From Our Own Correspondent

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A little reminder

This is a reminder A friendly, but firm, reminder To Brits at home From a Brit abroad

Let me start by telling you a bit about me I am 31 I live and work in Shanghai, China I’ve been here 7 months now I speak a bit of Chinese

I love living abroad Before I was in London for 5 years But before that I lived in Barcelona And Buenos Aires

Don’t get me wrong It’s not that I hate the UK I just have this itch To travel To see the world I am always planning my next trip Holiday Destination Move

I worked in advertising in London My agency transferred me here So for the first time in my travels Someone else was taking care of stuff Flights, visas, shipping And travel insurance

I had a look over the policy Sure I did But to be honest I didn’t know really what I was looking for And I am young Ish And healthy So thought it would be fine

It was fine Until two weeks ago I woke up with a pain In my hip I ignored it Must’ve been the gym Right?

But by the evening Not only was it still there It was worse I couldn’t lie flat Bugger

I text an expat pal Nonchalantly “what was the name of that hospital you went to once?” “Shanghai United Family Hospital” She replies I leave my flat And get in a cab

The hospital is amazing Immaculate Friendly nurses Who speak English I relax

They take my insurance details And take a look at me I need a test A CT scan Just to check

The doctors and nurses disappear A tired looking girl In a pencil skirt turns up So the CT scan It is an expensive test She explains Right And…?

Well your insurance isn’t great You are going to have to pay Up front For this test Ok I say How much can it seriously be?

It’s 10,000 RMB

Seriously That is one thousand and sixty one pounds And seventy seven pence JUST FOR THE TEST

I pay it I have to pay it I have no choice

The CT scan shows I have appendicitis They need to operate They schedule the operation for tomorrow And begin giving me some antibiotics And some morphine

Which, By the way, Is amazing

The pencil skirt returns She looks sad So the total cost for the operation And the stay in this (lovely) hospital Where everyone speaks to me in English Is going to be 200,000 RMB

Did you get that? That is £21,242 And 14p

That’s right 20k

She is still looking at me Expectantly And my insurance? I ask her

My mouth is a little dry

It covers 30% of the cost I’ll have to ‘find’ the rest

I don’t have that money I don’t have anywhere near that money

But I can’t wait I need the operation It’s not like I can choose whether I have my appendix removed

20,000 pounds How can it cost that much?? How can anything that isn’t a house cost that much?

Of course I can go to a local hospital But the price isn’t that different And no one will speak English I panic I burst into tears And prepare myself for total bankruptcy For the next decade And prepare myself to have an operation in China

Thankfully I work for a good company A kind and compassionate company That agreed to pay The 20,000 quid For my appendectomy So everything was fine

But this brings me to my friendly reminder

The NHS Is fucking free At the point of use Consumption Whatever

When you are sick And desperate And scared And it is an emergency There is no talk of money No talk of waiting Speaking to the bank Calling a shit insurance firm in Hong Kong That don’t work Sunday nights (Why does everything shit always happen on a Sunday night?) There’s no pencil skirted bird Who wearily explains The real cost of medical care To yet another unworldly Naïve Foolish Fortunate Brit Who has never Ever realized Just how fucking blessed they are That their state Just Takes Care Of It

So this is my friendly reminder

The NHS might not be perfect Sure it needs improving Who, or what, doesn’t?

But it is the biggest fucking gift The most amazingly wonderful peace of mind That our government Affords us That when we are sick When there is an emergency We WILL be taken care of Regardless of the cost

My friendly reminder To all the Brits back home Is Never forget that Don’t take it for granted And just remember That medical care Is anything but free And that living in the UK Is a pretty amazingly wonderful Stroke of luck

Long live the NHS

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CNY2015

So this year I was part of the world’s biggest annual human migration. Chinese Lunar New Year fell late this year at the end of February/beginning of March and it is the longest stretch of holiday in the calendar for Chinese businesses, schools and the government. Two blissful weeks. 

And in a country where the annual personal holiday is 10 days, this is a MASSIVE deal.

Everyone packs up and leaves to spend all that time with the family... by all accounts eating, watching CCTV’s annual Chinese New Year show and I guess fighting... I mean it is basically Christmas with more lanterns and fireworks, but fewer mince pies and carols. 

So what a choice... I could stay in a deserted, chilly China alone whilst everyone feasts with their families or I could escape to some other beautiful part of Asia for a sunny two week break.

I chose Myanmar and it was, without exaggeration, the most beautiful place I have ever been in my life. 

