run for the hills — chapter six ♥︎
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the next two days before you flight back to Wyoming was pure torture. your mother didn’t look at you and didn’t speak to you. not like she usually did, anyway. this time, it was complete radio silence. your father, on the other hand, spoke few words to you.
“good morning.” — “hello.” — “how are you?” — “packed yet?”
things like that. things that were only necessary in passing, not for a daughter in which they claimed to have raised on their own. a part of you didn’t want to blame them because you knew that they would react like this—that part of you wanted to solely blame yourself for believing it would be any different.
or that they would have reacted any different. it was silly, really. putting all the blame on your shoulders when you simply just wanted to live your life free of pressure.
finally confiding in your brother, you allowed him to comfort you. “i’m sorry about that night,” he said solemnly, head hung low like he was ashamed he didn’t stand up for you better. “i should have intervened or said something—“
“it’s okay, Jackson,” you said finally, holding up your hand so there was no room for argument. “i just want to go home, i guess. i think this’ll be the last time i step foot in this house.”
your brother debated on his next words, sitting on the edge of your bed and fiddling with his thumbs. “is that okay?”
“more than okay,” breathing out a sigh, you glanced down at the clothes you had packed in your suitcase. it was more than you had brought. given that your bedroom had been your sanctuary for many years, you had a lot of items that were held dear to you. you didn’t know if you’d ever be able to come back for them. “if they want to act like their daughter can’t make her own decisions, then they won’t ever be apart of the decision making process again.”
jackson inhaled and looked down at his hands. he wished he had the same courage as you, but he had already committed to your parents wishes. graduated college with honors and moved back home to pursue a career at your fathers hospital. there was no option for escape for him now. he couldn’t just go back to college without the money your parents paid for it with.
it would take too much time and too much effort. he wasn’t even young enough to start over. “i wish i had the balls like you did,” he chuckled finally, earning a side long glance. “i’d quit and go work as a coffee shop owner just to be over and done with this mess.”
“you know, you still could do whatever you wanted, right? it’s not too late to start over, jack.”
“make your own. work your way through college. it’s possible as long as you want it enough.”
he seemed to take your words into consideration before nodding. a small graceful smile tugged at his lips before he stood and sauntered over to your smaller form. without hesitation, he wrapped his arms around your neck and pulled you into a warm embrace. “m’ sure going to miss you, sister.” he said softly.
this was the first real hug you two had ever shared, actually. your family wasn’t one for personal affection, but you had grown used to it while living wirh grayson and being around phoebe. it was like second nature for you now. however, with jackson, it felt awkward. without overthinking it, you simply wrapped your arms around his waist and hugged him back tightly.
“i’m going to miss you, too, big brother.” you murmured against the fabric of his button up.
when you finally rolled your luggage up to the front door, the maids made a fuss about how you were leaving. some of them you had known since you were a child, and some were still relatively new but had fallen in love with how you actually treated them like humans and not less than. they fawned over you, saying their goodbyes as you simply smiled and hugged them tightly.
your mother and father were gone to the hospital. one of the maids had told you they left early and sent their regards without directly saying it. that was normal. even if you and your mother hadn’t gotten into a fight, she wouldn’t have said goodbye to you directly. your father on the other hand—well, he was never present anyway.
it was funny that your family was like this, because you had learned to not feel any sadness or anger at their lack of presence.
the chauffeur helped put your luggage into the trunk and gave you a small smile while opening the door. “ready to head back home?” he asked after settling into the drivers seat. you clicked your seatbelt and nodded.
“home, yeah.” you murmured to yourself.
you should be sad that you didn’t find the place you grew up to be worthy enough to call home. at the same time, though, you knew that home wasn’t just a place. it could be a person, or a thing and right now, ellie was your home. you just wanted to see her. wanted to be in her arms, and wanted to have her tell you everything would be okay.
because right now, it really didn’t feel like it. you were scared that nothing would ever get better and that you would be stuck in the same rut you already were in. a rut in which you were destined to go back to your parents one way or another. even if you didn’t want to. for now, you didn’t want to think about it. you just wanted to get back to her as soon as possible.
like she could read your mind, she texted.
ellie 🕷️: hey pretty girl (:
ellie 🕷️: u almost to the airport yet?
you: i am. have you made it back to campus yet?
ellie 🕷️: we’re about like 2 hrs away
ellie 🕷️: pray i make it back wo jesse driving us into a ditch
ellie 🕷️: can’t wait to see my girl
her words made your stomach flip. a smile graced your lips as you held the phone tight in your hands. god, you missed her so much. missed her more than you could even admit to yourself.
you: can you stay with me for tonight?
