Proshippers/neutral DNI, this includes secret or side accounts. If I interact with you and you fall under that, it was not intentional, please block me. 19yo, it/he/they, plural but Do Not Worry About It.
I literally have a diary blog, I just don't feel like using it, so you get to deal with me now.
I've left the house twice since November and I can't actually go anywhere. I'm stuck just doing phone appointments with my therapist because the bus doesn't even pick up in my area. I haven't had a verbal conversation with anyone but my therapist or mother in weeks. I don't have IRL friends to support me.
And then all of this happens. And you defend your friends. Which would make me a liar. And I'm not. I didn't even want to come forward and now that I have, I can't undo it, and it feels like it was for nothing because all I've seen is harassment and deflecting and vague statements.
I just want to be acknowleged and apologized to and for people to face some sort of repercussions. Name me if you're gonna say something about this. I am not anonymous, I did not want to make that statement anonymously, quit trying to anonymize me out of "respect". You don't respect me. Name me so that I can speak for myself. Make the fact I've been shaky and sleep deprived and nauseous and lying to the few people who have tried to be here for me that I'm doing okay FUCKING MEAN SOMETHING.
You tell me to take a break and stop thinking about it but I lived it. This is all I have. Please don't take away the one bit of agency in my life that I have tried to reclaim. Please. Please don't do that to me.
Edit 7/30/26: additional thoughts here. Updated testimony here. Please link to the latter and not my original statement, as the person who I shared my original testimony through (Raf, also known as encyclopediamorbidica/panicatthecriscodisco/currently discofisting) has treated me horribly, elaborated upon here.
Things have gotten far worse harassment-wise as time goes on and I have previously asked not to be tagged by username due to mental health and safety concerns, but with how blatantly that boundary has been ignored and the fact I've already had my life threatened and failed a suicide attempt, I give up.
Just leave me alone and stop listening to people who claim to speak on my behalf. Nobody speaks for me, nobody has permission to speak for me, and anyone who claims to be a current or former friend and tries to speak for me is doing so against my wishes and best interests. Refer to my own words or go away.
Stop fucking talking about me. If you actually cared, you'd just leave me alone and let me live my life and move on.
Do not claim to be an advocate or to care about me and then air out the fact that I'm back with my ex that I worked so hard to cut off in January. This is traumatizing for me! That's sensitive info! That's nobody's fucking business! The only reason I'm saying it here is because if you think you can trot on over to a blog that hates my friends and milk my problems, then I'm going to share info on my own page.
I am not your little doll that you can tote around to make your points. I am a grown fucking adult who can see what you're doing and have opinions on it.
You don't get to claim to care but then buddy up with Raf, who called me a puppygirl (knowing that I was groomed with petplay shit as a child and making fun of it when he was confronted about that) and a whore (knowing that on top of repeated grooming I was fucking raped as a child and am a victim of CSEM that's probably still being circulated!) and the r-slur (knowing I am disabled mentally and physically, then only apologizing because "it'd hurt other disabled people more than it hurts me," admitting that he thinks it's okay to be ableist to me because he stopped liking me)
You don't get to claim to care but then buddy up with Raf's friends, who have their own sets of horrible conduct going on.
Fuck you. None of you care, none of you EVER cared, coming forward about literally anything was a mistake and I hate that my existence was ever a blip on the radar to any of you.
I wish I was successful when I tried to strangle myself in May. But you probably wish that too. Go to hell.
Hi. Yes, I know about the Marchy doc. No, I will not be posting any commentary about it, at least not for a long time. No, I'm still not "coming back."
I still don't feel safe coming back to Tumblr, but I decided I'll be unprivating a few posts regarding Marchy for the sake of archival. This is a scheduled post for after I have already done so and logged off again.
As I no longer want to be associated with the person who initially hosted my testimony, I will also be reposting it below the cut. This was all very traumatic for me, so I realized in hindsight that I had gotten the timeline slightly wrong and had left out some details. There were also some updates.
This is to both reclaim a small part of my agency in being able to be the source of my own statement, and to give those corrections and additions.
