Warnings: 18+, smoking weed, flirting, sex dreams, hand job, what probs feels like hallucinations, a tiny speck of angst…
one ♧ // two ♧
Fancams: x & x & x
estoy caliente ♧
Pairing: Javier Peña x female reader
Warnings: 18+, smut, legal age gap, drinking, smoking, mentions of drugs, office sex.
Stay ♧
Pairing: Javier Peña x female reader
Warnings: sweet smut, feels… unsaid things. fluff
Requests
♧ Javi P in any form
me olvidarás ♧
complete
Pairing: Javier Peña x female reader
Warnings: slow burn, age gap, masturbation, wet dreams, heavy kissing, sultry flirting, fingering, loss of virginity, jealousy, angst, fluff, loads of smut.
me recordarás ♧
Pairing: Javier Peña x female reader
Warnings: slow burn-ish, age gap, jealousy, angst, fluff, smut...
Evanescent Sparks
Pairing: Din Djarin x female reader
Warnings: awkward reader, stone-faced Mandalorian
Nothing Personal
Pairing: Dave York x female reader
Warnings: 18+, smut, oral sex (a little bit of both), vaginal sex, anal sex, (wrap it!) age gap, drinking, cheating.
( one ♧ / two ♧ )
i wish i could be there now ♧
Pairing: Frankie ‘Catfish’ Morales x female reader
Warnings: character death, sweet smut, feelings and my sorry attempt at writing angst…
inmarcesible ♧
Pairing: Max Lord x female reader
Warnings: fingering, handjob, degradation, overstimulation, age gap, sub-space, creampie, cum eating… pwp. maybe a little daddy kink.
Warnings: implied smut, a bit of angst if you squint and some feelings
common (coffee) grounds ♧
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x deaf!female reader
Warnings: fluff, smut.
Repetition - in progress
Pairings: Bucky Barnes x female reader, Ransom Drysdale x female reader
Warnings: cheating, angst..
( one / ? )
Promise? - complete ♧
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader
Warnings: smut (loss of virginity, oral (female receiving)), kz-camps, war, childbirth, angst with a happy ending.
Novaturient - in progress
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x female reader
Warnings: camboy/pornstar!bucky, masturbation, dirty talk, Bucky is a dick
Silent Night ♧
Pairing: Dark!Bucky Barnes x innocent!female reader
Warnings: 18+, loss of virginity, dubcon, noncon (to be safe), smut, age gap (18 and 36), pwp, unprotected sex, male masturbation, abuse of power, anal sex, somnophilia, anal play, toys, drugging, forced oral, spitting, slapping, slight bondage… a whole lot of things.
Mine ♧
Pairing: Frank x female reader
Warnings: angst, feelings, fluff, slight smut, mentions of domestic violence
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･
TBA
Repetition - in progress
Pairings: Bucky Barnes x female reader, Ransom Drysdale x female reader
It's here! After months of collecting and organizing I am proud to present Sanctuary Notion Database - a majestic array of Pedro Pascal fanfiction, if I can say so myself
I hope this way more people will get to know these wonderful works.
Please see notes & how to - it has important info and very nice video tutorial, yep, I made fucking video instruction for it
(as always, watch out for authors’ warnings and remember - this is 18+ blog)
Dear writers, thank you all so much for all of it, you are extremely talented people creating amazing worlds with your stories!
And also thanks to Pedro for being him.🤍
Sincerely,
@khindahra
Writers are mentioned in the comments section (because tumblr probably has broken from so many cool people)
Summary: summer has come to an end. you find yourself thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, difficult choices and more adversity, like you’d never believed possible. someone is there to pull you out of it - but it’s not someone you’d ever imagined.
SERIES MASTERLIST
Read it on ao3 here
previous chapter
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Watching Javi sleep beside you was something you’d been thinking about. Dreaming about. And here he was - right there in your bed, his lips slightly parted as soft breaths left his mouth. You let your fingers dart out and smooth over the soft skin of his cheek.
You’re propped up on your elbow, your chin resting in the palm of your hand. You’ve woken up a few moments before - the slight, dull ache between your legs reminding you that yesterday had been real.
You let the digits trail down to his lips, tracing the shape of them before you lean down and press your lips to his. Then you move your fingers over his chin and down the length of his neck, letting your fingers rest over his pulse.
It’s a soft, dull thud under your fingers, and you feel him stir under you. You let your fingers trail over the scarred skin of his shoulder, where the skin had healed over the wound. It’s pink and soft under your skin, only a few months old.
Summary: summer has come to an end. you find yourself thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, difficult choices and more adversity, like you’d never believed possible. someone is there to pull you out of it - but it’s not someone you’d ever imagined.
SERIES MASTERLIST
Read it on ao3 here
previous chapter
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･
Watching Javi sleep beside you was something you’d been thinking about. Dreaming about. And here he was - right there in your bed, his lips slightly parted as soft breaths left his mouth. You let your fingers dart out and smooth over the soft skin of his cheek.
You’re propped up on your elbow, your chin resting in the palm of your hand. You’ve woken up a few moments before - the slight, dull ache between your legs reminding you that yesterday had been real.
You let the digits trail down to his lips, tracing the shape of them before you lean down and press your lips to his. Then you move your fingers over his chin and down the length of his neck, letting your fingers rest over his pulse.
It’s a soft, dull thud under your fingers, and you feel him stir under you. You let your fingers trail over the scarred skin of his shoulder, where the skin had healed over the wound. It’s pink and soft under your skin, only a few months old.
You’re so caught up in drawing circles around his scar, that you don’t notice his eyes fluttering open, watching you as your focus is a hundred percent on him. He admires the way the sun is caught in your lashes, the way your hair is slightly mussed up from sleep.
He reaches up slowly, his arm under your body, his fingers finding what they can of the bare skin of your back and you gasp. You look back at his face and he meets your expression with a soft, crooked smile. It’s warm under your thin duvet, and you relish in the feeling of being so close to him again.
“I’ve never seen anything as beautiful as you,” His morning voice makes your heart flutter and your thighs clench slightly. It’s hoarse and gruff, heavy with sleep, but you love it nonetheless. You’d forgotten what it was like waking up with him, and you’d missed it a lot.
With a swift movement he was on top of you again, resting on his forearms over you, leaning down to capture your lips in a soft kiss. His lips capture your bottom lip between them, and you sigh as he moves in between your thighs, which you spread to grant him access to you.
You feel his length caress your thigh as he moves between your legs and you moan softly into his mouth. You want him. Again. You buck your hips up, your center meeting the soft skin of his erection and he groans against your lips.
With one arm holding himself up, he reaches over and grabs a condom from your bedside table. “Will you do the honors?” He breathes against your lips and you nod, grasping the package from his hand and ripping it open. You scoot down a bit so you can reach, before you roll the latex over his cock.
You return to your position, just a scoot up, and his arms are caging you in an instant. His lips meet yours again, as he grabs his length in his hand, swiping the head through your folds, finding you already wet for him. With a grunt he pushes his length into you slowly, his hand coming around your waist to pull you close to him.
He slides into you fully, and you throw your head back with a moan. With your throat bared to him, he leans in and attaches his lips to the column of your throat. His hips meet yours softly, the length of him filling you up ever so deliciously.
He keeps holding you steady around your waist, thrusting into you in soft strokes and you crane your neck back to kiss him. Your lips capture his this time, and you clasp your legs around his, wanting him impossibly closer.
Javi all but grinds into and and against you, the coarse hairs at the base of him causing the friction to build against you and inside of you quickly. Your skin feels warmer and your toes colder, like all of the warmth in your body is centering in your torso, ready to be let go.
You explode into fireworks as Javi keeps grinding against you, and with your eyes fluttering closed, your back arches off the bed and into Javi’s embrace. He works you through it, his lips moving against the expanse of your jaw, peppering kisses against your skin and pulling you back to the ground. He lays you against the sheets gently, his fingers gently caressing your cheek.
You let your eyes flutter back open, looking right into his deep, chocolate brown eyes, his eyebrows slightly drawn together. You felt naked under his gaze - even more naked than you already were, like he was looking into your very soul.
You felt yourself get shy, your eyes diverting from his to the side, trying to hide yourself from him. You draw your arms up over your breasts with a sigh,
“Never hide yourself from me, hermosa.” He turns your head to face him with a finger before he leans down, kissing your lips softly. “I can’t even put into words how beautiful you are.” He kisses your nose before leaning his forehead against yours.
“I love you,” you breathe, feeling breathless from his compliments. He kisses you again, and you meet his actions with fervor. You feel his erection stir inside of you, and you realize you didn’t feel him coming. You shift your weight, urging Javi to roll over, and he does.
You sit on top of him, your ass against his thighs with the duvet pooling around you. He’s fully sheathed inside of you, and when you’re on top of him, he feels impossibly deeper than you’ve ever felt him.
You lean forward slightly, bracing both your hands on his shoulders as you start moving on top of him. You angle your hips slightly, letting your clit press against his pubic bone. One of his hands grasp your thigh, his fingers tighten against the muscle, the other one grips your hip to further urge your movements.
Your jaw goes slack and you throw your head back as he angles his hips slightly, his cock buried so deeply within you you see stars. You feel the edge of euphoria approach quickly, and you gasp as his hand collides with the globe of your ass cheek. Your head whips forward at him, your eyes widened before you giggle, and you tug your bottom lip in between your teeth.
Your mouth falls open again as he draws his knees up, bracing his feet against the mattress before he starts fucking up into you, holding your hips over him and guiding you as he pleases. You whimper at his rapid movements, your orgasm lingering within reach and with just a few more thrusts you’re coming undone on top of him.
He groans as he keeps grinding himself up into you, and with a few more movements he’s emptying himself into the condom and you collapse on top of him. Your ear lands just under the scar under his collarbone, and you sigh at the sound of the rapid beating of his heart.
His hands are gentle as he strokes your back, and you feel yourself being lulled off into slumber. You don’t know how many seconds, minutes, hours pass before you’re startled awake by someone barging through the door of your apartment.
“Jesus fucking Christ!” Eddie shrieks and you shoot up, the duvet thankfully covering you enough to shield your modesty from your best friend. Javi is just as shocked as you at the sight of his nephew in the open door, and within a few seconds Eddie has left the apartment and slammed the door behind him.
“Fuck,” you breathe with a laugh, and Javi chuckles under you. “He’ll need to bleach his eyes after this.” You joke, and you feel Javi sit up under you, his softened length stirring under you as his lips trail kisses over your collarbone.
“Ed’s just jealous,” Javi speaks against your skin and you slap his arm gently, before moving off him. Your hips are killing you for being in the same position for so long, and you mentally curse yourself as the pain doesn’t fully subside.
“He’s my best friend,” you state, and quickly make your way to the bathroom to wash the sweat and smell of sex off your skin. Javi joins you in the shower after discarding the condom in your trash.
“And he’s in love with you.” Javi speaks behind you, before trailing kisses along the curve of your neck, up to your ear. His hands come around your waist under the stream of water, fingers denting the skin of your stomach slightly. “Just as I am.”
“He’s so not,” you breathe, laying your head back against Javi’s shoulder, offering him room to touch your body.
“Have you seen the way the kid looks at you?” Javi’s hands part - one heading for your breasts, the other for your core. You whimper at the feeling his touch brings, and it kind of takes you aback - how easily his touch turns you on.
“Javi, please.” you grasp both his hands, against your own will, but you both need to get your day started. He whines against your skin, reluctantly letting go of you so you can finish your shower. Since you washed your hair yesterday, you opt on just washing your body.
Javi watches you with intense eyes, and you feel very exposed, even though he’s seen most of you by now. It’s still just so new to you. You decide on not talking more about Eddie since his uncle is standing buck-ass naked in your shower with a semi.
Javi showers after you leave the small space, and you lay out a towel for him. As you walk out of the condensation-filled room, you finally notice a bag by your door - apparently one Javi had brought with him. You figure it must contain some clothes for his stay.
“Hermosa?” Javi speaks from under the stream of the shower. You speak your affirmative, letting him know you’ve heard him. “I was thinking, now that you have to move from this place… If you wanted to go apartment hunting with me. Or house hunting. I guess we’ll find something that feels right if we don’t limit ourselves too much.”
He proposes the idea as nonchalantly as suggesting what to have for dinner. You stop in your tracks and soon thereafter the shower stops running. A few more moments pass before Javi’s walking out of your bathroom, towel around his waist, a few drops of water dripping from his much curlier hair and onto his broad shoulders.
You’re just looking at him, like he’s grown two heads. It might be the case, since he’s proposing something so serious so early on in your relationship.
“What?” He grins at you, both of you frozen in your spots, looking at one another. You take a step towards him, eyeing him before opening your mouth.
“Isn’t it a big step?” You speak, your voice frail. You’re terrified of Javi dismissing you like you were nothing, and if his proposal to move in together was a joke, you knew you would feel both overwhelmed and angry.
“It is.” Javi says, taking an equal step in your direction. “But I want this with you. I want to move in with you.” He says as his hands encapsulate yours. He brings the backs of your hands to his mouth and places a kiss on both of them - all while maintaining eye contact with you. You feel your heart bloom and beat faster in your chest.
“Wh- what about you-your job?” you stutter. You’re surprised - you’ve never stuttered before in your life, and here you are - Javi making you so nervous and flustered, that you can barely speak a sentence. “I…In Colombia?”
Javi lets go of your hand and raises his hand to stroke over the apple of your cheek. “I quit my job before I came here.” Javi reveals and you gasp softly. You hadn’t expected that at all - you knew his job was dangerous, but you were under the impression that Javi liked his job, and wanted to stay there until he retired.
“I needed to do it. For my own sake and yours. I need you safe. The-” Javi trails off. You know he wants to mention the baby, yet he can’t bring himself to do so. “Our future children. I can’t protect you there, or from there. And I need you. I need to be with you. So I’m moving back to the States.”
“Oh Javi,” you whisper, before throwing your arms around his neck. His arms come around your waist and you relax into him - actually overwhelmed by his words. You had no idea he felt so strongly for you, but it made you giddy inside.
“I love you, hermosa.” He whispers over your hair and into your ear, and you pull back to kiss him. He’s right there as you retract yourself, and you capture his lips easily with yours. Again, he kisses you with fervor, and you whimper into his mouth as he grasps onto your skin and molds your muscle after the weight of his fingers.
“So is that a yes?” He breathes against your skin and you smile softly before nodding. It was a definite yes. Javi kisses you again before letting you go to get dressed. You do the same.
“Let’s go find Eddie so we can apologize, then we can see what’s available for rent, mm?” Javi truly is unable to keep his hands off of you, and you kiss him back when he corners you against the front door.
2 months later
“I love the sight of you right there,” Javi says as he comes through the open corridor and into the kitchen of your new, shared home. You giggle as his arms wrap around you from behind, his lips finding the side of your neck in an instant.
You and Javi had settled on renting an apartment closer to your campus until you graduated. The apartment was a little bigger than your previous, and you were very happy with the 2 bed, 2 bath apartment. Even though it was a complex, your apartment was on the third floor, and you could see the Sandspur Island from your living room.
The sun rose in your living room, and you found yourself absorbing the rays of sun peeking through the window as you stood in the kitchen - only a half wall and a line of cabinets separating you from the couch space.
Eddie was surprised when you told him you were moving together. It was something he hadn’t even been able to imagine in his wildest dreams. You felt bad for him - with the revelation Javi had made to you, even though you didn’t know if it was true or not.
Eddie was simply your best friend, and you would never see him in any other way. Maybe it was harsh, but there was something about him that just didn’t see past the friend criteria. He was sweet, handsome and intelligent, and you were sure someone would date him at some point.
You told Javi all of this, and Javi responded with a laugh, saying Eddie was saving himself for you, and that was why he’d never dated anyone - in hopes you got your eyes up for him.
“Do you not see it?” Javi had spoken, one day after Eddie had left. The two of you had been studying at your place all evening, and Javi had cooked for you both and done the dishes after. Eddie had told you a few days before he started seeing someone, and you and Javi had actually seen them when you’d been getting take-away.
“See what, Javi?” Eddie had left moments before he’d asked the question. No, apparently you did not see it, since you were so confused about what Javi was talking about.
“The difference between her and you. He looks at her like she's the prettiest girl in the world. But you... He looks at you like you are his whole world.” It pained Javi to say the words, but he recognized the glace Eddie was giving you all through your studying session.
“Javi… That’s no-...” you sighed, but he held a hand up.
“It’s true. I know the look, okay?” Javi sat down beside you. “ It’s the same look I have when I look at you. Steve was very insistent on telling me I was whipped in Colombia. He used those exact words.” You looked at Javi as he spoke. “And now I see it in Eddie.”
“But I love you.” you say softly, and he nods. You lean over and take his hand, and he kisses the back of yours - a habit you’ve come to love.
“I know hermosa. I’m not implying anything. I just thought you should know.” Javi leans over and pushes a strand of hair behind your ear before leaving a kiss on your lips. “I love you,”
-
You and Javi easily fell into a routine - he would get up, make you both a cup of coffee before he would bring his cup with him into the bathroom, and get himself ready for the day. You would get out of bed a little after, join Javi in the bathroom after making yourself a slice of bread and drinking the coffee poured for you, before getting dressed and heading to uni.
What Javi did while you were at uni was a mystery to you, he rarely spoke of his day to you, yet he was very interested in what you’d been doing at uni, and what subjects and themes you were currently learning about. He often made you read your assigned texts aloud to him, and you enjoyed the way he would rest his head in your lap, close his eyes and relax.
Maybe it was a way for him to get out of his own head for a little while, and you were happy to grant him that opportunity. At the moment, your class had been assigned to read Macbeth from none other than Shakespeare himself. It somehow made the texts stick better when you read them out loud - maybe because you were really reading them and not just skimming over the text.
After uni today, you manage to read the entirety of Act IV aloud for Javi, before he turns in your lap and starts placing kisses against the shirt covering your stomach. You giggle and read the last two pages before closing the book and putting it away. He looks up at you from your lap, and you feel your heart jumping over a beat at the sight of him. He looks young, as he lays there.
It’s incredibly mundane, and something you’d never expected to happen. Maybe because it wasn't like Javi to be like this - pretty much a housewife at the moment, you guessed - just being home and reading the newspaper, doing the laundry and ironing his shirts. You didn’t even know how the two of you had so much clothing altogether.
“I love you,” you say as you trail your fingers through his hair, and he repeats the words back at you. You loved the way it came so naturally to you, and it made you further believe that it was the right decision to say yes to moving in with him. “And I’m not wearing any underwear. I thought you’d like to know.”
Javi gets up from the couch and holds his hand out for you to take, and you gladly accept. He places a kiss on the back of your hand and walks backwards to the bedroom, and you follow him with a giggle, and a bite of your lip. His eyes are on fire with something you instantly recognize.
“What did I say about you and that lip?” Javi’s voice is low, and you feel yourself reacting to him already. You make it to the bedroom with your hand in his, and he stands himself with his calves against your shared bed.
“That I shouldn’t bite my lip…” you tease, before taking some quick steps forward, and throwing your arms around his neck. “Because it turns you on an awful lot..” you giggle, and kiss him hungrily. You both fall back on the bed, and you’re quick to position your legs on either side of his hips.
“Hermosa…” He groans and you smile against his lips as you continue kissing him, your hips now moving in circles over his clothed erection. “You’re gonna kill me. Please, I’m old.” You're quick to lean back on your heels, undoing his belt and pants before you both work on getting both your lower clothing off.
You lean over to the bedside, grabbing a condom and handing it to him as you get off, taking the remaining of your clothes off. His movements still - like a schoolboy caught reading a porn magazine - as you reveal your breasts to him. He’ll never get tired of that sight.
When he finishes, you’re quick to straddle him again, sinking down on him fully. With a unison moan you start moving over him, giving you both pleasure. When you’re both spent, you simply lie on his chest, listening to his heartbeat as he draws circles on your back.
It’s a momentary bliss, but you’re relishing in it. You have no idea what the future has in store for you, but at this moment, you don’t care. You’re here with Javi, and that’s all that matters.
Summary: summer has come to an end. you find yourself thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, difficult choices and more adversity, like you’d never believed possible. someone is there to pull you out of it - but it’s not someone you’d ever imagined.
a/n: IT’S HERE! a quicker update this time!! I hope you enjoy! lmk what you think!
SERIES MASTERLIST
Read it on ao3 here
previous chapter
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A few days after your conversation with Eddie, Javi finally made an appearance at your door again. You’d started wondering where he was - if he wanted to see you again. You surely hoped he would, based on the way he’d held you and almost kissed you.
Almost. The thought of him and his scent and the feeling of him against you had your mind wandering and your soul quivering in your entire being. You hated the impact he apparently had on you - the tight grip he held you in.
You had so much you wanted to say to him - scold him for leaving you when you needed it the most, scold him for not being there when you needed him the most and mostly scold him because he left you wanting more.
You’d been trying to figure out in which order you would say the things you needed to say to him, repeating everything over and over again to yourself, almost like you had to prepare a speech for an upcoming exam.
Summary: summer has come to an end. you find yourself thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, difficult choices and more adversity, like you’d never believed possible. someone is there to pull you out of it - but it’s not someone you’d ever imagined.
a/n: IT’S HERE! a quicker update this time!! I hope you enjoy! lmk what you think!
SERIES MASTERLIST
Read it on ao3 here
previous chapter
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･
A few days after your conversation with Eddie, Javi finally made an appearance at your door again. You’d started wondering where he was - if he wanted to see you again. You surely hoped he would, based on the way he’d held you and almost kissed you.
Almost. The thought of him and his scent and the feeling of him against you had your mind wandering and your soul quivering in your entire being. You hated the impact he apparently had on you - the tight grip he held you in.
You had so much you wanted to say to him - scold him for leaving you when you needed it the most, scold him for not being there when you needed him the most and mostly scold him because he left you wanting more.
You’d been trying to figure out in which order you would say the things you needed to say to him, repeating everything over and over again to yourself, almost like you had to prepare a speech for an upcoming exam.
Warnings for the chapter: masturbation, feelings, a fight, possessive Javi, oral sex, fingering, squirting, piv safe sex, revelations
Word count: 4k
Summary: summer has come to an end. you find yourself thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, difficult choices and more adversity, like you’d never believed possible. someone is there to pull you out of it - but it’s not someone you’d ever imagined.
a/n: IT’S HERE! a quicker update this time!! I hope you enjoy! lmk what you think!
SERIES MASTERLIST
Read it on ao3 here
previous chapter
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･
A few days after your conversation with Eddie, Javi finally made an appearance at your door again. You’d started wondering where he was - if he wanted to see you again. You surely hoped he would, based on the way he’d held you and almost kissed you.
Almost. The thought of him and his scent and the feeling of him against you had your mind wandering and your soul quivering in your entire being. You hated the impact he apparently had on you - the tight grip he held you in.
You had so much you wanted to say to him - scold him for leaving you when you needed it the most, scold him for not being there when you needed him the most and mostly scold him because he left you wanting more.
You’d been trying to figure out in which order you would say the things you needed to say to him, repeating everything over and over again to yourself, almost like you had to prepare a speech for an upcoming exam.
Summary: summer has come to an end. you find yourself thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, difficult choices and more adversity, like you’d never believed possible. someone is there to pull you out of it - but it’s not someone you’d ever imagined.
a/n: IT’S HERE! a quicker update this time!! I hope you enjoy! lmk what you think!
SERIES MASTERLIST
Read it on ao3 here
previous chapter
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･
A few days after your conversation with Eddie, Javi finally made an appearance at your door again. You’d started wondering where he was - if he wanted to see you again. You surely hoped he would, based on the way he’d held you and almost kissed you.
Almost. The thought of him and his scent and the feeling of him against you had your mind wandering and your soul quivering in your entire being. You hated the impact he apparently had on you - the tight grip he held you in.
You had so much you wanted to say to him - scold him for leaving you when you needed it the most, scold him for not being there when you needed him the most and mostly scold him because he left you wanting more.
You’d been trying to figure out in which order you would say the things you needed to say to him, repeating everything over and over again to yourself, almost like you had to prepare a speech for an upcoming exam.
Your racing thoughts have done nothing but make you sweat and worry even more. You decided on a warm shower to 1. calm your racing mind and 2. wash off the sweat that had soaked your thin nightshirt. While you stand under the stream of hot water, you’re thrown back to Colombia, where Javi ate you out in his shower.
You let your head fall forward, and take a deep breath, feeling the heavy patter of drops of water on your back. It’s like you can feel it - his fingers igniting your every nerve end under the touch of them, and the way they felt so deliciously thick inside of you.
You wanted him. You wanted only him, and it scared you. It scared you, that in a mere two weeks you were so dependent on a man - a stranger, almost - that you had a hard time imagining your life without him and imagining your cunt clenching around anything else than his cock, fingers and tongue.
Your hands held you upright against the wall as your legs quivered beneath you, and you felt the slick coating your inner thighs. It was so filthy of you - being so easily turned on by the mere thought of him inside you had your cunt clenching around nothing and your slick leaving you in heavy amounts.
You let your hand trail down your body, only one hand now bracing you against the wall, and you saw stars the second your fingers came into contact with your mound. You knew it wouldn’t be long before you came to a climax, and it felt so freeing and pleasurable. You dipped a finger into your heat - it felt nothing like the way it had felt when Javi had buried his fingers in you.
You swiped your thumb over your clit, and you came in an instant on your fingers. “Oh fucking hell,” you breathe out, feeling your legs give in under the weight of your body. It had been in Colombia you’d had your last orgasm - and you didn’t even realize it before now. It was like you had been entirely too focused on so much else than bringing yourself pleasure.
With a sigh and the water on your skin turning cold, you rinse yourself quickly and step out of the shower to dry yourself off. As you were wrapping the towel around you, you heard a few knocks against your door. You throw your hair in a towel as well, and as you open the door separating your bathroom from the rest of the apartment, some steam escaping the small room.
You don’t think twice before you throw open the door, revealing your towel clad body to Javi. A few moments pass where you just look at each other, Javi’s eyes traveling up and down your exposed body. You sensed that Javi did have a physical reaction to the sight of you, and you already knew you were fucked.
You let him into your apartment, and he watched you as you trodded around your small space. You wanted to say something. Tell him how much you had missed him, how much you longed for his touch and his presence. Yet you found yourself wanting to scold him more. To yell at him, and give him a piece of your mind.
You feel the anger grown within you, feeling the warmth blossoming in your cheeks and the hairs rising on the back of your neck. Your nostrils were flaring, and you kept your back to Javi as you came to a decision on what to do. You take a deep breath, trying to calm yourself, but you lack the strength to keep your emotions contained.
“Hermosa…” Javi started, and you felt yourself unable to breathe properly. “There’s so much I want to say, yet I don’t know what I can allow myself to share with you. It’s… hard for me. These feelings. I want to, but it’s been so fucking challenging to even look at you and see nothing but hurt and…” you don’t look at him.
You hear him as he shut the door - his steps louder than you imagined. “You gave me twelve days, Javi!” Your face was burning, your skin on fire with anger. “Twelve days for me to show you who I am. What you gave me was twelve days of tumultuous thoughts and worry!” It felt good.
“I worried so much about you while you were away those days. If you’d been shot, if you’d found someone else! And then you come home, and tell me you love me while you hold me. Then nothing. I hear nothing from you! I try calling you multiple times a day, desperately trying to come in contact with you! You brushed me off like I was.. a plague to you!”
“Was it all just a lie? Am I really that gullible?” It’s merely a whisper, but it stings in Javi’s heart nonetheless. He wants to say something. Desperately. He opens his mouth to speak, but no words dare come out. He lets his gaze divert from the spot on the floor in front of you. Javi was embarrassed.
It felt so strange - getting reprimanded by a woman close to 15 years his junior, but he knew he deserved it. He felt like someone finally had the courage to talk back to him. “You know, this isn’t going to work.”
Javi looked at you, still only clad in a towel after your shower. You had your hair wrapped in a towel, and Javi thought you were the most beautiful thing he’d ever laid his eyes upon. Javi rubbed the back of his neck, knowing he wasn’t supposed to be thinking of you like that in a situation like this.
“What do you mean by ‘this?” He reluctantly asked, and sighed. He rose from the bed to crack open your window. “‘This’ can be a lot of things.” His lips were starting to get chapped from all the biting of them he was doing. You let out a huff.
“You and I.” you whisper, actually dreading what you were about to say. “This thing we have between us. It’s not going to work. It was never going to work. I can’t live in a situationship where I know nothing.”
“I’m not leaving you.” Javi lit a cigarette by the cracked window, and you let him. You were too upset to say something. And you certainly didn’t care, since you were moving out in less than a week. Javi rubbed the hand not holding a cigarette against his pant leg.
“Excuse me?” You breathe, and Javi follows your silhouette in the window. He assumes you’ve seen him with his back to you, since you pick the towel off your body and put on your underwear. He feels like a creep, yet he can’t take his eyes off of you. He feels his tongue jerk in his mouth, and he takes a last puff of his cigarette before flicking the butt out of your window.
“I said,” he speaks as he slowly makes his way over to you, his eyes on the length of your back. “I’m not leaving you.” His front is right up against your back, and you close your eyes at the feeling and the thought of the inevitable that’s about to happen. “Not again. I’m staying right here.”
His warm hands seek out your hips, and your eyes widen slightly. His touch feels like lightning against your skin, his touch heating your flesh in the form of handprints. Your lips part slightly, and you take a deep breath to calm yourself.
You feel Javi move closer, and you close your eyes, the next breath you draw in trembling. “Unless you really want me to.” It’s a mere whisper against the skin of your neck, before he kisses your skin ever so lightly. If it wasn’t Javi, and if your skin weren’t already on fire and your senses heightened, you surely wouldn’t have felt it.
“Say the word, and I’ll go. I’ll leave you alone. No matter how hard it will be for me to stay away.” With a shuddering breath you turn to face him, his face still close to our neck and yours close to his. It feels like you’re playing a game of hide and seek - the thing both of you are hiding are your feelings for each other, and the portrayal of the same.
“I’ll give you forever, if you just let me.” Your eyes flutter open slightly, and you study his shirt, feeling your hands growing clammier with the continuous heating of your skin and the way his breath is still alighting your nerve ends. “I swear. I’ll do anything.”
A few moments pass where nothing but silence and your bated breaths fill the room. You both await the other to make the next move. You decide to break the thickening atmosphere with a statement.
“Don’t leave me ever again,” you breathe against his neck, and the hands resting on your hips tightens. Your fingers come up and stroke his arms languidly, sliding all the way from his bare underarms, over his covered biceps, coming to rest against the heated skin of his exposed neck.
You pull back slightly to give you both room, your hooded eyes finding his expression mirroring yours. You crane your neck slightly, your fingers following the flush of his neck to where it meets his jaw. You tighten your trembling fingers, your thumb resting against his cheeks and the remaining fingers toy with his hairline behind his ear.
You lean in slowly and slot your lips in between his, right where they belong. You feel Javi relax against you, and you draw him closer, encouraging him to do the same. You feel his arms coming around you, pulling you against him tightly. One of the hands resting on your hips travels down over the expanse of your ass, caressing the globe of it before the other one follows, testing the waters.