ellie 🕷️: dina just hit me to see what made me blush so hard btw (:
ellie 🕷️: of course i can princess. wanna finish our marvel movie merathon? there’s still sum that i didn’t show u
you: i just want to be in your arms, els.
ellie 🕷️: ur killing me here omg
ellie 🕷️: im rlly gunna kiss u all over ur pretty face
ellie 🕷️: my precious baby
you: i’m smiling too muchhhhh
ellie 🕷️: u deserve to baby. & ur gunna btw
ellie 🕷️: even if i have to like make dumb puns just for u
leaning your head against the window, you read her words over and over again. she was being too sweet. like she always was and it made your stomach flip. the chauffeur glanced at you through the rearview mirror, smiling softly. the airport was in view, and it made him wonder if you’d ever step foot in this town again after you left.
you: if you do, maybe i’ll kiss you all over your face
ellie 🕷️: ykw i want that so i will
ellie 🕷️: have a safe flight okay, baby? i love u
ellie 🕷️: SOOOOOOO MUCHHHHHH
you: my pretty baby by the way.
ellie 🕷️: hold on i just imploded.
ellie 🕷️: do i look like a tomato
you: the prettiest tomato
the car came to a halt as the chauffeur stepped out and helped you to the curb. he held your hand for a moment before cupping both of them in his. he held them tightly, “it was good to see you again, miss. l/n. i really do hope that you have a very good rest of your semester.” his voice was gentle, almost fatherly as he spoke.
“thank you.” you smiled, squeezing his hands.
handing you your luggage, you stepped into the airport and said goodbye to the place you once had dreamed of being your home.
when you landed back in Wyoming, ellie was the first to greet you. she had begged jesse to let her borrow his car to pick you up—as it was, in her words, very important lesbian business to attend to. she wanted to be the first person you saw, and she wanted to be the first person who got her hands on you. before your friends obviously.
when your plane landed, you could hardly wait to get out of the seat. you never liked airplanes much. they were far too cramped to even possibly be comfortable, and you usually got stuck sitting next to someone who had no sense of personal space or special awareness.
however, you were now running to baggage claim. not because you were just that excited to pick up your suitcase, but to finally be back in ellie’s arms. a week was far too much time away. far too much time to let the negative thoughts and draining emotions seep back into your head.
you saw her before she saw you, and needless to say, your heart had begun to beat erratically inside of your chest. she looked so cute standing there awkwardly holding a bouquet of your favorite flowers wrapped in a pretty bow. her hair pulled back like normal, a coat covering her frame, and her signature converse squeaking against the linoleum floor.
it was like straight out of a romance movie. you were about to descend on the escalator and jump into her arms like some stupid rom-com. not that you minded. if anything, you were beginning to like the cheesy little idea. before stepping onto the escalator, you wanted to capture this moment.
taking out your phone, you snapped a photo of the awkward girl beneath and saved it to your ellie folder. because yeah, you had begun to keep one in order to make the collages for the project—but now, it had become much more than that. a folder to look at when you missed her and a folder to reminisce on the outline of her face when you were alone at night.
snapping yourself from your thoughts, you made your way down the escalator, her green hues meeting yours halfway. ellie’s face immediately brightened like the sun, a clear display of how just your presence brought out the most happiness in her. she opened her arms widely as you began sauntering towards her shyly.
without caring about the others around you—because ellie made everything go away—you jumped into her embrace. it was warm, familiar, and grounding in a way that nothing else was. you buried your face into her neck, inhaling the familiar scent of pine and weed that was her. so authentically her that it made your chest ache.
you hadn’t even began to grasp how much being away from her had fucked you up.
but now that you were back with her, you never wanted to leave again. the hollow ache that consumed you was too much to bare. “don’t ever leave me again,” she murmured before you could get a word out. “i cannot do another week without you.”
your cheeks warmed. pulling back, your eyes met her’s. glimmering and full of love.
“beating me to my own words,” you whispered, hands coming up to cup her freckled cheeks. “classic ellie.” she flushed immediately, lips twitching into such a wide smile that you swore it hurt.
her hands pulled you in by the hips, “gotta make sure my pretty girl knows how much i can’t be without her,” she said softly, keeping her tone down for the sake of knowing you didn’t like being so open around people.
it made your heart beat faster. she was still so considerate despite the bouncing of her feet like she was physically restraining herself from kissing you. your lips pursed as you admired her.
