eynjelikarusel

enjoying God's love and abundance in life's ups and downs.

[eynjelikarusel]

“BAKIT DI PA KAYO NAGPAPAKASAL?”

 Why do I have to be asked every single time?

Sa totooo lang, pag may nagtatanong ng ganon, gusto ko hawakan yung kamay niya, himas himasin yung likod hagud hagurin, sabay sabing, “Pasensya ka na kasi pati ako hindi ko din alam kung bakit hindi pa kami nagpapakasal hanggang sa ngayon.

Tapos, makakakita ka, mga kaibigan, kaopisina, kakilala, di man mayaman pero kayang magpakasal- minsan grande, garbo, bongga- kasi kaya at may trabaho. Meron din naman mga sakto lang pero pinipili na maging simple- sa sibil nagpapakasal. Kaya naman nila magpakasal.  Pero bakit? Bakit si jeff hindi niya kayang gawin.

 Sa ilang taon naming pagsasama, hindi na siguro mabilang kung ilang beses ko siya tinanong, kung ilang beses ko siyang inaway at kung ilang beses na din ako umiyak dahil dun. At kung hindi mga rason na pera, di pa panahon, o basta darating na lang, sasabihin niya naman, AKO DAW ANG MAY PROBLEMA. Na hindi daw kasi ako mabuting tao, na palasigaw daw ako, all in all nasa akin ang problema kasi marami daw siya reklamo sa akin. AKO ANG MAY PROBLEMA.

Ako ba talaga? Bakit niya ako tinitiis pakisamahan sa bahay? Bakit sinasabihan pa din naman niya na mahal niya ako? Bakit di pa din naman kami naghihiwalay? Bakit maayos pa din naman kami kahit sabihin niya ako ang may problema?

Ako ba talaga ang may problema?

O, baka naman siya talaga ang may problema?

Siguro, sadyang di pa din talaga siya nakapag move on sa kung anu mang naganap sa pamilya niya?

Kagabi, September 19, 2017, iniyakan ko na naman to eh. Tong letseng kasal na to.

Naiinis kasi ako sa sarili ko everytime na may kinakasal na kakilala naming. Naiinis kasi ako kasi eto na naman nagseself pity na naman ako, nagtatanong naman ako, bakit ako, hindi pa, bakit ako, hindi pa din talaga pakakasalan.

ALAM MO YUNG NARARAMDAMAN KO?

Alam mo yung pakiramdam na nagreview ka, tapos surprised na graded recitation, tapos saktong ikaw na dapat sasagot, at alam mo yung sagot, pero sa sobrang kaba mo di ka makapagsalita. NAKAKALOKA

Yung may gusto kang design ng sapatos pero nung naghanap ka ng size, ubos na size mo. SAYANG

Yung nagreview ka, okay ka sa exam, pero di mo pa din abot grade na gusto mo. FRUSTRATING.

Yung ginawa mo ng lahat para okay kayo, para masunod lahat ng gusto niya, yung binuo mo lahat ng pangarap mo sa isip mo na kasama mo siya, minahal mo siya pinagsilbihan inialay mo buhay mo mas mahalaga pa siya kesa sa sarili mo, tapos malalaman mo lang, WALA KA PALANG LUGAR SA BUHAY NIYA, NA HINDI KA KAILANMAN SASAPAT.

Na pagkatapos ng lahat lahat, di ka niya pakakasalan kasi, basta ang sagot, ikaw lang ang may problema. IKAW LANG. BASTA ANG SAGOT EH HINDI. YUN NA YUNG SAGOT.

  Ang sakit isipin, pangit ba ako?

Bakit pa ba kami nagsasama? Pinagtitiisan lang ba pala ako?

Yung, ano pa bang kulang? Ano pa ba?

Hindi pa ba talaga ako sasapat?

Kasi? Hindi pa ako tanggap ng tatay niya?

Kasi?

Kasi?

Kasi?

Hindi ako ang gusto niya makasama habang buhay.

Hindi ako ang para sa kanya?

 Ano kaya plano ni Lord?

Alam ko may sagot si Lord, pero suspense, hindi pa niya sasagutin sa ngayon.  

[eynjelikarusel]

#Christmas2016 #ParolSaLangit #StarInTheSky #LipadParolLipad #tiwalalang #kapitlang

[eynjelikarusel]

☻

[eynjelikarusel]

Sick gone crazzzzzy! When you want to hatchoooo it all but your sinuses are so damn clogged

[eynjelikarusel]

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[eynjelikarusel]

Sad truth

Sad truth about me-- i can't be trusted.[period] i hate myslef

[eynjelikarusel]

ive reached it before.

i became fat and overweight.

i felt really really heavy and my movements as well as my clothes are really limited that’s why i seldom go out or take selfies. 

but i get driven. hit the gym, went biking, bought thousands on food supplement

and

eventually reached the weight i never thought would be back. i thought ill never hit 60′s again. but i surely did.

but the elation and euphoria of it caused me to be confused, out of focus. and now, the weight plus the fats that i thought would never be back is now here.

its inevitable.

its expected.

most especially when you know that you already lost the motivation and of course the most important: the #discipline to be on and always on track.

its hard. its really hard to stick to your routine, to stick to your calories, to stick to your diet especially when the people around you gets all the things they want regardless of how much calories or fats they gain, they actually dont have any discipline, its the pleasure they are after. no worries on the weight and the body surface their adding into it.

now, i got into their hype,

eating as much

munching as much and as long as i want

now ive lost the slim self ive been so enjoying, i forgot that, not because ive reached my desirable weight it will maintain as is. 

NOPE. it didnt.

i am so damn fat again

the problem with me and most people is, when i reached my goal, i got sooo lax, i got relaxed, i removed the discipline and the drive to strive harder and to be always active. 

my bike stuck on the parking area, got even sooo rusty and dusty

i skipped gyms

my food supplement now filled with ants and even webs.

but i know its time to go back

i should always return to the driven self that i know i am but had lost to the worldly pleasures that the “unaware” are enjoying.

its time to return

#confessions

#fitness

#fitsperation

#discipline

[eynjelikarusel]

his smiles are the best 😆😆😆

[eynjelikarusel]

[eynjelikarusel]

Good morning from my nerdy baby!

[eynjelikarusel]

My son's first card to..... daddy! Its father's day on sunday so teacher asked them to make their own father's day card. #firstgreetingcard #STApupil

[eynjelikarusel]

When ze school asks your child to bring a shoe box for his personal hygiene kit.... and you are a pinterest-ly driven soul😂😂😂😂 #Piratetreasurechest #momlife #pinterestaddictions

[eynjelikarusel]

Behave na behave and participative si bagets 😁😂😄 Buti di mana sa akin na nakaglue si mama sa kamay ko, si zeffy pumasok sa room Walang lingon likod, sabay upo. Walang kung fu walang drama #firstdayofschool

[eynjelikarusel]

Yung tataaa? Sinong excited? Nanay o anak?😂😂😂😂 #firstdayofschool #toddlertopreschool #nanaybacktoschool

[eynjelikarusel]

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 (at Banaoang Santa, Ilocos Sur)

[eynjelikarusel]

Browsing ze internet and found this! Si zeffy magschool na, sana makahanap din kami ng mga biker parents 😂 para makahanap din si zeffy ng little biker dabarkads niya😂