Broken, but Still Good
So I'm up super late at night again, no surprise there, and I start drawing to help with not being able to sleep. But then my mind starts to wander a bit Specifically about my past relationships and heartbreaks. Before you ask, yes, my heart has been broken before. Not that I've been too keen on sharing that information before. My worst heartbreak came from my second-to-last ex-girlfriend, who I will not name. We're just gonna call her "M". For a while, it seemed like M and I were inseparable. When I was with her, I was happier than normal, a bit more lighthearted and brighter on the inside. But then she cut me down on a random Friday by doing the one thing nobody should ever do: breakup via text. I was devastated to say the least and I didn't know what to do. She gave no good reason for it and she didn't want to work things out. So she left me, and I hurt so badly for a good 3-4 weeks. I didn't really know how to heal from that. It hit me kinda strong to be honest. Eventually I did get over it, retaining some of my happiness back, but not all. Then M wanted us to be friends again. Needless to say, I wasn't cool with the idea. All of that made me think to myself about why women could do that without any judgement or criticism. Men have emotions too, we just don't share them for fear of ridicule or shame. Like you made me feel a certain type of way that hadn't previously felt for anyone, or at the very least for myself. The whole "you can only love someone else after you learn to love yourself" myth is complete BS. It IS possible to love someone without loving yourself first. I've never stopped hating myself. But you? Jesus...you made me love you so much, that I forgot what hating myself felt like. I was numb to my own pain because of you. YOU were my greatest painkiller and my deadliest poison at the same time. You built me up to later break me apart. Knowing you was heavenly and hellish, and you sunk your hook into me. Most will say I'm weak or I'm looking for attention. Others will clown me out for it. I don't care really. At least I'm one of the few that's honest about my emotions. Moral of the story: don't tear anyone down emotionally, man or woman. You have no idea the emotional and possibly psychological destruction you can bring some poor soul...