“i missed you so much, y/n.” she murmured, bringing her face closer to yours. you didn’t pull back. instead, you leaned in as well. this surprised ellie, but it was also hopeful. you were growing—your wings finally blooming and she was so beyond proud.
your thumbs brushed against her skin, “i missed you more, els,” you smiled. “my pretty tomato.” ellie’s eyebrows shot up as she looked at you. then, she laughed and hugged you tightly again. god, you were too cute. it physically hurt.
when she pulled back, she looked like she was going to kiss you. she was hesitating.
“it’s okay,” you whispered, bringing your face close. “kiss me, please. i need it.”
her heart began to beat faster, and she closed the gap almost immediately. your arms wrapped around her shoulders, angling your head to be able to taste her better. her fingers dug into the fabric of your jeans, squeezing you so tightly that it might bruise you. you didn’t care though, you just wanted to kiss her until you couldn’t breathe.
ellie’s lips were warm against yours. the same warmth that had made you all tingly inside. it left no room for doubting, no room for misunderstanding, and no room for judgement or pain. she was a safe haven for every wild thought you had and every time that you had felt out of the ordinary.
she broke away from the kiss first, breathless. “damn,” her chest heaved. “you really did need it, huh?” you giggled, simply pulling her back in for another kiss.
after getting your fix, you pulled back and stared up at her flushed face and kiss swollen lips.
“i want to get used to this.” you said.
she raised a brow, “to us kissing? because i can assure you, you’ll be very used to it soon.” her lips curved into a satisfied smirk.
“no, silly,” you smiled, hitting her arm playfully. “us being open. affectionate.. and what not, in public.” it was your turn for your face to flush. this was still all new to you and you didn’t know how long it would take for you to adjust to the sudden change in your life.
but, you knew you wanted ellie there every step of the way. not like she would ever leave you, anyway. still, you knew you wanted her. knew that having her by your side, you could face anything that came your way.
the drive back to your apartment was full of laughter and ellie singing at the top of her lungs some dumb cheesy romance song she had memorized while being away from you. she talked about how much fun she had with her sister and joel, and how he even offered to let you come stay with them for summer break if you were up for it.
it was still three months away, and yet, she was already wanting to introduce you to her family. it made your heart warm. you held her hand the entire way back, her fingers laced with yours; squeezing and rubbing your skin every so often to just make sure you were still real.
and in fact here with her.
to which you reassured her with pecks to her cheek when she wasn’t paying attention or staring at the road. it felt domestic to be with ellie like this. in a way that you didn’t know you would ever come to appreciate or even experience.
before ellie, you didn’t think of marriage or relationships in any other aspect other than mutual respect. a plan written by your parents since your birth to secure more fortune and wealth. not for love, and certainly not for this level of understanding. yet now, you were viewing it as a life long commitment to her and a connection that no one else could make you feel.
it was almost like a wish or prayer had come true. like your life was finally turning right side up after being upside down for so long. you were finally seeing clearer—without the fear of being told you were wrong or that the things you loved was too different or difficult to understand.
with ellie, it was like being able to breathe for the first time. to come up for oxygen after drowning and suffocating in a sea of loneliness and tears.
you spent that night wrapped in ellie’s arms. she held you tightly, allowing you to tangle your legs with hers and rest your cheek against her chest. her fingers ran gingerly against your head, scratching your scalp in order to ease the tension in your body.
“you okay, baby?” she whispered, tilting her head to peer down at your face. you looked okay, sure, but she could tell that something was on you mind. reaching over for the remote, she paused the spider-man into the multiverse movie and turned so that she could see your face fully.
your eyes looked tired and conflicted. her frown deepened as her hand came down to rest against your cheek, “you can talk to me about anything, you know that right?” her words made you finally look at her.
the glint in her green hues made you want to break out in tears. truth was, despite all the happiness you felt being back in her arms, you were still worried about what would happen now that you weren’t following the path laid out for you by your parents.
“what the future holds for me now,” you replied, voice shaking a tad. ellie noticed your bottom lip quiver and she quickly gathered your body back in her arms. she hugged you tightly to herself, “what if.. nothing will ever be the same for me again? what if i’m stuck in this place forever?”
ellie knew the feelings that were buzzing in that pretty head of yours all too well. every gay girl feels them deeply when she finally accepts that part of herself that felt so wrong for so long. every person who finally accepts their true self wonders if the depression and anxiety that follows it will linger and stay forever.
she wanted to tell you that it gets better, but the world you two live in is harsh and full of judgement and criticism. sometimes people still won’t understand and they’ll feed into the inner homophobia that’s ingrained in your heads. then, sometimes you find people that support you through whatever. that’s when you truly get to understand that there is still good and that happiness always wins over anger and judgement.
she carded her fingers through your hair and rubbed circles on your back. “even if it is, i’ll be here,” she answered, kissing your cheek gently. she wanted to swallow all of the doubt up and take it from you. ellie never wanted you to feel this pain and suffer like this because of how your parents viewed you.
