PARENTHOOD POWER RANKINGS, WEEK OF JAN. 8TH
∞. Mae Whitman, always and forever.
1. Jabbar with a huge-n-burly Bill Walton-esque beard. Because there's no beating that shit.
2. Sam Pancake, who, in his less than 2 minutes of screentime, burst forth like a chaotic diamond, sending tumultuous ripples throughout this episode. A stunning debut.
3. Mark (aka Lil' Funky Cold): Pink box full of cheesteaks + ol' wicker granny bed = a sexual dynamo whispering cool things in your ear, sexily.
4. The Episode We Missed. We're pretty sure Fudd Castle missed out on the broadcast of an episode between this and the "Zany Road Trip" episode. From what we can tell, in this missing installment episode, Kristina killed Mega-Hoots in a knife fight, and now the ghost of Mega-Hoots lives inside the cello of that girl Crosby is trying to holler at.
5. The guitar Adam posed with on the cover of SF Weekly. If only we could watch a Brave Little Toaster-style animated movie about this guitar, we could get an intimate look into the awesome, awesome life and times of Adam Krause and his trusty, loyal guitar. That would be sweet. We're totally going to write that screenplay.
6. Joel. Because he makes jokes, takes the piss out of Zeke, and totally drove home drunk as shit from the poker game, like a fucking badass.
7. Robert/Bobby. You know, the guy running for city council or whatever. Fudd HQ is predicting that this dude tries to get at Mae Whitman pretty soon, and so we're putting him into the power rankings, because, duh. Good move, dude. Good. Move.
8. Zeke & Camille, who apparently decided to stay in the desert with Zeke's mom, that cranky old bag who so seldom dispenses love, and wear floppy sunhats and attend all-night desert raves. Or maybe Zeke has set out alone, riding towards the border, his trusty old service revolver stowed in a saddlebag, searching for the ruffians that stole his mother's armchair...
9. Max, who has finally shown some capacity for recognizing and acknowledging cool things (see #5).
10. Sexy cellist lady. Are cellos cool? We're not sure. Maybe cellos are the new harps, and you know harps are cool/sexy, because Joanna Newsom dated Andy Samberg that one time.