It is also the only place that I have been that actually looks BETTER than the photos. In fact everywhere you look it is like a shot from National Geographic or some travel photographer of the year competition.

If you can, go.

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Yangon

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Indescribable Inle Lake

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Bagan...

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Stunning Hsipaw

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Breathtaking Bagan

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Awesome Ayerwaddy

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Stunning Hsipaw

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Picturesque Pyin Oo Lwin

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Marvellous Mandalay

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You know how every time Christmas comes around, people (mainly Daily Mail readers) and the media (mainly the Daily Mail) drone on and on about how Christmas isn’t the same today? They say it has become really corporate, commercialised and soulless and is now all about shopping and the “true meaning of Christmas” has disappeared. Well, to those people, I say…. come to Shanghai. Christmas here is like a mega, uber supermarket sweep. On acid. It is, quite simply, the biggest, most commercialised, furious, crazed, shopping fest I have ever, EVER witnessed. I mean sure the Chinese love to shop, in fact shopping has been referred to as a national past time that rivals eating and obsessing over your kids. But Christmas in Shanghai is something else… Brands and shops were proper excited about Christmas, probably from November onwards. Thanks to Suzzane’s help I successfully tracked down the world’s biggest Christmas decorations market- where I was able to purchase my own body weight in tacky delights in addition to the odd traditional Chinese themed lantern decoration, which added a bit of local colour to my tree! Ads everywhere in Shanghai, proclaimed “merry xmas”, there were more Santas than I have ever seen in my entire life and possibly the most epic illuminations ever. Christmas trees, fake snow and reindeers were outside every possible type of vendor from launderettes to nail bars, Western luxury brand stores to those incense stalls outside temples… absolutely EVERYONE is eager to share in the Christmas spirit. Provided of course that they can entice you in to part with your hard earned RMB. Many shops and restaurants offered “Christmas deals” or “festive promotions” and whilst it is all about the run up to Christmas at home and then of course the sales after Christmas. Here Christmas Day itself is one of the year’s biggest shopping days, with many employees of Western firms enjoying an extra day off, as I went for a wander on Christmas day the streets buzzed with people out and about and spending their money in the shops in the city centre. In the whole Christmas period, I didn’t hear one carol, spend any time with my family or see Jesus or his Mum once. But given China is officially an atheist nation, why should anyone here be remotely bothered about the meaning behind a quaint foreign festival. Surely it is just another excuse to have a day off and do what the hell you like I mean who in the UK really obsesses over the true meaning behind Divali, Eid or Passover? And besides who even cares about what Christmas is about? I, for one, haven’t been to church on Christmas day (or at all) since I was about 5 and my Nan could drag me/withhold presents in order to get me to sit quietly in the pew. However (and here’s the rub) China is not as atheist as it might first seem. … Christianity in China actually dates back to the 7th Century and China is (naturally) home to the world’s biggest Bible printing factory (for those who are interested it is located in Nanjing Northish of Shanghai) and last year it turned out over 13 million copies. What’s more, although statistics vary wildly, many sources agree that there are around 100 million Christians in China. Sounds like a lot? Well it is. To put it in context that is more than the 86.7 million paid up members of China’s ruling communist party. Christianity is the fastest growing religion in China and if the growth continues at this rate, experts reckon that by 2030 there will be more Christians in China than in any other country in the world. So what? Everything is growing in China right? Well… yeah… I heard yesterday that at one point in the last couple of years over a quarter of the world’s cranes were in use in Shanghai. So the city is growing, the economy is growing (albeit a little slower than before) and the number of Christians is growing. Big deal. But as modern China shops and the skyscrapers shoot up and the Chinese middle classes convert to Christianity in their droves… what of traditional Chinese culture, practices and religious beliefs? And what of the real meaning of Christmas?

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A tale of two cities

Two bottles of wine provoked a bit of reflection for me this month on the differences between Beijing and Shanghai.

Before I moved to China, I felt like Shanghai was the right city for me. Yes there are more ad agencies here, but something else suggested to me it was the right place for me to move to. Many people had referred to Beijing as “very Chinese”…. Almost implying it was TOO Chinese, indicating that being “Chinese” was a bad thing. They pointed out to me that as a Westerner, living in China’s Northern capital would be hugely challenging, whereas Shanghai is infinitely more cosmopolitan, Westernised and basically more fun to live in as a European. This assessment proved to be correct…. in part.