“even if it is hard fo a while, i will be here,” she continued, pressing more kisses to your cheek and neck. “and i’ll hold you every step of the way.”
pulling back, she gazed at your sad eyes. the same ones that she wished she could fill with so much happiness that you might explode. she yearned for your laughter and your smile. she wanted to see you wear it every single day. “i promise, baby. you have me always.”
tears swelled in your eyes.
“i’m sorry, els,” you whispered finally, sniffling as she rubbed her thumbs beneath your eyes to catch the silver tears. “i’m such a cry baby. this week has been awful, and you’ve done nothing but support me. i should try and be happier—“ she cut you off with a scoff.
her eyes narrowed as she squished your cheeks between her hands, “don’t ever apologize for such things,” she said, shaking her head. “i told you before. you deserve to smile and you deserve everything good in the world. no matter how much i have to or need to comfort you, i’ll do it. even if it’s a hundred times a day or once a week, i’ll do it, okay?” she said all of this in one breath, scoffing after like what you said was stupid.
you pursed your lips, “i really love you.”
“and i love you more,” she smirked, coming to kiss you on the tip of your nose and then your lips. the kiss lasted longer as you wrapped your arms around her and brought her body to cover yours. ellie rolled slightly on top of you, peppering kisses from your jaw to your neck.
her hands found your waist as she slotted a knee between your thighs, pressure building on a certain point where you hadn’t even realized you could feel that type of sensation. your eyes opened wide, pupils blowing huge as your hands shot to grab the sheets on your mattress.
when she sucked a certain spot on your neck, your back arched, causing you to grind down against her knee. ellie groaned against your skin, and suddenly everything felt too hot. your body was too warm—like you had a fever. her body was hot on top of yours, and her breath tickled your skin which caused it to redden even more.
to say the least, it was fucking hot.
and you were so unsure about what was happening or where this was going. when ellie noticed your hesitance in the way your body stiffened beneath her, she glanced up through her lashes at your face. her gaze steadied when she noticed the way you looked at her—scared and uncertain.
“we don’t have to go too far yet,” she whispered, wanting to ease your worry and reassure you that she didn’t just want sex from you. “i know you’re vulnerable baby, i would never take advantage of you like that. i just.. i want to make you feel better.”
you sucked your bottom lip between your teeth, admiring the way she spoke to you so soft and so gently. you nodded slowly, breathing erratic. ellie chuckled at your nervous demeanor, coming up to kiss you all over your face. “can i kiss you all over? just your arms, your hands, your legs, your stomach, you know?”
another flush came to your cheeks.
your cheeks reddened even more. you didn’t even know what the hell you were saying. your brain was malfunctioning at her every move and for the first time, ellie realized she wasn’t the loser here in the situation.
she chuckled, “sure, i’ll kiss your feet.”
“w-wait—! i didn’t mean—“
she was already moving before you could stop her.
slowly, you began to forget about spring break and the confusion that was your life. spending more time with ellie made you realize that you simply wanted to focus on the present rather than what was to come in the future. she made you relax, and she made you want more to life other than constant worry and stress.
she even brought you to hang out with her friends dina and jesse. since they were a couple, the four of you ended up doing a lot of double date activities like karaoking or going out to bars and drinking. it was fun—a lot more fun that it would have been if you had kept going to parties every weekend and getting shit faced drunk.
your life had finally begun to feel normal again. juggling having a new relationship, new friendships, spending time with your best friends, and classes, everything started to feel like you had a sense of control on your life. you could manage your classes and late night makeout sessions with your girlfriend, and meeting your friends at the library to goof off before venturing to dina and jesse’s to hangout with ellie and smoke.
needless to say, the semester was dragging on rather quickly and you seemed to be living in the moment more. which had brought ellie to the conclusion that she wanted to properly ask you out as her girlfriend. even though you two considered yourselves dating, she wanted to do something special and properly ask you.
or well, ask if you would have her as your girlfriend.
you had grown comfortable with showing public affection. holding her hand when you dragged her to cafes and clothing shops, to kissing her cheek and lips when flipping through romance books at the bookstore. you even came along with her to the thrift store in order tor try and scrounge up any untouched records or cassette tapes.
you were her person, that’s for sure. she wanted to make you feel special and appreciated with how much you made her feel safe and loved.
“dee,” ellie said, busting open dina’s door to her apartment with a strange expression on her face. “i’m freaking out—“
the brunette stood from the couch, “dear god, who fucking died? was it that one professor we didn’t like? i sure fucking hope it was.” her words came out like rapid fire. ellie furrowed her brows before kicking the door shut behind her.
