Thoughts & Words

[words-of-emotion]

[kushandwizdom]

Good Vibes HERE

[sexy-pretty-baby]

for anon :)

[daynahsaur-blog]

I'm jealous of couples' Disney dates </3

Maybe it's also the fact that I'm in Orlando. I can't deal with this convention right now. Wayyyy too much estrogen and thirty testosterone. Maybe because we're in our home state and our chapter is just roaming around. Hashtags: What is networking? Where's the sisterhood? Searching for my happy ending...

[daynahsaur-blog]

Please excuse my language

I can’t fucking do this right now. I was doing well, you know? My shit-talking just had to get back to me. I need to get rid of EVERY thing that has any significance of our relationship. (Sucks when it’s nice and it has practical use… -_- aka, hat, basketball shorts, tshirt, and tank)

We are perfectly capable of showing each other that we’re good partners, but we’re not good partners for EACH OTHER.

Side note: I get too physically attached to ppl. I cling onto hugs too long. Is that weird? I’m sooooo fucking needy now….

[daynahsaur-blog]

As I scroll and scroll

You're not in my thoughts anymore.  The words that once hurt me and produced tears no longer do so.  That shit-talking I did behind your back was for my sake, and it worked.

I'll be really upset at myself if I return to you.

[daynahsaur-blog]

Not making sense

It all makes sense to me and that's all that matters

[daynahsaur-blog]

Reminiscing on memories we had... way back in the past. Gotta find a way to reconnect. All those possible what-ifs play in my head

[thegoodvibeco]

Picture Quotes

[daynahsaur-blog]

Despite all the physical deletions, my mind is still tainted by the memories.

[daynahsaur-blog]

Lost Hope

Maybe my fairy tales, expectations, and fantasies should stay where they were created... In the books. I'm glad I browsed in search for a romantic story. Reading "Waking Up Married" made me realized how much I fantasized about relationships. This story was written by a female. It proves to me that women do over-think the male mind. But at the same time, made me realize I tend to overlook things... But who am I kidding? He wouldn't dare to look at me the way I'm imagining from reading this book. He wouldn't dare to do the things I imagined either. Maybe it is time to move on. Move on to better things--making myself better first.

[daynahsaur-blog]

It's Time

I gotta do what I gotta do.  It's time to move on.  Deleting photos saved on my phone wasn't enough...  I still have tagged pictures on Facebook and pictures on my Instagram... But where to start?...  Maybe I should just do it all in one night.

Q: It deletes the memories.  What if we get back together? A: Then you can make new ones.

Q: What if I just want to look back and laugh? A: There are memories that will forever be in your head.  You can reminisce on those.

[daynahsaur-blog]

Let's Go 'Round

The funny thing is, I'm tired of listening to your bullshit and bad karma.

If you don't give me the time of day, what makes it right that I do the same for you?  I've been nice, but I'm starting to contemplate about drawing the line.

But what if it's a test?  Tests are long over.  Third time's the charm?  More like, third time's the wrong.  I'm so tired of going around.  I've been frustrated because I've been over-thinking everything.

Who's in the wrong?  Me.  I should never have made the first moves.  I never will again either.  I'm not your bootycall, and I'm tired of being that friend for you--your only friend.  You have been able to call me whenever and know I'll be there for you.  What about the same for me?  Maybe it's because I've asked one too many favors...  And they're usually an excuse to see you.  Are yours the same?

I can't stand  the idea of us as anything.  It took such a long time for me to just crave and desire the friendship we had for those small  moments... Until you opened your mouth and I made the first move.

Cuddling was one thing...  Kissing me on the forehead was another.  There are impulses, but there are also desires.  Think before you act.  Think about the consequences.  I am NOT your muse.  Realize that I am more vulnerable than you.

I don't know what triggered it before... You showed no signs.  It's the typical thing to happen... I'm fine for days, and then you show up again.

One day... Just one day, it'll be too late for you.

[daynahsaur-blog]

Time to finish this chapter.

I'm in need of our friendship.  I thought you understood the hardships I go through at home.  I've tried showing you how much I've grown, but you blew me off.  Can't reply to sincere messages, but you can reply to snapchats?  What have our conversations come to?

I know I shouldn't leave a bookmark for our chapter.  Maybe it's time I just end this one.

.

.

.

Never would I have thought I'd be the one in this position.  I always thought I'd draw the higher card.

I got too needy.  I took his words too lightly. Never burden someone with your own problems.  Lighten your own load.  Seek that person as someone to spend intimate moments with.

[daynahsaur-blog]

You have someone taking care of you. Being by your side more often than anyone else. All you do is complain and complain.

What am I to you?

[pure-days]

[kushandwisdom]

EVERYTHING LOVE QUOTES

[daynahsaur-blog]

Found it, then it got lost. Do I go searching for it again?

[yeux-emeraude]

[villagewhore]

-

[rightorwrong-deactivated2013062]

“I don’t love you anymore. I don’t feel the same.”

The words register immediately, sinking quickly to the middle of my mind and turning to stone. It’s okay, I tell myself. I expected this. All good things come to an end. Expect the worst, hope for the best. Always be prepared. Assume everything you want to be permanent is temporary.

“That’s okay. You can’t control it.”

Silence. We have always had an endearing silence surround us, speaking with the movements of our eyes, nod of our heads, or simple gestures. It was something I learned to cherish, but now I want to break it.

But I don’t.

This is your show. You’re the one running this. I’ve ran everything before this— pushing you to tell me what you want, need, desire. Pushing you to be the best you can be. Pushing you to apply yourself and grow up and do what you need to do. You asked me to push you, and I did. 

I knew you better than you knew yourself. That’s why I knew this was coming. Slow dancing in a burning room is what John Mayer calls it. He’s right. It’s not a creeping kind of deal. It’s in your face, you know it’s happening, but you just patiently wait for it all to come down. Enjoy the moments you have.

“So… now what?”

What do you think? I want to scream at you and laugh and cry, but my face reminds passive and blank. I know if I open my mouth to speak, my voice will give me away. 

You’re a dumb boy who is immature and wrong. You think you’re right, God’ gift to earth, and going somewhere, but you’re not fooling me. You’ve never fooled me, and that’s why I loved you. I loved you for everything you are that I love about myself, and everything I’m not but wish to be in you. It’s as simple as that and only as complicated as we’ve made it.

“Whatever.”

I break into a smile, because my hurt turned to anger quickly. The movement of my lips are identifiable once you know me enough, and four years is long enough for you to give me that look that tells me you’re sorry and that I shouldn’t do what I’m thinking about doing.

“Be civil about this.”

Civil isn’t who I am when I’ve been fucked up. Civil is who I was before I realized what was happening. When I found out, I slowly shed all civility I had to focus on figuring out how to make sure you would feel this more than I did. You think you caught me off guard, but you didn’t. This was just all apart of the plan.

I smile and hug you, telling you I’ll drop off your things tomorrow (I won’t). I leave quickly, before you can open up your laptop full of secrets and realize what I did. I still don’t regret it. I still can’t believe you forgave me.

You really shouldn’t have. I’ve never been sorry.