ready for you;;

I promise I'll treat you right Been waiting my whole damn life Baby, it's about time

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Hunter laughed. “I just realized how much asshole’s parents and caretakers are. Even though babies don’t have any understanding on whether they like something or not, they just choose for them. Imagine being stuck in a body and unable to talk and someone holds the ugliest thing up and everything in you wants to scream that it’s ugly, yet they just smile and say ‘of course, it’s adorable, I can’t wait to put this on you.’ Good thing we both have fantastic smile and he definitely said yes because he thinks it’s cute too.” She leaned into Freya, hoping to lighten the mood a bit more and make this shopping trip relaxing rather than carrying that weight on their shoulders. As the cart began to fill up with clothes, Hunter agreed with her girlfriend’s statement and started to push it along, over to the furniture. She wracked her brain, trying to figure out what exactly he was going to need at this age. “We don’t exactly have a room for him right now, so should we really worry about like, storage yet? We’ll need to make some space in the closet or our dressers for his clothes, but he won’t need that right now, I think. So that’s off the list. Uh, what does that leave us with? A crib and a changing table? No more furniture, yeah? Or am I just completely blanking?” It was at this time that Hunter realized they should have definitely made a list of things they were going to need before even leaving the house. Clearly she missed that mom step.

As Hunter listed off the things that they would need, Freya stared at her, wide-eyed. She was back to feeling out of her depth again. She didn’t think that he necessarily needed much more, yet, anyway. “What about one of those chairs? You know the ones that bounce? So, we don’t have to worry too much about him sitting on the couch or something.” She frowned, unsure if they had an actual name, but at least she knew what she was talking about. Her train of thought derailed slightly, wondering if their place would actually be big enough for the three of them, or if they would have to move somewhere bigger. Deciding that was not something she needed to worry about yet, she pushed the thought away. Their home was more than good enough, she didn’t need to add any extra expense to all of this.

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

Hunter kept her eyes on her girlfriend as they walked up and down. She knew that this was going to be difficult for the both of us, but knew that it may hit Freya a little harder. They weren’t prepared at all. Freya never had time to think about what it was going to take to become a parent, never had time to put everything else into consideration. She didn’t grow up being able to rely on anyone to teach her how it should be done. She kind of just had to go off on instinct. Or at least, that’s what Hunter assumed. They never spoke about it. Children were in their future, but never near. She stepped closer and pressed a small kiss behind her ear just to let her know that she was there and they were definitely going to be fine. If not, they wouldn’t be standing in this spot. If they couldn’t do it, neither would have agreed or deemed each other fit for it. Reaching over, she pulled a few small things to the side that were hanging and showed them to the girl, just to hopefully distract her from anything else and at least think about the cute things that anyone will fawn over. “How about this?” She started, holding up a tiny pack of socks. “Babe, they’re so tiny, just look.” Her eyebrows furrowed as she bottom lip stuck out, pouting over the cuteness of it. Holding it up to the baby, she smiled at him. “How about these, yeah? You like ‘em?” With her free hand, she reached to Freya’s and tightly clutched it, the situation becoming more real as the seconds rolled on by.

Freya couldn’t help but grin at the socks. Hunter was right, they were so adorable. There was something about the size of them that made them so much more appealing. “He says yes.” She chuckled as she took hold of Hunter’s hand, gripping it as if it was her anchor. Which, she supposed, that Hunter was. She spotted miniature tracksuits, and grabbed one, putting it up to the baby. “This looks just like one of mine, we need to get it.” She exclaimed, before throwing it into the cart. She knew the baby was bound to grow out of it soon enough, but it was hard to resist. Soon enough, there were more clothes in the cart than in Freya’s own wardrobe. “We should probably look at furniture now.” She laughed. It still didn’t exactly feel like a reality yet, but at least it didn’t feel quite as scary. Because, really, how could anyone feel worried when looking at the tiny clothes. They seemed to have their own calming vibes, making her think that it wasn’t going to be so bad.

