DeadMansIsland

Welcome to the Island. Come to watch me yell about bullshit, stay out of pity.

[deadmansisland]

The best thing I’ve realized today is that the people that make the ads for Hefty garbage bags had to hire a choir to say “Hefty, Hefty Hefty” in their ads. Imagine being a professional choir singer and one day you get called in to record you saying the word “Hefty” over and over again.

[deadmansisland]

I was out with mom my yesterday and we met one of our neighbors for the first time. My mom introduced me and started doing inventory on me and my other siblings like “Oh yeah, I have three kids this one’s 16 and I have two boys and they’re 13 and 14″ and this woman, who I had just met never seen before in my entire life looks at us and immediately says “Oh that’s nice we should be friends!  We have a 22 year old at our house right now!” which would have been fine if 

1. She was talking about her children and/or introducing us to her children/the people with her. Who she did not mention.

2. She didn’t follow up that phrase with “But he might be a bit old for your 16 year old daughter haha!” which she did

This woman who I had never met before took one look at me and immediately tried to set me up with a 22 year old man. What made this even worse was that when we left the woman and I expressed my discomfort to my mom, she blew me off. She said I was being “over-sensitive”. 

I’m allowed to feel uncomfortable when people say things like that to me. I’m allowed to be a little bit disgusted when people meet me for the first time and don’t think “what are her interests, where does she want to go to school, etc. etc.” but rather “dating, boys, relationships, sex” ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU’RE IMPLYING YOU WANT ME, A 16 YEAR OLD, TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A 22 YEAR OLD WHO IS 6 YEARS OLDER THAN ME. 

SORRY MOM BUT IF I HAD A 16 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER I WOULDN’T WANT PEOPLE TO MAKE COMMENTS LIKE THAT WHEN THEY MET HER FOR THE FIRST TIME

[deadmansisland]

So I’m Job-Shadowing at my Moms Company...

She’s a sales account manager at a really big tech company and the end of their fiscal year (when all their sales need to be closed so they can make their quota) is coming up. So naturally everyones a little on edge. But anyway, I had just finished for the day and went to her office where she was working with her co-worker on a presentation. She introduced me and he suggested that I should attend their meeting with their customer tomorrow as part of my job shadow. And she was like”haha yeah that’d be great except we’re definitely going to be yelled at tomorrow” And so of course I was like “whoa wtf I don’t wanna see you get yelled at” at which point she responds “don’t worry honey. Just remember I’m already dead inside”

OK MOM. 

[deadmansisland]

Unpopular Opinion. (Apparently??? I guess?? Not sure why it should be???)

So CNN posted a photo on their Instagram earlier today of 3 firefighters in a raging wildfire taking an American flag down off of someones house. And it’s probably some of the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen. And let me tell you why. These are people. People with families and loved ones and pets and lives outside of their career/volunteer position. They are out their risking their lives, saving people and trying their best to prevent the fire from spreading. And they took the time to do this. They took the time to take a ten dollar flag off the roof of a house. Time that could have been spent helping to stop the fire, evacuate people, remove hazardous materials from the home that could make the fire spread faster or getting to safety. They prioritized this piece of cloth over their own lives and the lives of others. The flag only has meaning because we assign meaning to it. Our values as a country do not burn with the flag. Our nation does not crumble under the ashes of a cloth. We as a people built this country. It was not created with the stitch of a needle and it will not fall when that thread breaks. No piece of cloth should ever be prioritized over a countries people. What we stand for is not woven into that fabric. It’s woven into the hearts of our citizens. That fabric means nothing without its people. And no one should ever have to die solely for the flag. 

[deadmansisland]

I would like everyone to know that I spent three months writing a detailed 2,000 word research paper and creating a 12 minute presentation on artificial intelligence just so I could talk to people in my class about Westworld because I couldn’t get any of my friends to watch it. 

[deadmansisland]

Modern art is the most fake deep bullshit I have ever encountered and I know a lot of people like it and it means a lot to them but I stare at a Jackson Pollock and all I can think is “This person got paid millions of dollars to be a toddler” AND THAT FUCKING STATUE CALLED FOUNTAIN OR SOMETHING WHERE A GUY TURNED A URNIAL ON ITS SIDE AND PUT A NAME AND A DATE ON IT GODDAMN 

[deadmansisland]

Does anyone really realize how fucking weird Jellyfish are. They’re sentient blobs who don’t have brains or a nervous system (but for some fucking reason these little blobs of goo have eyes?) floating through the ocean with their magical lightening powers they use to kill shit. Some of them are fucking immortal and they glow in the dark and most of them aren’t even the small ones we think of when we think of jellyfish, oh no, these fuckers can grow to eight feet in length and their tentacles can be 200 fucking feet long. A blue whale is a hundred feet long people. This fucking jelly/water creature is as long as two blue whales. Not to mention they live in every ocean and scientists believe that there are over 300,000 unidentified species of jellyfish. Also, they might be taking over the ocean. So yeah. Jellyfish. (Help)

[deadmansisland]

why is it “give me liberty OR give me death”?                                                        why can’t i have both

[deadmansisland]

I would just like you all to know that every time I said I wanted to be a princess when I was younger (like 5-8) my dad would respond “Well then you’re going to have to move to Europe and seduce a prince” 

[deadmansisland]

If your high school doesn’t play Nerf Wars with the seniors then you are missing out because even as an underclassman its a fucking blast and a wild ride to the very end. The rules of the game are simple. Buy in is $10 per person. Each team has 3-7 players and has one full week to shoot two players of the team they’ve been assigned to hunt. The only places you can’t be shot are on school grounds or inside your house OR if you’re completely naked on your own property. This year the winning team gets $1850 to divide amongst themselves. And when you give teenagers the chance to win $1850, they are going to fight to the bitter fucking end. We’re 3 weeks in so far and here are some highlights from the official twitter account.

