2021 @elizabeth-allison - Tumblr Blog

Day with Marshall and Chrissy. Late start to wine tasting and then walk across the street to salt lick. They independently told me a white wine story. Played Bocce ball and long warm drive back to naps all around. I had a phone call. Watched Mildred pierce and went on a walk to retrieve lotto winnings and I made josh laugh with my stories of the day.

#June 30

First day back. Was sick and slept for a long time, but woke up Monday feeling good and sat in for long department meeting. This was the axe meeting. Afterwards a fruitless term 1 meeting. Then a call about genetics and how the doctor had not turned in the paperwork. Then a trip to the doctor where I weighed 6 pounds less than a month ago which I thought impossible as I did nothing and ate everything. Picked up taco deli and the yard there is so pleasant and the weather so warm and I feel so good. Black Monday and tacos and MA theses.

Marshall and Dad and swimming. Debating where to hang my painting which is not right. Next time I will do head tilted slightly in profile, which seems to be easier.

#June 28

Had trouble sleeping. Should finish my book, which only has a 100 pages left, but lost interest. Finally started working on billing and putting out fires. A BA student has failed her thesis and needs more time more help more exceptions.

LZ rubbed my back mid-day and we went for pizza and beer and a game of scrabble. A long walk on the golf course and swimming and the penultimate What we do in the shadows. I painted. It looks better, more like me, but cartoonish. I want Lucien Freud.

#June 21

Woke up early and went out on the golf course to the cool loveliness of sunrise. The skunk was returning from a long way off and I could watch him from a distance and then from the house. Little delicate cat paws and a wild bushy body. Raccoon left from same spot—and obviously they were having a tryst. Went to find the boys walking and I tiptoed barefoot out to the empty street. Returned to sleep on couch, in real pile, with dog draped across my chest and tucked under my chin. Looming tower. Brunch at Blok, avocado Benedict and conversation comparing Shrill to Girl and what is the overarching point? The high highs and very lows of unsteady but exciting people are not the long term healthy choices of steady caring people. Yet. That night watched a Pete Davidson movie. In the end the kid drives away from Davidson, not looking back. He goes home to spend the night with his parents. Davidson was fun and ruinous and possibly his best memories of life? And yet he cannot even manage a look back. Healthy doesn’t need to be boring, but it does mean no highs and lows. Even the best of us must crave those highs again.

Walked around ceilo vista in the afternoon. Picked up empanadas and watched what we do in the shadows and I took a nap. Went out for charcoaler for dinner. Swam. Last episode of Shrill. Made no goddam sense.

#June 20

Dads walls are painted dark gray. Called to tell him it was too dark.

Worked on admissions, thesis assessment, emails, patient portal.

Drove to burrito place which closes everyday at 4 and yet we show up everyday at 4:30 to the surprise. Went to little shack and it was uncrowded and dark with the bright day thru the windows, so we sat inside and ate tacos. Too much meat in the USA, but unavoidable really.

Walked thru the heat to the new empanada place for dessert. Home and watched first episodes of Seth Rogens new show Future man which was brilliant—each scene lovingly given a scifi and culture cookie to find. LZ recognized the outfits of easy rider, I tingled every time with the magic realization trill from back to the future.

We walked in the pleasant warmth and right away LZ saw the den of baby skunks and it was a little magical.

I swam and we watched the first episode of shrill.

Talked about what was too much routine. What would be repeated too often to make it boring? Regular answers like same food or same movie over and over. But for me it was the sameness of every day. Even if it was a different movie, book, lunch—I wouldn’t want everyday to watch, read, eat. Some days I want to starve.

Finished my second self portrait and i hate how it turned out.

#June 14

Had a bad dream.

Woke, again watched the end of waiting, drank water. Drove to crave, sat at bar. Was a little uncomfortable, crowded, a fly kept bothering me, everything bothering me. Drove back watched some more of the act, until we wanted to stop and so went out to Bob-os. Batting cages were too hot, but we stayed past my reluctance and played laser tag and video games and it was good. Burrito place was closed so we ended up back at tin man played connect four and then bought burgers at Charcoaler which also had connect four and watched the end of the act, debating whether she was sympathetic or not.

I swam and then a slow walk on dark golf course, dodging sprinklers and talking about the four categories of lame cultural taste: rewatches, superficial or juvenile taste, hipster credibility divided into thirsty signaling and pretension.

Good orchard sketch.

Watched Amber Ruffin and Seth Meyers and feel asleep before they ended.

#June 13

Watched 20 minutes of Waiting while I drank water and he finished working out. Breakfast in the valley, where they have expanded into Canutillo. Good coffee and chandeliers and we sat next to people who seemed genuinely happy to meet for brunch and have all of Saturday, which I loved.

Drove down Mesa and stoped at the new bakery. Socorro was painting the house still and Dad got a package of peaches where three were rotten already. LZ got new shorts.