When you let him, and with a moan of encouragement, knees bend and deft fingers grab at the inside of your thighs, and he lifts you like you were weightless. This time, you don’t comment on the strain on his back as he carries you to your bed, following you down as he lays you against the covers gently.
His lips are still slotted over yours, your tongue gently meeting his as your lips part further, his hand traveling down the center of your chest to grasp at your breasts. With a moan you press your head back into your pillow, allowing you to fully look at Javi for the first time since you told him to stay.
He sits back on his heels over you, swiftly undoing his shirt before discarding it by the side of your bed. You lean up and let your fingers graze the scar on his shoulder where he was shot, before you raise yourself further and place a kiss against the scarred skin. His eyes are lecherous as he watches you kiss his skin, the wet touch of your kisses making his heart thud harder in his chest.
He falls in love with you all over again. There was a certain glow in your skin, and he contemplates if he’s ever found anyone as beautiful as you, right in that moment. He needed to claim you back. Because it did feel like he had already lost you.
“I need you.” You breathe against his skin, and he feels his mouth run dry. “I want you so desperately.” it’s almost a whine, and if it was any other situation, Javi would have found it pitiful. He couldn’t bring himself to think that way about you, though.
“I need you to tell me what you want.” Javi breathes, his finger lifting your chin to gaze into your eyes. You easily get lost in his chocolate depths, and you feel a shudder wracking your body. His fingers caress the length and curve of your jaw, and a sharp breath gets stuck in your throat.
“I want you to eat me out. Prepare me, take care of me. I need you to fuck me with your fingers, before you fuck me with your cock.” You barely believe the words leaving your mouth. You’d never had the courage to say something so sultrily before.
Javi’s throat constricted around a lump. He had trouble breathing, yet it was a wonderful feeling. He watched as you reached behind you and unclasped the bra you had just put on, before you laid back on your bed, a shy expression playing on your features.
He halted. Javi had never halted in sexual acts, ever. He’d always been the one to initiate sex, any kind of sex. And here he was - looking down at the most intriguing woman he’d ever met, intriguing only because she had a wonderful mind and a mouth not afraid to speak.
You felt your stomach drop when Javi didn’t act as you’d hoped. Had you said something wrong? And then he pounced on you. His hands gripped the back of your head and your neck, fingers tightening in your hair as he kissed you ferociously, leaving you breathless.
His tongue met yours, and you whined. Javi was turning you on so wonderfully. He trailed wet, hot kisses down the column of your throat, between and over your breasts, his tongue circling your nipples. You wince slightly, and he notices. He pulls back gently.
“They’re a little more sensitive than usual…” you trail off, and Javi understands instantly. He leans down again and places a firm kiss against the peaked bud, the rosy patch complimenting the bloom of your chest perfectly.
He pushes himself further down to stroke his tongue over the skin of your stomach, his thumbs caressing your sides as he moves down. He pays special, careful attention to where your small incisions were stitched up, and you watched in awe.
While he kissed the skin between your naval and mound, his hands glided down your hips, his fingers hooking into your panties and pulling them off expertly. He looked up at you through hooded eyes and heavy lashes, and you nodded with a deep, irregular breath.
Then he continued his venture down between your legs, the light touch of his hands around your thighs sending shivers up your spine and making you even more nervous about what was to come. You knew you had already been turned on a little less than half an hour ago, and the feeling hadn’t subsided yet.
Javi looked up and met your eyes as he leaned in, the coarse hairs of his beard tickling the soft skin of your innermost thighs, his warm breath fanning over the sensitive petals defining the middle of your vulva. He leans in and spreads your folds with his tongue gently, and you whimper.
You’d forgotten how it truly felt. How it felt to be so close to Javi, and so intimate with him again. All of your thoughts disintegrate into nothing as he sucks your clit into his mouth, lightning jolting through your veins, and making you gasp.
You push yourself up to look at Javi, the redness blooming under the skin on your chest making your whole throat flushed in a sporadic manner. You whimper at his assault on your clit, all while his fingers are massaging your thighs heavily, keeping your legs still as he tastes you.
You keep yourself raised on your elbows but throw your head back when he swipes his tongue down again, catching a bead of saliva that has made its way down the length of your cunt. Javi is focused on keeping your wetness contained, and the action doesn’t go unnoticed as he keeps everything centered around your clit and your opening.
You barely feel as one of his hands lets go of your thigh before it’s buried deeply within you, and you let out a guttural moan at the action. Your mouth falls open and you don’t hold back - whimpers and heavy moans fill your apartment as he twists and curls his finger inside of you before he adds another.
You’re sure by now that you’ve died and are floating around the universe. Stars are the only thing you see, lust clouding your vision as your second orgasm crashes into you at full force, your cunt gushing against Javi’s face as he curls his fingers against the front of your channel, and holding them there.
He retreats from your clit and he smirks, watching as your chest heaves while you try and catch your breath. “Squirting on me and all, hermosa.” he grins and you flush impossibly redder. It was hot, there was no denying it. You had only heard about squirting and you hadn’t figured out what exactly it was - but now you knew.
“Holy fucking shit,” you breathe and finally open your eyes as your breath settles. You look at him through hooded eyes and smirk, casting a glance down to where coarse black hairs met denim. “Do you have anything…” you breathe, all shy now that it was finally going to happen - you sure hoped it would.
Javi nods, before pushing off your bed and undoing his pants, pushing them down his tanned legs. You suck in a breath at the revelation of no underwear, and you bite your lip as you take in his size again, for the first time in months.
He reaches over to search his jacket, prying open an inner pocket before pulling out a whole 10-pack of condoms. You stifle a giggle - you wouldn’t hesitate to fuck him again and again and again…
You watch as he pries the package open with his teeth, before his hand comes down to tug at his length a few times before he rolls the latex over his cock while his eyes are making their way up your body, from your feet to your eyes.
You hold his gaze as he climbs onto your bed. You spread your legs for him and scoot a bit further down to welcome him in. He rests on his elbow above you, caging you in slightly before you lean up to kiss him. It’s wet and heated, and tongues collide soon thereafter.
Your hand travels down between the two of you, finding his cock and tugging him closer to you. He moans at your gesture, and you align his cock with your entrance. He pushes into you languidly, two moans mixing into one in the cavern formed with both your mouths.
It feels surreal having him inside you once again, and your hands don’t know where to place themselves. One ends up on the globe of his ass, making sure he’s staying close to you. The other tangles itself in the hairs at the back of his neck, and he buries his head in the crook of your neck.
You feel his heavy, scorching breath against your collarbone as he starts a pace that has you whining for more. “More, Javi, please, faster…” It’s all words coming out of your mouth at what feels like the same time, and it encourages him to pick up the pace.
His mustache tickles your collarbone and the crook of your neck, all while he peppers kisses along your pulse point, his cock stroking against the utmost depths of your cunt. His hand strokes your side, grasping the skin of your waist, the other twirling your hair as he keeps himself upright.
He thrusts in long, heavy strokes, his balls drawing noise from where your skin connects, and you throw your head back at the overwhelming sensations overcoming you. It ripples in your belly, the coil tightening slowly but surely.
It’s like he can feel your climax approaching, because his hand travels down and finds the hood of your clit, urging your climax further, pulling you to the edge of euphoria quicker than you’d ever thought possible.
Your walls clench around him tightly as your climax overcomes you, your head craning itself further back as you gasp for air. Your body convulses unlike anything you’ve ever felt before, the overwhelming feeling sending sparks through your whole nervous system.
He groans against your skin before he empties himself into the condom, before collapsing on top of you. Your arms wrap around him and you exhale, relaxing against him. He raises himself slightly, his lips finding yours gently as you both catch your breaths.
“I meant everything I said, hermosa.” He shifts slightly, letting his softened cock slip out of you before laying on his side beside you. You turn slightly and look at him with a soft expression, urging him to continue. “I love you. I do.”
Your lips tug slightly, feeling your heart flutter. “I want you, and I want to be with you. I’m still scared shitless. With everything that happened…” He trails off, and you feel another tug at your heartstrings. This time though, it’s in sympathy. “I never told you.” Javi breathes and you grasp his hand in yours.
“Lorraine and I… tried. We lost three times. And it broke us. It broke me…” Javi lets his gaze focus on a freckle on your torso. “It didn’t feel the same after that. I couldn’t give her what she wanted, and it hurt more than anything.” Your thumb strokes the soft skin of his hand, and you lean in and rest your chin on his head.
“I’m afraid the same thing is going to happen with you. That I’m never going to be able to give you a family.” You feel a lump form in your throat, and a heavy tear landing against the back of your hand, intertwined with Javis. “That I’m never going to give you everything you deserve.”
“Oh, Javi.” You feel yourself tear up at his revelation, and it touches you deeply. You lift his head by his chin, urging him to meet your eyes. He does, his chocolate eyes glossy with tears. You lean in and place a kiss on his lips. “I am so sorry.”
You barely have the words to explain what you’re currently feeling. Javi gets up and rids himself of the latex, before he’s coming back to the bed. You sit up, and watch him as he kneels in front of you. There’s a short moment of silence, where neither of you speak.
“You must believe me when I say…” Javi starts, and you feel his hands grasp both of yours. His words halt, and he shoots his gaze down. You beat him to it, and open your mouth to speak.
“I want this, Javi. I want you. No matter what’s to come. And I’m not giving up on us. I believe in us.”
Summary: Up until now, you and Javi had a purely professional relationship. You work together and that is that. But, when Javi has an accident in the field, you’re forced to spend more time with him and truths are revealed.
Warnings: Like AO3, I chose to give none. This fic is not suitable for under 18’s... This will be in 2 parts.
Relationships: Javier Peña x Reader
Up until that afternoon, your relationship with Javier Peña had been purely professional. You were a researcher of sorts for his department. The leads came in and it was your job to check their validity. You didn't see or speak to him outside of the office and you preferred it that way. After all, on your first day, you were warned about the Bogota Bachelor.
"You're pretty... He'll eat you right up." Said one of the CIA guys one morning as you poured your morning coffee.
You'd blushed at his comment. You had not been called pretty by anyone other than your parents and your high school bestie. So to be told by a complete stranger that you'd be desirable to the most desired man in the office gave you a real ego boost.
Only, he never made a move.
You were a little disappointed initially. You'd developed somewhat of a crush on the man but after two years of purely professional words shared, you managed to shake those feelings. He was nice enough to you. Would give you a sweet smile and bring you a coffee every now and then but that was as far as things ever went.
Fast forward to the present day and all that was about to change.
...
Steve panted as he stopped momentarily to catch his breath. He couldn't stop long, the guy was getting away so as he sprang back into action, he looked to his left and saw Javier sprinting along the adjoining rooftop. This had become a theme for them. Chasing Sicarios across rooftops. This time though, they'd both made the sensible decision to wear a vest. One too many times in recent months, they had almost taken a bullet.
They were closing in now and the guy knew it. The house ahead was a dead end. The only way out was down.
Steve leapt to the roof after the guy, his eye catching Javier doing the same and then he was stuck. Guns pointing at him from his front and rear.
"Manos arriba hijo de puta." (Hands up son of a bitch.) Javier growled but the man didn't move.
His shoulders sunk and rose with each heavy breath he took and for one painfully slow moment, everything was silent. Then in the blink of an eye, he pointed his weapon and fired. Time slowed as Steve watched Javier get knocked from his feet and fall from view. Steve's momentary lapse of attention was all the man needed to leap from view, down a fire escape and to safety.
"JAVI." Steve yelled upon realising their quarry had disappeared. He sprinted to the edge Peña had fallen from and saw the agent laying unconscious on a balcony below.
Steve didn't even think about leaping down onto the table that sat near Javier's prone form, the distance a lot less dangerous than what Javi had fallen. He then jumped down and fell to Javier's side. Worried hands fumbled about as he attempted to decern what his partner's injuries were.
"Javi... Javi, can you hear me?"
The agent didn't stir and Steve started to panic. He was careful not to move his partner too much. He was no medical expert but he knew that it was bad to move someone who'd fallen from a great height and looking up at the roof, Javier had fallen at least 7 feet straight onto his back. Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed a small pool of blood starting to develop under his partner's head. Steve knew that wasn't good.
...
You were watching the clock, eagerly waiting for twelve to come around so that you could take lunch. It had been a slow morning. Two sets of agents had been out in the field this morning and you were their port of call for any emergencies. It was only a small aspect of your job but it was the one you hated the most. Not because it was boring but because you dreaded someone calling in to tell you an agent was down but you knew that these things happened. These were dangerous times in a dangerous country.
"This is agent Murphy." His southern drawl came through the speaker, crackly but still clear and your stomach dropped as you picked up the headphones to answer.
"I hear you, Agent Murphy." You said, your name flowing down the waves as you fought to keep your voice steady.
"Agent down." Steve stated and you felt sick "Agent Peña has taken a gunshot to his vest." He continued and you breathed a sigh of relief "Fallen from a roof onto a hotel balcony. Sustained a serious head injury. I need medical assistance." He finished before rattling off the address.
The breath you'd managed to capture was ripped away from you again as you noted down everything that Steve told you. You were immediately on the phone after, calling for a medical evac and praying they got to them both quickly.
"Medical help is en route to you Agent." You stated, amazed that you had managed not to lose it completely.
Your relief came into the room a few minutes later and you were quick to dash to the bathroom and throw up the contents of your stomach. Perhaps you weren't cut out for this.
...
Steve balled his shirt up and pressed it hard onto the wound to the back of his partner's head. His hands were shaking so much. He couldn't believe that they were in this situation yet he also wasn't all that surprised. Since Escobar had escaped, the two of them had become desperate. Connie had left and Steve had grown more reckless so Javier had taken it upon himself to make sure the man was taking some sort of care of himself. Steve knew it was his time to return the favour. He needed to make sure that Javier made it out alive.
"You're gonna be okay brother." He muttered to his unconscious partner "You're gonna be fine." He promised and he hoped he was right.
He hated making promises he couldn't keep.
...
You'd been worried when your boss had called you into her office. You had wracked your brains for what you might have done wrong. You prided yourself in your work. You put your heart and soul into it, knowing you were helping to make a difference in Colombia. You wondered if it was because of the other day. When Simons had come to relieve you and you hadn't briefed him before leaving. He hadn't said anything to you but you didn't know him well enough to know whether he would have.
You knocked on the door and waited for a tick before being called in. You then stepped into Messina's office gingerly, taking the seat she motioned to and wringing your hands in your lap.
"So you're probably wondering why I called you in here." She started and you gave her a nervous nod "Well, I understand that you were a nurse for a few years before leaving to join the DEA as a Research Specialist."
"Yes, Ma'am." You replied "Turns out I didn't have the stomach for it." You joked and she gave you a small chuckle "What does that have to do with why you wanted to speak to me?" You asked and she gave you a small sigh as she sat back in her chair.
"We, as you know, Agent Peña was injured in action a few days ago." She started and you nodded "He sustained a nasty head injury that has left him temporarily blind."
"Blind?" You blanced and Messina nodded grimly.
"The doctors have assured us that his sight will return as the swelling goes down however he needs someone that we can trust to live with him for a few weeks whilst he recovers."
"Why me?" You asked, your stomach twisting a little as you awaited her response.
"Honestly?" She asked and you nodded "Between you and me, I need someone that he hasn't screwed and left high and dry." She chuckled and you swallowed thickly "I know you have a good working relationship with Peña and Murphy and we need someone that we can trust."
"Right." You replied, nodding grimly.
"You can say no." She stated, taking you by surprise "This isn't an order. Agent Murphy has offered to help him but we need him here and not babysitting Javier Peña."
"It's fine Boss." You replied, holding your hand up to stop her "I will be happy to help him." She gave you a nod and you took a shaky breath "What about my work?"
"Simons can pick up your workload for the time being." She replied plainly "Lord knows it's about time he pulled his weight around here." You snorted at that before looking at your boss in horror at your sudden outburst. Her response was a rambunctious laugh that brought a smile to your face.
"Did they say how long it would take for his sight to return?" You asked and Messina shrugged.
"The doctors said it's hard to say. Could return tomorrow, and could return next week. He's got a pretty nasty concussion. Suffering with dizziness, broke his arm and dislocated his shoulder also." She stated and you sucked in a breath "He was lucky really. Could have been a lot worse."
You nodded grimly and she gave you a reassuring smile.
"So he's going to need assistance with cooking meals, his medications, etc?" You asked and Messina nodded.
"I'm hoping we won't be without you for too long but I really appreciate your support."
You gave her a nod before getting to your feet. You weren't sure how this was going to go but you knew that you wanted to help. It was your tip that had sent Javier and Steve out into the field that day. You felt responsible for what had happened.
...
"I don't need a babysitter." Javier growled as he crossed his arms like a petulant child, only to wince at the pain that movement brought.
"Why isn't your arm strapped up as it should be?" Admonished Steve and Javier rolled his eyes.
"He's right Javier." You interjected "You should have it strapped to help it heal. Won't be much use to the DEA if you have a gammy arm."
"I'll be no use to them if I can't see" Javier grumbled and your brows drew together as you sat down beside him.
"Javier, your sight loss is temporary." You said softly and the man scoffed "You just need to have a little faith."
"Easy for you to say." He grumbled and you threw your hands up.
"Whatever, act like a child." You growled, taking both Javier and Steve by surprise "I am here to help you get better. You will let me strap your arm up. You will take your medication and you will do as you're told because I am here at the request of Messina and I will not let you make me look incapable."
"Yes ma'am." Replied the agents in unison and you smiled to yourself as you gave yourself a small nod.
You proceeded to strap Javier's arm up, give him his pills and cook him dinner. The agent grumbled here and there but otherwise, he remained quiet for the rest of the evening. He was silently grateful you were there. When he'd been released from the hospital, he'd worried about how he was going to get around. Waking up blind had been the most terrifying thing he'd ever experienced. The hardest part of this was when it came to getting ready for bed. You sat him on the edge of his bed before grabbing him a fresh t-shirt and some sweats for him to sleep in. You blushed when you pulled down the ones he'd been wearing, averting your eyes and desperately searching for a distraction from the fact he wasn't wearing underwear. The situation was no less embarrassing for Javier. Usually, he was confident around women but with you, he was shy and unsure.
He'd had a crush on you from day one. Something Steve had teased him about almost daily. For that reason, he had chosen to keep things professional between the two of you. He didn't want to taint you with his reputation. You were too good for that. So to now be stuck relying on you for everything had those feelings rushing back tenfold.
He allowed you to manoeuvre him how you needed. You slipped his legs into his sweats before lifting them up and letting him pull them over his hips. You helped him out of his sling, into the fresh t-shirt and back into his sling again. Giving his arm a gentle squeeze when you were done to let him know he could lay down.
"Thank you." He said softly as you made your way out of his room, stopping you in your tracks "I know I was acting like a jerk earlier but I really do appreciate your help."
"It's fine Javier." You replied, giving him a weak smile "Sleep." You finished before making your way out of his room.
...
You and Javier slipped into a routine with ease. His sight had yet to return but his other symptoms had eased off. He wasn't suffering from as many dizzy spells and the headaches had receded to dull intermittent pangs every now and then.
Despite the routine, Javier had grown more irritable the longer he was blind. You could understand why. He was completely reliant on you and that must have been hard for him. Javier Peńa hadn't needed to rely on anyone for years. Now all of a sudden he was rendered useless and vulnerable and he hated it.
"You didn't have to bring dinner, Steve." You said as you helped the blond dish up.
"Nonsense." Steve said as he waved you off "You've been babysitting Peña all day, least I can do. Heck, you deserve a night off."
"I may be blind but I'm not deaf," Javier grumbled as he felt his way to the kitchen table.
"Javier, I told you to wait and I'd come and get you." You scolded and he growled.
"You're not my fucking girlfriend." He snapped and you winced at his statement.
No, you weren't. You weren't pretty enough to earn that title.
"Don't be an asshole Javi." Steve warned, "She's just trying to help you."
"Yeah well, I don't need her fucking help." He snapped and that was it.
"Fine, you don't need my help... Serve yourself." You scoffed, grabbing your plate of food and heading for the table.
Javier was rendered speechless. Truth was, he did need your help. He needed it more than he cared to admit but he was tired of being unable to do things for himself. He blindly felt his way to where Steve was standing and cursed when he stuck his hand in his food. Steve smirked but otherwise remained silent as he watched his partner feel around for the cloth hanging by the sink. When he found it, he wiped his hands and then carefully felt for the edge of the plate. Grabbing it and lifting it carefully he blindly headed in the direction he believed his table was.
"Gonna eat that in the lobby Javi or?..." Steve trailed off and Javier stopped, hanging his head before turning back and giving both you and Steve a pleading look. You didn't budge but Steve did. He guided his partner to the table and helped him put his food down before grabbing his own and sitting beside him.
"Sorry," Javier grumbled before digging into the food that Steve had brought and you shared a look with Murphy before digging into your own meal.
The next few evenings followed a similar pattern. Javier was grumpy, you and Steve told him off and then he ate his dinner in silence as he sulked. You couldn't help but feel sorry for the man though. He was trapped inside his own head, unable to do anything but listen to you and Steve drone on about work or how he was getting on. You'd heard him sobbing one night when you had gotten up to use the bathroom. You could see that the longer he went without regaining his vision, the more he lost faith that he'd ever get it back.
The days merged into a week. You drove Javier to his check-up and sat patiently for him in the waiting room. You hoped for his sake that the doctor gave him some good news because he was growing more and more irritable as the days went by. He thanked you for your help but he was still short and snappy with you and Steve. Your patience was starting to wear thin and you weren't sure how much longer you could take it.
Your attention was grabbed by a nurse helping him walk back to you. You grabbed his arm and thanked her before steering him from the building and back towards the truck. He was silent the whole way back. You decided not to push a conversation and when you made it home, you helped him to the couch and proceeded to make him a coffee, knowing he'd want one.
Steve arriving later that afternoon would finally give you the answers you wanted.
"How'd the appointment go?" He asked as he opened a beer and handed it to his partner.
"Doc said the swellings going down and that my sight should return soon." Javier replied and both you and Steve shared a look before he asked what you were both wondering.
"So why are you so fucking miserable?" He asked and Javier growled.
"I'm not." He grumbled and you rolled your eyes.
"You've not said a word to me since we got back." You argued and Peña groaned.
"Don't have to talk to you." He snapped and that was the final straw.
"I'm done with this." You snarled before making your way to his spare room and grabbing your suitcase.
"Hey." Called out Steve as he sprinted after you "What are you doing?"
"I don't have to put up with this." You grumbled "I offered to help because I felt guilty for what happened to him. It was my tip that got him into this mess but I don't deserve to be treated like shit for it."
"This ain't your fault sweetheart." Steve stated as he grabbed your hand "I know he's being a miserable bastard but he needs you."
"He doesn't need me." You scoffed "Said so himself."
"You know he didn't mean that." Steve urged but you scoffed.
"Sure he did."
In the other room, Javier could hear your conversation and his guilt started to swallow him up. He knew that he had been a bit of an asshole lately but he hadn't realised that he'd been hurting you. He pushed himself to his feet. He had to talk to you and tell you he was sorry but as he straightened up, he suddenly felt off. This wasn't one of those dizzy spells he'd been suffering from or even head rush. No, this was something completely different.
"Please, don't do this." Steve pleaded "I can talk to him, get him to-"
Steve was stopped in his tracks by a thump and you rolled your eyes at him.
"Peña's obviously trying to prove he doesn't need me." You uttered as you shoved a few more items unceremoniously into your bag.
Steve let out a sigh before he jogged into the lounge, ready to berate Javier for getting himself into trouble again but what greeted him made his blood go cold. Javier was on the floor, eyes rolled back into his skull as his body writhed on the floor. Blood trickled from his mouth and from his temple and Steve screamed your name before dropping to his partner's side.
You were out in a flash and you choked on a breath when you were greeted by Javier seizing on the living room floor. You were at his side in a heartbeat, supporting his head as the seizure started to subside.
"Steve, call an ambulance and grab me a cloth." You ordered as you stroked Javier's hair.
The agent did what you asked, tossing you a cloth from the kitchen as he spoke to the operator on the phone. Javier was completely out of it. His already unseeing eyes darted around the room and you pulled him into your arms and held him as you pressed the cloth to his head wound, hoping it brought him some semblance of comfort.
"You're okay Javi." You said softly "You're going to be just fine." You repeated as you kissed the crown of his head and rocked him gently.
The ambulance arrived a short while later. You went with Javier and Steve followed in his truck and then you both waited together for news on his condition. Your stomach twisting into knots. You knew as you waited, that you couldn't leave him. Not now.
Warnings for the chapter: talk about surgery, a fever dream (🥲🥲), ectopic pregnancy, THEY MEET AGAIN!
Word count: 4k
Summary: summer has come to an end. you find yourself thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, difficult choices and more adversity, like you’d never believed possible. someone is there to pull you out of it - but it’s not someone you’d ever imagined.
a/n: … I’m sorry for the wait on this chapter. again. my computer kamikaze’d itself, so I wrote the majority of this on my f-i-l’s computer 😂
SERIES MASTERLIST
Read it on ao3 here
previous chapter
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“Eddie? My boy, what are you doing here?” Javi was taken aback and confused. Very confused. Here he was, desperate and longing to see you, and there was his nephew. The same nephew he hadn’t seen in years, even though he was the closest family he had.
It suddenly dawned on Javi just how much he’d missed. Here was his nephew - all grown up, looking like the splitting image of himself some 20 years ago. Somehow, it was a wakeup call for Javi. Eddie was merely 13 years old the last time he’d seen him.
It’d been 12 years since he’d seen his nephew, and if that weren’t a shock to him, then he didn’t know what was. He felt anxious and resentful about himself. He loathed his choices right at that moment.
Summary: summer has come to an end. you find yourself thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, difficult choices and more adversity, like you’d never believed possible. someone is there to pull you out of it - but it’s not someone you’d ever imagined.
a/n: … I'm sorry for the wait on this chapter. again. my computer kamikaze’d itself, so I wrote the majority of this on my f-i-l’s computer 😂
SERIES MASTERLIST
Read it on ao3 here
previous chapter
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･
“Eddie? My boy, what are you doing here?” Javi was taken aback and confused. Very confused. Here he was, desperate and longing to see you, and there was his nephew. The same nephew he hadn’t seen in years, even though he was the closest family he had.
It suddenly dawned on Javi just how much he’d missed. Here was his nephew - all grown up, looking like the splitting image of himself some 20 years ago. Somehow, it was a wakeup call for Javi. Eddie was merely 13 years old the last time he’d seen him.
It’d been 12 years since he’d seen his nephew, and if that weren’t a shock to him, then he didn’t know what was. He felt anxious and resentful about himself. He loathed his choices right at that moment.
He’d been running away for way too long. Running from what really mattered to him, all because of something as simple as a longing for acceptance and success. Well, he’d certainly gotten some respect over the last couple of years, just not from the people he wanted it from the most.
“I, uh, my, uh, friend lives here.” Eddie stuttered out, and Javi looked over his shoulder. Everything in the apartment just screamed you. Javi didn’t know exactly what he’d expected, but the apartment instantly reminded him of you. He felt a pang in his heart from just how much he’d missed you.
He could smell the perfume you usually wore lingering in the apartment, the same perfume you’d worn every day in Colombia, the perfume that was keeping him from changing his sheets and washing his shirt you’d worn after your first night together.
The dress you had worn on your first date to the lake lay scattered on top of a pile of clothes on the floor. He could pick it out anywhere. The sight of you in it was burned into his mind. The way he’d made you come on his lap that very first time. The way your mouth hung open as you gazed into his eyes, your pupils dilated with lust.
Then he recalled how you’d undressed in front of him, letting him see all of you before you’d stood together in the lake. Before he’d made you come on his fingers, right there in the water. Javi felt awful, here he was, imagining these things about you in front of his nephew, your best friend.
If Javi had known, he would’ve never touched you, nonetheless put his hands on you. But here he was, feeling like the biggest asshole in the world for coming face to face with his own damn blood, and letting his nephew down. Somehow. It certainly felt like it.
He was silently waiting for you to make your appearance in the doorway, yet you never came. Eddie and Javi simply stood there and looked at each other, waiting for the other to open their mouth and actually speak.
“Your…. friend,” Javi quipped, and Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Is she... home?” Javi looked down at the postcard in his hand, and then back up at the makeshift nameplate hung by your door. It was your place. Eddie looked at the postcard Javi held in his hand as well. And then it dawned on him.
“Holy fuck, it’s you.”
A few moments pass between them, where none of them speak. They’re both taken aback by what was happening. “It’s… me?” Javi asks, unsure of what his nephew meant. Eddie let Javi into your apartment, and he shrugged off his jacket and hung it over a chair, before sitting down on it.
“You’re the guy. She told me about you.” Eddie says, sitting down opposite of Javi. Javi feels his ears reddening and the heat flaring up the length of his neck. He raises an eyebrow, urging Eddie to continue. “She told me about your weeks together.” Javi feels heat blossoming in his cheeks. Well, that was awkward.
“Uh… alright.” Javi folds his hands over the table. He contemplates on saying something, anything at all. He decides on just going with it. “I… I’m sorry, Eds. About the whole family thing. I never wanted to leave you and our family like that.”
“I don’t need your apologies. Mom… mom told me about it a few years ago. About you and Lorraine. I know it wasn’t her place to tell, but I missed you. I blamed you. For so many years.” Eddie sniffled a bit, and it hurt in Javi’s whole body.
He really did feel like he left his whole family behind. “How is Juliana and Elisa? Gramps?” Javi asks, interested in hearing how his family was doing. He’s put off calling his father for too many years. He wonders if his old man is still running around doing way too much on his farm.
“Mom’s doing alright. Her and dad are going through some stuff. I’m not seeing them much since I moved out here to Florida. Elisa’s going to college soon. She’s been talking about Stanford, and I know she has the qualifications to go there.”
Javi nods, feeling a sense of pride flow through him at his niece’s success. And his nephew’s, of course. “Gramps is gramps. He’s just… hanging around his farmhouse. I think he’s building a new fence around the barn for the horses.”
Eddie licks his lips as he watches the older man opposite of him. “And… What about you?” Javi watches his nephew, not surprised that he was interested in hearing about his life in Colombia. Well, where should he start?
“Well, it’s usually pretty boring around the embassy, but I’ve been on leave for the past few weeks because I was shot in the shoulder.” Javi starts, and Eddie’s mouth drops open. “No need to worry. It’s okay. Anyways, I’m starting to grow tired of it. Like I always do. Maybe I’ll be moving back to the states soon.”
There’s so much Javi wants to tell his nephew. About everything that has happened the past years where he’s been absent. He wants to tell Eddie about the interesting life he’s been living - on the edge of everything legal - and the excitement it’s given him.
“It’s been some wild years,” Javi starts, and bites his lip before he continues. “I got promoted not long after I moved, and then it was no longer desk work and coffee breaks,”
Eddie nods. Then he hears the front door being pushed open, and the two men simultaneously look over to find you in the doorway. You freeze when you see them, and your skin goes pale, like you’ve seen a ghost. You swallow past a lump in your throat, before shutting the door again, shielding yourself from the two.