[hunterconnors]

Hunter and Freya spent a few more quiet moments together until the baby finally woke up with his whines and cries as a baby does. There weren’t any complaints though. They knew what they were getting into and Hunter was too much on a cloud nine at the moment to even care. The two did what they needed to do to make him content again before deciding that it was time to get him welcomed and settled into his new home. Dressing the boy, Hunter dressed herself and soon enough they were piling into the car. Hunter made sure he was all safe and buckled, as well as his car seat being completely hooked in. She got into the front seat and immediately grabbed her girlfriend’s hand. She was still on a high. As terrifying as it was to have a baby just thrown at them, she couldn’t imagine being as okay as she was if she wasn’t with Freya.

Arriving to Target, Hunter got out and unhooked the car seat, making sure the opening was covered to block him from any chill and wind that would come from that moment until they made it inside. Once Freya had exited the car, Hunter walked alongside her, almost pressed into her, just wanting any kind of physical contact from her love. Entering the store, she hooked his car seat to a cart and took in a deep breath, turning to her girlfriend as she started to push the cart into the direction. “We’re gonna have to get so many things, we might need two carts to push. Diapers, bottles, clothes, bibs, pacifiers, a crib.” There was no need to stress just yet. They had it settled, they could do this. Taking in a deep breath, she looked over with a smile. “Let’s just go up and down and get things on the way, rather than stressing out about what we need, yeah? We’ll just check in the end and go for the things we’ve missed.”

[freyasuarez]

Freya let Hunter fuss over the baby, choosing to watch the two of them instead, the small fear in her growing stronger. She didn’t doubt that they were making the right decision, but she still felt terrified of what the future was going to hold. She hadn’t had a lot of positive parental role models growing up, but she could only hope that she could be one herself. The car journey had her falling into a lull of silence, her mind whirring away about everything they needed, her gaze constantly falling back to the little boy, a small smile playing at her lips as she did so. He really was adorable. As they walked into the store, she playfully nudged back at Freya with her hip, grinning. She nodded, grabbing another cart. “That sounds good to me.” She made a mental note to not look at the end cost of the trip, it was better to be ignorant for now. Walking down the first aisle, she kept her eyes peeled, even though she was sure she would end up missing a lot of things, relying more so on her girlfriend.

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

Hunter nodded as Freya spoke, thinking about the change that was going to occur. She was sure that it wasn’t going to be much to stress about. They were pretty young now, and they weren’t starving for money. They were pretty strong for their age, hopefully that was a good sign. Adding someone else in the mix is just gonna need a little more work. Work they’re both willing to put in. “I can maybe add a buck or two more in on class prices. That’ll bring in at least a hundred more with each class. Probably could cut my lunch like thirty minutes short, maybe go in an hour earlier and get off an hour later. That can probably squeeze in maybe a class… maybe two advanced classes.” It wasn’t like she was going to be working and never even seeing the two. She was home a lot even with the schedule she currently as. It was only cutting two hours off from home time, which shouldn’t be too much. “Maybe I can only do that on like Tuesday’s and Thursday’s or something. So that it’s not really cutting into time at home. Family time.” She nodded before looking down. “I’ll just have to do the math when my mind is a bit more clear. I think we should be okay.” She looked at the baby and reached to put her coffee on the nightstand. Taking both of Freya’s hands in her own, she sighed softly. “It’s no secret that I plan on marrying you. With that being said, it’s a given that I would eventually like to have kids with you. It’s a lot to think about doing it now, but getting a jump start ever hurt anyone. So, do I honestly think we can do this?” She looked back over at him and slowly smiled. “Hell yeah, I do.” Hunter let go of one of Freya’s hands and placed it on his stomach as his deep sleeping breaths raised his whole tiny body. “Welcome to the family, little guy.”

