Just another person with monsters to fight

Trying to do something in the world. Listening is the only thing I'm good at though.

[friendlydzunukwa]

It's so easy to go from the love of someones life, to another nice guy.

[friendlydzunukwa]

It feels like the hardest part of being the victim of anything is finding someone who you can pour all of your painfull thoughts and memories to.

[friendlydzunukwa]

I think I keep hurting so much because I'm realizing that I love someone I may never be able to see again. The person I love and who I thought really loved me did something that keeps me from ever being able to look at them again. The one I loved died and someone who damaged me took their place. I just hope that someday I can let go of this pain and loss and not hate this person who made a choice to hurt me instead of let me go.

[friendlydzunukwa]

I feel so ugly, broken, and powerless. I feel like every time I try to get closer to someone I repulse them. They look at me and talk to me and know that something is "off". It makes me feel alienated by society, I don't behave the same as everyone so why should I expect to be able to touch and love another human. It's the words of "you're like a robot" and "other people told me you were quiet and weird" that ring in my head. Everytime I try and show my interest I'm met with a hollow words. The world has driven me to feel as though I only deserve to be with those who use me and those who move on as soon as I'm no longer convenient. I've had more men try and make a move on me than women aand from that I know the feeling of being pursued by something you don't want and didn't ask for. Do I have to be the same? Do have have to fuck someone else lover to "steal" love? Do I have to puff my chest and tell her how I could destroy her pussy? Is that the way our society has shaped men and women? So that the man is the attacker and the women is the victim unless she finds them attractive? Why does this game have to be? Why do I only love the ones who find it easy to leave me and cheat on me?

[friendlydzunukwa]

She says sorry but doesn't understand why she hurt me and why I hurt.

[friendlydzunukwa]

It's so late. I can't sleep. I have to keep telling myself that even though I loved and love you, I have to remind myself that you left me and that I can't allow someone in my life like that. A person who hurts the ones they love and is so selfish as to not even try to understand the pain I feel. I can't stop thinking about how a love can do that. I can't stop feeling this pain of betrayal. I feel like you used me so you could feel love and then left me after I fixed those broken parts of you.

Now I'm the broken one; the one who feels powerless. I opened up my heart as much as knew how and after I became a part of your family you tore into me. You ended what we had without notice. You could have told me that you weren't strong enough apart. I never wanted you to be silent with you thoughts. But you kept them and move onto someone else.

I don't know if it was to escape the relationship because you didn't know how to end it or if you really just so self centered that you didn't even feel anything for me when you went back to school.

I hate you for treating me like nothing; like shit. I hate that you moved on before you even left me. I hate that you never communicated with me when I made you feel bad. When I unintentionally made choices for you. When I didn't put aside more time for you.

[friendlydzunukwa]

I wish you could understand how I feel. You moved on before you even left me, before I could even look at another women. I'm in pain because through your actions, you made me feel like another boy toy. You said I was your only one but the way you treated me said I was easily replaceable and easily disposable. You sent me a letter that said I was your man and you were mine to cherish. Then in just a week you fucked up and didn't even understand that what you did was fucked up and horrible. You were beyond selfish when you said you never ment to hurt me. When you made me feel like you didn't have a single thought of me that night and zero feelings.

[friendlydzunukwa]

It's the fact that you already moved on and moved on so quickly that devalued all the love we had created together.

[friendlydzunukwa]

I read something that I want to believe in. I read that you can't cheat on someone you truly love. Every part of me wants to say bullshit but right now I need to believe those words. You can't can't hurt someone so deeply if you truly love and respect them because it would destroy you. The only way I feel like I can let go is by saying that they never truly loved or respect me in the first place. That it was a convenient love.

[friendlydzunukwa]

Maybe you are able to look back at things as happy memories but I feel robbed of all those. I feel that all the trust that developed was thrown away like a used condom. Every time I think back to a happy moment I'll only ever think of how it ended and how all those dreams and goals we shared ment nothing. I could have let you go before and still had the gift of those wondeful moments but now they are nothing but ashes that you set ablaze.

[friendlydzunukwa]

Falling for someone who could be considered a sociopath is like putting your heart in the coils of a snake, squeezing till it snaps.

[friendlydzunukwa]

Now I wonder if I ever knew you. I thought the person you were around me was really you but maybe it wasn't. Maybe you were pretend and as soon as you left your true colors showed. You became someone driven by desire and emotion who was completely selfish.

[neckkiss]

via weheartit

[friendlydzunukwa]

Everytime I think the wound has healed I find myself awake in the dead of night thinking about everything. I wish I didn't scar so easily. I wish pain didn't stick around so easily. I wish I could say what you did didn't fuck me up more but I feel sick, empty, and lost. I feel everything that makes me happy is like a using your hand to stop a flowing artery bleeding out. I just want to make it stop.

[friendlydzunukwa]

If what we had ment anything I don't think you would have did what you did and immediately moved on to someone else.

[friendlydzunukwa]

I'm sorry I'm not all there. I'm sorry I lost a piece of what makes me human, growing up. I thought I could love you and I thought it would stick with you. In the end you just left me as soon as I wasn't convenient for you. You moved on right away and stuck in a puddle of snot and tears. I hate myself so much for pretending that I could be in love. Pretending that all those pictures and moments you said I was the one you loved. Thinking that I could actually love you. I'm in so much pain and I don't think you'll ever be able to feel what I feel. Feel how much you hurt me and disrespected me after everything we went through together. I hate that I can't stop loving someone and I hate more that even if you do or did have love for me, how quick and easy it seems for you to move on to someone else. You make me feel worthless of love and like I was just some disposable object.

[friendlydzunukwa]

Cheated on again. Someone telling me what they want but unable to make a promise their fragile feelings can't keep.