“Ma, ma, ma, ma!” The soft cooing of your ten month old son made you look down with a smile. He’d found a small chicken plush, which he desperately wanted to show you. He reached up and grasped onto your shoulder before rising to his unsteady feet.
He took a few short steps forward, until he was closer to you. “You’re such a good boy, bubs,” you urged him and he smiled at you. His two big front teeth glinted white at you, and you mirrored his expression. “Such a clever boy.” His deep brown eyes glinted with pride.
You leaned in and kissed his forehead, and he giggled. Then he was off again, crawling with all his might towards the box of toys that stood by the couch. He rummaged around, pulling out close to every toy in the box before he sat in the middle of the pile, lifting the toys and putting them in other places.
You watched as headlights lit up the living room before turning off, letting you know your husband was home. You felt your heart skip a beat. It was funny, really - you were just as in love with him after four years as you were when you’d first met him. “Daddy’s home,”you smile at your son, and he instantly understands.
“Dada?” he coos, and your smile grows wider. Your son was definitely intelligent, and way ahead for others his age. He’d started crawling about when he was six months, rising to his knees when he was eight, and now he was almost walking.
You hear the door open, before his honeyed voice fills the whole house. “Honey I’m home!” His voice made you quiver, and you rose to your feet, your son crawling over and extending his arms towards you. You pick him up happily, and he hangs onto you like a little monkey.
“Where are the loves of my life?” You hear him tread his shoes off and hang his jacket, and you meet him halfway through the house. “There you are!”
You lean up and give Javi a kiss, before he leans in and places a kiss on your son’s temple. “Hi mijo,” you hand over your son as he leans over into his father’s touch, and you give Javi another kiss. “Missed you hermosa,” he breathes and you smile against his lips.
“I missed you too, my love.”
No matter how desperately you wanted to stay in your dream, you were unable to. The lights were blinding as you opened your eyes slowly. There was a slight, numb pain in your stomach, and your hands instantly sought down there.
You felt a few plasters on your skin, and you dared to look down. Three small incisions covered by small bandages was the sight that met you, and you threw your head back against the pillow as you silently came to terms with what had happened. You’d lost it. You’d lost your baby, and you’d had no say in the matter.
You realized, in that moment, that you’d actually wanted to keep the baby. You had actually wanted to try and make a life with Javi, to build a family with him, no matter the challenges. A few tears warmed your cheeks as they fell from your eyes. But why the plaster?
In the same moment, a doctor pushed open the door to the small room you were laying in. She offered you a small smile, before walking up to the side of your bed. She checked your vitals momentarily before she faced you.
“Hi, my name is Dr. Adams, I’m the doctor that operated on you earlier today,” You gave her a short nod before she continued. “I’m sure you’d like to know what happened, and I’ll tell you, of course, but first I need to ask you a few questions.”
You give her another nod, not really trusting your own voice at the moment. “Were you aware that you were pregnant?” She asks, and you tell her yes. “Did you have any pain up until last night?” You think it over before you answer.
“Well, I’ve had some uneasiness over the past few days… Like a nagging pain in the abdomen. I figured it was normal. But last night was different, it… it felt like something ruptured inside of me. It hurt so much.” you take a deep breath, recalling the feeling you had. It sends shivers down your spine.
“Well, your friend was quick to call an ambulance for you. It probably saved your life.” She looks over the clipboard in her hand and you’re desperate to know what it says. “We performed an ultrasound on you, and it unfortunately confirmed our suspicions. It was an ectopic pregnancy,” the doctor watches your reaction, taking a moment before she continues.
“An ectopic pregnancy occurs when an egg is fertilized outside of the uterus. In your case, it was very close to the uterus, but just far enough into the fallopian tube.” You feel numb. You can’t even explain what kind of emotion you’re feeling. You feel sorry for yourself. You feel sad for yourself. And you feel so damn angry at Javi, who got you pregnant, even though it was none of your faults.
“There was a small rupture on the fallopian tube, and we had to surgically remove the tube in question.” Well, that explains the plasters. You felt the pull of a stitch as you raised yourself further off the bed, into a sitting position.
“What does it mean?”
“Fetuses in ectopic pregnancies are never viable. This experience will be heavier on the mind than on the body. But you will be able to conceive in the future, with your remaining ovary.” You nod, trying to understand all the information you were given.
“Do you have someone to come home to? It’s important you aren’t alone after an experience like this.” She says and you think it over.
“Maybe I do. I don’t know, really…” Your voice is small, and you feel just as small. You wish you could just disappear into the mattress under you.
“Well, you’re free to go when you feel alright to do so. I have some folders for you regarding the aftermath of a miscarriage.” She hands them to you, and you look them over before thanking her. You rise further, really wanting to ask a personal question.
“Um, how about… intercourse?” You ask shyly, and she nods.
“You can have intercourse. But I would be careful for a few weeks to make sure you heal properly. Protection is always a good idea.” You nod and thank her again. You watch as she takes her leave, before you rise from the bed.
You find your clothes and get dressed, before you find the reception and ask them to call a cab for you. You don’t know how long you wait, but you desperately want to go home, so it feels like hours. You miss your bed. You miss the silence of your apartment, where you could disappear silently.
When you’re finally standing outside your complex, you hesitate. The ride from the hospital has given you much to think about, even though it was a mere 10 minute drive. You hand over the required amount of dollars, silently thanking Eddie that he remembered to bring your purse to the hospital in the hurry.
God, Eddie. He must've been scared out of his mind. You wondered where he was. Your keys were missing, so you figured he was at your place. You trod up the stairs and find your floor, shuffling down the hallway before you push your door open, and stopping dead in your tracks.
Were you seeing double? Holy fuck. There, at your dining table was your best friend, and across from him were the man you had been missing for the past two months. They both gape at you, mirroring your expression. You close the door again, and take a minute outside your apartment to compose yourself.
What the fuck just happened?
You turn around to face the wall opposite the door, and take a few deep breaths. You hear your door open behind you, yet you don’t dare looking at the man exiting. You close your eyes just as you’re turned around, and you feel yourself being pulled into a warm embrace.
You relax instantly, immediately recognizing the arms holding you. You lean into Javi’s body, before sobs wrecked through your own. You hear him shushing you quietly, just holding you in his arms as you cry. “It’s alright, hermosa,” he breathes and it makes you cry harder. “I got you. It’s all gonna be okay.”
You finally wrap your arms around his middle, and he hugs you tighter. Your tears stain his shirt, yet he doesn’t mind. He lets you calm down, until the tears are silently running down your cheeks. You can’t even make yourself look at him. You’re embarrassed by the whole situation. You have so many questions as well.
“Javi…” It’s just a whisper, but he hums a confirmation, urging you to continue. “I’m so sorry.” you start sobbing again, your whole body tensing up, and he hugs you a little tighter. He holds you gently, and you feel yourself being engulfed in the scent of the man you had been missing for what felt like a lifetime.
“Don’t be sorry, mi amor.” He speaks lowly, and you relax again. Javi definitely wasn’t blaming you. Thank god. “Your… mother called me. Right after we talked last week.” You freeze. That bitch. “She told me. I…”
“Javi, I lost it.” You blurt out as he speaks, and you feel Javi tense up against you. “I lost it. It’s my fault.” It’s just a whisper, but it hurts just saying it. You feel his hands stroking your back, his touch warming you.
“It’s not your fault, hermosa.” He kisses your temple, and you sigh. You finally pull back to look at him, his eyes meeting your red, bloodshot ones. You look at each other for a second, before Javi is leaning down.
You close your eyes with anticipation, and feel the hairs of his mustache tickle your upper lip. You’d forgotten what it felt like, but you were instantly thrown back into the haze you’d found yourself in, while you were still in Colombia. Your lips barely manage to meet his, before a throat is cleared in your doorway. You both freeze, and after a few, short seconds, you both look at Eddie in the doorway, who looks like he’s about to faint.
“Okay, will someone please explain to me what the fuck is going on?” Javi lets you go, like he has burnt himself on you. Or like he was suddenly embarrassed to be seen with you. You push your way past Eddie, his eyes following you before they dart from you to his uncle.
“I really wanna know what the fuck is going on as well.” You speak, and you find some clothes that are fresh and clean, that don't smell sterile and like a hospital. You look between them as you make your way into your bathroom, speaking over your shoulder. “Javi, I need to talk to Eddie first. Alone.”
You shut the door before you change out of your gross clothes, taking a quick shower to at least feel a little like yourself again. You carefully avoid touching the plasters, and you take extra care in cleaning yourself properly. It still felt like you had blood everywhere, the stickiness getting uncomfortable.
When you’ve changed into your clean sweatshirt and loose pants, you make your way out into the living room. Eddie is there alone, and you thank the heavens. You didn’t mind Eddie seeing you with someone else, he was only your best friend after all, but it was awkward when he actually had a family relation to the man you had been fucking for a month.
You sit down at the table opposite of him, and thank him as he pours you a cup of tea that he’s made. You take a deep breath, and neither of you speak for a few seconds. You have so many questions, and you can feel many lingering in the space between the two of you.
“Just… Start at the beginning.” You try, and watch as the gears turn behind Eddie’s eyes.
“Javi… Is my uncle.” Eddie begins, and you close your eyes with a sigh. Fuck. You’d heard about Eddie’s absent uncle, but for some reason, you never expected to actually meet the man. And certainly not like this. “I haven’t seen him since I was 13. He just upped and left one day.”
You knew the story. You’d heard him tell it to you a few times, more or less connecting everything together by yourself. Most of the story was told while Eddie was intoxicated - it was no secret that Eddie blamed his uncle - Javi - for the way his mother had started distancing herself from the remainder of the family.
“I had no idea it was him you had met. I just knew he lived in Colombia, but not where. I have barely spoken on the phone with him more than 10 times that I can remember. I just know he didn’t care about us that much.”
You felt bad for both of them. During one of you and Javi’s pillow talks, the main topic had been his family. And you knew of the constant regret and the continuous love Javi had for his sister and his niece and nephew. You knew he missed his dad, and that he wanted to go back there one day, and live the rest of his days there.
“He does care about you, Eddie. About your mother and your sister too. He told me that much, while we were together.” Eddie winches slightly, but you don’t miss it. You don’t know what caused that reaction.
“I will never get used to you saying that. That’s just gross.” Eddie snorts, and you see the fun in what you just said. The situation was so unlikely, and it truly was laughable. “I will never get used to the thought of you and my uncle together. Romantically.”
You nod and fold your hands in front of you on the table. “Eddie…” you try to find the words, but he beats you to it yet again.
“There’s something I gotta tell you.” Eddie watches you as he speaks and you offer him a nod. “Your mother called while you were admitted. I picked up the phone because it rang. I didn’t even get to say anything, and she thought I was you.” you watch him as well, seeing the way his features softened as he spoke.
“She said that they weren’t going to be paying for the apartment anymore, and that you had to be out by September.” His voice drops as bit as he says the last words, and you feel the sadness blooming in your stomach again, and he reaches for your hand.
“That’s in less than three weeks,” you whisper, and Eddie nods. You don’t even know what emotion you’re feeling. You had no idea your parents were just going to put you out the street because of an apparent inconvenience. “What am I gonna do?”
Eddie shrugs his shoulders, and you bury your face in your hands. “I gotta make a fucking list at this point.” you breathe, your nostrils flaring. “One, talk to Javi.” You hold up your fingers as you count. “Two. Find a new place.” Eddie watches you. “Three. Figure out if I even want a Javi.” You did. “If he even wants me.”
“I’m sure he’ll still want you. But... Don’t you think it’s a little too early to find a new place after everything you’ve been through?” Eddie watches you as you raise your head, your eyes squinted as you look at him.
“Does it look like I have other options?” You scold, and Eddie raises his hands in defeat. “Besides. My parents are leaving me with no other choice. Do you have a magic place where I can live until I get a job?” You question, knowing Eddie was living in the dorms at uni.
“The last time I checked, the dorms were affordable and a good solution.” Eddie speaks, as right as he always is. “As a matter of fact, in most cases, having a roomie isn’t the worst thi-”
“I don’t care. I know you’re used to living with someone, but I’m not.” You roll your eyes at him. You were feeling irrational and agitated. “I don’t even have a job. Soon, I won’t even be able to buy a fucking cup of coffee.”
Eddie laughs, and you laugh with him. That too, has been an inside joke between you - and you always felt distanced from uni since you weren’t living at campus. You often talked about moving to the dorms, but it was tough in the middle of the semester.
But as of the moment, it was actually possible. You had the possibility to move to campus, and you knew your trust fund would be sufficient enough to keep a roof over your head for the remaining two years.
With a sigh you rest your head in your hands. “With that said, I need to go on with my life, and pretend like the baby never happened. Because to others, it didn’t. No one besides you and Javi… and my parents knew. And I’d like for it to stay that way.”
Warnings: Smut, angst, feelings. Semi-established situationship? PinV sex, cockwarming (this started as a kinktober thing), cum things I don't know, lots of feelings. Lots. Language. Takes place after the events of Narcos 1x10, but you don't need to know that to read it.
Summary: A knock on your door at 3 in the morning can change everything.
(Big thanks to @ezrasbirdie and @prolix-yuy who listened to me ramble about this for too long)
--
Very few people know Javier Peña.
Sure, people know of him. He’s got a reputation in the DEA and in the streets of Colombia, where he puts everything on the line for the mission. He certainly has a reputation with the ladies of Bogotá, where he is known as one of the good ones. Someone who is always going to be kind- a hard thing to come by these days. When he walks the halls of the embassy people watch and whisper, sometimes in awe and sometimes with derision.
But most people don’t actually know him. He doesn’t allow it.
You were one of the few that he allowed into his sphere on occasion. You had met him out at the bar with a mutual embassy acquaintance and he had taken you home that night. He did it the next weekend too, and later the next month he came home with you. It was supposed to be a casual thing, a way to scratch a mutual itch with someone who was safe, and neutral. You weren’t involved in each other’s daily lives and it was better that way. He didn’t put you in any danger and you didn’t complicate things for him, like everything else in his life it seemed.
This went on for months, then a year, then creeping up on two. Your encounters became less frequent, something you chalked up to the nature of his work. He didn’t owe you anything, but damn it if you didn’t miss him sometimes. Maybe he finally found himself a girlfriend, a thought that made you chuckle, or perhaps he went back to the States. In the darkest hours, your mind would wander towards the worst-case scenarios.
You weren’t expecting the slow series of knocks at your door at midnight, nor did you anticipate seeing his downturned profile when you peered through the peephole of your door. Stashing your baseball bat back by the door, the only security system afforded to you in your shitty little apartment, you unbolt the locks and throw open the door.
“Fancy seeing you here, stranger,” you joke, letting him breeze past you before locking the door again. “Get lost on your way home?” You wait for a quip back from him, but one never comes.
He throws his coat across the back of your couch like he always does, but instead of immediately coming over to kiss you he just slumps over on the couch, pinching the bridge of his nose. You briefly wish you were wearing something a little sexier than a ratty old t-shirt and shorts, but that ship has long sailed.
You hurry over and sit down facing him, one leg tucked under you, your bare knee against the rough denim jeans he usually sports. “Jesus, Javi, what happened? Are you alright?” you ask, worry settling into your bones. Javi is usually intense, but never like this. His shoulders relax slightly when you rest your hand on his thigh, and for the first time, he makes eye contact with you. Instead of flirtation and desire, you only see pain.
The silence stretches, thick and heavy.
