saunter

Eddy. 16.

[eddyrye]

i wish i walked away before he did

[eddyrye]

june 8 2016

I’m better. I’m thinking about you less and less. I don’t find the urge to stalk you anymore. nor the urge to stalk your new girl. I’m happy for you. I’m happy you are happy. I’m happy you found the girl you’ll finally take seriously. But ,as of the moment, I do not care about you as much as I did before. I do not care about how people think about you. I do not find the urge to defend you to other people. I do not feel bad anymore when people hate on you. You are being you. And people are starting to see the real you. Eh ganyan ka talaga eh. Not everyone will find it okay. In fact, most people find it not okay.

I still wonder about what could’ve been, of course. But I’m glad it happened. I’m thankful that I got hurt. I’m grateful that you caused me trouble. ‘Cause despite everything that I lost, I gained a lot of lessons that I’ll take to make myself better. 

I lost you but I got the chance to find myself.

I had a ton of fun with you. And I’m always gonna remember that. You made me feel emotions I’ve never felt before. You made me experience a whole new side me. I’m always going to treasure that.

I’m still going to remember you in the little things. I’m still going to remember you in the crunch and twixes I’ll see in the convenience stores. I’m still going to remember you in soccer and table tennis. I’m still going to hear your voice when I see the words ‘oh my god’ or ‘lousy’ or ‘susmaryosep’.  I’m still going to hear your annoying ugly voice in john mayer songs or in that stupid ‘miss you like crazy’ song. I’m still gonna laugh at your tilapia jokes and your punzy jokes and maybe your disgusting tuna sky flakes cat food jokes. 

I’m going to remember you in ugly plates.. in ugly hair cuts.. in vain selfies.. in Tinder HAHA. And I’m always gonna see you in my doorstep trying to open my door with my hardhat keys because I’m always pretty drunk to do it myself. I’ll always remember the time how you made me sneak into arki at 11 pm because you stole my keys.

 We really didn’t know each other deeply enough but I know you made me really happy in the times we were together. And I know you really became my friend. And you treated me like a best friend. Despite the short time we’ve known each other, do know that you meant something to me. It probably didn’t mean anything 50-feet-deep to you, but I’d want you to know that I took you seriously enough to even write this long-ass note.

Always know that I’ll be keeping all the memories of fun in my mind. 

It’s unfortunate that things like this happened. I guess we were just both victims of the circumstances. I got hurt. I know you didn’t mean to and intended to. But things just got way too complicated and chaotic after the whole situation. I was confused. I didn’t understand ‘cause I was young and clueless. And you didn’t get me either. 

 It sucks that we, after a series of awkward trials, can’t be as close as we are before. It’s far too complex and I know you won’t be going through that much trouble just to keep me. You’ve been toxic for me. You’re like liquor! Addicting but extremely bad for my liver. It took me a while to see it ‘cause I’ve always thought you were worth the risk. I’ve always clung into my selective hearing that I ignored what you’ve been putting between the lines all along. 

Despite everything, I hope we’ll be truly clean about the whole thing. Someday we’ll be alright.. completely. No bitterness, no awkwardness. After all, we’ll still be in the same college for the next 3 or 4 years. Time will come. And I hope in that time.. I can read this note and feel absolutely no rage in my heart.

I wish you nothing but the best. 

xx,

*pignose emoji*

[eddyrye]

May 12, 2016

A good friend of mine told me that the first step of getting over your feelings is acceptance. Accept the wrong things that you’ve done. Accept that you are wrong. Tanggapin mo na mali ka.

And yes I am wrong. Mali ako. 

Mali ang akala ko. I believed in words that were never followed through by actions. I chose to close my eyes despite the world telling me to open them. I believed in the wrong things. I believed in the wrong people. Some things are way too sparkly and way too bright that it blinds you completely from seeing something right in front of your face. 

I trusted way too early and way too fast. Bobings nga. Tanga. Uto-uto. Ang bilis maniwala. Sabi nga nila, mas madaling maloko ang mas bata. But I believed in the goodness of everyone so I thought you couldn’t do something like that. I thought a span of a few weeks is enough to know someone and gauge it from that.

Who knew something so short can affect you for so long? 

-

Ikaw kasi. I wish you didn’t tell me I’m beautiful. I wish you didn’t bring me home everyday. I wish you didn’t talk to me for hours and hours. I wish you never told me you like me. I wish you never did those intimate acts to me. And I wish you didn’t make me feel special if you really didn’t find me that way. but anyways..

Andre told me to accept it. Accept na gago ka. Accept na nagago ako. Accept na mali ako ng akala sayo. Accept that you’ll be part of what scarred me. And yeap. I’m accepting it. Slowly. Give me time and I’ll see this in a clearer picture.

[eddyrye]

I hope you're not just messing with my feelings.

[eddyrye]

Girl No Stop No

[eggzaki]

solid snake

me when I see a pretty good snake (via dongstomper)

[realizes]

[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[eddyrye]

The best

[eddyrye]

I'm so selfish. I'm very sorry to everyone.

[eddyrye]

Confession : In my first ACLE, Ramon Bautista made me do nose-to-nose with a complete stranger. In front of 50+ people. He was prolly more than 6ft. Im so tiny. It was so awkward. I dont want to see this person ever again. I dont remember his face.

[eddyrye]

Confession : I just stalked a girl I saw a few times in the campus and a time in the grocery store on Twitter. Shes really really pretty. I think I reached her sept 2014 tweets...

[funny-pictures-uk-deactivated20]

[eddyrye]

My favorite colors are canary yellow, teal, blush pink and crimson

[eddyrye]

Confession: sometimes when I see a stupid comment on a facebook post, i stalk their profiles and judge their sad lives

[eddyrye]

Confession: I think I kind of have a crush on the guy I see in the elevator....