I met Dari/Marchy (they only started going by Marchy when they joined the Submas fandom) when I was 12 and they were at the end of their Danganronpa phase. We didn't talk very much, but I turned 13 somewhere in this period, and when they began to play Pokémon SW/SH, they pressured me into engaging with their new interest. I hyperfixated, and that's when they started acting weird.
I developed an emotional attachment to Raihan and began to self-ship with him. I was dealing with a lot of unrelated stress at the time and it was an easy source of comfort. Marchy made a lot of comments about Raihan being "feral" and sexually aggressive, making jokes about me drawing him tied up with vibrators and other sex toys, and on one occasion commented that they hoped Raihan would "at least wait for me to turn 18". They also sent me a lot of ship art involving Raihan (including porn) knowing that ships involving him stressed me out because I was self-shipping at that time, and they mocked me for being sensitive about it.
I mentioned on a now-privated sideblog where I was more vocal about everything that I have occasional episodes of psychosis. With the clarity I have now, I believe that this was a contributor.
They had a side Discord account where they roleplayed as Raihan and regarded Marchy as a separate person, which you can see in some of the screenshots that had been publicized since I made my initial statement, and on their main Discord which I no longer have records of. At times I genuinely could not differentiate between "this is a roleplay account of Marchy's" and "this is actually Raihan," leaving me under the (deluded) belief that I was in some sort of relationship with Raihan, and by extension Marchy. Marchy was fully aware of this and never attempted to correct my delusion, just continued to enable it. You can see some screenshots of this roleplay account on @cayennereceipts.
Despite all of that, I stuck around because I was being horribly bullied IRL and I wanted a friend. I figured a friend who was mean to me sometimes was better than someone who was mean to me all of the time.
We kept hanging out, usually on voice calls while they played video games or drew. During one such call, the topic had somehow switched to how my crying and my laughing were sometimes hard to discern over audio. I thought we were doing a bit, and we fake cried together for a while. They seemed to find it funny, even if I didn't quite get it, so I went along with it. It wasn't the first time.
However. It turns out that during that time, they had recorded the audio without my knowledge or consent. I consider this to have been fetish-mining, as they later admitted to me that they have a crying fetish, which went along with their heavily documented tickling fetish.
They uploaded it as a public video to Youtube, and it's still available as of last time I checked. It has since been taken down, but there is another more innocuous video up with my voice in it. I don't view it as the same fetish-mining shit, but it was also recorded without my knowledge or consent.
We grew apart sometime after that, but we started talking again from time to time after they joined the Submas fandom when I was 15. 2024 was very traumatic for me and it wiped any detailed memory of Marchy from after the initial "oh hey, I remember you", but I know their behavior didn't change.
Having seen them in three fandoms, their pattern is to delete and remake Tumblr accounts, but to just change usernames on Discord. I deleted my DMs with them for my own well-being, so I don't know their current alias or their current fandom, but I doubt they've broken that pattern or changed their behavior. (It was after making the initial statement where I said this that I found out Marchy had rebranded as a Hazbin Hotel fanartist by the alias fluffialastor/fluffi_alastor, but they quickly privated their X and deactivated their Tumblr. They also deactivated both of their Discord accounts as others had been able to find their rebrand through old messages and DMs. So back to square one on not knowing where they're at.)
For a very long time I downplayed the negative effects this had on me because I have a lot of other NCCSA trauma. I thought "well, this isn't as bad as what other people are doing to me, so it must not still be a problem". But just because they didn't ask for pictures of me or demand phone sex doesn't mean that this was okay. I have every right to be angry, and everyone else affected by them has every right to be angry.
I do not consent to having my posts, asks, or comments (including reblog additions or tags) linked off-site, including on my sideblogs. I also ask that you do not tag me or my sideblogs in anything for the time being. By tagging I mean both #myusername or @/myusername. This is for my mental health and safety, as I feel I am currently in danger and I can't private my main account or asks/comments I have sent. Please respect my boundaries.
Edit: My exception to this is testimony/evidence against Marchy. Beyond that, please just leave me alone.
People probably figured it out based on context clues but the Discord sceenshots were mine, I just asked for my account to be censored because it was an old account/alias I dropped for safety reasons.