“Tell me what’s wrong, just…tell me something, Jav,” you plead. “What the fuck happened?” You’ve never seen him like this, even during his worst times. His face is tense, jaw strained and brows scrunched. Maybe you should be annoyed that he goes for months without turning up, although you’ve been mostly annoyed with yourself for thinking about him too much.
The Javi you know, who borderlines on chatterbox when he gets comfortable, is nowhere to be found. You ask the question that’s burning a hole in your heart.
“Why are you here?”
He rests his hand on your thigh, squeezing lightly. “I don’t know,” he says honestly, and you appreciate it. He’s never been anything but honest with you- as far as you know anyway. What started as an understanding had quickly bloomed into respect, laced with affection and something deeper than both of you wanted to admit.
“I wanted some company,” he finally tells you. “Wanted to check in.”
You roll your eyes because you both know the latter is bullshit. The former might be true, however. “I’m sure there are some nice women who you could pay for some companionship. But thanks for checking in, I guess.”
He leans up to you, sliding his hand along your cheek and fiercely kissing you. This is familiar, this hunger. It’s him showing up at 2 a.m. or you dragging him into a cab after last call. It’s both of you needing to turn your too-loud brains off for a while.
It’s both of you convincing yourselves that the feelings aren’t real.
You throw one leg over his lap, straddling him while he yanks your t-shirt up and over your head. His mouth crashes against yours again, and you know your lip will be red from the scratch of his mustache if he keeps this up. You can feel his growing bulge beneath you and you whimper when his tongue pushes into your mouth. You like when he gets like this, greedy and lusty and consuming.
After several minutes you finally break from each other, breathless and warm. “Missed you,” he says as he kisses across your collarbone and down your chest. “Missed this.” His sloppy, wet kisses are a relief against your burning skin. You throw your head back and mewl when he takes one of your nipples in his mouth and sucks just right, tongue swirling in agonizingly slow circles.
“Me too,” you reply, holding his head to your chest and arching into him. His sweet, warm mouth - that didn’t taste like the usual whiskey, you think idly - moves to your other breast. You tangle your hands in his hair and tug, eliciting a deep moan that rumbles around your nipple. While Javi might hold himself back emotionally, he never held back his sounds of pleasure as he willingly gave you every pant and moan.
Javi’s intensity bordered on frenzy tonight and before you knew it you were naked on your bed, sprawled out and watching Javi disrobe. His dark eyes never leave you as he unbuttons his shirt and tugs off his jeans. You bite your lip and dip your fingers into your wet cunt, letting Javi watch as you swiftly work yourself open. You want to be ready for him. Right now.
You were done lying to yourself- you did miss Javi. No one had ever made you feel so well and thoroughly fucked before, but it was so much more than that. You also missed how he was looking at you right now, like he wanted to consume you. Like he needed you. Fuck, it felt good.
“Wider,” Javi says as he strokes himself. “Lemme see, baby.”
You oblige and open your legs for him to see. He stares unabashedly before crawling over to you, greedily kissing up your body as he lined himself up between your thighs. You welcome him eagerly as he pushes his cock inside of you with an excruciatingly slow thrust. It’s a tight pinch, uncomfortable at first but quickly giving way to a glorious stretch.
Just as Javi feels you relax around him, he starts thrusting with a delicious drag of his thick cock. He moves faster and faster, grunting with the effort. It’s immediately overwhelming, between the pace and the intensity. It feels good - it feels amazing - but the look in Javi’s eyes is…off.
“Javi, Javi. Baby, hold on,” you plead.
Javi stops immediately. “Fuck, are you alright? Did I hurt you?”
“You didn’t hurt me. But Javier,” you reach out to smooth the crease between his eyebrows, “Something is wrong. Just take…a minute.” You’re nervous because this is far from the unspoken agreement that you and Javi have had up to this point. It was just supposed to be sex, nothing more. Not this.
Javi’s head drops to your shoulder. “Do you want me to go,” he says dejectedly as he starts to pull out of you.
“No, no. Just stay right here. Stay with me.” You hook your legs around his thighs, holding him in place. It feels good, this fullness. Knowing that Javi is safe with you and buried as deep inside of you as he can get. You adjust your hips a bit as he gets comfortable letting his weight rest atop your body.
You’re both quiet for a long, long moment. You run your fingers through Javi’s dark brown hair as you soothe whatever part of him needs it. Finally, Javi speaks.
“I had…I had it handled. I did what I had to do. I had to-you don’t understand, I-”
Javi’s breathing quickens and you shush him gently. “Take a breath, Jav. It’s fine.”
“What if it isn’t? I think crossed the line so long ago I can’t even fuckin’ see it anymore,” he confesses, broken.
You don’t need to know the specifics. Maybe Javi will tell you and maybe he won’t, but ultimately it doesn’t matter. You know he’s dedicated everything that he has to catching Escobar, sacrificing every bit of soul to doing what needs to be done.
“You’re a good person, Javier Peña.”
He scoffs.
“Do you think I would lie to you?” you challenge him. “I know you. I know you.” Your own voice breaks, emotions coursing through your body. The past two years have been more than just sex, and it’s so obvious to you now. You’ve laughed with him and let him into your world in a way that you haven’t with anyone else. He’s come to you for so long because he trusts you, and more than that, he wants to be with you. He wants to be in your bed and in your arms and in that quiet space in the mornings where the world doesn’t exist.
Javi slowly drags his nose up your neck and across your cheek before pressing his lips to yours. He doesn’t push for more, kissing you as gently and as chastely as you’ve ever been kissed. It’s…god, it’s sweet, you think to yourself. It’s comforting, both for him and for you.
You make the first move to deepen it as you run your tongue across his lips. He opens immediately to you and you let out a little moan as his cock stirs with renewed interest inside of you. Your heart starts to quicken as the kiss intensifies before you break free of his intoxicating lips.
“Do you wanna…I need you, Javi. Can you-” you plead.
Javi smiles at you, a genuine and overwhelming smile that makes your heart catch fire. Shit, you’re in so deep with this man. It’s terrifying.
“I’ve got you, baby. Let me take care of you.” Javi repositions himself so that he can start moving in and out of you again, but with so much more care than before. He’s connected and that distant look in his eyes is nowhere to be seen now. Every breath, every thrust, every moan- he’s right here with you.
You keep waiting for him to be scared and to pull back like he normally does. But nothing about tonight is normal, and Javi never shows you even a flash of fear or doubt. The moment you’ve been dreading never arrives.
“You’re so good for me, baby. I don’t- deserve- you,” Javi admits as he snaps his hips against yours, almost to himself. You’re not even sure you’re meant to hear it.
“Shut the fuck up, Javi,” you chide, digging your fingers into the meat of his back. “Don’t say that shit again, or I’ll throw you out right now.”
Javi’s mouth quirks into an appreciative smirk and his eyes sparkle. Ah, there he is again.
“Yes ma’am.”
Javi adjusts your hips just so, hitting that spot that makes your vision start to blur. He knows that spot so well, just like he knows everything else about you. Your gasps and moans tell him to keep going; he doesn’t need your breathy pleas not to stop. Although he loves every single one of them.
Heat burns in your core and electricity courses through your limbs until lights explode in the corners of your vision. Your body quakes with pleasure and your cunt squeezes Javi, and fuck it feels good to come on cock like this. When your muscles finally relax enough, Javi pulls out of you and kneels between your legs. He pumps himself once, twice, three times, and locks eyes with you.
“Come on me, Jav. Please.”
That pushes Javi over the edge. You both watch as he decorates your belly and still-fluttering cunt with his spend until he can give you no more. You reach up and run your hand along Javi’s cheek, and let out a satisfied sigh when he turns his head to place a soft kiss on your palm.
Months from now, you’ll tell him that this was the moment you knew you would love him forever.
Reluctantly, Javi leaves the bed and walks into your connecting bathroom. He returns with a warm cloth and starts to clean you off. You wish he would use his mouth, but it’s 3 am. He gets a pass tonight.
“Nice shot,” you joke, hoping to see his smile again.
He rewards you with not only a smile but an amused chuckle as he finishes cleaning you up. “Nah, I was aiming for your tits.”
You laugh and smack him on the arm. He settles back next to you and pulls the blankets up around you both.
“Staying?” you ask hopefully, bracing for an excuse about an early morning meeting.
Javi gently turns your face towards his so that your noses are practically touching. “Can I?” he asks quietly.
Warnings for the chapter: mentions of smut, mentions of a crush, unrequited love, mentions of death (nightmare), reader’s mom (ugh), another twist.
Word count: 3.1k
Summary: summer has come to an end. you find yourself thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, difficult choices and more adversity, like you’d never believed possible. someone is there to pull you out of it - but it’s not someone you’d ever imagined.
a/n: … I'm sorry for the wait on this chapter. I had no idea what direction I was going to bring this in. I feel like I have a good idea of it now. I hope you don’t hate me for this.
SERIES MASTERLIST
Read it on ao3 here
previous chapter
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･
Javi doesn’t know how long he’s been waiting. The plane should’ve been taking off at three, and now it’s nearing five. His knee was bouncing, foot unsteady against the tattered carpet of the airport floor. He looked down at his brown leather boots, a stark contrast to the navy carpet littered with purple streaks.
It’s not a secret - not that anyone knows him here, but Javi’s never felt this way before. It’s an unsettling feeling, and it sends chills down his spine. He feels it as a tingle in his fingers, as a twitch in his lip. He’s nervous. Well, nervous was probably not the right word to use in this situation. He was scared.
Javi can’t even remember a time where he actually felt scared before. It was always something else when something was new to him or nagging at his mind. Even that one time where Steve had been kidnapped, he didn’t even feel scared. Not for himself, not for Connie, not even for Steve. He just wondered how in the world Steve could allow such a thing to happen.
Summary: summer has come to an end. you find yourself thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, difficult choices and more adversity, like you’d never believed possible. someone is there to pull you out of it - but it’s not someone you’d ever imagined.
a/n: … I'm sorry for the wait on this chapter. I had no idea what direction I was going to bring this in. I feel like I have a good idea of it now. I hope you don’t hate me for this.
SERIES MASTERLIST
Read it on ao3 here
previous chapter
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･
Javi doesn’t know how long he’s been waiting. The plane should’ve been taking off at three, and now it’s nearing five. His knee was bouncing, foot unsteady against the tattered carpet of the airport floor. He looked down at his brown leather boots, a stark contrast to the navy carpet littered with purple streaks.
It’s not a secret - not that anyone knows him here, but Javi’s never felt this way before. It’s an unsettling feeling, and it sends chills down his spine. He feels it as a tingle in his fingers, as a twitch in his lip. He’s nervous. Well, nervous was probably not the right word to use in this situation. He was scared.
Javi can’t even remember a time where he actually felt scared before. It was always something else when something was new to him or nagging at his mind. Even that one time where Steve had been kidnapped, he didn’t even feel scared. Not for himself, not for Connie, not even for Steve. He just wondered how in the world Steve could allow such a thing to happen.
Javi wasn’t scared on his own behalf, though. He was scared on your behalf. It was an odd feeling, but it just confirmed his suspicions - he loved you. Not just superficially - he felt it in his nerves, in the tingle of his fingers, in the twitch of his mustache.
He was feeling so many emotions at once, spanning from desperately wanting to protect you to wanting to
There was a time in his life where he didn’t even know if he was capable of loving someone. And yet here he was, getting on a plane to see a woman he loved in another country. Well, his home country, yet a place where he never felt like he belonged.
He did have his history there, of course, spanning from his early days at university and his escapades up until he met Lorraine, who’d actually been interested in him since the first day she met him at uni.
He was two years older than her, and that’s probably why she was so intrigued by him. She heard the stories, of course, yet she looked past everything once Javi finally got eyes for her as well. They dated for a few years before Javi finally fell on one knee, and he could still recollect the feeling he had inside when Lorraine had said yes.
Javi had always felt like he could never impress his parents, even though he managed to get through university with better grades than anticipated, and when he decided that he was going through with becoming a deputy sheriff, his mother had only nodded, while his father had given him a pat on the back.
They were always more excited for his older sister, three years older, and progressively more successful than him. She married a lawyer at 19, they had their first child shortly after. At that time, Javi didn’t even care about fucking with the same girl twice. His sister graduated with flying colors, and made a good career for herself, all while maintaining a healthy family.
Javi hated it. He hated the nagging feeling of jealousy.
He loathed the Thanksgivings, the Christmases and the vacations that turned fewer and fewer over the years. He only showed up at family gatherings because of his niece and nephew. They were a lot easier to impress - and they were genuinely interested in his line of work, to no ones surprise.
His mother fell ill shortly after Christmas 82’, and she died the following spring. Javi knew he had to feel sad - it was awful losing a parent - yet he couldn’t find it within himself to cry. He didn’t cry at her funeral, or when they lowered her casket into the ground.
All Javi did was watch. His sister has simply hugged him, as it was just what he needed. She never judged him like their parents did. Lorraine held his hand as they walked back to their car, the whole drive home and the following days. She let him mourn in his own way, and he loved her for it.
Yes - Javi loved Lorraine like he’d never loved anyone before. But like everything else in Javi’s life, it fell apart. All it took was one snow storm, and Javi had lost Lorraine as well. The timing couldn’t have been any worse, but Javi knew it was coming.
After more than eight years together, a crushed dream of creating a family together and falling out of love, it was over. And Javi knew he had to feel some kind of remorse, yet it didn’t happen. And he finally sought out a new possibility, since he left nothing meaningful behind in America.
That’s how he ended up in Colombia, at the DEA, in Bogota, and ultimately with you. He guesses he should’ve seen it coming - there were always beautiful women wandering around the streets of the warm country, and he’d seen many of them in the ten years he’d been living in the republic.
He recalled your laugh, the way your eyes would search his with no end, trying to find something in the depths of them. He recalled the feeling of your fingers between his as he held your hand, and he caught his gaze looking at the empty space between them now.
Goosebumps rise on his neck as he feels your fingers threading through the short hairs there, the way they would intertwine in the locks as he kissed your lips with ferocity. He remembers how your fingers tightened in the hairs on the crown of his head that first time he’d made love to you.
He sees you in front of him - your expression wonderfully blissed out like the many time he’s watched you as he thrusted into you, and he swears he can feel you clench around him - even though it’s just a mirage. It’s funny how he imagines it, feels it , even though he hadn’t felt it in months.
He swears he hears your moan as well. The sweet sounds of you has lodged themselves in the back of his mind, coming to nag at him at any given moment, if he was the tiniest amount of bored. His fist has never been this occupied, and he loathes it. Loathes that he can’t lay with you, fill you, be close to you.
This kind of romance was simply not what he’d expected when he’d first laid his eyes on you at the bar, on your first night. He hadn’t been with anyone else since you - he simply didn’t want to. He was too caught up in the thought of you, and too caught up in his work. It was weird - it’d been years since he felt this way. He hadn’t felt like this since Lorraine.
Yet, he felt awful, though. He could still hear how your mother had berated him on the phone when she told him of your situation. His heart still sunk deeper into his chest with regret every time he thought of it, thought of how you were feeling.
He felt saddened that he had to hear it from her instead of you - that was what you wanted to tell him face to face. He didn’t even know if you knew that your mother had called him, but he wanted to give you the opportunity to tell him yourself.
He didn’t understand why he hadn’t heard from you since, though. He’d tried calling you countless times, yet he was met with a tone that let him know your line was occupied. It killed him, and it felt like you were actively ignoring him. He wanted nothing more than to get to you. Yet you felt so far away.
He heard the number of his flight being called and with a deep sigh he finally rose from his seat, his ass feeling numb and cold from the firm stool he’d been on/off sitting on for the past three hours. His steps felt heavy, like his feet were casted from concrete, as he walked through the gate and onto the plane that would take him to you.