Drove out to the new coffee place near Posta Motor Lodge, then onto curiosity shop downtown where the best thing was an old human tooth made into a small necklace charm.

Sat in hot car debating what really to do next. Drove out past refinery on Pisano. Went to tin man and watched westminister show over beers. Decided on new restaurant where I had the nachos, which were good but too much. Too full and so went home and binged the act, walked the dog, swam and finally laid in bed watching the news and the ACLU on that cheerleader and freedom of speech in school and the Supreme Court.

#June 12

Socorro spent all day taping off the house for painting “gray”. Painted self portrait, went into the garage and cried at the frustration. Realized this was stupid as I looked out on the heat of the porch and pool.

Taste of Mexico platters and coffee at Menos y Mas and grocery store. Swim and Handmaids tale.

Conversation on what it really means to like iconic culture, what it means to watch something again or repeatedly, what makes a nostalgic song work or not in a movie.

Woke up in the middle of the night angry, but then this morning didn’t care.

Was asked to be on Olav’s PhD’s committee. Wrote back to Rotterdam city art commission. Need to finalize budget and name for research center. Center for the Sociology of Art?

Started new self portrait but stymied.

Socorro never returned to paint.

#June 9

Long day. Made tacos and drove out to ice cream. Then a 6 dollar cup of coffee that was actually delicious and Cards against humanity while waiting. Swim, feeling free. Hand maids tale and trying to finish thesis assessment. Socorro taped off the hallway for painting “gray”.

Started my painting. Finished mindfucked. Reading solo and baby. Need another nonfiction.

#June 8

First day back in El Paso. Relaxed, ate fruit after last nights dinner at State Line was so heavy. Got restless and drove out for noodles. Took long nap and awoke to start of evening. “What we do in the shadows” and then grocery store, filled with nostalgia of teen hood. Long swim in new string bikini. Did not submit for writing group for which I feel guilty. Actually kind of excited to be here.

#June 7

Woke up early, early and went out to breakfast at Snooze. Then went back to sleep. Packed. Long shower. Game night with Laura and Bryan. Read half of havoc in heaven.

#June 5

Exam committee and the epistemological crisis of self plagiarism.

Ridiculous, earth shatteringly stupid MA thesis.

Walk to pizza and beer. Coffee and finished linear park with power lines under less dramatic but good sunset.

Conversation about the difference between needing people to talk around you all the time and being able to be by yourself. I wondered, but did not say, is the difference the ability to stand yourself? The yawning pain you cannot face so fill full of noise and distraction? Sometimes I have felt this way. Are there truly people who feel this all the time? Or could it be so superficial that they really cannot think of anything at all by themselves so they get too bored without someone else to fill the silence and void?

Documentary on wealth generation was off/on very good. Put some notes from it for book.

Finished Deadly Education. Downloaded some thriller recommended?

#June 4

Meeting for cultural policy with Volt. Need to look up party’s platform before I agree to be consultant as I have no idea right now beyond liberal.

Last of rushed MA admission.

Made veggie pizza. Interminably long documentary that I hated. Swimming and then coffee with walk along power line linear park. Frogs and sunset like a bloody cut, sky bruised and molted purple and black spanning overhead. Long fleshy worms along the side walk and snails the size of my thumb from the rain. Smell of pine and cut wood.

Almost done with my books. Read another Novik?

I know what you are thinking. I was like you once. But now

With so much before me, so many emerald trees, and

Weed-whitened fields, mountains and lakes, how could I not

Be only myself, this dream of flesh, from moment to moment?

#June 3 #volt meeting

Frustrating talk with MA student about her thesis only being worthwhile if it could be used to predict the future. She cried and couldn’t tell me what her dependent variable was and lied to me about how she had not had any methods classes ever. Tomorrow her final draft is due. Tonight she said she would “do the analysis” because I told her to do it and even then she complained that “shouldn’t the theory come first” and I explained again that the theory comes first when the final draft is not due in 24 hours. Frustrating. She was frustrating.

Radio cafe in the afternoon and writing of arts abstract. Tacos and swimming and family guy. Theories on the murderer. I may invite Bannon to come live with us.

#May 27

Meeting rescheduled and had lazy morning watching tv on couch bed. All day on abstract.

Walk to lotto and closed coffee place on corner that smelled of disinfectant and grinds, and little shops along the way of kolache, Irish dance, CrossFit that smelled of sweat and pine.

#May 26

Dream lover and apple pie.

Writing group. Also signed up for the next.

Long golden hour walk. LZ knew who the victim was, while I had known the killer. Lovely moment of inspiration and connection. Spinoza all night.

To read:

Young Werther, Goethe

Hill House, Shirley Jackson

Beautiful and the Damned, Fitzgerald

To watch:

Your highness

#May 25 #to read #to watch