wordy thoughts organized

[deadpoetsnotoriety]

As a teenager, success was a statistically tangible concept; it was a number that typically ranged from 80-100. It was a calculated statistic that amalgamated my potential into simple digits, easily skimmed by admissions offices. Success was clearly defined and easily attainable: work hard, study, and produce results. And in a span of a summer, this 12-year model was crudely demolished; a modest hostel gentrified by reality. Suddenly, numbers were not enough. Experience, accolades, connections... these static characters rapidly became more and more interesting than their antiquated dynamic counterparts. The saturated market quickly collapsed and the false pretense of the silken human cocoon was corroborated by Darwin's confessions. Success quickly became a limited commodity and I felt like a foreigner in a crowded bazaar.

20 by N.H.M.

[deadpoetsnotoriety]

why did she think that he actually meant what he said?

excerpts from nowhere (N.H.M.)

[deadpoetsnotoriety]

Tear the nail from the flesh, wrench the hardened layer from the pink adhesive backing: hear the crack- ing and crun- ching. I feel just as bothered when I reminisce over you. The contact of your favorite heels on the pavement, crack- ing and crun- ching burnt-brown leaves with bullet- sized puncture wounds. Some nights I’m reminded in the small vacuum where you used to paint your nails, laughing.

not quite gone (N.H.M.)

[deadpoetsnotoriety]

I am jealous of those who are able to articulate their feelings with no regrets; I wish I could do the same. Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of the sun while building a large fortress. Now I rule an empty plot of land, impermeable of irrational enemies that I cannot shake off.

(N.H.M.)

[deadpoetsnotoriety]

Manage your vices and your evils. I refuse to be incriminated for your lust, shamed for your actions, or suffer as your victim. The sun is not blamed for its unrestrained radiance; you hold yourself accountable for staring too deeply.

(N.H.M.)

[deadpoetsnotoriety]

I wish I could tell you that I'm happy for you, that I'm satisfied as long as you're happy. But I'd be lying; deep down, I wish you were still mine. I wish that I could still love you like I used to. Don't misunderstand, dearest: I want you to be happy from the bottom of my heart. I just can't seem to do the same without you.

a letter i will never send (N.H.M.)

[deadpoetsnotoriety]

Exercise, eat well, live healthy, etc. Do what you must, but know that perfume is bought more for its fragrance rather than its container.

love is... (N.H.M.)

[deadpoetsnotoriety]

I've survived this far because I'm a bad gambler; I keep playing, believing eventually that the dice will roll in my favor.

-Vacation in Vegas

[deadpoetsnotoriety]

...and I concluded that a difference in religion shouldn't matter. I figured if I loved her, so would He.

-(N.H.M.)

[deadpoetsnotoriety]

There is nothing worse than a smile that is forced. The sun does not come out when it rains and if it does, its brilliance is dampened by hues of gray. So smile only if you want to. Laugh only if you mean it. But above all, cry whenever possible. The crop grows not only from the sunlight but also the seasonal monsoons that honestly descend.

-(N.H.M.)