Shanghai is a relatively new city. But despite only gaining official city status in 1927, its rise has been meteoric. It is now the most populous city in the world (latest estimates say that the population is inching towards 25 million) and it boasts the world’s busiest container port. But prior to the mid 19th century, the role of Shanghai in Chinese history is largely patchy. Given its location on the Yangtze river delta, it was only when trade with the West began to take off during the dying days of the Qing dynasty, that Shanghai really came into its own. This legacy of international trade has certainly left its mark on the city and Shanghai is undeniably very Westernised. There are supermarkets with Western goods a plenty; restaurants serving sarnies, pasta and salads pervade the city; there’s several excellent English bookshops; massage parlours (of the nice and the naughty variety) are cheap as chips and Tampax and The Observer are the only products I find it TRULY difficult track down in this city of endless shops. Living here is not difficult as a foreigner. So where is the problem? Surely I am describing a European-esque playground on the other side of the world…?

This is precisely the problem. Or more correctly, MY problem with the city. Shanghai can be (if you exist in the expat world) ‘China lite’ or China with Western characteristics. It is a heady and often bewildering mash-up. As you walk along HuaiHai Road (the Oxford Street of Shanghai) Western brands dominate the real estate. 5 stories of Prada, a Cath Kidston (est. 1993 in London apparently) Rolex, H&M, Nike etc. and City Super where you can buy everything from Cathedral City and HP sauce, to freshly cooked Japanese eel and easy mix tempura batter. The nightlife is similar: martini nights in Hakkasan, Malbec wine tastings in a bar with a Chinese acrobatic show, a jazz orchestra with an American saxophonist fluent in Mandarin. Surreal doesn’t quite cover it. You can sit in a bar on a rooftop of building along The (German named) Bund sipping a rather nice glass of something French and fizzy with the brash and crazy colours of the illuminated futuristic skyline of Pudong behind you and the Chinese flag fluttering in the darkness next to you. The restaurants where you can order rice and/or pasta, bread and/or dumplings, are all full of Western and Chinese faces, with a mixture of English, Chinese, French, German, Russian and Arabic chatter. Totally global. You could, quite easily, be in any large city in the world.

But then take a left and turn into a side street and the pedestrianised lanes are like a totally different place. Women squat over bowls of soapy water as they scrub their families’ clothes clean; men gut fish and peel vegetables in old stone sinks outside, shared between three to four flats; old men hunch over mahjong tiles as the smoke of their tar heavy cigarettes curls around them and grubby, rickety carts serve steaming bowls of noodles. There are obviously many sides to any big city. But this one feels like it has two very, very different faces, that I, as a new inhabitant, am struggling to reconcile. 

Beijing on the other hand, for me, feels more straightforward. It is simply and unashamedly Chinese. Yes there are Western shops and restaurants, but they are peripheral to the charms of this city. First and foremost, this is the Chinese capital, which it has been for almost 8 centuries. And, that amount of history and tradition is not about to be shifted or altered by a few Western shopping malls and food outlets.

The centre of this enormous city is filled with a collection of lanes and interlocking streets, or hutongs. They are low rise, some are crowded with stalls and vendors and others at totally deserted, all locked doors and walls. Either way, the wide, blue (if you are lucky) sky makes you feel very tiny indeed as you wind your way through these backstreets. There are some shops and restaurants, among the more traditional Chinese establishments, which sell more Western products, goods, meals or foods. But these still feel like they are very local. They have a hand-crafted, individual, student-ey feel to them, very different to the omnipresent, slick and generic chains in Shanghai. Amidst the hutongs, Beijing’s centre boasts a number of UNESCO World Heritage Sites- The Temple of Heaven, The Forbidden City, The Grand Canal terminus in Houhai Lake. Not to mention temple upon (awe-inspiring) temple, towers, palaces and parks bequeathed by various emperors along the way and of course the fourth largest square in the world- Tian 'An Men. Beyond the centre, there are miles and miles of high rises and motorways. This is not a city for wandering aimlessly in. But even amongst these acres of urban sprawl, Beijing does not feel generic or Westernised. It is resolutely and determinedly its own city- ir is China’s capital and that is never going to change. 

