flavour poison @flavourpoison - Tumblr Blog

been wondering all the time what's the thing that i've looking for living.

too many thoughts that i wanna say but i couldnt. it's just....stopped in my mind.

i cant blame anyone who made me turn like this. all the things that happened to me are the one who did it.

i dont understand why a lot of people always looking me down like i cant do anything properly while they always asking me for some advices. like almost every single time.

dont you feel embarrassed??

Chapter 1

i dont even know where to start. my thoughts are too messed up to put into words. every day feels heavier, although i know im not the only one who going through a messy situation like this. but still, everyone has their own capacity for handling their own problems, right?

i feel like in 2026... well, actually since 2025, ive learned a lot. especially when it comes to relationships with people. honestly, i had so many ups and downs, so many new things come to me. some doors swung wide open and some others completely shut.

im 30 this year by the way. am I too late to just start everything all over again? everything feels so difficult but like it or not, i have to survive, right?

there are some moments where i feel lonely but at the same time, I want to be alone. I think mostly because I'm feeling disappointed and hitting a low point. im sure this wont last forever.

i can get through all of this even i dont have anyone, right?

with love, scarlette.

thoughtkick

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.”

— Swedish Proverb

thoughtkick

“I don’t trust words, I trust actions.”

— Unknown

why the chatty is always win over the quite one.

i always experienced this kind of thing ever since i started my job career in 2018. sebenernya mulainya dari 2019 sih. i often got a rumour kalo gue ga bisa kerja, and its always from someone who never had a chance buat setim sama gue, even kerja bareng pun ga pernah. i was like, dude, tim gue aja ga pernah komplain, gue selalu ngerjain jatah kerjaan gue malah kadang gue yang paling cepet atau paling banyak ngisi diantara yang lain, kadang gue back up kerjaan anggota tim gue yang lain tp gue emg dasarnya ga pernah koar-koar kalau gue yang ngisi. i always win for analysing datas tp karena atas dasar gue orangnya super diem, they always say gue. ga bisa. kerja.

its so funny, di kantor gue, i mean...instansi gue overall, orang yang chatty is always win. kayak lo jual aja gitu besar-besarin nama lo walaupun kenyataannya sebenernya ga sehebat itu tp as long as your words meyakinkan buat dipercaya orang, yaudah, orang akan menanggap lo hebat. fck this bureaucracy. the only thing that i can admit for my weakness is ngomong di depan banyak orang IN A FORMAL SITUATION. gue ga suka bgt formal situation and moreover gue tu kalo ngomong secara lancar harus mix between english and indonesian. ya kayak gini. gue yakin lo pada pusing sih bacanya HAHAH. well someone said its a sign that someone is really genius (amen?)

instansi gue penuh dengan kepalsuan, penjilat, yang ngomongnya besar lebih diterima and always get a chance to get promotion or somehow lebih disanjung dan dihormati. ew, disgusting.

mulai lagi nih gue ngerasa di tahun ini gue kayak feeling diremehkan gitu wkwk padahal di bidang sebelumnya gue selalu dimintain tolong ini itu karena emg bidang sebelumnya full ngolah data and everyone really appreciate my works!!!!! ugh gue kangen bidang gue yang sebelumnya sumpah, i really enjoy my day back then.

gue skrg lg nyari2 les toefl krn gue pengen cepet2 nyari beasiswa S2. like im super tired to face those shitty people like im starting to give up with them.

well...wish me luck guys.

and i also wish you luck too, for being a kind people.

im afraid but keep denial over the things

every year i feel its getting harder for living with my own life.kenapa harus selesai sekarang? kalo gue selamanya sendiri gimana? kalo gue ditinggal orang-orang terdekat gue gimana? gue ga punya siapa-siapa yang bisa gue percaya. gue kangen rasanya dicintai, gue kangen rasanya diperhatiin. gue pengen orang dateng ke gue emg bener2 pengen sama gue, bukan yang cuma butuh ada perlu aja. gue pernah denger sih ada yang bilang tiap individu itu saling memanfaatkan tp kalo cuma 1 sisi aja, ya capek juga. kayak lo bayangin ya small things yang dilakukan lawan jenis itu jadi hal besar buat gue saking gue ga pernah ngerasain itu. 6 years maybe? iya 6 tahun. dan masalahnya gue ga mau jadi orang gampangan yang main nerima-nerima orang buat jadi milik mereka. well, is it a crime? but im afraid. im afraid with my own life. why is it like this? sometimes i wanna give up tp masih banyak hal yang pengen gue rasain, at least once in my life.

being alone isn't that bad. gue bisa bebas kemana aja, gue merasa lebih bahagia dan bisa explore a lot of things yang gabisa gue rasain sebelum-sebelumnya. i have to accept myself, i have to accept my life even its hard like this. being alone is should be fun, isnt it? karena sebelum-sebelumnya gue lebih banyak ngasih makan ego orang lain, sekarang saatnya gue ngasih makan ego diri gue sendiri. idc kalo gue masih sendiri sampai beberapa tahun kedepan. it's should be fun. fokus sama diri sendiri dulu, menerima kelebihan dan kekurangan diri sendiri is a must!! gue bangga sama diri gue sendiri masih bertahan sampai sekarang. walau di salahin, di rendahin, dianggap remeh. who cares? yang tau potensi gue cuma diri gue aja. dulu ada temen gue bilang, gue harus "pamer" potensi gue biar gue ga dianggap remeh. duh, some people loves to feel jealousy over someone yang lebih dari dia. atau mungkin bakalan dimanfaatin dan hasilnya bakal di claim sama orang-orang yang gak tau diri. lets just keep in silence.

ah this b*tch keeps denial.

daily-spooky

Hotel Transylvania (2012)

mohawke035

♥️♥️♥️

thehopefulquotes

“I don’t care if we on good terms or not, the secrets and insecurities you shared with me would never leave my mouth.”

— Unknown

thoughtkick

“I still get very high and very low in life. Daily. but I’ve finally accepted the fact that sensitive is just how I was made, that I don’t have to hide it, and I don’t have to fix it. I’m not broken.”

— Unknown

ur-daily-inspiration

thoughtkick

I know I’m not easy to love. I’m a chronic over-thinker. I overreact more than I should…And every once in a while, I might be a little insecure. But if I am in love with you, I can promise you wholeheartedly that you will be loved with so much passion and intensity that you’ll forget what life felt like before I came along. You will always be cared for and you will always have someone in your corner. Maybe I’m not the best at being loved - But I like to think I’m pretty good at loving.

Chelsea Carroll (via thoughtkick)

lower and hold.

what if you falling in love with someone but that someone told you to “hold” your feelings and lower any expectations?

no, it’s not hurts. i don’t think that’s a bad idea. i mean...it’s kinda make sense because having expectations means you’ve to be ready for disappointment.

people who expecting about something means they’re imagine or hoping their wishes to be true, isn’t it?

and other people of course can’t guarantee to fulfil their wishes due to their limits, conditions, or situations.

by age, i slowly recognized about the meaning of life, the meaning of meet new people, new situation, and so on. when you interact with someone with a different kind of personality means you’ll learn how to deal with them. it’s challenging, i know. it’s so hard, i know.

but i don’t blame others if they have a lot of expectations on me. that is human’s nature and it’s a normal thing to have a “hope”. it’s just a warning that i can’t guarantee you to be as the way as you want because i also have my own way to live.

damn, adulting is soooo hard, also challenging and yet teenagers want to be adults? kid, if i could go back to the past i’d rather to be a baby!