“ last time i checked, penis goes into vagina. ”
“ you think you scare me? bring it, bitch! ”
“ i will make this kitchen my bitch. ”
“ they’re having a party for kids across the street. no booze. ”
“ a shrink at school says I’m one of god’s mistakes. ”
“ i believe the answer to that question, like the answer to most questions, is fuck you! ”
“ did the two of us finish an entire gallon of box wine the other night? ”
“ i can’t handle anything up my ass without alcohol! ”
“ baby, you know what this means, right? i got a magic dick! ”
“ i’d be crying right now if i wasn’t so high. ”
“ i’m not my dad. you hear me? i’m not my fucking dad! ”
“ ever try to play pool with a rope? ”
“ you don’t need a will, if she’s not technically dead. ”
“ pretend you’re being a doctor today and tell a doctor’s kind of lie. ”
“ if you’re looking for money, i don’t have any yet. ”
“ am i going to have to learn how to do that when i start having sex? ”
“ how do you feel about metal splinters to the eye? ”
“ can’t a man/woman get one fucking minute of peace?! just one minute?! ”
“ are you out of your fucking mind?! ”
“ oh, could you be a little more vague? ”
“ you came all the way down here to talk about my pubes? ”
“ familiar with the term “quid pro quo”? “
” well, this ain’t macy’s, bitch. you ain’t window-shopping. “
” you know, you misspelled your last name. “
” i can’t even begin to imagine what kind of pussy you’d be in juvie. “
” who’s that puking on his timberlands? “
” he’s got nausea, shortness of breath, blood in urine, severe illness and death. “
” i want normal people problems. like, am i getting enough fiber? ”
“ hey, i think i just insulted myself. ”
“ wanna see how fast i can unhook your bra? ”
“ it’s tough, huh? my parents suck too. ”
“ you married a drug lord’s daughter to hang on to your ear? ”
“ front door was locked so i came in the back. no pun intended. ”
“ half of the world has penises, why do people get so upset about seeing them? ”
“ you’re nothing but a warm mouth to me. ”
“ i never said it was yours. you just wanted it to be. ”
“ wouldn’t be the first time somebody’s disappointed me. ”
“ when you’re poor, only way to make money is to steal it or scam it. ”