“what? no.” she murmured, hands fidgeting with one another. “i’ve been—fuck, well i want..” her words were stammered as she tried to explain the situation or well, predicament she was in. “i want to ask y/n if i can be her girlfriend.”
dina’s eyes widened and then settled into something softer. she crossed her arms, leaning against the kitchen banister. “oh yeah? and how do you plan on doing that?” she laughed at her friend’s nervousness.
“shit i don’t fucking know!”
“okay calm down, tommy, jesus.”
the girl chuckled, “okay okay, let’s see. what if you plan like a super fancy and romantic night out?” she suggested. after all, that’s how jesse asked her out. he planned this huge fancy and romantic dinner and before, he took her to pick out her favorite paintings from her favorite artist. ellie remembered him gushing about how he was so scared to ask her to be his girlfriend.
as if on cue, jesse sticks his head out of the bedroom, gaming headset on and a chip hanging out of the corner of his mouth.
“oh hey, els,” he smiled, “whatcha doin’ here?”
dina rolls her eyes, “jess, stop talking with a mouthful.” she scolds domestically and ellie watches them argue like an old married couple. she played with her fingers.
“she’s planning on asking y/n out.” dina informed her boyfriend.
jesse’s eyes go so wide that ellie thought they might bulge out of his heas, “no fucking way—“
“alright, you guys are no help.” she muttered, turning on her heel to leave.
the two laugh and playfully pull her back inside their apartment. the three spend the next several hours discussing the best plan possible for ellie to ask you out. of course she wanted it to be romantic, but she also wanted to take into account the things that you liked. you weren’t a huge romantic person, and she knew you liked to keep things secluded.
she also knew that you enjoyed views so she tried to keep that in mind while choosing a location. she just wanted it to be absolutely perfect. she wanted the atmosphere to be calm and serene. wanted you to be dressed in such an expensive dress that she bought for you—god, she was already dreaming of all the ways she could spoil and provide for you once the two of you were married.
shit, it wasn’t like she was proposing but damn it if she didn’t want to. if ellie had her way, she would just skip the girlfriend stage and make you her wife. however, she knew that was crazy and she didn’t want to be labeled as the typical lesbian that packed up a u-haul and married herself off without at least spending a couple years with you at first.
though, she’d definitely just refer to you as her wife once you become comfortable with it. she liked the domestic feeling of it. like you were her’s and her’s alone.
her beautiful girlfriend.
everything beyond and inbetween..
she kept this plan a secret for several weeks—which was very hard for her. after all, ellie sucked at keeping secrets and she just wanted to spill her guts to you every time you looked up at her with those puppy dog eyes of yours. it made her want to cave and tell you every little thought and secret she kept in her head.
you wouldn’t ever have to torture her for information, she would just give it to you. that’s how much you had her wrapped around your finger. so tight that it should have, and probably would be, suffocating for any other person. to her, though, it was the best thing in the world.
she finally had something that belonged to her and her alone. you. the mist precious and valuable thing in the entire world—in her entire world.
“you’re being oddly quiet today,” you said finally, tugging her hand with yours as the two of you walked down the sidewalk. with a coffee in your other hand, you sipped the cold drink through the straw. “you okay, baby?”
ellie’s gaze snapped to yours, cheeks warming. “what—? oh yeah, i’m— yes, i’m okay!” she stammered, cursing herself inside for being so awkward. after all, she was literally going to be asking you out tomorrow. this was a huge step for her, and despite the fact that you were already treating her as your girlfriend, she was still beyond anxious.
“yeah?” you raised a brow, a smirk curling on your lips. “you look a little red there, baby tomato.”
the red head rolled her eyes softly and looked away. “shut up, dork.” she muttered, clearing her throat as she pulled you closer to her side.
the two of you had been out and about all morning. you had wanted to look for a new outfit since ellie asked to take you to a restaurant tomorrow evening. she said it was relatively fancy and that she just wanted to take you to it as small thank you gift for being with her. of course you told her she didn’t need to do that, but she insisted and you relented to her because she was too cute to say no to.
so, you dragged her to multiple stores. after trying on many dresses and outfits, you finally picked out one you were satisfied with. now, you were walking hand in hand with your favorite girl. “wanna stop by the thrift store?” you asked, glancing up at her face.
“we could look for that cassette you have been eying!”
ellie tilted her head upon hearing her favorite words: thrift store and cassette. like a puppy with her ears up and tail wagging, you smiled to herself. she was adorable. it made you want to squish her cheeks and keep her all to yourself. “you’re too cute,” you laughed, pulling out your phone to take a photo of her face.
she grumbled, not wanting to be photographed; because well, in ellie’s eyes, she didn’t think she was very appealing or attractive. to you, that couldn’t be far from the truth. snapping a photo, you quickly saved it to your ellie folder and squeezed her hand tightly.