They definitely had a lot to sort out, but Freya was confident that they would be able to handle it. She was less confident in her parenting ability, but she was sure that it would eventually come to her. As Hunter took her hands, she gazed down at them, a smile forming at the mention of their future together. No matter how many times Hunter mentioned the two of them getting married one day, it always made her heart skip a beat. She looked down at the baby, her vision blurring slightly as she blinked away tears, the overwhelming rush of emotions getting to her. “I guess this means that we need to name him and shop and make some announcements.” She babbled slightly, wiping at her face. “Welcome home.” She murmured, her hand resting next to him, not wanting to make contact, afraid she wouldn’t be gentle enough, that she would wake him up.

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

Hunter sighed and let her head slowly drop to stare down at her lap. One hand held the coffee mug and the other covered her face, letting her fingers run over her eyes until meeting the bridge of her nose, pinching it. “I was avoiding this so much and just hoped it would never come.” She said, her voice low. Her attention fell back over to the baby. What ever they talk about now will heavily impact him. This is his future. “I don’t know, Freya. I don’t know. It’s not everyday you get a baby thrown into your arms with a letter that says to take care of him, raise him.” She looked back over to her girlfriend and shrugged her shoulders. “He’s just a tiny, helpless child. A baby at that. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to send him away, I don’t. You don’t know how he will be in the system and if it ends up terrible, that’s eighteen years of his life going through hell. And not every one is as strong as you, Frey. Not everyone can leave with their chin as high as yours was, as it is.” She reached forward with her free hand to take hold of Freya’s gently. “Who knows if he can handle that. But us? Can we handle this? Can we handle literally, legally, becoming parents to him? It’s not just babysitting, it’s going to be hard. Financially, mentally. Can we handle that?”

Freya nodded. It seemed so much that they had to talk about, but at the same time, she knew it was impossible to avoid it. She hated that the two of the had to make such an important decision. Hell, half the time she still thought of herself as a child. Even though she had been pretty much looking after herself sine she was 13, she didn’t feel mature or that she had her life together, or at least in the sense that she had always imagined parents to have. She smiled sadly at the comment. Even if she didn’t think about it too much, Hunter was right, she was lucky. She had seen life take darker turns for some of the children she had grown up with, and yet here she was, on a pretty good path, if she said so herself. She knew that her own experiences, the experiences of the people she had been around, were probably clouding her judgment and making her biased, but she just couldn’t say no. “We’d have to make up a budget, I’ll get my certification to teach, just so there’s a bit more coming in.” She already helped out with the younger ones in the company, so she may as well make it official. “It’d be hard, yes. But I think we could do it.” She bit her lip, suddenly scared as the words left her mouth.

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

“Um, I,” she started out, trying to think of the answer. “I’m not sure, actually. I kind of stopped paying attention to the time because I knew it would kind of stress me out if I knew I was awake until like five in the morning, you know? But, I definitely got more than I thought I was going to get. I’m not exactly over tired either. I’m just normal morning “I just woke up” kind of tired. I’m feeling pretty good, actually.” She cupped the mug in her hand, the heat warming them up as she eyed the child and then back up to her girlfriend. “How long have you been awake? Has he done anything since you’ve woken up?” She picked the mug up and brought it back up to her lips to take another sip. Her eyes dropped to the sleeping baby and she sighed contently, the smallest smile growing on her lips. He looked so peaceful laying there, sound asleep. “He kind of seems like… a perfect baby. He hasn’t cried since being here and it’s almost been, what, twelve hours?”

“Not long.” Freya confirmed. She felt a little better knowing that Hunter had gotten enough sleep. At least any decisions made wouldn’t be made of sleep deprivation, which helped her feel a little better. “Nope, he’s been out like a light.” She hummed in agreement, gazing at him. He was definitely a far way off the few babies she had been used to, who would spend all night crying, demanding attention all the time. She couldn’t help but worry if he somehow knew what was going on, if he was in some sort of baby shock. Where babies even aware of their surroundings so much? She had no idea about any of this, she really needed to do some reading up, she decided. Well, if they both agreed to keep him. Which, right now, she was certain was going to happen. “So, um, we should—we should probably talk about it. Him. The future.” She stumbled over her words, struggling to get them out slightly.