He couldn’t wait to get there. To you. Finally.
The fluorescent lights were hurting Eddie’s eyes as he sat in the waiting room. His knees were bouncing, the cup of coffee in his hand turning cold. He hadn’t even drunk from the cup. He was too worried about you.
He had watched the sun rise on the horizon from where he was seated in the waiting room. He always enjoyed watching the sunrise - yet today it was different. He knew everything had changed. Nothing was ever going to be the same, no matter how hard anyone tried.
He knew you wouldn’t be yourself again in the near future. He was mentally preparing himself for the person you might be once you woke up, the underlying possibility that you would be a mere shell of the person you once were.
How does anyone heal from a loss like this? Eddie knew your family was religious, yet he also knew your take on said religion. Eddie knew of your opinion on abortion and healthcare, and that was one of the factors that calmed him of the whole situation.
Yes, this was definitely different. But you’d said it yourself - you didn’t even know if you wanted to keep the baby. Eddie knew you’d wanted to make the choice yourself - this time you just weren’t that lucky. He felt the presence of someone beside him, and he looked to find a white lab coat.
“Is this her first pregnancy?”
Eddie looked fully at the doctor, now sitting beside him, clipboard in hand. He gave the doctor a short nod. “Yes.” Eddie finally manages to get a word out. He barely recognizes his own voice. It’s weak, yet very coarse. His throat feels dry like sandpaper.
“Alright. Has she been bleeding before this incident?” The doctor scribbles down Eddie’s answer as she speaks. He tries to recall every event of their day together, yet he doesn’t remember any blood at all during the day. He certainly wouldn’t have noticed, though, since you’re private about… that stuff .
“No. Not that I know of. Not today.” He remembers your disheveled state when he first knocked on your door a mere 24 hours earlier. He’d expected everything to be as it used to - your cheery personality was the reason he stayed at uni.
Yet there you were - eyes blank and lacking happiness and spark. Skin pale and somehow gray - hair dull and greasy. You looked like you lost a lot of weight as well. He barely recognized you.
“How has she been feeling today?”
“She was all cold and clammy when I came to her apartment around noon. I’ve been unable to get in contact with her, so I went to her place.” Eddie feels a tear trickling out of his eye. “She… Hasn’t been eating. She’s been trying to hide her pain from me, but I noticed.” The doctor nods and scribbles short key points onto the paper on the clipboard.
“How old is she?” The doctor asks and Eddie tells her your age. He looks straight into the paper cup, watching his slightly distorted face in the dark brown liquid.
“Are you the father?”
Eddie feels his breath hitch and his heart drop slightly. If only he was. “No, I’m not.”
“Okay. We’ll make sure to keep you updated. Please, treat yourself to a warm cup of coffee.” The doctor leaves Eddie, and he sighs. He had no idea what to do. Who to call. How to pass the time. If he had his sketchbook, he’d certainly drawn you. You were one of the things that gave him endless inspiration.
If you only knew how many drawings and sketches he’d done of you - your hands, your poses, your profile. You knew of it to some extent - he’d made you pose a few times. He kind of saw you as his muse - even though his feelings for you would never be reciprocated.
Eddie closed his eyes and laid his head back. He could vividly imagine you with a rounded belly. He knew you would be the perfect mother one day - that was just the kind of person you were. Full of love for others, just downright appreciating of everyone and everything.
You would be the perfect picture for him to draw - rounded belly, voluminous brea- no. Shut the fuck up Eddie’s mind. He rubs his eyes before drawing his jacket around his arms, trying to get a few hours of sleep, if his head let him.
“It’s probably nothing. Just a precaution.” You breathe through your nose, trying to calm yourself. Eddie stands beside you, truly hoping for a positive result. It’s all he ever wanted with you.
Those five minutes feel like the longest of his life. The two of you didn’t exactly time those five minutes, you just decided to eyeball it. It was a stupid idea, you realized after… yeah. you had no recollection of how much time had passed. Eddie held your hand as you waited together.
His mind wandered. To the instantaneous cry of a newborn, the soft cooing, the sound of knees and hands scurrying across hardwood floors, to soft footsteps padding along the latter. Eddie feels tears gathering in his eyes.
You decided to just go with it and turn the test over.
A blazing, red line, next to the control line. Two lines in total. Pregnant.
He suddenly feels dizzy, and he thanked the iron grip on the counter for keeping him upright. He watches as you stand there, taking in the result on the plastic stick. He watches a thousand thoughts and emotions pass behind your eyes, and he has a hard time reading you.
He watches as you try to breathe. In, out. In, out. In, out. You slowly turn your eyes to his, and he offers you a soft smile. “We’re going to be parents,” he breathes, his heart beating heavily against his ribcage. He wanted nothing more than this, ever since he kissed you for the first time. He’d never been so sure of anything in his life.
He sees your lip wobbling as realization sinks in, and you slide to the floor, settling against the cold tiles. Suddenly, the scenery is different. You’re still on the floor, yet you’re covered in blood. Your hands are stained dark red, just like the tiles beneath you. Your stomach is slightly rounded, yet there’s no trace of a baby.
“I’m sorry.” You breathe before your eyes close and your body slumps together lifelessly.
“Edward?” Eddie is shaken out how his nightmarish slumber gently, the same doctor kneeling right in front of him. “Hi,” The doctor watches as Eddie rubs his eyes, trying to rid the sleep and tears from the corners of them.
“Just Eddie, please.” He says as he sits up and straightens his back. He’s never felt this uncomfortable in his life. Eddie thinks that was his first nightmare. At least the first he can remember.
“She’s in recovery right now. It’ll probably be a few more hours until she wakes up from the anesthesia. I suggest you go home and get some proper sleep.” Eddie nods and watches as the doctor takes her leave. He needs to go back to your place and clean up before you come home.
Coming back to a bloody bed might not be appetizing to sleep in on the first night home. The vision of you crumpled up against the sink on the floor of your bathroom sends shivers down his spine. Eddie decides to walk the four miles back to your apartment to try and clear his head.
He’d forgotten what state the two of you had left your apartment in. When he unlocked your door and pushed it open, he’d expected a bloodbath. That’s how he remembered it. Yet there was a small pool of blood on the bed and a few drops along the floorboards.
The sun was high in the sky, the shadows along your floor short and very visible. The small crystal sun catcher hung by your window casts many, small reflective prismatic rainbow splatters along your walls. Eddie finally sees what you see in it.
It’s beautiful and calming. Just what Eddie needs at that moment. His mind keeps wandering back to the nightmare he had at the hospital. He can’t seem to forget the way you looked, the way you died. It hurts him way more than he thought possible.
Eddie sighs and puts your phone back on the housing, since he’d left it on the table. He grabbed the sheets on your bed and removed them, hoping to rid them of the red stains. Eddie barely notices how much time passes, and he’s startled by your phone ringing.
He decides to pick it up, and he hears your mother’s voice on the other end. “Finally, I’ve been trying to call you for days, you ungrateful brat! If you’d picked up your phone before, you’d know by now that we’re not going to pay for your apartment anymore.”
Eddie is taken aback with the tone and your mothers words, mouth agape and his heart thudding in his chest. He doesn’t manage to get a word out. “You need to be out by September. We’re very disappointed with you. Don’t bother calling us or come home.”
Eddie drops the phone back to the housing, and sits down on your bed. How the fuck was he going to tell you this? He’d rather not. First everything happening, both this guy in Colombia draining your energy, then the whole baby thing happening and now your parents being complete shitheads in a time of need? Jesus.
September was a mere three weeks away. How the fuck were you ever going to get over this whole situation? He knew that if he were in your shoes, he would be agitated as fuck. Agitated and angry. No, not angry, mad. Mad as hell.
Eddie was agitated on your behalf right now. He felt like he didn’t fit into his own body. Like he wanted to crawl out of it. He heard a few short, hard knocks on your front door, and with the sheets still crumbled up in his arms, he went over to open your door.
To say he was shocked by the man on the other side of the door was an understatement. It’d been years since he’d last seen the man now in front of him. Needless to say, Eddie was speechless. Or, he managed to muster his voice as he breathed;
Warnings for the chapter: (mild) violence, mentions and talks of abortions, twist at the end….
Word count: 3.8k
Summary: summer has come to an end. you find yourself thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, difficult choices and more adversity, like you’d never believed possible. someone is there to pull you out of it - but it’s not someone you’d ever imagined.
a/n: … surprise, surprise. I had to bring this guy in. sweet little baby Pedro. <3 also,,,, no javi in this chapter!
SERIES MASTERLIST
Read it on ao3 here
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･
“Mom, can we please just sit down and eat in silence for once?” your face had turned red, and your forehead was littered with small beads of sweat. “I just want one quiet family dinner before I leave for uni.”
You evaded your mothers heated, angry gaze and ducked your head into the plate in front of you. You wished you could just disappear into the plate of chicken and rice. God, you couldn’t wait to get out of the house.
Your mother hesitates before sitting down beside you. She reaches out and grabs your hand, and you freeze at the touch. You don’t feel it as a mother trying to comfort her daughter. It feels like something else. “Sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me?”
Summary: summer has come to an end. you find yourself thrown into a whirlwind of emotions, difficult choices and more adversity, like you’d never believed possible. someone is there to pull you out of it - but it’s not someone you’d ever imagined.
a/n: ... surprise, surprise. I had to bring this guy in. sweet little baby Pedro. <3 also,,,, no javi in this chapter!
SERIES MASTERLIST
Read it on ao3 here
･ ⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･ ⠄⠂⋆ ･
“Mom, can we please just sit down and eat in silence for once?” your face had turned red, and your forehead was littered with small beads of sweat. “I just want one quiet family dinner before I leave for uni.”
You evaded your mothers heated, angry gaze and ducked your head into the plate in front of you. You wished you could just disappear into the plate of chicken and rice. God, you couldn’t wait to get out of the house.
Your mother hesitates before sitting down beside you. She reaches out and grabs your hand, and you freeze at the touch. You don’t feel it as a mother trying to comfort her daughter. It feels like something else. “Sweetheart, why didn’t you tell me?”
Your gaze whips up and you face your mother, her eyes glossed over and a little red. “I’m not mad at you, sweetheart. I could never be mad at you.” You feel your insides freeze over and your stomach drop. If you weren’t nauseous before, you certainly were now.
Her voice was cold. A tear streaked her cheek, and you wanted to roll your eyes at her.
“It’s not that I didn’t want to tell you, mom… I just wanted to think it over myself. I’m not even sure I’m going to keep it.” You watch your mothers face contort into a grimace, and you scoop a bite into your mouth. You were so damn hungry all the time.
“You don’t- honey, it’s against our beliefs to have such a procedure don-”
“Well you know what else is against our beliefs?!” You finally get enough of your mothers’ insistent comments. You push your chair back violently as you stand up, taking your mother by surprise. “Fucking a complete stranger in a different country because you’re sick of the way you’re living!”
Your mothers mouth falls open. She’s clearly taken aback by the tone you talk back to her with. Hell, she’s never heard those kinds of words leave your mouth before. Before she can even think further, her hand collided with your cheek.
You could compose one thought. You wanted to scream at her, to hit her back. Yet you couldn’t hear your thoughts over the awful ringing in your ears. Instead of reacting, you draw your lips into a thin line and leave for your room.
Your mother tries to follow you, talking to you, apologizing for laying a hand on you, but you shut her out. You barely hear anything she’s saying as you close the door and lock it behind you. You were luckily going back to Miami a few days later. You decided on leaving that same night.
A few days pass after your arrival back to Miami before there is a quick rap of knuckles on your door, your closed eyes wishing that it would just stop again as quickly as it started. The annoying sound increased though, and you felt a sharp pain blossom between your eyebrows.
You shot out of bed and pulled on your cardigan, before trampling to the door and pulling it open with a snarl. You sigh when you discover Eddie on the other side of the door. “Eddie, shit.” You breathe and turn back into your apartment, sitting down on your bed.
“You startled me a bit. Thought you were someone else.” You pushed your head into your hands and sighed to yourself, all while Eddie watched from where you left the door open.
“Well don’t just stand there, come in.” You sighed before he slowly made his way into your apartment where the two of you had spent many hours laughing over everything and nothing the past semester. He shut the door after him, his eyes watching your sulking body. “Just so you know, my mother has tried to call me close to a hundred times.”
“Yeah, I tried calling you as well, with no success. Figured something was up.”
Eddie was one of your best friends at uni, and one of the people you knew you could always trust. You knew you could talk with him about everything, yet you didn’t feel ready to talk to him about Javi. Looking at Eddie now, you could see a striking resemblance between the two men, and it startled you just a bit.
God, everyone just looks like him. Is this God’s way of testing me? You think to yourself and- “Looks like who?” Eddie spoke, his tenuous voice thankfully nothing like Javi’s. Well, you figured you had to tell him anyways, since your stupid mouth decided to betray you.
You straighten your back as Eddie sits down in the chair by your desk, looking at you questioningly. “You know I went to Colombia this summer right?” you start, and Eddie nods. “Well, I met this man.” You fiddle your fingers, looking at the digits swirling about each other.
“And it was… Amazing. He was sweet and gentle, and we had the best time. We were inseparable in those three weeks we spent together.” You smile at the fond memory, before continuing. “It was perfect, and he showed me so much of Colombia and I-” You stop yourself, not sure of just how many details you wanted to tell Eddie just yet.
You look up from your fingers, finding Eddie looking at you with a soft smile. You knew he could read you like an open book. . “Someone fell in love over the summer, huh?” Eddie teases, before rubbing his hands together, leaning his elbows on his knees. “Tell me more. Was his dick big? Did he show you a real good time?” Eddie asks with a wiggle of his eyebrows and you throw a pillow at him which he easily catches. “Was he hot? Older? Tan and dreamy?”
“Oh my god.” you hide your face in your hands before you lay back with a laugh. You feel Eddie jumping on your bed to join you. Eddie knew what kind of man you were into. It’d been a very discussed topic in your many study sessions the past semester.
“So he did show you a good time!” Eddie laughs and you join him. “Bet you’ve been thinking about that Colombian dick for the past months, huh?” You throw out your hand and hit Eddie square in the face with another laugh, both of you soon unable to catch your breaths.
“First off, he’s American. But he did.” You say after you’ve both regained your senses. “He really did.” you trailed off, your eyes once again focusing on anything but Eddie. You know he’s able to read you like an open book just by looking into your eyes. “And so much more.”
“Why do I feel a ‘but’ coming?” Eddie asks, with good reason. He looks at you while you feel the tears welling back up into your eyes and he slings an arm over you to calm you in the best way he can. It felt as if the whole atmosphere of the room had changed in a matter of seconds.
“Because there is a but.” you take a breath, deciding it’s better to just tell him than to keep it a secret. You know you can trust Eddie, and you’re having a really difficult time keeping this secret for yourself. You look up at Eddie with wide eyes, and he looks back at you with warm, brown orbs.
“I think I’m pregnant, Eddie.” You manage to whisper, and you feel your bottom lip starting to tremble. “No, I know I’m pregnant, and I’m scared. I don’t know what to do.” You watch Eddie’s face as it changes from neutral to shocked. You shut your eyes, letting a tear fall. You feel a finger catch it before it rounds your chin. “I don’t know what to say to him.”
You hear Eddie whisper your name, and you open your eyes to look back up at him. “I don’t know what to say to you.” You nod, biting your lip before sitting back up, the feeling of laying in bed with Eddie suddenly feeling foreign and wrong. Your clothes also feel all too revealing, even though Eddie has seen you in shorts and a tank top before.