“do i have to bark for you now?”
“yeah,” you smirked. “get on all fours.”
ellie raised a brow, a smirk falling on her face. “kinky, i like it.” this time, your cheeks flushed and you shoved her shoulder with yours playfully.
walking into the tiny thrift store, ellie held the door open and allowed you to into first like always. she was such a gentlewoman that it genuinely made you wonder if everyone else got this much care and attention in their relationships. you liked to think you were just special.
ellie quickly led you to the music section, sauntering off by herself to the cassette bin as you fiddled with the records and sipped your coffee slowly. “what was it called again—?” you murmured more to yourself than her. “the slick habit?”
“the sick habit.” your girlfriend corrected with a snort, shaking her head. you had gotten close to the name. she didn’t blame you for not remembering, because if she was being honest, she had stopped listening to music as often once she met you. you had become her new addiction and her new source of music.
your cheeks warmed, “sick habit.” you corrected yourself, busying yourself with flipping through the dusty records to distract yourself from the embarrassment that was evident in your features. ellie simply shook her head again, finding your embarrassment endearing and adorable.
she loved how you shied away from her sometimes.
“oh shit—“ her thoughts were immediately derailed when she finally found the cassette she had been spending ages looking for deep inside of the bin. was this fate? the sign of luck she had been searching for? was finding this cassette her sign that everything would work out and be okay?
fuck, she was reading too much into this dusty old cassette in her hands, but jesus did she want it to mean that. “babe, i found it!” ellie smiled widely, holding up the cassette as she turned to face you.
your eyes widened, a bright smile coming to grace your beautiful face.
“congratulations, my love!” you said, sauntering towards her. wrapping your arms around her neck, she gingerly grabbed your hips and pulled you close. you pecked her lips quickly before going back in for a longer kiss. “i knew you’d find it one day.” you murmured into her mouth.
ellie sighed into the kiss. this was the best congratulations on something so small. she wondered what it would be like once the two of you graduated. how would you serenade and congratulate her then? her cheeks grew hot and she pulled back, biting her bottom lip.
despite the urge to simply rip your clothes off here in this small thrift store, she respected that you simply just weren’t ready yet. she would wait, no matter how long. she wanted more than sex from you—a life, a happy every after. maybe this cassette was the beginning of that.
she tilted her head, “mm, it’s because i have my goodluck charm with me.” she whispered. your eyes crinkled as you giggled at her dumb comment, ellie’s eyes adoring the way you lit up at her compliment.
“yeah? you find me to be full of luck?”
“the best luck out there. gunna have to keep you beside me at all times to find out how truly lucky you are.”
“i wouldn’t mind that.” you tilted your head with another cute smile as you pressed a kiss to her lips again. “you going to stuff me into your pocket?”
ellie nodded, holding your hips tighter. “carry you everywhere.”
despite the warmth that enveloped the two of you in the moment, a phone call cut the closeness short. she whined as you pulled away, fishing your phone from your purse and staring at the caller ID. a flash of confusion ran over your features, to which ellie rubbed her thumbs against your hips gently.
“what’s wrong, baby?” she murmured, frowning. “who is it?”
you pursed your lips, “our school.”
ellie’s eyebrows shot up. the university? why would they be calling you out of the blue?
biting your bottom lip, you answered the call and pressed the phone to your ear. it was quiet for a few moments before you nodded your head and murmured, “yes, this is she.” the conversation on the other end was slightly long. the pause between when you answered with a ‘yes’ and when they started talking again was odd.
she tried not to listen to the conversation for the sake of your privacy, but it peeked her interest that they were calling you at 3 pm on a random thursday. when you hung up, you glanced at your girlfriend.
“what did they want?” she asked softly, pulling you close again. she kissed your cheek to try and make you smile again, but you looked so deep in thought.
“they want to see me in the deans office tomorrow,” you replied, voice suddenly becoming wavered. “they didn’t say why. just that i needed to show up at 9 am.”
ellie’s body’s stiffened. “deans office? the hell— what could you have possibly done to get sent to the deans office?” she questioned, voice suddenly gruff. she pulled back and stared down at your conflicted expression, the glint that had been playing in your hues slowly leaving.
