you hear it, but trust me, it's just great. Other highlights: Brian talks about the time he was nearly murdered by mice, and Dan admits that he doesn't know how to pronounce "bruschetta," and also that he nearly burned down his hometown as a young man. Please enjoy the finale of Episode Twenty-Three of Dan Wakes Of Screaming.
EPISODE 23 PART ONE In this episode we learn that if Fed were rich he would drive around in a Cadillac full of caviar, and maybe some day he would also go to a dentist. Meanwhile, Dan proposes that we refer to fans of the podcast as "the screamers," and also hears the phrase "mad blunted" for the first time.
Finally, Brian warns the ladies of Brooklyn about a new pickup artist scam... and without giving anything away, let's just say that everyone should stop having casual sex with dentists until further notice.
Please enjoy the first part of the twenty-third episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.
EPISODE 22 Dan falls in love with a flower, Fed performs a historical reenactment of Jefferson Davis, and Brian admits to being a pretty bad men's room attendant in this, the twenty-second episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.
EPISODE 21 PART TWO The fellows pitch a prestige cable series, win a Russian beer sweepstakes, and try out a new trivia segment on this, the conclusion to Episode 21 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.
EPISODE 21 PART ONE When he was subsisting on dining hall starch in college, Fed was what Buffalo Bill would call "a great big fat person." I'm not saying that Fed was fat, but when Fed sat around the house, Fed sat around the house. Also, I'm not that saying Fed was fat, but I heard at the time that they were going to tear Fed down and build a hotel. You get the idea.
Meanwhile, ectomorphic young Dan was doing his best imitation of Ichabod Crane. In today's episode, Dan tells a heartbreaking story of trying to do a dead lift in front of all the girls in school, with tragic results.
Please enjoy Episode 21.1 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.
EPISODE 20 PART TWO We re-join our heroes for another harrowing Fed-selected music segment, a visit from an Austrian sexpert, and a quick round of America's new favorite party game, Teen Topix. Please enjoy the conclusion of the Winter Storm Jonas edition of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.
EPISODE 20 PART ONE Welcome to our Pop Culture Roundup and Oscar Prediction Supercast! Just kidding. Two thirds of us haven't even seen the new Star Wars movie. Other things never mentioned in this first episode of 2016 include the death of David Bowie and the ongoing presidential primaries. Also, the last movie that Dan and Fed saw was Howard the Duck.
We recorded this episode on the night of Winter Storm Jonas, which is weird because my windows are open as I type this, and there is hardly a crumb of snow left in town. When aliens are exploring the submerged ruins of Brooklyn after the coming climate change apocalypse, I hope that they find and enjoy the twentieth episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming, and also that they rate us on iTunes.
EPISODE 19 Brian returns to Naked Island for some saucy corrective corrections, Dan's class photo is so bad that the photographer wins a Pulitzer, and Fed attempts to channel the spirit of a legendary Cajun chef, with limited success. Please enjoy the nineteenth episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming.
EPISODE 18 Season Three of Dan Wakes Up Screaming is upon us with an episode that has it all: nudity, violence, adult situations, and compulsory hand-holding with strangers.
EPISODE 17 PART TWO This is it: the final episode of Season Two, which means that we are mere weeks away from the premiere of Season Three. A lot of people thought we wouldn't get renewed for another season, and do you know where those people are now? Well, if we go by iTunes metrics they're probably listening to Mark Maron or Radiolab. But the main thing is that they were wrong, and also jerks, and Dan Wake Up Screaming will return, just like James Bond in Octopus.
Anyhoo, in this episode the fellows drink a haunted beer and turn into werewolves, or something. Enjoy! Happy Halloween!
EPISODE 17 PART ONE Breaking news: Dan Wakes Up Screaming still exists. This new episode, which is part one of the electrifying conclusion of Season Two, finds that Fed is moving to a new apartment, Brian has finally quit smoking, and Dan in incensed at the lack of Huey Lewis in Pitchfork's 200 Best Songs of the 80s.
EPISODE 16 PART TWO Episode 16.2 of Dan Wakes Up Screaming finds the boys still all squicked out about seeing one another in daylight, so they're relieved when a very special guest shows up and they don't have to talk to one another anymore.
By the way, have you ever wondered what the fellows are drinking while recording episodes of your favorite podcast? Refreshments usually include a mix of the poncy IPAs that Brian prefers along with whatever Fed was able to scrounge from sidewalks and dumpsters. (Have you ever heard the story of the time Fed found a whole unopened package of Lorna Doones?!)
Meanwhile, it amuses Dan to bring the most obscure and unpalatable monstrosities that he can find in the neighborhood Polish market. In case you're curious, the beer that the fellas are drinking in this episode is called REMUS BROWAR AMBER.
So if you don't like this episode, blame Dan and/or Poland. Also- to the brewers of Remus Browar Amber... hello! Did you know that Dan Wakes Up Screaming is available for your marketing pleasure? It's true! The fellows will do or say anything to get your business, and Fed will work for Lorna Doones.
EPISODE 16 PART ONE This episode was recorded in broad daylight, which weirded everyone out. Overcoming the queasiness of seeing one another during business hours, the fellows managed to discuss: Current American politics (The first time ever that such a conversation was not deleted for being boring and terrible) - Vivisection (pros and cons) - That guy who blew up the Olympics - Sexual tension on Leave it to Beaver - The cultural impact of traveling fairs - The horror and squalor of water parks - The wholesomeness and magic of Dolly PartonWe later play the Teen Topix! game, and Brian finally busts out the finest story in his anecdote arsenal: the tale of Gus the Amazing Alleycat.
Why are you still reading this when you could already be listening to Episode Sixteen of Dan Wakes Up Screaming?
EPISODE 15 PART TWO What do you serve to a Broadway producer who barges into your podcast taping planning to kidnap you and then force you into a life of indentured servitude in the theater? The answer, as we learn on this episode of Dan Wakes Up Screaming, is a small sherry with an olive in it.
James Taylor drops in at one point as well, and Fed provides a hot tip on how to get someone from Long Island to do something. Hint: print a custom Penny Saver that has an ad for free jet skis in it.
Also! We play the Teen Topix! game and later discuss Dan's crippling dependence on donuts, which leads into a conversation about the Atkins diet craze of the late nineties. And as if that weren't enough, there is some swordplay in the third act. It is a magical evening.
More importantly, go read David Crabb's newly released memoir, called Bad Kid! It was written by a very nice man who Fed and Dan had the privilege of working with in the past.
