ok so my crazy ex lore. crazier than the others at least
we meet on deviantart when i was 11 and she was 14, huge red flag there already and it will get worse! we meet through a mutual love of Animal Crossing and begin interacting. a few months into this she would give me “point commissions”, commissioning me to draw her art for “points” (which would buy you membership and stuff). a lot of it was innocuous, all Animal Crossing, but she would also request me to draw “subtle” foot fetish art. tickling and characters showing their feet. i did not know or realize it was a fetish and just went did it obliviously
i clearly caught on at some point but can’t remember when, if she old me or if i realized of my own volition. but there was a period of months where i’d draw foot fetish art for her at her request and not realize it was foot fetish art. and when i see that now i’m screaming begging pleading GET OUT OF THEREEEE
anyway we get closer and talk everyday etc. we would play lots of Animal Crossing and Mario Kart together, often til like 3 in the morning! i can unfortunately say i’m so good at MK today because of her
i’ve blocked so much out and it’s been so long and it’s all a blur that i can’t remember the timeline, but i do eventually get acquainted with her true colors: she is a proud self proclaimed “anti SJW” who worshipped people like TheAmazingAthiest. enough said. virulently transphobic and pretty racist, would dismiss it all as being “ironic” though. kept talking excessively about how she was an egalitarian. would exclusively refer to trans people as mtfs and ftms and a lot of stuff she did and said was for shock value i think slash hope, but it was very consistent and bad and i unfortunately got sucked into assimilating/enabling that sort of behavior. i remember being repulsed by it even then but especially when we began dating i felt i had to play along and enable her, or else she would threaten to harm herself and go off on me. she would also do this frequently if i had to leave for a short amount of time or pretty much Anything. a lot of deliberate manipulation tactics used
so. anti sjw. foot fetish. manipulative. she would also show me the most explicit and absolutely disgusting furry porn humanly possible, going on furaffinity and showing me art with every bodily fluid you could imagine and i had to go along and act like it was funny and not like oh my god please stop showing this to me i’m fucking 13 years old and also i hate having to draw foot fetish art for you. there definitely did come a point where i became aware of the fetish and all the “”fun”” was taken out of it for me (bc i realized i had been “duped” into drawing fetish art for her without realizing or being told it was fetish art and that was a big basis of our relationship..). and omg this is petty but it was petty of her too, she would critique my art. which i mean. that in itself is ok but maybe not when im rushing to draw 10 drawings for you, COLORED, EVERY DAY or you threaten to harm yourself and go off on me?? and she would critique and be like “hmm this could be (x)” and it drove me insane. but the foot fetish art kept getting more detailed at her request and i was just more and more viscerally repulsed by it, she kept wanting it more human and it was getting to the point where it was making me feel sick to draw. but i had to!
saying all of this now it’s like. why didn’t you walk away? you could just say no you don’t have to draw that art you don’t have to be sucked into her “ironic” transphobia and racism. man when i told her i thought i was genderfluid she called me a monster and accused me of having a dissociative disorder and there was lots of suicide baiting then. i am mad at myself for having gone along with it for so long but in those situations it’s like. idk it’s hard to leave. especially with someone like that. really ashamed of all the shit i put up with and enabled and even fearfully parroted to try and keep her satiated, it’s no excuse and i think i’ve made amends enough but still try to everyday but anyway.. very sucky situation. esp bc my parents found out about it in a very messy way i don’t feel like going into right now but im still gently traumatized by it lol
anyway imagine discovering South fucking Park and that being a less edgy alternative to your batshit groomer girlfriend. i don’t like throwing around the term grooming bc it’s a big term but i think after 14 years of this shit i’m like. i think it maybe fits the ballpark here. but yeah for as much as im embarrassed of getting back into SP again and do have so many fucking criticisms of it it did get me out of a very abusive relationship that i felt i never would be able to leave and somehow its politics for the most part were less abhorrent than the shit my girlfriend was saying and thinking. and she was a SP fan lol! there’s a window of about 3 months between me getting into sp and me dumping her where i’d use my daily 10 drawings trying to draw our ocs as SP characters or just anything that gave me any semblance of happiness or escape. i think she complained about the lack of foot fetish art and i feigned ignorance
this is just rambling incoherently and i feel like it makes no sense and does not sound that “bad” now that i type it out idk i think i still unfairly blame myself for a lot of things. but yeah. now i wonder why i have relationship issues! but thats the condensed story of my batshit girlfriend. i still get a genuinely adverse reaction when i have to draw feet for anything
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