thinking again about how esme so so so stunned by lorna declaring her a friend
homegirl can literally read minds and yet she never even KNEW that lorna was fond of her. didn't even suspect it. that moment when lorna says no, she is not nothing and esme turns to face her -- she's shocked! you can see it on her face that she NEVER expected lorna to stick up for her like that. and that just makes me so sad bc through p much her whole time on the show she's been trying to look after lorna as best she can (and, yes, falling short at times, but she's TRYING) and yet clearly she never expected anything back from it.
she gave and gave and never tried to take because she didn't expect anyone could possibly give her anything at all. what does that say about her life so far?
ok i may need to do a rewatch to confirm this ("may need to" i say as if i'm not constantly looking for the faintest hints of an excuse to do a rewatch lmao) but i'm p sure we NEVER see esme get anything. people ask her to do things all the time (even from the start, w caitlyn asking her to read the hound's mind in s01e08 -- she was barely there, and they didn't know she was a spy, and still they ask her to do something for them without offering anything in return) but i don't think we ever even see someone say thank you? let alone prioritizing her, giving her things, spending time with her just for the hell of it.
reeva demands things from her. her sisters expect her to go along with whatever they want, and never pay any mind to what she wants. remember in s02e02, when reeva orders them to kill the witnesses from lorna's birth, and esme protests, and no one cares? no one ever cares! lorna was the first person to ever care!
she's constantly reaching out, and only one person has ever reached back.
i'm sad
