◤ ╰ ♆ ╮ the bandages; the medial supplies left discarded by the door – their physical wounds being the least of their problems. the duo has always had a strong connection to each other, the wind and the waves often danced in a mysterious tapestry, yet that connection laid as shattered as michiru’s bones, for each bullet that she had taken, it was as if it had hit their bond, the red string of fate unravelled to a singular thread on the verge of snapping. even now, neither of the two were able to admit their feelings ; why the events had hurt them so much. their love before had gone unsaid, both parties acting as if the tangible feeling wasn’t there, for the sake of heir mission. there could be no love in the face of the end of the world, the imminent destruction drowning the possibility of their ever being something more. perhaps, the marine cathedral’s purpose was to silence the hidden emotions before it corrupted their mission – michiru having fallen to it’s spell. perhaps. perhaps she did it because she loved her, rather than the guilt of her own actions she so often blamed her need to protect haruka to the ends of the earth on. she could protect haruka from any harm, but not from poisonous emotions circling in her mind, the crippling self doubt that she could see as tangible as the dried blood coating forgotten bandages.
hands reached out, hesitant, broken skin sore to the touch but still needing the feeling of physical touch. still — she didn’t push it, respectful of any space haruka might need. ( or that she no longer needed her, the bitter thought just one of many circling her own mind like a vulture picking at whatever there was left of her. )
‘ … i knew. ‘ she repeated, not specifying what she knew. she knew a lot of things of what was supposed to happen. one of them had to die ; not both of them, she didn’t correct that their hands never touched, gloved fingers only had the courage to brush lightly, pulling away. she had wanted one last moment to indulge ; her death was written, one last moment of joy. it was the regret of that that flashed through sea eyes the moment gun struck her chest. that, and joy, for she thought she had beaten fate, that haruka would live. how she hated to be wrong, in this situation more than any. she didn’t move on without her, like she had trained haruka to do – perhaps, the lessons were for nothing, as the one thing she wanted to instil was forgotten in the moment it mattered. ( even if, the lesson, the promise, was only meant to be one-sided. michiru would never, not even for a moment, put her own life above haruka. put the world above haruka. it would never cross her mind. )
hand once more recoiled, the venom in voice a warning. retracting back to her own side, tangible distance between them – the charged air almost a wall of tension separating them. ‘ not … from the beginning, but i knew what was going to happen, yes … ‘ tears were blinked back, ones that hadn’t spilled in months now threatening to break, ‘ why did you have to follow me, haruka … ‘ down this mission, down this path, leading her straight to her death like a lamb to the slaughter. perhaps the curse her childhood self imagined was true ; that everything she touched corrupted, yet, she was too greedy to let those too good for her go. ◢
the sky may love the sea , but together , all they cause is destruction. tempests that swallow up lives , that leave nothing but disaster and loss in their wake. is that what this is ? the quiet and still eye of the storm ? how much more could haruka endure ? but she knows the answer , knows it as surely as the tides change. life outside the window moves , it continues as though haruka’s heart had never stopped as though the end of the world is not at stake. but even as her eyes , try to focus away from the brewing tension here , all she seems to see is michiru’s reflection. translucent. like a ghost. and oh , how close that reality had been. michiru’s last screams ( haruka ! ) , the sound as her body hit the ground. will that lifeless thud ever stop echoing inside her mind ? or will it live there forever , mimicked in the very day until every sound is michiru’s final fall ?
except it wasn’t her final fall. haruka’s eyes linger on the other’s reflection. tasting tasting fear , relief , and anger on her tongue , there’s no telling which way the wind will carry her next. for as long as she can remember , she ran from those. running so fast and so far , she almost convinced herself she’d outrun them. inside her dress shoes , toes clench , instinct begging to take over. but she’s trapped. by michiru , by the mission , by a million unspoken things.
i knew. haruka closes her eyes , letting the knowledge settle on her chest. they were supposed to be partners , in this together. it wouldn’t have stopped the mission , knowing. though a soft voice in the back of haruka’s head isn’t as certain. and as much as she wishes she were stone , the break in michiru’s voice confirms just how uncertain , how vulnerable this information is. because michiru had broken their agreement , because michiru ran to her death rather than watch haruka die. because maybe something mattered more than the mission.
again , silence follows the other woman’s words. how easy it would be to say she tried to take her own life because the messiah needed the talisman. the words were there , laid out in her mind clearly. but ... it wasn’t the truth , not really. haruka turns her head , opening her eyes to look at michiru. and for a moment , the stone crumbles. every bandage , every bruise ( the ones not covered by the oversized shirt ) reads like a tragedy against her partner’s pale skin. the muscles in her arms react , but she holds them back. holds herself back ( like always , haruka. like the coward you’ve become. how the hell was your heart pure enough to hold a talisman ? ). the question is still there , hanging in the air between them. it’s answer brewing inside haruka’s chest. averting her gaze to a spot just left of michiru , she finally finds her voice , though there’s a rough quality to them. rougher still than the usual gravel tone.
“ don’t make me say it , michiru. ”
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