Sorry for making you uncomfortable, I'm trapped in a house that makes me go stir-crazy while having to unpack the fact that one of the things that brought me genuine joy for years, the thing that let me meet my best friend and other friends who have since left but meant the world to me while they were here, was given to me by a person who—without ever even SEEING me, let alone touching me—managed to rattle me worse than the people who put their hands where hands shouldn't go.
And it's only been a couple of days but just since then it feels more and more like nobody's listening, even when people do make an attempt.
Edit 1/14/26:
I do want to say that my wanting to keep my filter intact is for my benefit, not yours. People will say things like this either way so I have no interest in trying to play the "perfect victim", but I know myself! I know our system. If there is not a lid, the explosion will burn off my face.
You want to support us? Say something. Use my name, Mango's name, Freddie's name, and keep the three who have chosen to stay anonymous in mind. Don't accept Suvi's lies and backpedalling and refusal to actually read our testimonies, don't accept complete silence or dismissing it as drama/focusing on the fact ship stuff came up, don't do whatever Ansy's both-sides, lets-go-back-to-normal bullshit is. Ansy specifically, if you're reading this, I get that you apparently didn't know but the way you're handling this feels verrry self-centered and I don't appreciate it. You're not "in trouble", you fucking reported someone trying to archive evidence of grooming and exploitation. You are going to be criticized for that. Yeah, real classy to go back to being friendly with Suvi in their notes after we explained their involvement and complacency, Ansy. You don't get to pull the "oh, I didn't know" card anymore.
I want to speak for myself but I also deserve to be able to just breathe for a day or two and know that there are people who are speaking in my absence WITHOUT straight up ignoring and anonymizing me for the sake of putting words in my mouth.
You're stressed about hearing this? You're exhausted of hearing about this? Imagine how we feel after literal years of carrying it and when we finally speak out, THIS is how the fucking community responds. I am going to be angry at people!
I am not "one of the victims". I'm Eden. I want to be a webcomic creator and game dev. I like soup and loud music and soft baggy clothes. I took down most of the decor in my room because dusting is annoying. I sing sometimes, even though I'm not any good at it, because it makes me happy.
And when I was 12 I met Marchy, somebody who would go on to wreck my mental health and sense of boundaries and give me an instant nausea and defensive aggression response every time I cry, all without ever touching me. I didn't even make the connection until today.
I literally have a diary blog, I just don't feel like using it, so you get to deal with me now.
I've left the house twice since November and I can't actually go anywhere. I'm stuck just doing phone appointments with my therapist because the bus doesn't even pick up in my area. I haven't had a verbal conversation with anyone but my therapist or mother in weeks. I don't have IRL friends to support me.
And then all of this happens. And you defend your friends. Which would make me a liar. And I'm not. I didn't even want to come forward and now that I have, I can't undo it, and it feels like it was for nothing because all I've seen is harassment and deflecting and vague statements.
I just want to be acknowleged and apologized to and for people to face some sort of repercussions. Name me if you're gonna say something about this. I am not anonymous, I did not want to make that statement anonymously, quit trying to anonymize me out of "respect". You don't respect me. Name me so that I can speak for myself. Make the fact I've been shaky and sleep deprived and nauseous and lying to the few people who have tried to be here for me that I'm doing okay FUCKING MEAN SOMETHING.
You tell me to take a break and stop thinking about it but I lived it. This is all I have. Please don't take away the one bit of agency in my life that I have tried to reclaim. Please. Please don't do that to me.
Edit 7/30/26: additional thoughts here. Updated testimony here. Please link to the latter and not my original statement, as the person who I shared my original testimony through (Raf, also known as encyclopediamorbidica/panicatthecriscodisco/currently discofisting) has treated me horribly, elaborated upon here.
Things have gotten far worse harassment-wise as time goes on and I have previously asked not to be tagged by username due to mental health and safety concerns, but with how blatantly that boundary has been ignored and the fact I've already had my life threatened and failed a suicide attempt, I give up.
Just leave me alone and stop listening to people who claim to speak on my behalf. Nobody speaks for me, nobody has permission to speak for me, and anyone who claims to be a current or former friend and tries to speak for me is doing so against my wishes and best interests. Refer to my own words or go away.