“I don’t know either. I know I’m nowhere near ready to have a child.” You sigh and place your hand back on your lower stomach. You feel Eddie’s hand on your shoulder, and it calms you a bit. “No matter what happens… I have no idea if Javi and I are going to be a thing. I have no idea if he still wants me.”
“Does he know?” Eddie speaks, and you shake your head no. “You need to tell him.” He says and you nod. “Of course he would still want you. He needs to man up and take care of you right now. Do you know how far along you are?” You think about it for just a minute before putting everything together.
“Maybe two and a half months.” You whisper, and you feel Eddie embrace you from the side. You lean into his touch and appreciate it. You let out a breath you’d been holding in, afraid of Eddie’s reaction. This was what you needed from Javi. You feel the stress of emotions slowly calm down, and breathe in the scent of your best friend.
“You need to do something, and quickly. If you need it remo… um, if you need to have an abortion, it needs to be soon. I may not know much, but I know a little.” You nod slowly, and Eddie reaches for your hand. You let him take it, noticing how warm his skin feels against your clammy hand. “I’ll be here, okay?”
“Thank you.” You stand, and make your way to your windows, casting a glance at the sun setting in the distance. The sky was painted in orange, lilac and purple hues, and it gave you a sense of comfort. It was a sight to behold - you wished you could frame the view on your wall, so you could admire it from the comforts of your bed.
It reminded you of the night you spent perched on top of Javi’s car, watching the sunset in Colombia, only this sunset wasn’t nearly as beautiful. Maybe because he weren’t there to share it with you.
“Eddie…” You whispered as you felt your vision darken, and your legs giving in under you. Eddie’s hands were quick to grasp your body as it fell towards the carpeted floor, and you fell into his arms with a sigh.
“Jesus, when was the last time you ate something? Your skin is all clammy,” Eddie scolded while lifting your tired body back to your bed. He placed you on the bed and wrapped the duvet around you, before leaving for your small kitchen.
You knew he would come up empty handed - you hadn’t had the time to go out and grocery shop. You were surprised you even had some crackers in your cabinets, since you had been gone for a little over two months.
“I’ll be right back. You need food.” Eddie pointed an accusing finger at you before he grabbed the jacket he’d hung by the door, hurrying out of it and slamming it shut behind him. You laid back, the duvet baring your legs to the air of the room which suddenly felt freezing. You barely had the strength to get into another position, so you simply closed your eyes and let out a deep breath.
You had no idea how much time passed, but you managed to fall asleep, and you woke up to the smell of something delicious cooking in your kitchen. You couldn’t feel your toes at this point. Everything beneath your knees just felt like it wasn’t there, even though you found a blanket thrown over your legs when you looked down.
You mustered a small smile, realizing Eddie must’ve made sure to cover your legs once he got back to your apartment. You sit up and throw your legs over the edge of the bed, looking down at your toes as you wiggle them a bit to get the feeling back into the little digits.
You shuffle over to one of your drawers and pull out a pair of fluffy socks, pulling them on your feet before you make your way into your tiny kitchen. Eddie has his back to you, cutting something while something else was sizzling on the pan and boiling in a pot.
“Hey,” you manage to croak out, and Eddie turns slightly with a smile.
“Hey. I figured you could eat a whole feast by now. I made your favorite.” You let out a laugh and Eddie joins you soon after, because of the inside joke the two of you had going on. It was easy to cook your favorite food, since your favorite food was free food.
I was something Eddie would always tease you with - long days in the library and during late lectures about American literature and whatever followed after that. The two of you would agree to go out for a late dinner or take away - he would ask what you wanted to eat, and you would tell him your favorite.
He never complained, and he would always be happy to pay for you when you didn’t offer to pay first. You hadn’t ever asked him to - maybe it was just something he did - and you appreciated the gesture every time. And you made sure to tell him, every time.
“What’ve you got cooking?” you feel your curiosity get the best of you as you shuffle closer to his back, leaning on the counter to look past his broad body. He turns, as if to shield the food from your hungry eyes, and you gasp dramatically.
“Hey! Don’t want you sucking out all the nutrients from the food before we even get to taste it!” he grins before he turns slightly, letting your eyes find the cutting board. Tomatoes, garlics, carrots, the lot.
“Are you making spaghetti?” You felt your mouth watering at the thought of Eddie’s grandmas’ recipe for spaghetti bolognese, and you vividly remembered the first time you’d visited his grandma during the first year of uni, where the lovely old lady had made you both dinner and three tupperwares each for the fridge.
You realized soon after, that Eddie maybe liked you as more as a friend, since he wanted you to meet his family, and made sure that you ate and even helped you with your grades one time during the third semester. The two of you never spoke of it, and you didn’t feel like you needed to.
“Now get out. I can already see the carrots wilting!” Eddie gestures for you to leave the kitchen and you do so with a small laugh, padding through your small condo and setting yourself down in your bean bag in front of the window.
The sky was visibly darkened, the deep purple turning black, and the last rays of sun shining over the top of the buildings and casting a shadow over the fronts facing your windows. You found your thoughts drifting towards Javi again, and the evenings you spent together, watching the sun go down.
You barely realize you’re crying by the time Eddie lays a hand on your shoulder again, wanting to let you know dinner’s ready. You don’t even know how much time has passed by then. Time is a strange concept at this point, yet you can barely find the will to care. Your head is spinning as well, and it’s making you dizzy.
“Do you need a hug?” It’s barely a whisper, and you’re slightly taken aback. Eddie has never been shy about touching you, hugging you or nudging you, and now he’s stepping around you carefully, like the floor is littered with pins.
You turn into him and throw your arms around his body, embracing him tightly. You feel the dams break and the tears flooding your eyes yet again, the little-to-none wall you’d managed to build around yourself being torn down.
“It’s okay. I’m here. I’ll protect you.” Eddie’s hands rub your back, and they flood you with warmth as they glide over your clothes. It’s a warmth and comfort you didn’t know you needed, yet you welcome it with open arms. You feel cold and foreign, like you don’t belong in your own body.
“Come on. You need to eat something.” You unlatch yourself from him and his hand is warm as it rests on your back as he leads you to your small table where he’s managed to set the table without you hearing a thing. He pulls out the chair for you and pushes it in as you sit, before he sits opposite of you.
He pours you a great amount of food on your plate and you let out a laugh. “You expect me to eat all that?” you joke and he smiles, before jokingly dipping the spoon into the pot again and spooning another spoonful on your plate with a wink.
“Alright then. Challenge accepted.” You smile and take the plate as he holds it out in front of you. You watch as he serves himself a plate before you’re looking at one another, internally counting before breaking out into smiles, and digging in.
It was an unwritten ritual between the two of you, who could get the first spoonful, or forkful, into their mouth. And not just a small bite, no, a whole bite, either twisting or turning spaghetti, sawing through a sandwich, picking away with chopsticks or going fingers first into whatever dish you were having.
It could cheer up the both of you, and make you smile instantly. It felt so natural to eat dinner with Eddie again, even though it’d felt foreign when you’d seen him again after all those weeks. You’d be lying if you said you’d been thinking about him over summer break.
To be honest, you’d forgotten all about Eddie as soon as another male had given you any kind of attention. You weren’t proud to admit it. Eddie was your best friend after all. He’s been there for you every time you needed him, late nights at the university library or constantly accessible to you when you needed him.
“Eddie?” You look at him through hooded lashes, your head still spinning. There’s a heavy pain blooming in your belly. You decide to ignore it. He’s drying off the last plate. A man who does the dishes? That was a plus. You knew Eddie did the dishes though - he did them once, when he was a few bucks short at a family owned diner - the elderly lady accepted his offer, and paid him for an hour's work - just enough to cover the missing dollars.
You were sitting at the bar, watching as the lady popped on a hair net which definitely wasn’t necessary, along with an apron, a little too feminine for a male to wear. Yet Eddie wore it proudly, and spent an hour washing a few dishes since the diner wasn’t at its busiest.
You’re leaning against the doorway, barely able to hold yourself up, smiling at the fond memory. You feel bad that you’re just standing around doing nothing, but Eddie insisted. “Yeah?” He turns to you as he finishes, hanging the dishcloth at its spot and putting the plates away.
You can barely allow yourself to speak, but you feel like it’s something you need to do. You really don’t want to be alone. “Will you stay the night? I don’t feel like being alone.” You watch as his features soften, and he nods.
You shuffle into your tiny bathroom and brush your teeth, finding little to no strength in your actions. It’s like you’re slowly being paralyzed. You don’t have the power to even brush your teeth properly. You manage though, and also manage to drag yourself to bed.
You climb under the covers and Eddie joins you, staying over the covers and pulling a blanket over himself. Sleep easily overcomes you, yet it’s not pleasant. Nightmares riddle your mind yet again, fear riddling your body and agitating your core.
Eddie had trouble falling asleep beside you. He felt the way your body went limp with sleep, yet he also notices the way you continuously tense up and writhe in your sleep. He reaches out and pulls you closer to his body, trying to warm you and calm you down.
You whimper as you push your face into the crook of Eddie’s neck, and he feels his heart skip a beat. It was no secret that Eddie harbored a crush on you. He knew that he probably wouldn’t ever be taken into consideration as someone you would be romantically involved with, so he spent his time trying to make you as comfortable as possible.
He had a hard time letting sleep overtake him, the constant whimpers falling from your lips waking him every time he felt himself slipping away. It didn’t last long, though.
The call came in at 03:42.
“911, whats your emergency?”
The feminine voice greeted him. The male on the other end of the phone was clearly startled by the situation he found himself in, his short, sharp breaths letting the dispatcher know something was gravely wrong.
“I need an ambulance,” the man breathed into the phone, giving the dispatcher on the other end the address. “I can’t wake up my friend. There’s blood.” The man felt his heart thump heavily behind his ribcage, so hard it almost hurt. He knew why - he was scared shitless.
“I have a vehicle coming your way, can you tell me your name please?” the dispatcher spoke quietly. Her voice was nice. Full of warmth and comfort. He needed it.
“My name is Eddie.” he manages to croak out, before looking back at the silhouette on the bed. “Please, hurry.”
“Can you tell me a little bit about what happened, Eddie?”
“Um, well, I’m sleeping over at my friends’ place and she’s not been feeling too good and we went to sleep a few hours ago and I just woke up to her screaming before passing out.” the man’s voice is quivering.
“You told me there was blood? Where’s this blood coming from, do you know that?”
“From her.” Eddie whispers. “It’s on the bed. Through her blanket,” His eyes register flashing blue lights through the blinds of your apartment windows. Then the sound finds his ears, and he shivers. “She’s pregnant.”
“Alright Eddie, will you let the paramedics in for me?”
“Y-yeah.” Eddie stutters and lays the phone by the housing and unlocks your door. He finds the paramedics coming through the hallway at just the right time.
Everything from there is a blur. He barely remembers the short ride to the hospital, but he remembers how fragile you look as they wheel you into the ER and behind closed doors.
“I kneel into a dream where I am good and loved. I am loved. My hands have made some good mistakes. They can always make better ones.” - Natalie Wee
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader
Summary: Bucky has to spend six months locked up with a stranger.
His teammates went on an international press tour and left him behind. They hired someone to supervise him, per the conditions of his pardon— a roommate, they said.
A roommate?
In which: Bucky’s heart slowly thaws, he develops a soft spot for his idiot roommate, he discovers his vibranium arm is extra-sensitive, he rediscovers that whole ‘sexual attraction’ thing, he has Not Great mental health including nightmares and therapy, he has a complicated relationship with his ex, he reminisces about the 40s, he’s an absolute fluffy sweetheart, he really enjoys blow jobs, he deals with the backlash from his criminal trial, he addresses internalized guilt and shame, he gets laid for the first time in decades, he gets irrationally jealous, he realizes WHY he was irrationally jealous, he digs up old feelings, he rescues Steve on a mission gone wrong, he takes pain meds and traumatizes everyone in the room, he's a smug little shit, he considers getting rid of his metal arm, he's loved implicitly, he speaks to a journalist about his past, he celebrates birthdays, he’s stupid in love, he gets drunk on Asgardian whiskey, aaaaaand more.
Warnings (added as they occur): 18+ minors DNI, angst, Bucky’s mental health is Not Great, cursing, lots of awkwardness and banter, pining x100, SMUT, masturbation (m), alcohol consumption/drunkenness, needy!bucky (he gets a warning), not-so-dry humping, a Steve Rogers plot twist, hand jobs, slightly subby Bucky, vaginal fingering, oral (m and f receiving), outercourse, human disaster Bucky Barnes, angst (it bears repeating), legal proceedings, panic attacks, PIV sex, creampie, cum kink, possessive behavior, jealousy, semi-public sex, past/period-typical homophobia, ~complicated~ relationships, slight emotional infidelity, sexual fantasies about current partners & others, hurt/comfort, blood, hospital setting, medicinal drug use, premature ejaculation, metal arm kink, sex pollen trope/dubcon, voyeurism/exhibitionism, choking but in a soft loving way, cuckolding, mmf threesome, pre-poly, Bucky and Steve are a package deal
Word Count: 157.9k+ (phew!!!)
a/n: This is the xreader rewrite of my hands have made some good mistakes (yes, I think I’m clever). Told (mostly) from Bucky’s POV. Not really an AU, just not Endgame/TFATWS compliant (everyone is alive).
My Masterlist
Find me on ao3 and wattpad: dewystars
✮ = contains smut
➷ = personal fav
Send me asks, thots, requests, or drabbles about this series and I’ll love you forever 🥰
Part 1 - The Babysitter
Part 2 - Embroidery
Part 3 - Sergeant
Part 4 - Like the Tide
✮ Part 5 - Static on the Lines
Part 6 - The Nightmare
Part 7 - Celebration
✮ Part 8 - What If
➷✮ Part 9 - Back in Brooklyn
✮ Insatiable 9.1 - Lovers' Lane
✮ Part 10 - Supernova
✮ Part 11 - Barnes Beach
➷✮ Part 12 - Spiraling
✮ Part 13 - Minefield
✮ Part 14 - Jealousy
✮ Part 15 - Jealousy, Reprised
➷✮ Part 16 - Samson
Part 17 - Just a Taste
➷ Part 18 - Native Tongue
✮ Part 19 - Lucky
✮ Insatiable 19.1 - Against the Sheets
✮ Insatiable 19.2 - Stamina
✮ Part 20 - Shimmer
✮ Insatiable 20.1 - Blue Movie
✮ Insatiable 20.2 - Up Next
HAVE A QUESTION ABOUT THE BUCKY/READER/STEVE DYNAMIC AT THE END? Check here first!
“I don’t like Steve. Which parts can I read while avoiding Steve?”
✮ Insatiable: a yhhmsgm collection - a series of standalone smutty incidents that fit into the yhhmsgm timeline. Will be posted horribly out of order. No thoughts, just thots.
✮ Bucky’s nsfw alphabet
Bucky character meta
Annotated playlist
Reader-curated playlist (submit a song!)
Moodboard masterlist
Tony
Steve & Jealousy
✮ Period
➷✮ Describe Bucky’s Dick IN DETAIL
What Underwear?
✮ Pitching a Tent
Alternate Chapter 13
Choking?
Dividers courtesy of the lovely @rookthorne 🥰
I no longer maintain a taglist, but follow @thenhewaswrongabt-library and turn on notifications to receive updates!
the way Bucky is written is off the charts. his thoughts, his personality, his traits, everything is just so wonderfully composed and gives you a whole different look on the character we know and love.
I love the dynamic between the reader and Bucky, I love the personality traits written for the reader that are pretty common but wonderful traits that fit a wide spectrum of people, which just makes it more indulging. and the traits are also written so well that you can easily imagine it even if isn't like you.
I’m just pretty much blown away over the commitment and the detailed descriptions. I aspire to be this good. wow.