“c’mon, baby,” she said finally, taking your hands in hers. she paid for the cassette and led you out of the thrift store. “let’s go home and watch that movie you were talking about earlier. what was it—fifty first dates?”
you forced a small smile to your lips. the anxiety was killing you, but despite that, you let her lead you back home. you left the warmth of ellie engulf you enough to tease the stress and anxiety. you wished it was enough, because when you stepped into the deans off at 9 am sharp the next day, the person you least expected was sitting there.
your father lounged in the chair across from the dean’s desk, his legs folded over one another and his free hand adjusting his watch. it felt like the air had been knocked out of your lunge. why was here? what did he want? so many questioned flew through your mind that you didn’t even have time to process them before the dean was beckoning you into the room.
taking a seat beside your father, you shifted uncomfortably. the lady across from you looked rather uncomfortable as well. her wrinkly hands were laced together and sat firm on her wooden desk. her glasses slid down the slope of her bony nose, and her hawk like eyes glanced between you and your father.
you had only ever seen her from afar. seeing her upclose like this was daunting. “miss. l/n, mr. l/n,” she said finally, clearing her throat as she spoke—voice nasally. “you, sir, have come to discuss your daughters degree and tuition, is that correct?”
“yes,” your father replied, placing his hands in his lap. he sounded rather uninterested in the conversation. like he was simply here to run an errand rather than see his daughter or overlook her education. he ran his fingers through his salt and pepper locks, “im here to discuss her attendance at this university as well.”
your eyes shot open, “excuse me? i have perfect—“ he cut you off by holding his hand up to silence you. it seems to be a thing that ran in your family, and suddenly the action that you had become used to doing left a distaste in your mouth. your heartbeat was erratic at this point.
attendance? you were on time to every class? why would he care about your attendance? it was perfect—
“i wish to withdraw my daughter.”
the entire world seemed to stop upon that one sentence. like someone have hit the pause button on your life and was watching the way it affected you. your eyes slowly met the side profile of your father. still, he looked disinterested in the conversation. as if he hadn’t just come and uprooted your entire life and turned it back upside down as soon as you got it upright.
the dean stiffened, “mr. l/n, you are aware that your daughter is set to graduate in less than a month—?” he cut her off with an annoyed yawn.
and suddenly the expression you saw at the party was completely gone from your mind—the look of pity or empathy. it was replaced with the same cold demeanor you had become so accustomed to.
“i’m aware,” his voice grew rather hostile. the dean shifted in he seat and licked her bottom lip before reading over her paperwork. “i would still like to continue with her withdrawal.”
you found your voice again. “what the hell—? you can’t do that! i’m the one attending this university, not you! what makes you think you have the authority to come in here—“ your father’s cold gaze met yours for the first time.
there was no love, no warmth, beneath that gaze. it was distant and unbearable.
“do you pay for it?” he questioned.
you stuttered, flailing for something that could resemble a life jacket in the middle of this sinking ocean. “i’m— i’m about to graduate.”
“and what will you do with that degree? go work at a hospital that isn’t mine?” he continued, huffing through his nose before crossing his arms. “no, i will not have it. you either work for me or you do not earn the degree. it’s my money you’re waisting at the end of the day.”
your heart dropped into your stomach.
you either go back home, do what they say, work for them, and spend the rest of your life married to a man and completely miserable or you chose yourself and lose everything that you had worked so hard for.
either way, there was a loss and either way, you suffered in the end. why did this have to be your life? why were you constantly doomed to a life that revolved around misery and despair? you were on your feet and running before you even had time to process what was happening.
both the dean and your father shouted after you, but you didn’t relent the pace your feet drove into the ground. ending back up at your shared apartment, grayson attempted to stop you in your tracks when she noticed your frenzied behavior, but it was no use.
you locked yourself in your bedroom, ignoring her incessant knocks and whispers of, “y/n, what’s wrong? you’re freaking me out! are you okay?”
the day flew by without a peep from you to anyone, and ellie had begun to grow worried. she played her new cassette non stop to try and drown out the anxiety and overthinking in her head. were you okay? you said you’d text her and let her know what was going on, but there had been nothing from your end. the last time you did this, you weren’t okay and something bad had happened.
she had to physically stop herself multiple times from storming over to your apartment. she knew you would tell her when you were ready, but now that you were so close, she couldn’t help but feel the urge to go and find you. she just needed to see you. after all, this was the might she was going to finally ask to be your girlfriend.
that was, until her phone rang. “ellie? hello? this is grayson, y/n’s best friend—“ her tone sounded a little frantic. the red head dropped her guitar on her bed and clenched her phone tightly in her hand.
