Ukiyo

Do you like hurting other people? Заша, ENFP, Midworld

[ryoga-deactivated20231223]

[8-bitfiction]

[yellowvinyl]

mutuals before tumblr just ups and deletes every blog one day, if you want my insta/snap/phone # message me

[timbllr]

[enfantdelaforet]

Fuck

I’m going to keep doing the really dumb thing where I get super into people that maybe don’t have those feelings for me and just want to be friends, so I'm over here like “I see your point but like I love you and I want to make you happy forever if that’s okay.”

[nishio-art]

Throne 

[10431922]

[peytonfulford]

[odioart]

美少女戦士セーラームーン colorful オディオ O D I O

[grey-creature-deactivated202603]

[rosetintedshame]

[a-79]

[shittowatch]

[enfantdelaforet]

I’ve been remembering a lot of feelings recently. Not memories, but just remembering how I felt in moments that the concrete memory is just missing from my brain. I remember the feeling of living somewhere that wasn’t my house with someone I barely knew, I remember asking if I could live in a stable place with someone and two strangers, I remember the first few months where things were happy, I remember being haunted and the feeling of terror in my own space, I remember feeling alone when someone was gone, I remember a lot of feeling alone and filling that space with suboptimal people, I remember being happy then sad then happy then mad then high then happy then sad again, I remember not talking to anyone I wanted to talk to for years. I’ve learned a lot about myself and who I want to be and how to actualize and gain agency over my life and now I’m remembering what it’s like to not have anyone to share the good times with and I’m watching all of these good feelings turn to ash in front of my eyes and every day starts beautiful and amazing and gradually leads to me contemplating my own death (not in a suicide way but just like what it might be like to actually die) and realizing that my life doesn’t feel good without someone to share things with. I don’t know. I’m not romanticizing being with someone or demonizing being alone, I just know that I function a lot better as a human when I’m with someone and when I feel like ANYONE wants to be around me. I’ve been having this feeling a lot recently where people want to hang out until their s/o gets home or until one of their other friends is free or something like that and I just don’t feel like I’m anyone’s first choice to be around at all. I can’t communicate this with people I’m close with because I don’t want their pity and I don’t want them to go out of their way to include me, I just want someone to feel inclined to want to be around me. I can give the world to people but it doesn’t feel like anyone wants to share it with me. This got so off topic and I’m just sad so I’m going to drink until I fall asleep and then I’ll work tomorrow and hopefully feel differently. I’m sorry. 

The love in my heart lies heavy because I can’t let it out to anyone. 

[7-fs]

If you catch me looking at your lips when you talk, just kiss me

[enemyofthesun-deactivated201812]

wow

[julykings]