This is a note for anyone who cares about why i stopped writing more #imaginekimsoohyun and expects me to come back to your dash.
To be honest, I don't love Kim Soo Hyun anymore.
Why? Because I fell for the guy I thought he was.
I started to noticed his role in You Who Came From The Stars since this scene when he could hear the girl crying and complaining in the next room, or anytime he wanted to focus on her. That super power of his moved me, it was kinda like "I hear your voice", because I am the kind of girl who find it hard to speak my mind.
When I was searching for articles about Soo Hyun, I found this one asking him about his ideal girl. And he answered, according to that article, "Someone I can feel comfortable with, and when I look at her, I know what she's feeling inside, and we can stay silent together and don't feel awkward at all".
And then his ideal type is Kaya. I am a mix of Effy and Cassie from Skins series so when Soo Hyun said his ideal type was Kaya, for her role in Skins, I was like, 'Oh god, we are so meant to be'.
And a lot of things about him, like, he smoked, he loves crying, etc. They just put more bricks in my love for him, you know.
I started to miss him and think about fancy stories with him before sleep. One day, I just couldn't hold them all for myself so I decided to post them online.
Then you know, one thing led to another, my words were getting longer and longer. And I put a little metaphor on it and got a feedback, "You should be a writer". Soon after that, I explored.
But I still have to hold on one thing to raise my love for Soo Hyun. That sentences he said about his ideal type, I wanted to print it in English and Korean and stick on my wall. I tried to find the original article, because I found it in Vietnamese translation from some Chinese credit. The translator of that article has become a Chinese books translator so she never replied my mail on Facebook, famous b*tch. I asked some of Soo Hyun's big fans and they said they had never heard of that.
Last birthday I cried my eyes out because I knew my feeling for him was long gone, I panicked thinking I would never love anyone more than him and that no one's love could ever bring the good in me out just like Soo Hyun did to me.
I knew a friend during #imaginekimsoohyun, Yulia, she was so supportive, she had faith in me more than I had in myself. I tried to invest in her faith and with the love for Soo Hyun, I have sketched a lot of short stories.
I used to think I would finish those stories, and then design the covers, and self-publish them, I even made a visa bank account just for those bright days.
I used to be so excited with every single idea coming to my mind to have the stories make sense.
One other day, happy birthday to myself, have a good cry.
It's been over a year, a long hard year, sure I found someone else to care about, to keep imagining before sleep, and writing, but I don't love them, not enough.
I look at my notebooks collection, and half of them was for Soo Hyun.
I can not just leave them dying in my room like that.
But I can neither finish them.
The only thing I can do right now, for those stories, is that copy the sketch of those stories to my blog. I still feel unfair if I hide them and then find out some other writers or dramas having the same ideas. I have to post those ideas so I can blame them, you know, or suit them, haha.
I'm not sure when, but I will share you guy those sketched stories, in entries, not pictures. It will be like fanfic trailer, no nice metaphor (unless I sketched them in my notebooks already), which means, I don't have to work so hard on it, just throwing ideas.
Maybe things will turn out the best it could be.