I would be lying if I said there aren’t things about living in China, especially about living in Beijing, which are really difficult, frustrating and exhausting. The relentless pollution, the reckless drivers, the overwhelming size of the city, the cryptic Chinglish and the indecipherable Mandarin, the deathly cold winters, the noise and dirt, the shoddy internet, the swarms of people on every metro and bus, the indolent cabbies that refuse to pick up laowai (foreigners) , the bone dry climate and the suffocatingly hot summers. But as I walked around the frozen Houhai lake in Beijing one evening this New Year those frustrations seemed somehow insignificant. As I watched thousands of people, bundled up against the chilling -5 wind, skate across the ice, beneath the bobbing red Chinese lanterns suspended across the lake, with a meal of Beijing duck warming my stomach, all I felt was incredibly lucky. Lucky that China had let me in. Lucky that I could enjoy this intoxicating and compelling capital. And lucky that, as I walked around this lake, I was part of a tradition enjoyed in China's first city for centuries.

So where does the wine come in? Well, both are Bordeaux, from the Pauillac region in France, same vintage, same chateau… alike in everything. Apart from one crucial factor… in DMart a foreign store, that stocks all manner of imported goods, tucked away in a side street in Wudaokou, in Beijing you can get your hands on this bottle for 50 quid. Whereas City Super, the Western supermarket in Xuhui, Shanghai, wants over four times that for the same bottle. How come? Admittedly this is conjecture on my part, but I reckon the answer is obvious. Shanghai’s successes have always been based on it looking outwards, courting the tastes of the West and fitting in on the international scene. Consequently buying Western products, eating Western food and living a Western life style is de rigeur here. Beijing, on the other hand, has never needed to adopt an alternative identity. Beijing is, and always has been, China’s number one city. Proud, defiant and totally itself, sure you can pick up Western products if you want them, but there is not the same cachet or indulgence associated with them, unlike in Shanghai.

Moral of the story? I don’t think Beijing could ever be labelled “too Chinese”, but Shanghai could certainly be seen as a bit “too Westernised”.  And, as a Westerner, where it is more ‘fun’ to live depends entirely on whether you came here to live like you do at home, or experience something totally different.

Oh and of course, pick up your Pauillac in Beijing.

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Anglo-Chinese relations

…or Sino-British relations, whatever your preference… it’s fair to say we’ve had our downs. With the occasional up. 

Britain and China first officially ‘met’ (rather precisely) on 27th June 1637, when Captain John Wendell rocked up in Macao. Without the backing of the East India Company, he was hoping to make a quick buck. It is safe to say he was a bit of a renegade (lifelover).

From my extensive googling (mainly Wikipedia and Dulwich College, Beijing ‘history page’- pompous gits), it turns out he undertook his fair share of pillaging, smuggling and fighting. Spending most of his time generally pissing off the Ming dynasty rulers, before retreating to Macao and seeking solace with the Portuguese.

This first meeting, for the Chinese at least, was rather underwhelming. We were loud, angry and messy. We caused some mild discord in a remote corner of their country and then left. Think ‘Boozed up Brits Abroad’ but in the 1600s.

Cue dynasty change in China. The Mings are out and the Qings are in and Sino British relations go from bad to worse.

To cut a long and tortuous tale short, one Earl Macartney (George not Paul) made his way to Beijing in 1792, to try to forge a trade agreement with the Chinese. He failed miserably, succeeding in only royally (haha!) irritating them. Basically, George refused to bow (or kowtow) to the Emperor, as Chinese tradition dictated. UNLESS the Emperor, or someone else important, kowtowed to a picture of the then King of England, George III.

Good one George. Turns out the UKIP way was alive and well in the 1600s. Who knew?

Unsurprisingly, the Qings told him to sod off. And although I don’t disagree with their response, this decision not to embrace trade with Western countries, did mark the beginning of the end for the great Chinese dynasties.

The British, to get our own back, started dealing the opium that we were growing in India to the Chinese… getting a whole swathe of the population hooked and fighting them tooth and nail when the Chinese authorities tried to clamp down on our little drugs running racket. We were the Sinaloa cartel of the seventeen and eighteen hundreds. And to make matters worse, we then nicked Hong Kong off them, ratified (sort of) by the Treaty of Nanjing in 1842.

Yeah… Hong Kong. Less said about that the better. Especially as I am hoping not to get thrown out of my new home country any time soon.

Anyway, seems like after 400 years of downs, two World Wars and a Cold War, post the Hong Kong handover in 1997, we were all due a few ups right?

The party line (theirs and ours) is that we now enjoy a “strong and effective relationship”. David Cameron made a state visit to drum up trade in China in December last year, and subsequent delegations of the good and the great from across our land have followed.