“i don’t know, she just—“ grayson ran her fingers through her hair as she glanced at your door. “came running in and locked herself in her room. she won’t talk to me or anyone.”
ellie’s chest ached and her stomach churned. she didn’t even say goodbye before she hung up. simply slipping on her coat and shoes before running through the rain and towards your apartment. she didn’t care if she got soaking wet. she needed to see you. needed to see what was wrong. needed to fix it. needed to make sure you were okay.
that was all that was in her head.
i need you, i need you, i need you. please be okay.
it was a type of chatter that didn’t even cease when grayson let her inside. she went to your door immediately, rapping her knuckles against the wood. “y/n, baby? it’s me. it’s ellie, can you open the door?” she said, voice urgent and full of fear.
you heard her, but the pain was so undeniably loud that you couldn’t move from beneath the covers on your bed. soon, the entire world had faded into background noise. it was hours that you spent beneath your sheets while ellie paced back and forth outside of your door, not knowing what to do. she didn’t know what happened or how to comfort you.
she didn’t know what to say that would make you open the door and let her see you. she was at a crossroad and didn’t know which direction to take.
“please,” she whispered finally, sitting outside your door with her head in her hands. “i just—fuck, baby, i just need to see you. i need to see you’re okay. i need to hold you. i know it’s selfish, but please let me be selfish—“ she choked on her words, feeling the knot form in her throat.
when her voice finally broke through the thoughts in your head, you sat up from your bed. it reminded you of all the things you truly craved.
not this degree. not this life. not this profession.
no, you craved her. the intimacy, the domestic life, the warmth, and the love. you craved her. you craved ellie, and as long as you had ellie, you could go to hell and back and come back unscathed. because he was your umbrella in the rain and the light at the end of the tunnel. she was your reason to keep going.
the door opened suddenly, and it sent ellie tumbling back. as soon as her green hues met yours, she was on her feet at lightening speed. she didn’t know whether or not to touch you; if you’d even be comfortable with it. but god, she just wanted to hold you.
your eyes glanced up into hers, lips parting. “tell me i can do it.” you said, voice cracking as you spoke.
the question caught her off guard.
“ellie,” you said her name firmly like it wasn’t breaking on your tongue. “tell me i can do it.”
that’s when she recalled everything she had been murmuring to you.
as long as i am here, we can get through it. you can get through it.
she didn’t even hesitate as she wrapped her arms around you and pulled you close to her body. “you can do it,” she said, burying her face into your neck. “you can do it.” she continued the ramble until you finally crumbled into her arms. she caught you with ease, allowing the two of you to sink into one another on the floor.
you cried like that for hours—sobbing, sniffling, and hiccuping from the intensity of the pain. still , she didn’t understand, but she knew if you were asking that question the it probably had to be something major.
when you calmed down, she pressed her palms to your cheeks.
“did someone hurt you?” was her first question. you shook your head no and relief ran through her immediately. “are you.. is it your parents?”
you nodded slowly, “i’m.. they’re.. kicking me out of university—“ another hiccup as you fought back tears. “if i don’t.. move back, they’re withdrawing me and— and i can’t—“ you shuddered, leaning further into her. “i can’t graduate.. i can’t.. get what i worked for.” ellie’s chest tightened as her arms held you against her.
“oh baby,” she rocked you like joel had done for her when she was in pain as a kid. “baby girl, i’m here, it’s okay. we’ll figure this out, okay? together. i’m not going anywhere.”
her words were soothing, and you wondered if it would all truly work out in that way. like a fairytale where the evil almost kills the good and then the hero comes back ten times stronger. you longed to hope it was. ellie convinced you more than anyone else that it might work out in your favor.
she brought your face to her’s, “i’m here, do you hear me?”
your eyes peered into her’s, hazy and empty. she swallowed, squishing your cheeks.
“you have me. that’s all you need.”
main tag list : @rodysnm @mimisafemme @elliewilliamskisser2000 @perfectscissorsmoneyzonk @elliespup @blu-berry45 @ki19iva @sophislover @user77091025 @amoravelee @defnothzel
series tags : @slutformangos @isaellie @m0on1ight1 @gglittergoddess @lilacrivers0 @trolldollxoxo @elliexbuckets @elleussy @satellitespinner @sapphic-sweetpea @aqueeriousmota @fettywhopper @liztreez @bournedientity @elliesssgf @bumasslesbian @dietmountaindewsposts @lattetw11rl @darlingcaraphernelia @xofa1th @rodysnm @l0s3rlesb0 @svndaymourning @gangsternancysinatra111 @aria1108 @slowburnsin @kingkylie7 @slut4acotar @j4bonn @sani-sunny @izastomas @nenas19
juls note! i’m kinda sad this series is gunna be ending soon ): i had such fun writing it, but im also ready to let it go. symbolically.. :p
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