so, yeah, idk guys--
this blog and my solas sideblog have been kind of lingering at the back of my mind all month i’ve been gone; and not really in a good way? typically, when i leave a blog and come back to it, i’m not really thinking about it until the moment I decide “ohey! i feel like returning to cullen!” but for some reason the entire time I’ve been over on another blog, my dragon age muses keep creeping up, but with bad vibes? idk it’s really hard to describe.
it’s not guilt for not being here. it’s almost like--i keep thinking about how i’ll return here and i’m close to dreading it? Not actually dreading it, but just... it’s like i’m nervous about coming back and it keeps weighing on me when it’s never done that before.
i’ve expressed this so many times, but the dragon age fandom has always felt like hOME to me. so i’d return and just kinda feel warm and fuzzy and happy to be back but--now it’s more like “oh god not this extended family gathering again.” not entirely sure what happened or what this shift in feelings spawned from, but
i’m just really not feeling great about this blog or being back here at all.
don’t get me wrong. i adore Cullen. i love my roleplay partners and have loved everything we’ve done together but hmmm. idk? maybe the toxicity of the da fandom finally bled into me and i can’t shake it right now? what was once home now just feels toxic and judgmental (NOT ABOUT ANYONE IN PARTICULAR, just kinda watching stuff from the sidelines typically) and it makes me less eager to be here.
shrugs
not sure what to do atm. i’m still happily on another blog rn so i wasn’t planning on bringing cullen off of hiatus anytime soon anyway, but.
just an update, i guess? i won’t think too hard about it right now, but. my only choice might honestly be to just start over fresh and recreate cullen with no ties back to this blog. maybe i just need to come back into the fandom fresh or something.
tba. <3 thanks for everyone who has stuck with me for so long.