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

Although she was up a lot through the night, Hunter did manage to get a little bit of sleep and she was incredibly grateful for it. The baby wasn’t a hassle at all and managed to stay asleep. For all of the times she was asleep, that is. At least when she was awake was when she would catch his eyes opening and know that something had to be done. Whether it was interacting, changing a diaper, or a quick nightly feeding. No matter what it was, he was fast asleep in no time. This parenting thing wasn’t as hard when you’re constantly worrying that something bad would happen. She was on her toes with everything, even when he was the most perfect and peaceful baby she had ever met. It was a bit surprising to have Freya wake her up in the morning. It hasn’t felt like she got as much sleep as she had. But the light was shining through the curtains, showing her that it was morning and she did in fact sleep for at least a few hours. Sitting up slowly, her eyes were trained on the sleeping baby before turning to smile at her girlfriend. “Hey, babe.” She whispered, rubbing her eyes and smiling sleepily. She knew Freya. She knew that babies and children weren’t exactly her thing. Not now, at least. She was going to be thankful for the rest of her life at how willing Freya was to help her through all of this, help him give him the life he deserves. Whether that was with or without them. She sat up and looked to the side to check the time on her phone, but her eyes immediately fell upon the mug of coffee sitting beside her. “You’re the best,” she yawned out, reaching for it. “I promised a before-you-brush-your-teeth kiss but do I have to brush my teeth too?” She asked, sipping it, mindful of its heat.

“I know I am.” Freya whispered, grinning at her. Instead of answering, she quickly leaned over and kissed Hunter, making sure to take care of the mug. “No, you don’t.” She joked, finally answering the question. Standing up, she made her way back to her side of the bed, sitting crossed-legged, facing Hunter and the baby. She placed her mug on the side, not wanting it to be too near something so fragile. She looked down, sighing softly. Part of her expected it to have all been a dream, that she would wake up and everything would be back to normal. But it wasn’t a dream, it was all so very real. “Did you get much sleep?” She asked, her eyes making their way back up to her girlfriend. Her brow furrowed, hoping that she hadn’t spent too much of the night awake wondering what they should do while Freya had managed to sleep, mostly, soundly.

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

Hunter sighed and nodded, agreeing with her. Going to bed definitely sounded like the best thing, even if it wasn’t so much going to mean sleeping just yet. Or at all for the night, that is. She let her body relax as Freya helped her get undressed, so grateful that she had someone like her at the moment. Someone that cared about her general well being, despite most likely being stressed herself. She took the pajamas gently and began to dress herself, stepping into the pants and then slipping the shirt on. Looking back over to Freya, a small soft smile appeared on Hunter’s lips as she nodded, following instruction, and sat down on the floor between the girl’s legs. The air was so quiet yet so comforting. With her eyes closed, she tried her best to stay still while Freya braid her hair, calming as much as possible. “I love you most,” she replied, standing up as her girlfriend finished. Getting into the bed, Hunter watched Freya get changed, waiting for her to join the two of them in the bed. Eyes trained on her, Freya made her way around and Hunter rolled to her side, her arm meeting her girlfriend’s. Looking down for a moment, the sleeping baby caused her body to completely relax for the first time since arriving back home. What they had done for him this night definitely wasn’t going to match what it would take to raise him, but they could take it one step at a time. They handed it well already. However, it was still a conversation for them to have in the morning. She shifted her gaze and looked back up at Freya. Leaning in, she pressed a lasting kiss to Freya’s lips, over the sleeping boy. To any outsiders, this could have been the cutest and perfect moment for two parents and their child. To them, it was far from perfect, but could definitely be getting there.

Despite thinking that she would not be able to sleep, Freya managed to fall into a slumber pretty quickly. She felt more comfortable that she had expected, as if her mind was content with the scene playing out, like it felt like it was just right. She woke up a few times in the night, each time checking on the little boy, who seemed to be a decent sleeper, concerned that somehow she might have fucked things up in her sleep. But everything was okay, and come morning, she woke up, stretching as she sat. She looked down with a small smile, enjoying the way that Hunter curled into the baby. Padding into the kitchen, she stuck on the coffee pot, knowing the two of them had a lot to go through, it would be much needed. Pouring out two mugs, she made her way back into their bedroom. Setting Hunter’s mug next to her, she took a sip of her own, before crouching next to the bed. “Wake up, sleepyhead.” She murmured into her ear, as softly as possible, not wanting to jerk her awake, even more so now as she didn’t want to disturb the baby.

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

“Lies, I’ve never met someone as cute as my girlfriend.” Hunter reached over, squeezing Freya’s cheeks to make her lips pucker up a little bit too much. She watched the baby on the bed as he looked beyond peaceful. He had only lived five months so far, yet they were terrible. But he didn’t even care. He didn’t know. All he knew were faces that passed by day by day, hour by hour. Hopefully he’d finally have faces that would stay. He’d have a family. Feeling Freya’s arm around her, she leaned into the touch. Her eyes closed momentarily as she took in a deep breath. “Do we?” She asked, more than one meaning behind it. Of course they had it for the moment, for the time he could potentially be there until finding another family. But if this was it for him, could they really do it? Were they able to step up without any kind of preparation and be two mothers?

Freya scrunched up her nose, knowing that it would probably make the current view of her face even more comical. As Hunter’s hands moved away, she pretended to bite at her, before smiling. “I think so.” She confirmed, taking a deep breath in. She never would have expected that her life would be changing so much tonight, even if they didn’t decide to bring up the baby, it was never going to be the same again. “Come on, let’s get you to bed.” She pressed another kiss to her forehead before moving back. Reaching out, she peeled off Hunter’s clothes, in a way that was much more intimate than if she was ripping her clothes off. She wanted to make sure that she was looked after, wanted to make sure she was as okay as can be. Passing her pyjamas, she waited until Hunter was dressed, before signalling for her to sit on the floor. Her hands weaved her way through her hair, stroking her softly as she began to braid. “I love you.” She murmured as she finished up, pulling Hunter up, towards the bed. Once she was there, Freya couldn’t help but gaze down at the little baby again, her heart twisting as she thought about how hard life could be for him, and he wouldn’t even know it yet. Snapping out of it, she quickly got herself changed, before laying down at his other side. Her arm stretched over his head, reaching out to her girlfriend. She may not be able to cuddle her, but she was not getting away with not being able to touch her at all.

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

Hunter’s eyebrows furrowed as she shook her head. “No, no, no. One, that’s too gross to do for the rest of my life. Two, you can’t take away cuddling, it’s my only soft Freya time.” Clearly joking, Hunter couldn’t stop the tiny whine as Freya apologized to the baby. “Babe, he’s like five months old, I’m sure you didn’t need to say sorry but that was so cute… You’re the cutest ever.” She smiled, kissing her cheek a few times. “I didn’t even mention you because I’ve given up on trying to keep your antics at bay.” Taking the child gently, she nodded and rubbed at his back. She had no problem with it. Hunter was honestly already proud of Freya for just holding him as long as she was. She turned to make her way upstairs, eventually making her way into their shared room. Laying him down on the bed, she covered him up as much as possible before taking a seat with a deep sigh.

Freya chuckled, shaking her head. “I am not the cutest ever.” She fake pouted, before rolling her eyes at herself. She was not helping that case at all. She shrugged. “Probably for the best, save your energy and all that.” She felt a little bit weird now that she had passed the baby over to Hunter, like she was missing a limb. She had gotten used to his warmth more than she had thought she had. She followed the two, standing in the doorway again as she watched Hunter get him settled. She padded over to her girlfriend, her arms circling her, holding her close. “We got this.” She murmured, pressing a quick kiss to the top of her head.

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

“I’d be very impressed if you did,” Hunter joked. “Hell, if you do, I’ll give you a kiss first thing in the morning. Before-you-brush-your-teeth first thing in the morning.” She was just glad that the two of them could actually, kind of, joke under these circumstances. “Let’s just hope someone will be a good boy at the store and not cause too much mayhem.” She reached over and took hold of his tiny hand, watching as his eyes were getting half lidded, almost as if he was fighting the sleep. Seeming as if he finally lost the fight, his eyes shut completely, letting sleep take over. “Yeah, that’s a good idea.” She nodded, her voice low, trying not to wake him up. Standing up, Hunter smiled down to her girlfriend, waiting for her. “Are you okay carrying him there or do you want me to? I’m sorry I’m asking you so many things, babe. I just want you to be comfortable is all.”

Gasping softly, Freya stared at Hunter with wide eyes. “That would be my prize? Hell, no more cuddling ever again then!” She joked back, whispering a quick sorry at the baby, for the fact that she had uttered hell. That wasn’t appropriate to say in front of a child, was it? She honestly had no idea. “So, does that mean I can cause mayhem then? Because you didn’t say that I couldn’t which makes it seem like I can.” She questioned, grinning. Biting her lip, she shifted so that she could pass him over to Hunter. “You should probably take him.” She was concerned she would somehow end up tripping up her own feet, she didn’t trust herself handling something so precious and small while moving, it was anxiety inducing just sitting with him.

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

Hunter gripped onto Freya’s hand and sighed, nodding along. “Yeah, I kind of made a little more comfortable bed in between the two of us. As long as you can handle not wrapping yourself around me for a night.” Hunter chuckled softly and looked at the little baby. “I know that I’m not going to be able to sleep at all tonight. Too much on my mind. So I’m not really worried about rolling over on him at all. I think he’ll be good for the night. I’ve just gotta think about what we’re gonna do tomorrow. Like, care wise. We’re most likely gonna need to go out and get like from food or something. Can’t starve him and wait until we figure something out, you know?” She sighed, leaning into her girlfriend. She was putting all of this thought and effort into this little baby, only making her want to keep him a bit longer than planned. “Was he good?”

Freya grinned. “I suppose I will be able to do it, for one night.” She nodded, agreeing. She couldn’t see herself getting much sleep either. Her mind was going to be working a mile a minute until they came to a resolution. “We can go out as soon as the store opens.” She agreed. She had some savings, so it wasn’t like it was going to eat into the money they had. Although, if they did decide to be the ones to raise him, she knew the savings would soon deplete. She wondered if she should get a second job, maybe get a teaching qualification so she could teach when not rehearsing. No, she was getting ahead of herself. They hadn’t even got through the night yet. “An angel.” That certainly helped to sway her decision. She wasn’t completely deluded in thinking that he would be like this all the time. Although part of her wondered if maybe he would be. “Maybe we should all just go lay down?” She suggested. “Tonight has been a lot.”

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

“You got it, babe. I’ll be right back.” Standing up, Hunter leaned in and pressed a few quick kisses to Freya’s lips. “I love you,” she spoke, not sure if she was using it to reassure herself or Freya. At this point, it was definitely both. Walking up to their room, Hunter looked around, biting her lip. How could they baby proof something enough to make it into a bed for the little one? All that came to mind was preparing a small section for him to sleep in between them. She had previously been nervous that one of them would roll over on accident and harm him. Although now sh knew that there wasn’t going to be one wink of sleep that she’d be getting tonight. From being nervous about him waking up to the anxiety of not knowing what to do when the sun came up, there was no way she was sleeping. He was going to be he safest he could be at the moment right in between the two of them. Grabbing a few blankets to make the spot more comfy, she quickly made the spot up and sighed at it, thinking good thoughts to herself. Walking back down to Freya and sat down and closed her eyes.

“I love you, too.” And just like that, Freya felt more at ease. No matter what happened, they had each other’s love. It was one of the things that helped her in any tough times, knowing that Hunter would probably always love her. She didn’t envision a scenario that could ever change that. She supposed that everyone thought that, once they fell in love, but she believed in them too much, knew it would be true. The whole time she was gone, Freya gazed down at the bundle in her arms. She couldn’t even fathom how someone could not want something so small, so innocent. As the thought came to her, she realised she didn’t want to give him up. She didn’t want to fail where his mother had. As Hunter sat beside her, however, she chose not to voice her opinion, not yet. They were going to get through the night first. “Sorted?” She whispered, her hand reaching out to take hold of Hunter’s. 

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

Hunter rolled her eyes and exaggeratedly groaned. “Ugh, I was joking and then you had to go and make it all cute, how do you do that every time. You’re the perfect person ever and I will never amount to you ever in my life.” Hunter reached up and squeezed at Freya’s cheeks with a quiet laugh. “Hottest babysitters anyone will ever meet.” She nodded to the girl’s suggestion and sat back for a second, thinking about how they were going to do it. “He can either stay in the bed with us or we can like… I don’t know. Are babies allowed to have a full night in their car seats or will that like, really mess with their backs or something?” She asked, knowing that Freya definitely didn’t have the answer to that. “You know what, we’ll just figure it out. Do you want to keep him or do you want to do the build-a-comfortable-bed process?”

Freya scrunched up her nose as Hunter squeezed her cheeks, although no amount of pretending she didn’t like it could hide the fact that she was grinning wildly. She could argue back, tell her girlfriend how much better she was than herself, but she knew it was fruitless. It wasn’t the first time they had had such a discussion, and it for sure would not be the last. Sometimes it was better just to go along with it, while her head was disagreeing. Biting her lip, she cast her eyes at the car seat. “It doesn’t look very comfortable.” She frowned. She wouldn’t want to have to spend a night in something that shaped, that was for sure. “I’ll, I’ll keep hold of him.” She fumbled out. She had no idea what they could do to make the night for him comfortable, so the safest bet seemed to be for her to take care of him.  

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

Hunter sighed and brought her head back out of her hands. Freya was right, but that didn’t mean Hunter was going to immediately stop stressing about the situation. They were having such a perfect night together without a worry on their mind, and now they’re sitting together, wondering what to do with another life that is literally in their hands right now. “Of course it would be worth the wait, but the parental pain and shit will definitely suck.” She sighed and looked over to Freya with a small smile. “Well, it’s not completely true. You weren’t that hard to get. Took a little self reassurance but wasn’t hard. You practically fell at my feet. Who wouldn’t though, right? I’m pretty hot, admit it.” Hunter winked, leaning back into Freya’s arms, looking at the baby again. “Let’s just agree to put it out of our minds for the night. Just pretend he’s… a baby with parents and not feel bad for him for a bit. He’s just a cute little baby that likes to look up at us like he’s the happiest little one in the world.” She reached in and let his fingers dance around on his stomach, enough to make him smile, but not enough to laugh and prevent his sleeping soon.

Laughing, trying to do it as quietly and with as little movement as possible, Freya relented. “Okay, maybe me falling for you was a little bit easier than everything else but you’re just too perfect so you’re an anomaly.” She had to one up her, she couldn’t just admit that Hunter was hot, she had to say she was perfect. Which, to Freya, she was. She was her perfect girl and she believed they were perfect together. “We’re just babysitters for the night.” She agreed, knowing it wouldn’t stop either of them from stressing about it the whole time, but at least they could pretend. “We should set up a bed for him.” It was getting late, and while she didn’t know much about babies, she knew they needed a lot of sleep, and she didn’t want to disturb him if he fell asleep on her.

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

Hunter rested her head on Freya’s shoulder and let the baby hold onto her finger, just watching him. “We have to remember that it’s not our fault though. Wherever he ends up, it’s because we thought it was best to do that for him.” She sighed and smoothed his hair back. “I pictured us being in a position like this. Not exactly now, maybe a few years down the road.” Sighing again, she realized how much she really had to think about this. He wasn’t theirs, he wasn’t their responsibility at all. But this was an actual life in their hands at the moment. She watched the way his eyes focused up no them, moving back and forth every so often as if he was watching them right back. “Maybe we should.” She whispered, unsure why. “Nevermind, ignore that,” she recanted, almost immediately. “It’s gotta be the guilt talking. Or the… little voice in my head telling me that this is an easy opportunity to take when it might be ten times harder to ever have a baby once we try.” Sitting up, Hunter placed her head in her hands. They were literally in no shape to be parents, but now they were literally given this child and she can’t see herself being one hundred percent into the idea of giving him up. 

Freya smiled over at Hunter, nothing but love in her eyes. She imagined it too. Probably not as much as Hunter had, it had been a fleeting thought once or twice, but she would be lying if she said that one day she wouldn’t want a family with her girlfriend. She was sure the older she got, the more she would want one. Although, holding him now, she could see the appeal. She was sure that it would lessen when he was not so calm, when he needed help with basic needs, but right now, she kind of wanted it so bad. She stayed silent, her brows furrowing. She hated seeing her girlfriend so conflicted. Shifting, she reached out an arm, wrapping it around Hunter. “Hey, come on.” She murmured, her hand stroking her as reassuringly as possible. “Whatever happens, it will be for the best.” She was trying to convince herself just as much. “Whatever we choose, be it to have this baby now, or one in five, ten, fifteen years, we will do the best we can. And if it takes us five years to be able to get a baby when we try, then so be it, it will be worth the wait.” She looked down at the tiny human currently resting on her. “And if this little one is the one that is for us, then I’m sure we will be able to do it. It’ll be hard, but everything you want in life is, so I’m told.” She spoke with confidence, although she was fighting hard to stop her voice from shaking.

[freyasuarez]

hunterconnors:

Freya’s actions spoke enough to Hunter to let her know that she wasn’t so sure about holding the baby. “You don’t have to, don’t say yes because you think it’ll make me happy, babe.” But even as she reassured Freya, she watched her girlfriend nod, proving to her that she was okay with it. Smiling to herself, Hunter lifted him up enough to be able to reach over and place him into her arms. Sitting back to look at the two, her heart definitely leapt at the sight. “Never thought I’d see Freya Suarez holding a baby.” Hunter joked, pulling out her phone to snap a photo. He may not be theirs in the moment, he may not ever be theirs, but this was a moment she’d want to remember. Not the bit of Freya holding the child, but more of a reminder that they were the ones there for him when no one else wanted him. “He’s just… like a literal angel. He hasn’t cried since coming here, it’s almost as if he’s a literal eighty year old and has seen so much that he’s almost numb to everything.” Said like a joke, it hit her harder than expected. He couldn’t really grasp the concept of feelings at his age, yet it honestly did seem like he was just numb to it all. Sighing, she situated herself against her girlfriend again, resting her cheek onto her shoulder. Rubbing her back gently, she tried to get her to relax while holding him. Hunter trusted her with everything. There was no way she could hurt him, she was going to be just fine. “I love you, Freya.” She whispered quietly. She couldn’t imagine what could potentially be going on in her mind right now. This child not having any real parents right now could have brought back some kind of memories for her girlfriend and Hunter wanted to make sure she knew that that was no longer. They were here together and have been for four years. There was no way Freya could ever go without love again. Just watching her hold this child meant a lot to her as it must had to Freya as well. “I know it’s gotta be hard right now, knowing that this child doesn’t have a definite future and we’re the ones to figure out whether it’s good or bad, but we’ll do the best we can.”

If she wasn't currently holding a child, she would have flipped Hunter off, however doing so around him just felt so wrong. It was like one wrong step and they could seriously affect his life and alter everything. She knew that it was logically untrue, but she didn't want to risk it. Freya kept her eyes downwards, taking in the baby. She just couldn't understand how anyone could just leave such a tiny thing. She couldn't grasp how the mother, and father for that matter, couldn't have seen it through, made sure that the right steps were taken for their child. At least that was one thing she could be grateful for. Her birth mother had not originally given her up willingly. She had been jailed once Freya turned six months old, for her part in a drug ring. However, upon her release, she wasn't interested in having her daughter back. Freya didn't know why, and while she did have the information on who her mother was, to her, she was just DNA. She had no mother. Looking back at her girlfriend, she smiled softly. "Yeah, we have to figure out what will be best for him and for us." As selfish as it sounded, he wasn't actually their responsibility, they had to put themselves first also.