[eddyrye]

Christmas 2015

A few months ago our family was planning to spend Christmas in Dubai or in Japan. A few months into the year, my parents suddenly thought it wasnt a good idea. Some time around October or November my parents suggested Cebu or Davao. When December came they passed on the idea of any kind of flight and stuff and wanted to go to Baguio instead. I was kind of bummed cause the original plan was Dubai or Japan and then we end up going to Baguio. And my parents were already blaming me for not planning early or whatever and stuff. Into December I actually was looking forward for our Baguio Christmas trip and started planning our itenerary and hotels and stuff. And they my parents said why not just spend Christmas in Tarlac. 4 days before christmas. Great. It totally annoyed me. We got into a very unreasonable fight about why we shouldnt go to Baguio or whatever. And why I dont do chores. It was a completely pointless arguement and all I could think about was the reason why are they all acting like complete hot tempered lunatics. I dont get why they arent all excited about trips and get togethers after a long long semester of not seeing your children everyday. I mean I'm starting to not go home every week because there are a lot of stuff going on in school. And Christmas break is the only time to actually spend time together and they all decide to be angry people all of a sudden. As I may have never expected, we didn't go anywhere. I slept at 3 am and woke up at 6 am to avoid the "mamamaskoers" and go to church and hear some mass. We went to our favorite church, Padre Pio's Shrine. And ate good food after. I thought the roadtrip to church and the food place was a disaster. I was the only one talking and my brothers seemed to look like they hate me. I'm happy I didnt give up and eventually we all had a great great car ride. What's funny is that we ended up strolling in the mall in Lipa too. Hahaha it was super jej but my brother insisted into getting us free coffee i in sb after my brother told him that he was madamot. We were heading home. Complete in the car again. And it was great. It felt like Christmas. I felt really loved. When we got home "mamamaskoers" were still there. I met a kid who claims to be my inaanak. I never went to a baptismal ceremony so I dont really think I'm a legit ninang. But I gave the little boy an ampao any way. The rest of the day was spent on watching how i met your mother and opening up presents. The only present I got was an umbrella. It was from my mom. I helped her pick a gift for me hahaha. My dad and my brothers and everyone else whom I gave gifts didn't get me anything. It was perfectly okay. It was satisfying. It was great to know that I made someone's Christmas a little bit better. It was enough for me. We didnt go to Japan or Dubai or anywhere this Christmas. But it was a really really great one spent with the people I love the most. I guess it didnt turn out to be a terrible Christmas after all. I hope everyone out there had a great day. Merry Christmas! Happy Birthday Jesus! Thank you. It was a great day.

[eddyrye]

To my longest standing best friend:

Hello!

I really don’t know which time should I follow.

My clock, or yours.. but okay I followed yours so..

HAPPY HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY!

We’ve been friends for as long as I could remember. Although I can’t exactly remember how we became friends (because terrible 1st grade memory), I cherish every memory of the moment we’ve spent as friends.

We are friends since we’re kids. Fun fun nga lang eh. Lagi lang tayong nagaasaran pero I got really sad when you have to leave nung second year :( But you were still laughing and shrugging the migrating thing. Despite how we’re just connected by the mighty internet... I saw you grow into an adult hhahahaa (nuks) I dont really want to be madrama pero HUHU DALAGA KA NA :(

When you went back here in the PH, grabe you changed a lot. Taller, new hair, new teeth (haha) new everything. 4 years has changed you a lot but even if you changed like a billion things, you were still my best friend I knew from first grade. SOBRANG KULIT PA RIN. I’m very happy na you got to see what my life is right now. College and UP. How life has been going. I’m very happy to be with my best friend even if a few days lang talaga. I just wished I had my own place so we could’ve enjoyed the city pa. HUHU SOBRANG KULANG TALAGA.

4 YEARS KANG NAWALA TAPOS 4 DAYS LANG TAYO MAGBOBOND?? :(

HAHHAA pero it was really really really memorable! Sobrang napatunayan ko rin na yung strength ng friendship natin kasi kahit hindi naman tayo laging naguuusap, sobrang parang hindi naman tayo naging seperated when we hang out. Sobrang tight pa rin and all. And I really really really am thankful for that.

I’m always thankful that God gave me a great great best friend that I know I can be myself with. HUHUHUHU I WANT TO CRY.

I hope you become a very beautiful butterfly. I hope okay college mo dyan. Wag ka mastress masyado! Chill ka lang! Learning is the most important thing here. You dont have to ace everything and have a stressed self! Put fun into everything! Enjoy the road to your adulthood!

WHATEVER HAPPENS..

Always know that i’ll always have your back. I’ll always be here.. even though I don’t really answer fast sa chat :( i am so sorry. I will be here if you have problems or happy moments okay? :)

Sobrang nakakaiyak talaga na everyones turning old and stuff and my longest best friend ever is 18 and legal and HUHUHUHU NAKAKAIYAK

I hope we’re still friends for a very very very long time. I hope stupid distance wont ever stop us from being friends. 

PLEASE ENJOY EVERYTHING IN LIFE. 18. Start na ng adulthood. Kayang kaya mo yan! Mahirap mga magiging problems lalo pero sobrang strong mong tao, I believe you can face this all. (Pero if you think you’re close to not making it, contact me!!! I’LL REMIND YOU THAT YOU CAN DO EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING IF YOU REALLY PURSUE IT!!)

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY DANYEL/ DY/ ORANGE/ WHAT EVER MORE NAMES YOU HAVE!

You’ve been making all of us very proud that you’re our friend for past years. I hope you make more magical years as an adult!

I MISS AND LOVE YOU DY!!! :< 

HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY!!