Darker Days

PERSONAL || MY EDITS SW:132 | LW:107 | CW:114| GW:100 | 5"7 | Please do not follow or read my blog if easily triggered, this is just the place where I express myself and talk about hings that I otherwise wouldn't be able to say I love you all and please stay strong, I'm here if anyone needs advice although I recommend seeking professional help if you are struggling with an ED or Depression (like I am)

[depresion-quotes]

-C

[darkest-dazer-blog]

Nurses who give you cigarettes 👌🏻

Haven't really been eating much in hospital but I move tomorrow to a psychiatric unit because they finally found me a bed (not an easy process) and I have to get my act together with food... Basically I need to go to a general unit so I can sort my head out and get help but because of my eating disorder and history they weren't keen on admitting me and said I should go instead to a specialist ED inpatient, which at the moment would be inappropriate and my team don't think that's what I need. Butttt if I don't eat properly I'll be made to go to one so I have to make sure I'm eating to get the help I really need. Does that make sense? Like I'm not safe so I need inpatient and intensive work but not really with my ED, more with my depression and anxiety and OCD tendencies and whatever the fuck is going on in my head and an ED unit wouldn't help me enough with that and instead would make me gain weight I don't need to gain. It's so complicated. But anyway I couldn't sleep and I went outside and got followed by a nurse to keep me safe and shit. But she gave me one of her cig ends. So I'm chillerrrr now I guess but stressing because it's 1am and I'm wide awake and I leave at 7:30am to go the unit and I'm so hungry and weak and dizzy. And I've already told dad I'm not going to eat breakfast. Tomorrow is going to be so long and scary and I'm either going to shut down and laugh or get grumpy or spend the day crying... lets see how it goes.

[darkest-dazer-blog]

"There isn't anything that can't be somewhat fixed with a hot drink and a cardigan" Spent my 17th birthday in hospital.... the pictures are a present from my friend who came to visit me today. Each one has a little message with the theme of self care. Sorry if I'm not writing well but my brain is so fuzzy and fucked at the moment and I can't think much beyond the depression/anxiety/anorexia/suicidal thoughts. I'm such a mess and honestly I kinda wish I had died when I overdosed but I'm safe now. Waiting to find out if I have a bed at an adolescent psychiatric hospital which I will hopefully be transferred to soon so I can receive treatment and be kept safe. I'm so exhausted and drained. My mood is low. I'm just so fed up. Hospitals suck. Also eating in here is hard and I think everyone is judging me. I feel fat.

[fvckingemotional-deactivated202]

My mind hurts

[darkest-dazer-blog]

Mad lady hiding outside the hospital trying to pluck up the courage to run away or go back inside whilst resisting serious self harm urges. Why the fuck do I have a lighter on me? This might not end well :/ oops

[darkest-dazer-blog]

I overdosed again. Been in hospital since Tuesday and it's now Saturday. They won't let me home because they don't think I'm safe. I'm not. I have to wait to see a psychiatric consultant on Monday and then I'll be reviewed and potentially referred and admitted to an inpatient unit. Let's work in facts because feelings suck.

[certasluas]

[avinasgh]

[i-wished--for-death]

[freakyyvirgo]

[resilience-through-flames]

[dying-human]

[frail-cat]

I’m disgustingly repulsive and deserve to be hurt

[new-me]

[bonesarebae]

[~]

[atexanatheart]

[depresion-quotes]

-C

[the-itty-bitty-skinny]