brat @fleurscaptivvs - Tumblr Blog

Bram Stoker`s Dracula (1992), director Francis Ford Coppola + red

Marlene Dumas, Losing (Her Meaning).

love those old soviet posters that are just advertising like, an activity. not some “go to mike’s hardware for the BEST deals around!” just “hey, you can learn stuff at libraries” or “consider going for a hike in the countryside” big kin

foxpurr

I’d love some examples!!

sovietshopaholic

Caring for birds will increase your fruit harvest!

What are you interested in? The library has many books to match your interests.

Tourism is the best relaxation!

Vitamin C. Vitamins help you to become healthy and strong

Fresh air strengthens health and improves quality of education! (Soviet classroom design, from my personal experience, includes big windows that let in a lot of air and sunshine)

sovietpostcards

“Do morning exercise”

“Ride the bicycle”

And my all time favourite, “Drink tea.”

inkskinned

you get used to it, but it's tiring, because they need you to understand your own life as a series of goalposts. what college are you going to, what's your major going to be, whatcha gonna do with that, oh where will you settle down, when can i expect grandkids.

for the longest time my goals have been so blurry that they track into each other, their undefined edges slipping quietly back into the soft night. today i want to be a writer; tomorrow i will want to be a doctor, later i will wish i took that law school free ride. how the fuck do people just know what they want to do with their life?

where do you want to be in five years? i want to be alive; which is a huge step for me. ten years ago i would have said i want to be asleep and meant i hope that i'm dead by then.

but i want a yellow kitchen and a stand mixer. i want a garden and a fruit tree (cherry, if i can make that happen) and a big yard for my dogs to play in. i want to come home and read poetry out loud to someone and have them close their eyes to listen. i want a summer watergun fight. i want to make snowmen. i want to be the house to go to for halloween. i want my life to settle around me in a softness, for it to lay down gently. if i am very, very, very lucky, i want to travel; finally go someplace overseas.

of course i don't know what i want to be doing professionally. what i actually want to be doing is curling up beside my dog, settling in to read. i want to be making myself a cup of good coffee.

i can't answer the other questions. whenever people asked me what do you want to be when you grow up, i used to say i hope i'm happy.

i hope i'm still kind, five years from now. i hope i never get jaded and mean. i hope i have stayed in therapy. what do you picture yourself doing? when will you actually be an adult about this? why are you so afraid of being ambitious?

am i not ambitious? the other day i rearranged my furniture which doesn't quite fit into my apartment. i watered my plants. i'm going to try to propagate a cherry seed. my five year goal is to spend more time laughing. to lie down in a patch of sunwarm moss. to relax for a minute. to close my eyes and think oh thank god. this is why i stayed. this is finally it.

alleycatboy

girl in her room disorder

gee2dich

jan philipzen

ex-sanguinating

Today while picnicking up at the cemetery, a little orange cat found us, and he was really sweet and followed us around and posed for pictures and let me carry him around c: