5.16.26 ☀️🌊

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Game of Thrones Daily
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2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
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if i look back, i am lost

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Xuebing Du

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@deep-end00
5.16.26 ☀️🌊
Jan 2-4th, 2026
Happy new year ❤️
11.12.25 this really hit the spot today 🍣🍱
10.26.2025 🎃
10.12.2025
9.23.2025
day off from work for both of us, calls for a date :-)
9/21/2025 🌊
lovely day with my mom and sister. we went to temple and then went to the beach. I prayed a lot and hope my heart feels lighter
9.16.2025
7.25.2024
sometimes you just need to meet up with your bestie and go on a hot girl walk, ride the swings, go down a slide, and get AYCE sushi
(I, in fact, could not eat a lot and proceeded to throw up once I got home...) I have been on a cleaner diet for weeks and I think my stomach did NOT sit well with the food we got. especially the spicy mayo which was oddly *sweet* and it just made me feel nauseous. I really need to be careful with what I eat/the quantity, because my stomach and appetite is definitely not the same as before.
it was fun though! we talked a lot and it was just nice. we lost our way for around 7 months bc of a big fight/misunderstanding/weird situation. but sometimes, space is really good and healthy and we came back and talked it all out as adults, and our bond is even stronger. I love that girl and only want the best for her!
we said maybe to make a goal that we both go on a date before the year ends LOLLL. iono bout DAT but, hey, who knows! I really want her to go on a date though, even just for fun. it's scary but if we don't put ourselves out there, there's never going to be an opportunity!
but me? I'm good
Spotify play Sexy Free and Single by Supier Junior lmao
7/24/2024
developed some film today after a very long time. this was taken over a year ago in Hawaii. I was putting off developing the photos, because I didn't want a physical and visual reminder of my ex.
I was really dreading it, tbh.
And then when the film came back, and I looked at the scans... you know what I felt?
Nothing.
I'm deadass... I felt nothing. Is this what they call "indifference" ? because I think that's what I'm feeling.
I just looked at the photos and kind of, like, made a "grossed out" face LOL and thought to myself, this motherfucker was ugly. Why have I always dated ugly (inside and out) men?
Anyways, I'm really proud of myself. A few months ago, I might have been crying about it and feeling resentment and anger and regret. Yes, I still do have those feelings inside of me, but they're not taking over my mental health anymore.
It's getting close to almost a year ago where my life completely changed out of the blue. During this time, I've been doing the VERY hard work of learning and unlearning, letting go, processing my emotions on a level I've never gotten to before, connecting things to my childhood, dealing with suppressed family trauma and trying to navigate that as an adult, moving my body more and eating cleaner so I can be a healthier and stronger person not only mentally and emotionally, but physically, too. I am healing. I've been healing. I'm so, so proud of myself.
I have not been this single for this long since I was a teenager, maybe?
I was always dating, or talking to someone, or entertaining something, and trying to bury my trauma and hurt and sadness with bullshit from men who never deserved the time of day for me.
I have been SO so so single, and I've been loving it. It's been so long and I really am SO good. I am so proud of myself. I LOVE being by myself. I am so complete on my own.
In the past, I've realized that I always gave too much and it was always to people who should've never even gotten a chance with me. I let things go, I let things slide, I settled for the absolute bare minimum. I begged!!! Can you believe it? None of this is easy to admit, but it's part of breaking the cycle.
I truly, whole-heartedly, know my worth now. All of the work I've been going has lead me to this point. Finally.
This growth is beautiful, and I have myself to thank.
June 23rd 2024
glad I reached out.
June 19th 2024
I had the most intense and heartbreaking talk with my dad today.
I've really been going through it for the past 2.5 weeks.
Life is hard.
*spoiler*
I'm single AF, but I'm going to show these screenshots of episode 10 "Marry My Husband" to my future wedding/engagement shoot photographer
it's the last day of 2023.
I'm sitting here, showered after I washed away everything 2023 brought to me and put me through. I'd say there were more good times than bad, but when the bad came...it was truly, heart-shatteringly painful.
A few main things:
My mom getting hurt twice, my sister's surgery and recovery at the beginning of the year, and getting my world flipped upside down — so unexpectedly and heartlessly — by the person that I thought I was going to marry.
The good things:
I saw SKZ in concert 3 times. I went to: Hawaii, Las Vegas, Los Angeles 2x, Atlanta, Korea 2x, Cambodia, Thailand, Boston, and New York
I cut off one of my best friends. It was difficult, but I needed to for my mental health. I got off of social media (besides TikTok bc that's my free therapy LOL) and I've felt so much lighter. I think there is some weirdness on Instagram. Like hundreds of "friends" but absolute silence. I don't get it; if you were my friend, why do we never interact but you're watching silently? It's odd. Also, some of those silent watchers have left me on read for months, but watched my story after a few minutes. Odd behavior. Hater behavior.
This year is the true beginning of unlearning my people-pleasing tendencies and putting myself first for once. No more making so much effort while it's never mutual. No more going the extra mile when others won't even meet me half way. No more saying "yes" and spreading myself so thin when I need to prioritize my own mental, physical, and emotional health. No more putting all of my eggs into one basket. No more doubting myself. No more slacking off with the gym. And of course, no more crusty dusty loser boys — can't even call them "men" — in 2024 and beyond.
2024. A clean new slate.
Especially to be in a fresh new year that my ex has never tainted.
I'm hopeful, I'm ready, and I'm excited for this new year.
Sa tuke.
12.23.2023
had a friend date tonight with a friend from high school/college, and it was honestly one of the best nights of this entire year.
it was fun, healing, and just a true girl’s night
love love love her!
12.16.2023
:-)