Just this year China signed 14 billion quids’ worth of deals with British firms. We’ve also welcomed former President Hu Jin Tao, and more recently Premier Li Keqiang (despite a slight tense moment when he threatened not to come unless he met with the Queen- sound familiar Earl Macartney?!). The UK is also consistently in the top 10 destinations worldwide for Chinese tourists and currently number 2 for Chinese students in terms of where they want to study abroad. Oh and did I mention Dave’s on Weibo - check it outhttp://www.weibo.com/ukprimeminister

All is rosy between us then? Yeah… provided you don’t mention Human Rights, Tibet, the UK’s friendship with the Dalai Lama, that infamous vote (or non-vote) at the UN Security Council earlier this year, oh and that small matter of that Cantonese speaking island in the South of China.

However, despite all these historical differences of opinion and long running tiffs, I would be lying if I said the British and the Chinese had nothing in common. In fact, since I have got here I have been struck by how many things we share as two nations.

So buzzfeed style, here’s 8 things (I couldn’t make it to 10) the Brits and Chinese have got in common...

1.     EGOCENTRIC PATRIOTISM 

  We most definitely share the solid, unshakeable belief that our respective nations are the centre of the known universe and all lesser beings around us should… ahem… kowtow… 

The UK’s capital city boosts “The Prime Meridian of the World” and the entire world’s time zones are based on how far ahead, or behind, London you are. And whilst China’s names for other countries include plaudits such as “beautiful country” (USA) or “heroic country” (UK), China’s name for China is “中国” “zhong guo” that just means the “middle kingdom”… or centre of the goddam universe.

2.     UNIFORM OBSESSION 

Unlike the Americans somewhat childish appreciation of marching bands, uniforms and all things military, us Brits and Chinese respect someone in uniform and take parades and the like seriously.

Really seriously. Take the Lord Mayor’s Show, the Changing of the Guard, the Royal Tournament or you could just watch the 70 minute long video of China’s yearly military parade in… that’s right Tian’anmen Square. Natch.

3.     BILATERAL BEVERAGE BOND

  Goodness, it’s like we signed a treaty on this or something. There is agreement on all fronts. Tea not coffee. Beer never wine. And white spirits rule ok.

4.     FOOD FETISH 

To the utter mystification of the rest of the planet- both Chinese and Brits are convinced that their OWN cuisine is the best in the world.

   5.     LINGUISTIC LAZINESS 

  Unlike those irritating inhabitants of nations like Holland, Israel, Sweden and Germany- both the British and the Chinese are totally shit at everyone else’s language.

In fact we actually unashamedly take pride in massacring another nation’s poor language, I mean why bother even trying when you own language is infinitely superior? (see point 1 for further explanation)

6.     HEALTH AND SAFETY 

United we stand in flagrant contempt of Health and Safety Regulations.

The only slight difference is the fact that Brits scoff… but still obey. The Chinese have a more economical approach- they don’t waste time scoffing. They just ignore the whole f*cking thing.

7.     DECORATION 

  Nothing like the portrait of one’s head of state (living or deceased) to brighten up any space.

From the corner of an envelope, to pants, to a square- gotta love a bust.

8.  CHAVS 

  They are not just a British phenomenon- ohono! The Chinese chav or “tu-hao” is quite the feature of modern Chinese society.   Literally translated tu-hao means "earth" or "dirty" and "money". This term refers to those who have got rich quick and are probably from a poorer, even peasant, background. They are seen to lack culture, education and crucially taste. With a penchant for gold, they are often first in the queue for ostentatious flashy new products such as the gold iphone and to see them dripping in bling, fur and tat is not unusual. Fit right in with Daniella Westbrook and Jordan then.

This dude above- I snapped in Hongqiao airport at the weekend. He was decked out in a white fur coat and had a full set of gold knashers, just to match his gold iphone see.

And just for good measure here are 3 things we definitely don’t share:

1.     RESPECT FOR THE SANCTITY OF THE QUEUE 

A thing in Britain, definitely NOT a thing in China. I don't want to talk about it to be honest, too painful.

2.     BODILY FUNCTIONS 

Oh so private in Britain. Oh so public in China.

It is fair to say that I have learnt quite a bit about the different noises the human body can make since I have lived here.

3.     ATTITUDE TO BOOZE 

Almost puritanical in China. No booze in many a restaurant,  no booze at Beijing’s National theatre at the interval and no booze ON SOME FLIGHTS!!! Outrageous. 

This attitude is kind of less stringent in Britain… imagine the cat is a Liverpudlian.

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