- HUGE argument between two teams that resulted in one of them being suspended from the game 

- The suspended team smashes a windshield of the other team in protest but no one can prove it so they didn’t get in trouble

- Someones dog was stolen from their house in exchange for a kill (and was publicly shamed and threatened on Twitter)

- Someone hid in a dog crate to shoot someone AND got it on video

- Someone hid in the bushes of a family whose son recently passed away to get a kill and then was publicly shamed on Twitter

- The security guard at our school hates the game so much that he gives tickets if he sees a nerf gun in your car

- Someone put a tracker on a kids car and was told to take it down. When people complained the moderator had to remind people that tracking people is illegal. They complained again.

- People full out sprinting through Target to shoot each other which got the game banned from Target

Watching people fight and whine about the game over Twitter is one of the most entertaining parts of the game, but the best part has to be the team names. Some of the favorites this year:

- Guns and Rosés

- Menace to Sobriety

-ANALthing is Possible

- Thot Patrol

- Projectile Dysfunction

- The Tits

Everyone unanimously loves and hates the game at the same time and I live for it every year it is the only reason I continue to go to public high school

[deadmansisland]

I don’t know who names the horses that compete in the Kentucky Derby but oh my fucking god just listen

You’ve got your bold and brash names which you know. Cool but boring

- Irish War Cry

-Battle of Midway

- War Admiral

You’ve got your simple yet elegant. A little more fun but still a bit dull

- Always Dreaming

- Unbridled

- Bold Venture

Your snappy one liners

- Patch (cus he’s only got one eye, get it?)

- I’ll Have Another

- Nosupeforyou

- Go for Gin

Weirdly edgy names to give a horse

- Dark Star

- Iron Liege 

- Thunder Gulch

- Exterminator

And finally, the names where you wonder “Who looked at this horse and decided this was a good idea?”

- Orb

- Burgoo King

- Citation

- Joe Cotton 

- Carry Back, the son of Saggy and Joppy

- Real Quiet

- Hindoo. Yep.

And last but certainly not least, my favorite horse, Hoop Jr. who’s sire was named Sir Gallahad III, which only makes it funnier. 

[deadmansisland]

My entire life is just me saying “what.” over and over again

[deadmansisland]

I feel like the universe really missed its chance with me because I would have been a kick-ass pirate 

[cosmicpirates]

jack rackham and the lesbians is my favourite indie band

[deadmansisland]

I’m caught between wanting to be heard, to make myself known, to say what’s on my mind, to be able to participate in class discussions and debates, to stand up for what is good and right and true and being desperately terrified of my own voice. Of being shot down, ridiculed, labeled, misunderstood, taken advantage of, saying the wrong thing, looking stupid, stumbling over things that are put together so eloquently in my head, in my writing, and not being able to say what I want to the way I want to. I feel trapped in my own head and I want to scream what I have to say without having to say it. To make myself heard without making a sound. To speak in front of people without having to move my lips but I can’t. And it weighs heavy on me every single day. 

[deadmansisland]

So I live in a very, very old house. Built in the mid 1920′s. So obviously some weird shit goes down sometimes. But it’s only me that it happens to. I’m in a family of five. And this shitty ghost has decided to attach itself to me. It lives in my closet and it’s name is Carl. I don’t actually know what it’s name is but ghosts are a lot less scary when you give them shitty names.

Some things Carl has done include:

- Leaving a drawing of a smily face with the eyes crossed out on the floor of our unfinished basement when we first moved in

- Whispering “Oh my god” in a very high exasperated girlish voice after me and my brothers had been arguing about who has to go down into the scary basement to put something away

- Started singing along to “One Last Time” from Hamilton while I was playing it when I was home alone in the high girlish voice during a part in which only a male singer is singing

- Rang a bike bell for over an hour while I was home alone. We don’t own a bike bell and our neighbors don’t have children. Also the houses on our street are pretty spread out and it was coming from right outside our back door which is clear and has a bunch of windows around it. It was also raining so no one was outside. 

- Turns off my lights over and over. And not just turns them off. They’ll be burnt out so I can’t turn them on again. 

Long story short, my roommate is a jackass.

[deadmansisland]

Boring

I get called boring a lot. It’s true, my hobbies and interests are definitely not as exciting to most people as they are to me. My knitting is seen as repetitive and dull. No one wants to sit inside and spend the time to make perfect macarons. People get tired of talking about A Song Of Ice and Fire or just don’t want to hear about it at all. Pirates are seen as childish and trivial, especially Pirates of the Caribbean. I can spend hours writing but I hear people complain about how it’s too hard for them all the time. No one wants to even think about Hamilton anymore. Alan Turing who? Bletchley Park what? They don’t care. And it’s fine, I get it. These things don’t always appeal to other people. But you can’t call me boring. You can’t call my life which is so exciting and wonderful and brought to life by the things I love and create boring because it doesn’t fit in with your interests. Everything I love brings me so much joy and makes my life exciting even though they might bore you to tears. I don’t want to do drugs. I don’t want to drink. I don’t want to go to your very large party. I stopped having sleep overs years ago. I’d rather do most things on my own. My sense of humor is pretty bland. I can’t hang out with people every weekend. Breaking rules scares me more often than not. Just because my comfort zone is smaller, just because we have different interest, just because I’m an introvert and you’re not doesn’t give you any right to say that I’m boring.